dolliening
22 | she/they | mdni
56 posts
Latest Posts by dolliening
first kanaphan, reblog if you agree
A big reason I'm obsessed with Eddie in Kiseki: Dear to Me is because he is openly prepared to die for and with Chen Yi.
I doubt the show will touch on it, but the immense guilt Chen Yi must feel that Eddie willingly followed him down this deadly path instead of being a normal teenager who goes to high school would be a good reason he doesn't allow himself to reciprocate Eddie's feelings. Because Chen Yi knows Eddie is a smart boy, yet he decided to not go to school . . . since he loves Chen Yi.
Eddie chose to enter into a life where death is around every corner, and he did so because of his devotion to Chen Yi.
And Chen Yi is constantly confronted by that.
Chen Yi tries to nudge Eddie in a different direction each time, but Eddie refuses to leave Chen Yi's side.
So Chen Yi calls Eddie brother. He reminds them both that the bond between them is synthetic. Eddie doesn't have to abide by it. He could leave.
Because he has to know Eddie isn't there to be his brother. He knows why Eddie is offering his life in exchange for as much time as possible with Chen Yi. Even if his life is short, he will have spent it next to Chen Yi. So even if Chen Yi genuinely has feelings for Eddie, to act on them would mean to permanently cement Eddie's life with his where the only outcome seems to be a young death.
And that's a huge burden to carry. Someone's life has been benevolently laid before him without hesitation, yet he desperately wants that person to live.
Even if it means a life without him.
love writing. writing is awesome. it’s a shame that it involves writing though
Flower Language Based Prompt List I made instead of writing 💐
I tried to make the prompts relate to each flower’s definition per the Victorian Flower Language without getting too repetitive.
The prompts are all fairly open ended and I figured people could use them for their own inspiration or request games!!
You know the “send me a ship and flower and I’ll write something.”
Anywho, if anyone does end up using this I’d love it if you’d tag me so I can read what you’ve written!! Either way, I hope someone can get use out my procrastinating 💖
Click here to view an unedited version of the document: The List
Okay, so. Someone mentioned this, and I agreed so much that I had to talk about it. Thinking back about what I said in this post, not only has he figured out what he wants, and it being clear to him, (as someone mentioned) he also sees that Win needed just as much comfort as Team did. From what I've seen so far from these two, Win it much more affectionate than Team is. It's not to say that Team isn't, it's just that Win is much more comfortable expressing his affection than Team his currently. Aside from sex, we've only see Team really kiss him on one occasion and it was a quick one. The other times we see any sort of affection come from Team is during the many nights that he spends with Win, and again, it's mostly Win comforting Team to help him sleep.
I think this kiss is not only making things clear to Team about how he feels, but it's also him comforting Win in the only way that he knows how to, in this moment. Sure, hugging can do the same thing, but it's not as meaningful as what Win does for him on nights that he has nightmares and can't sleep. Win is practically experiencing his own nightmare and the only way Team can think to calm him down, and to keep him from making himself sick with worry is to physically show him. He is sad, he is upset, he is scared, but he is also acknowledging that Win, too, is sad, he is upset, and he is scared. So this makes Team feel even worse for causing Win to feel this way, and he understands more now just how much he really means to Win, so he kisses him.
It's such a simply act, but it's such a powerful one because Win didn't have to ask for him to do it, he didn't have to initiate it, Win didn't have to be the only expressing affection and emotions for the other. And I think, I think Team is lowkey apologising for not realising it sooner, Win's feelings.
Lost in the Deep Blue
When we left our red- and blue-coded boys, they were exchanging their colors and emotions like it was easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Well...until they realized they caught feelings and questioned their entire lives, so now they are seeking comfort in their own colors trying to sort out those pesky emotions.
And they are struggling! After a night together where Team asked Win for exclusivity yet refused to commit to a defined relationship, both boys are lost (at sea, but trying to be an anchor for each other).
Team is devoid of color much like he was at the beginning of episode two after speaking to his mother, and Win is losing his color as well, which is difficult to do when his closet only features blue.
And the little blue Win does have left, he gives to Team before they leave the safe space.
*Win fixes the tie symbolizing order and submission while Team looks fully in the mirror representing his awareness of what Win is doing to him, yet Win does not look in the mirror until the end because he hasn't faced the truth of how much he truly cares for Team, which we heard in the preview for next week
Win's brother, Wan, is also struggling with the absence of color, but luckily he has Tul unknowingly providing him some blue (and support).
Team is also showing up in small ways to support Win that Win seems unaware of.
