For Your Consideration:

Jeff the killer general smut headcanons:

Jeff is definitely into knife play. I mean... I firmly believe that he would carve some stupid drawings on his act partner.

He's into bondage. Jeff tries to convince at least himself that he's strong enough and he's in control, due to the fact of his physical weakness and megalomania.

Jeff's also into self harm! Killer will fuck the brains out of himself until he'll shot blanks and have a biggest headache.

He has some bugs in his asshole. Due to being scared of Jane getting to him at night, he oftentimes sleeps outside the Slendermansion, wandering around.

Due to being generally unhygienic, as part of self-harm, he scratches his ulcers frequently and openly and likes them scratched by an act partner as well, especially if they're trying to fight him away.

He's also a junkie, and that makes his urge to scratch even more.

Jeff is a KILLER after all, so i guess his into a little chase, but because of his control complex he never goes to far. He already had a "bad" experience, his pray got away and he had to migrate. That was a lot of pain in his ass and Jeff's also lazy so he made a word for himself to control his "inner animalistic nature".

He likes to get high during or after the act, and it can cause him to do werider crap. For example, Jeff is hungry often, since he hasn't much money due to being an addict, so he might start to bite the act partner.

For Jeff, if there's a hole there's a goal: he doesn't have a preference for a partner's gender. However, keeping his past with male bullies in mind, he will probably be much more violent with male victims.

so, i've fallen down the "humans are weird" rabbit hole, and i couldn't help but notice most of it is about how humans are just really durable, adorable, friendly, how we'd pack bond with anything, about how we have such a hive-mind and empathy and determination to survive when things get rough, how we could survive things most other aliens would die from, how we could eat stuff that would poison other aliens, how we inject ink into our skin and pierce it with pieces of metal and drink toxic substances for the sake of entertainment..

it's always human defences and endurance

but i never see people talking about human **aggression**

like, imagine a spaceship happens to have several humans on it even if most residents are alien species, and two of the humans get in a fight.

and i'm not just talking physical, i'm sayin' all kinds of fights.

imagine if two humans got in a serious screaming match and genuinely hurt a few of the alien species sensitive to loud sounds as they watch, flabbergasted at how the two are literally yelling in each-other's faces without breaking a sweat or getting tired from it, while one of the sound-sensitive aliens literally passed out because it was SO loud

or imagine them simply being in shock after interacting with humans for a long time and having this image in their head of humans being so friendly and able to get along with anything and anyone, including stabby, or any predatory, aggressive species we just so happen to find cute. that image getting completely shattered seeing two of the humans they're friends with showing clear anger and aggression in a display they could only describe as "terrifying" in the most visceral sense of the word

or two humans getting in an actual physical fight, and here's where the *several* humans on ship part comes into play,

so the two are duking it out in a violent display of pure hatred while other humans, amused and thoroughly entertained by the violence that would already have put any of the less durable aliens out of commission gather around the fighting pair and start ominously chanting "FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT"

prior, the aliens hadn't dared intervene or get any closer because either way they recognized it as a danger

meanwhile some humans JOIN IN for absolutely no reason and it becomes a full on riot

and the aliens just stare like ?????

confused at why they'd find it so endearing, at why they'd literally join for no reason at all, horrified by even just a punch to the gut because to some of the more vulnerable aliens that's their equivalent of literally getting an organ ripped out of them and somehow STILL fighting and then ripping out an organ out of the opponent themselves

and most of all, if humans are capable of befriending aggressive, large predatory beings and getting along with practically everything,

what from the fresh pits of hell triggered two *humans* to fight *each other* of all creatures?

(that is, assuming aliens don't have much knowledge of our history, wars, politics, etc of course.)

🎤Hair ties🦎

Imagine: playing with the hair of the Madrigal twins.

🦎🎤☀🦎🎤☀🦎🎤☀🦎🎤☀🎤🦎☀🎤🦎☀🎤🦎

🦎☀ • Camilo doesn't really let anyone touch his hair, well besides his mamí. But he doesn't get a choice in that one, mostly because he is a mama's boy and can't deny his mama when she asks to brush his hair for old time's sake.

