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Oh Sir Phillip...I miss him, I really do

ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN ONE EPISODE EVERY WEEK??? WHEN I WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW STREAMING SERVICES DROPPING A WHOLE SEASON AT ONCE KILLED OFF FANDOM CULTURE I WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOWS I DONT WATCH!!! I WANT THE NEXT EPISODE NOW!!!

Music To Watch Boys To

Chapter 4: Born To Die 

Saturday, October 25, 2014 

1:22 am

You were still in the car with Amaro, staking out the abandoned building that Michaelis walked into almost an hour ago. Nick’s phone rings, “It’s Fin.” After he hangs up he says, “Barba managed to wake up a judge, they’re at the hotel with CSU. They’ll let us know if they find anything incriminating.”  You get a text, it’s from Chase so you ignore it. You’re not avoiding him, You’re just working. Your phone rings, and you send it to voicemail. 

“Aren’t you going to get that?” Nick asks.

“It’s not important, I can reply later.” You reply, hoping he gets the hint to drop it. You turn on the radio, One Direction plays in the background.

“So, you don’t like him?”

I guess Nick wants to talk. “What makes you think I don’t?”

“You said the date was fine.” 

“Well, we were interrupted…”, you reply playfully.

“You’ve known him for a while, you never felt anything for him?”

“Well, I don’t know what that would feel like, I never had a serious relationship.” And I've never been in love or had sex with anyone else. I'd never admit that you weren’t sure if it was worse to be a prude or to be a slut.

“Do you feel safe with him? Do you think you could wake up in his arms for the rest of your life and feel like you belong?”

“Nick, it's the first date. I’m not marrying the guy,” you laugh; “besides he makes pretty good coffee.” you add jokingly.

There was a look in his eyes, but it was gone before you could decipher. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.

You sit in silence for eternity. Although the clock shows only ten minutes have passed. Nick’s phone rings. “Fin again.” he observes before answering. “They found the victim’s hair in this room, do you have your gun?”

You pull your firearm out of your purse, “Always.”

You and Amaro had begun searching the building. The first floor was empty. “He’s probably in the basement, upstairs doesn’t offer any coverage.” Nick starts towards the basement. You enter what you reckon is an old locker room, it's dark and you can’t find a light switch.  You turn a corner and see a shadow move. Crap I’m gonna die in a basement because of my stupidity. At least I look hot. You try to back away quietly, then you hear Nick call for you. “I’m over here!” you yell back. Not so famous last words. In a split second the shadow lunges at you but before you can react, Nick slams him into the nearby locker. It’s Dean Michaelis. Nick tells him he’s under arrest and reads him his Miranda Rights as you cuff him. 

Dean starts protesting, “What are you stalking me now? I’m an American, you can’t treat me like a thug!”

Nick remarks, “You might want to exercise your right to shut up.”

You ignore them as you continue in the darkness, you eventually find a light switch; then, an ajar locker. You open it and gasp, it contains blood-filled clothes, broken phones, jewelry, and other accessories. Trophies. “We need CSU over here.”

An hour later, it’s raining and Nick is dropping you to your apartment. You’re exhausted but so happy the case is going to trial. Dean kept requesting to cut a deal, not realizing there was enough evidence to prove he was guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. 

Nick stops the car in front of your building and casually asks, “So are you going to text that guy back?”

Why does he remember that? “Maybe. I just want to sleep right now.” I don’t want to think about anything now.

“You don’t seem sure about him.”

“I don’t have to know right away.”

“Yeah I know, it's just… I want you to be happy. He might…”

 “He might what?”

“He might not be right for you.” 

Saint Nick knows best, who am I to question his infinite wisdom? “You don’t even know him.”

“I know you. I know you don’t think you deserve good things but you shouldn’t settle.” 

I should’ve known my big mouth would come back to bite me in the ass. You want to die of embarrassment yet you try to smile, “This is different, I’m happy I promise.” Liar liar, dress on fire. “I’m just tired.”

“Hmm.” He doesn’t believe me.

“Do you think it’s gonna stop raining soon?”

“You love the rain.”

“Yeah, from the comfort and safety of my bed.”

He starts rifling through the back seat.

“What are you doing?”

“Zara left her umbrella back here a few days ago.”

When he finds the umbrella, he opens his door and the umbrella. Then he comes over to your side and opens the door, “I wouldn’t want you getting wet,” 

Well, I am.

“and catching a cold.”

There was something so hot about a grown man holding a Frozen umbrella.

He walks you up the stairs to your building, while holding the umbrella over the both of you.

I could fuck him hard, right here in the pouring rain. “Thank you.” He turns to face you, your noses would touch if you tiptoed. You want to kiss him. He starts to lean down. He’s going to kiss me! Am I dreaming? Then, you panic. Oh no, he’s going to kiss me. This won’t end well. You wish you could just turn your brain off. I’m just going to say good night and leave before it becomes awkward. You move away from the umbrella and stand under the roof of the entrance. “Ciao.” What the fuck. “Uh, good night.” You walk away, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

You take off your heels in the elevator and check your phone. You see a missed call from Chase and two messages. 

“I’m headed to ur place right now”

“I’m outside, are u ok??”

He’s sitting outside your door with your coat on his lap and as you get closer, you realize he’s asleep. You can feel the guilt churning inside you. He jolts awake and stands up before you reach your apartment.

“Chase, hey I’m so sorry I got so caught up with work.” He pulls you in for a hug and kisses your hair.

He stares at the coat you’re wearing, Nick’s coat but he doesn’t mention it. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Nick saved me from almost getting my ass kicked by a serial predator but I won’t mention that. “We caught the bad guy in the end.”

“That’s good.” he says as he hands you your coat.

“Do you want to come inside?” Please say no, I’m so not in the mood to have sex with you.

“If it's okay with you, it's a long drive back home.” There’s that guilty feeling again. Cool. Cool cool cool.

Mark Darcy. that's it.

whatever (it's eating away at my soul)

Netflix Violet Bridgerton: two children married in one season, what a delight! And married so sensibly. The ceremonies were beautiful!

Book Violet Bridgerton after the summer of 1824, with Pen and Colin’s short engagement, Eloise running off, and Francesca getting married on a random day in Scotland without telling anyone: life is just SO EASY for you

lana del rey was right. i am tired of feeling like i’m fucking crazy