*the label on the tie and the bottom of Win's shoes are red
They won't see each other throughout the day (no practice) or that night (Win is going home, and Team is staying with Pharm), so neither can find their way back to their natural element.
*You might be thinking "they are just sitting in a different class" and "Win is outside, so trees are green," but this is the same classroom as the day before when they decided to sit in the red chairs (Manow talking in the red chairs while the green ones are in the background), and Team sits in the green when he is conflicted (the day he skipped classes).
*And Win sits in the blue unless he, too, is conflicted
Dean comes for Pharm, which leaves Team on his own. He is still reeling from the conversation he had with his mother and with Win the night before yet won't see Win at all, so he goes where he can find blue.
But his anxiety grows the longer he stays. He can't concentrate because everywhere he looks, he is reminded of all the things he wants to forget - Win's absence and Ton's incident.
Then we see the transition from Team's red into the blue through the pool rope as his anxiety and stress overwhelms him and he experiences a cramp
*Some of the ropes are colored this way while others are red and yellow. The colors serve a purpose. The red indicates that the wall is within a certain length, and most likely will be the shallow part of the pool, while the blue denotes the deeper portion of the pool. We haven't seen this transition from the red into the blue until Team becomes increasingly distraught because he is entering a deeper state of emotions
Which causes him to sink to the bottom.
Team is drowning in the deepest part of the pool
Everything Team has been trying to avoid is now dragging him down into this deep dark blue (depression). Win will save him from the pool, but Win can't save Team from the issues he keeps bottled up, and Win himself, through the previews, seems likely to become one of those issues.
I mean this with my whole being in the gentlest way possible, Team.
Between Us fans, I have a question:
Is Win actually meant to be a player (a la Prapai from LITA or Khai in TOL) or is that meant to be a misconception that Team has built up in his head?
Team obviously has a lot of anxiety about the casualness of their relationship. And the conversation he has with ABC at the bar in ep 3 seems to confirm that Win has a lot of options. But just because a lot of girls like Win doesn’t mean he’s dating them, and this information is coming from people who don’t know Win any better than Team does.
The narrative so far never actually shows Win playing the field or fending off admirers. There’s no scenes of girls or boys flocking around him or of him deleting numbers etc. Tul and Dean tease him about not being serious with anyone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that Win dates lots of people–it could just imply that the people he does date don’t move beyond casual.
It doesn’t bother me if Win is a player. I’m more just wondering if this is an instance of Team (and others) not understanding who Win actually is. His whole “cool guy” exterior does seem to imply that lots of people would have crushes on him, but he seems to go through life with a tight knit group of people he really values and for all that he worries about impressing Team, he doesn’t seem overly concerned with how anyone else views him.
Team just, like, let's Win drive his car around and then leaves the keys with him, like, use my car, I trust you so much with probably the most expensive object in my life, also I love you, haha run away
The trust this silly boy has.
I cannot believe this is what we're getting in week three. Anxiety and nightmares, comfort and protection, Win looking out for Team even as Team struggles just to find a place for himself. They start these regular competitions to try to help their swim team only for Win to realize that this is hurting Team and then to seek to help him, to love him, to protect him and the way Team stiffens in his nightmares, the way he doesn't seek anyone out but tries to keep it to himself but in the end Win is still there and suddenly the way he touches him, treats him, teases him in UWMA makes even more sense because their nights are so serious, their nights are filled with so much that the days must be smiles and gentle to make up for that.
You can be afraid of the world, but never be scared of me.
OKAY SO
This scene is actually set between episodes 1 and 2 of Between Us
We know this because this happened BEFORE Team called off ‘sick’! Because later on in UWMA we get the moment where Team isn’t in Uni and Pharm gets his loud noise trigger -
This means that the scene in Team’s bedroom where Win brings him food ISN’T the first time they’d interacted since the swim camp! THEY’VE SHARED A CAR HOME TOGETHER AT LEAST ONCE before Win told Team ‘yo I did actually enjoy hooking up with you’ (which makes me wonder where did Team think he was dropping Win off if he didn’t realise they live in the same building?)
Now, we see this moment happens even little later on in UWMA; in the scene where Pharm meets Team with snacks after his swim practice, Team says that Dean left earlier in the evening:
This means that THIS SCENE:
Is happening at the SAME TIME as THIS SCENE:
I'll buy you snacks. Nah. Lunch also, how's that? Nah. 10 bags of chips?
Win thought Team and Pharm were dating
This is why he asked...TWICE!
And this is why he snatched the food Pharm made Team!