🦎☀ • When you both started dating he was ready to give you the hairbrush and any hair ties he could find in Casita, Camilo might be a natural flirt but when he falls he falls hard.

🦎☀ • he sits on the floor against his bed as he reads the new comic his Papí gave him for his birthday, leaning back as you run your fingers through his curls. He practically purrs at the feeling. It relaxes him every time.

His hair is actually very smooth and barely has any knots, mostly from the trauma he gained from his mother when he was younger about not keeping his hair well-kept as she yanked the hairbrush (if you know you know)

🦎☀ • Once you finished taking two sides of his hair and pulling each side tightening the hair tie and securing the high bun, his bangs hung around his face like his Mamí. He looked to his side stretching to see himself in his mirror from his sitting position and smiled. He liked it.

His Mamí was complimentary of his new hairstyle and was pleased to match with her son she had a rainbow over her head the rest of the day.

🦎🎤 • yeah. No. He doesn't let anyone touch his hair, and practically runs from his mamá when he sees her rushing toward him with a hairbrush, "Carlos Control that hair, or I'll do it for you!"

"No! Mamá it's my hair!"

*thunders*

🦎🎤 • When you start dating, it'll take some time before you get the privilege of touching his hair. He will try and hint at wanting his hair played with by resting his head in your lap but angles his head so his hair is perfectly in reach and accessible if you still don't get the hint? He huffs before grabbing your hair and placing it on his head.

🦎🎤 • His head rests on your lap as you both talk about your days (well, it's mostly just him braging about all the successful pranks he pulled that day) as you play with his hair. His hair is soft but has tangles for sure, no matter how many times his mamá lectured him about protecting his hair as he slept and detangling it regularly as she ripped a hairbrush through his curls before using a mountain of products to help with the detangling process it just never stuck.

But if you take the time to detangle his hair gently with few tugs as possible, he would appreciate it even if he won't say it out loud.

🦎🎤 • He barely notices his hair is in a high bun until he sits up and his hair doesn't cover one of his eyes like it usually does. He kinda just grumbles but is too lazy to untie the scrunchie knowing he would receive an earful if he just yanked it out not only from you but from his Mamá.

His mamá is very grateful for you and your service, if she had to detangle his hair one more time she was sure to thunder from his constant disregard of her words.

Spotting Beelzebub alone on a couch is a very dangerous trap that must be avoided at all costs.

He may appear to be minding his own business, sitting there innocently, scrolling his DDD. Maybe chewing on a mint. But make no mistake, this is a trap.

Should you choose to sit next to him, your fate is sealed. Beelzebub may put a hand around your shoulder or pull you towards his lap. He may just remain still. Yet every single time, Belphegor will appear. Very swiftly, very silently.

Belphegor will sit so close to you that he's practically on top of you and will proceed to squish you into his twin. He throws a leg over your knee, over Beelzebub's too, and lets his body go slack. Gravity takes care of the rest as he topples into you like a domino. He's heavy. Arms cover your head as you disappear from view.

Shout as you might, Beelzebub allows this to happen. With his hands on either side, there is no escape. You sink down and your cheek winds up pressed against his naval while Belphegor cozies in close, his breath flooding your nose. You can flail your lower legs until someone gets tired of the squirming and holds them down. The twins will cuddle you until they feel satisfied.

The Attic Club Sandwich shows no mercy.

thinking about satan's tail telling on him despite how composed he tries to be. it's a wild little appendage, all barbs and sharp edges people usually avoid. it flicks about in irritation, scratches floorboards and furniture like a riled cat when he's aggravated over something or other. when he's calm, it winds around his leg like an obedient pet waiting for its master's command.

but with you? it's a different story.

