(constantly adding) Things that actually happened in BBC Merlin:
uther married an actual, literal troll
goblin-gaius spit mead all over leon
every single knight in the area got scared because gwaine bit into an apple
old-man merlin used three knights as stairs
merlin knocked out an entire guardsman post with barrels
the same goblin-gaius slapped uther's bald head
Arthur got halfway turned into a donkey
gwaine set his socks on fire
brought back a good character just to get rid of him again
merlin spend an entire minute (or so) of screen time ranting about how hard life is
the future king of Camelot fell asleep in a bowl of soup
merlin hooked a chicken or something on a hook so gwaine and percival could lift it through the roof
a wildorren peed on gwaine
gaius accidentally dressed Arthur in a woman's nightgown (from the tags)
merlin magically made Arthur's pants fall down in a council meeting so he could steal Arthur's keys (from the tags)
Gwen got turned into a deer
whilst trying to assassinate Arthur, merlin knocked himself out on a bedpost
merlin forged a royal document so his friend could be a knight
after being knocked unconscious, Arthur thought he killed a dragon based on zero supporting evidence other than merlin saying "oh yeah you killed 'em"
a marble (or stone) statue turned into a rottweiler
prince and servant(tm) put some random berry juice on themselves to prevent being eaten by a mega mole
Arthur was tied to a spinning wheel and had knives thrown at him whilst having an apple in his mouth
merlin fell asleep in horse poo (from the tags)
Arthur threw a bowl of cherries? or apples? in the floor to hide a horn.
when Leon asked what merlin was planning to do with a crossbow, merlin replied "to kill Arthur" and Leon literally did not bat an eye (from the tags)
semi-truck
old man merlin rode piggyback on Arthur (from the tags) throughout the castle I guess and literally no one saw
gwaine, merlin, and Arthur got stuck in an underground gladiator arena
Arthur threw merlin a mace (excuse me, a flail) and was literally about to fight him (and merlin would've won if gaius hadn't given him the disappointed parent look)
carlisle/charlie pre-canon/during twilight
charlie is one of those people who doesn’t really think about sexuality that much. he looks at women, he looks at men, and just doesn’t think about it too much. bella tells him the term is “bisexual”, and he shrugs and forgets about it immediately.
when the cullens move to forks, charlie is bowled over. they’re all incredibly beautiful, but nobody really holds a candle to carlisle, the father, who's nice to charlie, always asks about him, always listens to him gripe about stupid teenagers doing stupid things when he has to drop one off at the ER.
he even patches charlie up one time after a tiny scuffle with someone, even though it was completely unnecessary. (“it’s not that bad, doc-“ “i don’t care how bad it is. you’re injured, and i’m going to take care of you.” and carlisle says it with this solid certainty, without a trace of embarrassment. he means it. so charlie shuts up. ‘cause see, he hasn’t had anybody take care of him in a long time, maybe since he moved out of his parents' place. he was always taking care of renee, which he was fine with- but this is different, this makes his chest go tight and his cheeks warm.)
and then bella moves to forks, and edward cullen, one of carlisle’s sons, is an immediate problem. charlie does not go to carlisle about it, though, because who wants to listen to some guy complaining about your kid?
but charlie thinks there’s something more going on with edward, so he goes to billy about it. billy absolutely refuses to talk about the cullens, however, so charlie resorts to getting him trashed and getting it out of him that way.
the cullens are vampires. every single one of them, carlisle included. it takes charlie a little bit to come to terms with this, and even longer to convince himself not to hit edward with his car for endangering his daughter. but at least bella already knows.
so charlie goes to- guess who? carlisle. charlie tells him, says i know what you are, and stands there, waiting for some kind of response. carlisle is just mystified by both charlie and bella's fearlessness, though. they know what vampires are capable of, and yet they choose to be around the cullens anyway. they keep their secrets.
"i'll get your daughter back," carlisle says at one in the morning as he and his sons chase down james. he calls every night, explaining everything, always practically begging for charlie's forgiveness, "i promise, charlie. i will do everything i can."
"i know," charlie says, and finds that he absolutely means it. and when bella comes back alive, when carlisle apologizes again for what's happened- "stop, carlisle, just stop," he whispers, catching the doctor's wrists so he stops fidgeting with his fingers, "i forgive you. you saved my daughter's life, of course i forgive you."
I love the fact that he supports fassavoy so keenly.
He is so gorgeous.
They both are.
HE EVEN LIKED THE PHOTO I'M WHEEZIN'.
(((Found it on Pinterest)))
No.7 - Storm Fandom - BBC Merlin Wordcount - 1484 @summer-of-whump
For the Nony who asked for more Gwaincelot!! Hope you enjoy!
The rumble of thunder echoed behind the grumble of Gwaine’s groan. Lancelot pressed down harder on the wound, ignoring Gwaine’s stammered expletives and angrily kicking feet. His boots were digging hard into the ground, trying to give him purchase to push away from Lancelot.
“I’m sorry,” Lancelot said through gritted teeth, his hands not lifting the pressure on Gwaine’s side.
The bandits had been fast and they’d outnumbered the two knights three to one. But Lancelot and Gwaine weren’t two of Arthur’s best knights for nothing. They had fought back hard, and eventually they had won. Except Gwaine had taken a dagger in the side halfway through the fight. Not that it had slowed him down much.
But as soon as the bandits had all been defeated, Gwaine had let out a strangled yelp and collapsed to his knees. And now that the adrenaline had worn off, Gwaine was in agony.
He groaned again as Lancelot carefully peeled back the wad of cloak he had pressed to the wound over Gwaine’s ribs. The bleeding seemed to have slowed a tiny bit and he put the pressure back on it quickly.
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