And why he demanded a ride, so Team couldn't pick up Pharm or take him home.
Win has a strategy. This kid is playing the long game!
The changes in the kisses across the first three episodes of Between Us. Win starts with passion but Team starts so shy and so soft and the way they each love and care and Win is passion and seeking while Team is reluctance, in need of teasing and gentle nudges, how each of them wants and chooses this again and again but also what they share... a mutual need, a mutual want, a mutual love that they are building in their cracks, shoring up the other's faults, finding the places that they are strong when the other is not.
Win is flames and passion and need and Team responds to that so strongly but Team starts smaller, starts sweeter and Win cannot resist even the lightest peck from him.
So far, the show has focused on Team's struggles but Win is there as well, Win who has never had anything of his own and does not know how to hold onto things, Win who has always been the middle child given leftovers and giving everything away when he outgrows, Win who wants to hold Team like the most precious thing but does not how to hold on.
Team knows how to need and to hold but he cannot fight his own fear while Win knows how to face fear head on and how to comfort but he does not know how to keep anything.
between us series episode 1 text posts because I LOVE THEM OK? IVE BEEN WAITING 300 YEARS
I'm so glad that the UWMA franchise decided to start with a different type of bang this time around.
Did you know that you had a bad dream again? But I managed to go back to sleep. Thank you.
I think having the reincarnated lovers as a side couple is so funny. Pharm is drowning in tears having flashbacks from his past life but hold on the hot hunkies are about to fuck
Magical realism but it’s just “and whatever’s going on over there”
The Colors Between Us
Win's color is blue. Loyal, free, trustworthy, and stable.
Team's color is red. Impulsive, passionate, intensive, and stimulating.
We see their colors throughout the first episode
Bonus: Win's poster is Nirvana (emotionally charged grudge rock band), while Team's is Definitely, Maybe (a romcom) correction - Oasis, the British rock band's album.
We saw the colors in the promo images as well, and also notice Win is the one usually reaching out to comfort Team.
Their backpacks will be the most common form of their colors but look for other items that include the colors.
In the final scene of episode one, we see the two have distinct physical boundaries due to the background curtains.
Win is on the darker side while Team is on the lighter side. However, they provide balance with the hair colors and shirt colors.
As Win continues to ask Team more questions to gauge his level of consent, the boundaries merge as Win starts to move into Team's space (reaching out as usual)
They are now in the bright space in the middle surrounded by the darker color. Even though this will remain a secret between them *wink*, they are fully aware of what they are doing (the light in the darkness).
Question…. How do you feel about Win Hitting Team in the face after he saves him?
I wasn’t a fan of that part and I don’t know if I’m comfortable seeing it on screen. I know it’s a mix of emotions he angry, nearly lost him, but ……. I don’t know. Hope you understand .
I understand, Anon! It's a polarizing scene, and people don't need to have a unanimous opinion of it.
I personally really liked it in the novel! It was a moment of raw anger and flawed humanity from a character who's been composed and responsible ever since he got through a rebellious phase that mainly consisted of skipping class and body modification to get attention from his parents. Literally the tamest rebellion in teenage history. The punch is also framed as a mistake, and something he clearly feels guilty about almost immediately, since he then yanks Team into a hug. The novel describes Win as shaking like a frightened animal, which just underscores for me how primally terrified he was. After all, he was alone when he walked into the building and saw Team at the bottom of the pool, probably seconds from death. If Win hadn't acted as fast as he did, he would have had to watch Team die.
And Team put Win in that position through his negligence. Even worse, Team doesn't even have the grace to even act apologetically after he regains consciousness. He's dismissive and almost petulant, and while that's his whole thing, it's just not the time for it. Of course, Team's clearly suffering from a host of mental traumas, so it makes sense for him to diminish nearly dying, but from Win's perspective, he's probably imagining previously unthinkable things: would CPR and potentially breaking a rib have killed him instead? Who do you call to take a corpse? How would he ever swim again? Sleep again? I'm not arguing the punch was deserved, only that Win's so far removed from rationality at that point, he's just trying to get Team to understand the severity of the situation they're in.
