Dostoevskyswife - Stars, Hide Your Fires.

It's ridiculous how invested I am in this book after what's basically five chapters of exposition. How does Dostoevsky write like this. The ideas and characters introduced are just so interesting that I don't even care that these people haven't even talked yet. I am RIVETED

obsessed with her vibe

my psychiatrist just diagnosed me with 19th century russian literature character

May Sarton, from "She Shall Be Called Woman" in Selected Poems

haiku #6, tathev simonyan

the urge to ignore your assigned summer readings in favour of starting yet another Dostoevsky book that will ruin your life

- Hanif Kureishi, from "The Buddha of Suburbia"

people will clown on me for this because he killed two people but I just love how sweet Rodya is. He is so cruel and mean and uncouth a lot or even most of the time, but then he does things like constantly thoughtlessly give the last of his money away to anyone who needs it more than him, cries when he’s in his psychotic episode and can’t remember who Razumikhin is, has that very sweet and tender moment with Polenka, begs the police to get a doctor for Marmeladov and says he’ll pay for it despite having nothing at all himself. At the same time he is capable of terrible things and is often terrible specifically to the people who love him and want to help, and oscillates wildly between the two. It’s that juxtaposition that holds so much of the interest of the narrative itself for me. A lot of people focus on how awful he is and while that is also honestly such a fun part of his character, that alone is not what makes him compelling to me. I have so much tenderness for his character despite what he’s done because he is just so mentally ill and has been through and been witness to so much hardship. He is not easy to love or understand but it’s so beautiful and sweet that Razumikhin, Sonya, his family and his other friends love him so dearly anyway. I truly think the suffering he is constantly surrounded by is the thing that has driven him to psychosis. Specifically I think of when he goes to the police station in part two and says he has been “shattered by poverty.” In these little moments of sweetness and lucidity towards others, even in the depths of his illness, we can still see the little boy in him who so desperately wanted to help that poor horse.