"unsubscribe" Is Not Enough. I Need A Button That Says "if You Email Me One More Time I Will Track You

theyre gonna need an intimacy coordinator for me and this calzone

She's going to use every hair of dem ears to continue to not listen to you.

Me: Why tf does my back always hurt?

Also me:

my wife tried to do the thing where you pull a tablecloth really fast and the dishes stay in place but instead of a tablecloth it was a towel and instead of dishes it was our poor long suffering cat that was just trying to sleep on said towel. poor baby got whipped across the room fast enough that its meow got dopplered into meeeeeeOOOWWwwwwww

my fucking homunculus electrocuted itself after i wrapped it in chrismas lights and with only 2 hours before guests arrive im so fucked