Imagine how Win feels seeing Team shrug off his near-death. That could easily make Win believe that this could happen again. If Team doesn't value his life, if he takes risks like this again, if Win's not there the next time, if he doesn't take this seriously—
Anyway, that's why it worked for me. Plus, after the punch, after the hug, Win takes Team not back to the dorms, not even to his own dorm room, but to his own family's home. Win drives Team's car, stops at a convenience store to get ice for Team's face and snacks for him as a treat, literally feeds him at home, lets Team shower on his own to respect his space, and at the end of it all, he falls asleep with Team safe in his arms. Because this is who he is at his core. He's the one who talks Team down from intimidating Alex, and he's the one who gives rational advice to Dean. So I like that the novel shows that the only way to make him lose it completely is Team dismissing his own brush with death. Is it romantic? No, of course not. Is it healthy? Also, no. But I don't want a character to make the right choices every step of the way. Their mistakes and how they try to make up for them enhance their complexity for me. I mean, if Win were a real person, I'd be like, "He punched you?" but he's fictional, so I just see that scene as fascinating to explore his mentality instead.
ALL THAT BEING SAID, it works for me because it's that version of Win.
The Win we've seen in the series isn't the same Win we see in the novel. Boun made the decision in December of last year while they were filming the post-drowning scene for the pilot teaser for Win not to punch Team, and it works so well. Because it's Boun's version of Win. Novel Win didn't have a meticulous, restrained conversation about consent with Team before he slept with him the first time. Novel Win didn't even hook up with Team a second time. There are a lot of overlaps with Novel Win and Series Win, and they're both written by LazySheep, but Hemp Rope is a novel she started around 2017, and she had to take her time and a lot of consideration to adapt the novel into a script with 2022 sensibilities and growth.
So I think Boun was right to change it because he knows what this version of Win would do. And I think it says a lot in favor of Sheep and New that they saw the wisdom in his decision and allowed him to do so for the main series as well. (They show him raise his fist but switch to a hug in the trailer, just like the pilot teaser.) When directors understand and value the input of their actors, I'm always deeply impressed and appreciative. Collaborative art can be some of the most powerful, and I think Boun was incredibly smart to show that Win did have the impulse but decided against it. I think that's just as powerful for this version of him.
Essentially, I appreciate the novel scene for what it is, and I like that the series has presented a different version of it with unique nuances influenced by an actor who loves his character tremendously. <3
Team should probably go to therapy for what are clearly unresolved-trauma-based anxiety issues but instead he got himself a blonde emotional support playboy
More than friends? What do you mean? More is just more, Hia. Like … when I eat with her, it tastes better than eating with friends. Or when I go see a movie, it’s more fun than watching with friends. Or when I talk to her, I’d be super happy. Something like that.
Hi, not to risk sounding deranged I was wondering your opinion on the almost constant flicking of eyes to lips in the series. I noticed this particularly with Team/Prem like whenever winteam are in close proximity to eachother they always look like their .5 seconds away from kissing. Just curious if you think this was something they were directed to do to build the characters/relationship or if it's just happening cause of the tension in the moment- either way I love little things like that that show the chemistry between the characters/actors. I'm a sucker for small pieces of intimacy rather than grand gestures cause its so much more realistic.
LISTEN, LOVELY ANON.
I WELCOME DERANGED ASKS WITH SPECIAL FONDNESS AND ENTHUSIASM. THIS IS A PLACE OF EXCESS AND NOISE. YOU ARE SAFE HERE.
Now! With that out of the way!
It could very well be a director thing OR it could be a thing that BounPrem just know to do as actors. Prem also did it as Team in UWMA during the conbini scene, if I'm remembering correctly. He's always been good at those little microexpressions, and he's only gotten better since.
Like take the bus scene in episode 13 where Team's just barely smiling.
It's so hard for me to pinpoint exactly how I can tell he's smiling, but it's some very minute detail around his eyes. Like! He was BRAND NEW to acting when he took the role of Team, and he was already doing little things like this. According to New, he listened extremely closely to all critiques and took direction beautifully, so he improved exponentially throughout filming. And it's been three years since then, so he's just a powerhouse, honestly. He's good at so many things, and he's so devoted to improvement and becoming well-rounded overall. I'm very fond of him. ;___;
I did a whole thing about Prem and his microexpressions when I was brand new to fandom. He's always impressed me.
SO ANYWAY BETWEEN US.
It's definitely happening a lot. The first one I found at random when I went to look is the little surprise kiss during the bottled water scene.
Win looks down at Team's lips for a second, which is clever, because it cuts away to Team right after, so you're not expecting the cut back to Win or the kiss. This might've been a serendipitous choice Boun made that worked out well in post when it came time to edit the scene.
He does it in the wide shot later on at the pool, too!
It's such a little thing, but it's details like that that make rewatching so much fun because on the first watch you're so focused on what's going on in the big-picture sense, you might miss some of these little things.
Whether it was their idea or New's or someone else's influence entirely, I'm a big fan. <3