ankles. wrists. legs. arms. hips, even. the spiney tail has a mind of its own, constantly wrapping around your vulnerable points to keep you tethered to satan's side. he could be mid-argument with one of his imbecile brothers when he stops to recognize a weight tugging somewhere vaguely behind him-- you, barbs poking at your wrist as it keeps you ensnared yet unharmed, smiling sheepishly at him as he grows flustered by the trap he's got you in. one of the brothers gives you a silent thanks before slipping away from what was surely an impending fight.

satan's cheeks are rosy as he gingerly grabs between the links of his tail and tugs. but the damn thing is too partial to you. each tug only finds it tightening its grip on your fragile human skin. after several minutes of various strategies to free you-- yanking, ignoring, even attempting to coax it back to his side-- your delighted giggle makes him flop down on the couch in defeat.

the two of you must come to terms with a simple fact: satan, consciously or not, deems it necessary to keep you by his side.

Sal Fisher headcanons (fluff/angst)

buckle up you guys, we are in for a wild ride with this one!

angst:

->Sal often struggles with insomnia, haunted by nightmares and intrusive thoughts. He sometimes stays up until dawn, staring at the ceiling or listening to music to drown out the silence.

On particularly bad nights, he’ll quietly play his guitar, the soft sound comforting him in an otherwise empty room.

->Even around his closest friends, Sal sometimes feels like he doesn’t fully belong. He struggles with the feeling that no one could truly understand the weight of what he’s seen and experienced.

He often forces a smile or a joke to keep others from worrying, hiding his sadness behind a mask both literal and emotional.

->Sal feels incredibly vulnerable without his prosthetic face, so much so that he avoids mirrors when it’s off. He fears being seen as a “monster,” even though he knows his friends accept him.

There are days when he feels disconnected from himself, like the mask is the only thing holding him together.

->Sal keeps small mementos of his mother and his happiest moments with his friends. He has a box hidden away filled with photos, drawings, and little trinkets that remind him of better times.

He’ll sometimes sit with the box and quietly relive those memories, trying to hold onto the good moments that feel so far away.

fluff:

->Sal has a soft spot for animals, especially cats. If he sees a stray, he’ll stop to pet it and might even sneak it some food. He once joked about starting a "stray cat rescue squad" with Larry.

->Sal loves oversized sweaters and hoodies, especially ones with fun patterns or that are extra soft. He has a favorite one that’s slightly worn out but feels like a warm hug.

He sometimes steals hoodies from Larry or Todd because they’re comfy and smell like his friends, which he finds reassuring.

->Sal isn’t the best cook, but he enjoys baking. It’s something his mom used to do with him, and he finds it calming. He makes cookies for his friends on special occasions, even if they come out a little lopsided.

He once tried to make a cake for Ash’s birthday and got icing everywhere, but the end result was so charmingly messy that she loved it even

There's the urban legend that some japanese companies will hire a "loud American." A person who is just there to voice complaints to the boss when others cant.

I had an idea today that alien ships might hire "The Human!" A person who is just there to just stand there and looks like the be the big, tough, indestructible threat of a being that the galaxy knows humans are.

Doesnt matter who the human is. Big or small, male or female, a tough soldier or more gentle than a newborn. They just have to be present and let the reputation of humans speak for itself.

Is the captain trying to enforce an unpopular regulation on the crew? Ask The Human to have a private meeting and voice the complaints.

Trying to sell some goods but the buyer wants to renegotiate the price to be more unfair to you? Ask The Human to be there at the negotiating table.

That jerk at the bar keeps pestering you with their mating display, because they want to be the one to fertilize your eggs wont take no for an answer? Ask The Human to escort you back to your quarters.

Not sure if the neighborhood where you're making the delivery is a safe one? Just ask that lovely human if they wouldnt mind putting down their crochet and coming with you. They might be extra thrilled if you mention they could take their pet with them, for a walk.

Ohhh Snapchat memories

This is why "eat the rich" is not a violent statement. Rich people literally kill others for their own profits. Any violence against rich people who do this is self defense.

This is also one of the many reasons why there are zero good cops. The nicest cop in existence would arrest someone for stealing to survive but would not arrest these greedy employers for killing for profit.

I let my pussy make my decisions, call that clitical thinking