DOECHII & LIL NAS X At The 36th Annual GLAAD Media Awards

welcome to my crack au where everything was fine and nothing bad ever happened to anyone

you used to be able to play games on cartoonnetwork.com . . . now every company's website wants to give you spyware and spread corporate propaganda but I REMEMBER when you could play a BEN 10 adventure game in-browser without so much as giving away your e-mail. people's heads should be on pikes for this

Doechii photographed for Dazed by Ib Kamara (2025)

What’s this? Silly ol’ me won a design contest? :3c

My winning entry for my local queer organization’s t-shirt art contest! If you’d like a shirt of your own, you can grab one on their website (they should be available soon!)

I've been writing a one shot for like a month now and I'm making such little progress on it )':

I write like one paragraph and that's all my little mind can muster

Hello, absolutely love your writing - Drabble

Something based on time traveler’s husband, but the reader is the time traveler and she can end up in bad places or beautiful places (you choose), Azriel all worried maybe, fluff and angst?

Sounds kinda long for a drabble, i don’t know haha 🤍

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Word count: 1k

Warnings: Angst, references to trauma

a/n: Hi! :) I made this sooooo angsty lol oopsie

Masterlist♡

____________________________________________

Never in Azriel’s life did he think it would come to this. 

He held you against his chest as sobs wracked your body, your fingers gripping his leathers with so much force he was surprised the material didn’t rip.

It had been a long one this time. 

Three weeks ago, you were sitting with him on a bench by the Sidra, a small bag of feed in your lap as you spread it out for the animals along the water. He had looked away, only for a moment, but when he turned back the feed was emptying on the ground and your body was gone—lost to a time and place he would not know of until you returned. 

Only, you did not return as you usually did. 

Most of the time, you were gone for a few hours, days at most. Azriel would spend the entire unspecified allotment with a pit in his chest and an inability to swallow, too inundated by preemptive grief and fear that eating and drinking and breathing felt impossible. But slowly, after being mated for some years, the time became more expected, more manageable. You would return exhausted but safe, and Azriel would give you a day before expecting a story. 

But this time, this time, you appeared before him as you always did—your home base, you had called him—and you collapsed into a heap of tears and gasped sobs.

Azriel had tried to parse out what was wrong. He had started with words—simple, easy-to-understand questions, but when it became clear that you weren’t even aware that he was speaking, he moved to touch. He pressed his hands along your back and hair, trailed his lips across your cheeks and dried the dampness there with his fingers. He held you, gods did he hold you, because you were in front of him and alive and every day felt as if that truth would be ripped from him. 

But you still cried. 

You cried to the point that Azriel was sure your head ached. 

“What about Rhysand?” Azirel stressed, eventually resorting to anything else that could help you. “Cassian? Mor? Who would help, angel?” 

Your cries mellowed some, but they were still awful, painful hiccuping breaths that tore a hole in Azriel’s heart. He collected your face in his hands and held you there, a panic in his gaze as he stared at your swollen eyes—at the redness that he had missed when you first fell into his arms. It looked inflicted and unnatural on your face. 

“Are you hurt?” he asked. “Where did you go, my love? Tell me.” 

You turned in his grip, eyes brushing over his fingers as they rubbed soothing lines into your face, and then you cried harder. 

It was all Azriel could do to hold you against him. 

When another sound started to leave your lips, Azriel strained his ears to catch it. Over and over. A repetitive loop that he could not make sense of. He leaned you away from his chest and the words became clear.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Azriel. I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” 

“My darling, what?” he begged, shaking his head along with his words. “My love, darling, please. What could you possibly be sorry for? Where did you go?”

You took in a harrowing, shaking breath. “It took me there. To that time.” 

It, you always called it, because you never got to choose what point in time you went to. Something else dragged you along at its whim, and that was why the act always filled Azriel with so much dread. He had feared this—whatever you had seen to render you so inconsolable. 

“To where?” he all but whispered, afraid that you would lose yourself again. 

“Your hands, Azriel. For weeks I watched—” Azriel stared back in horror as you clutched at the material of your shirt as if it burned. “I watched and I—I couldn’t do anything. You were so small and I screamed and fought but there was nothing I could do.” 

Something in Azriel fractured that he never thought would heal. 

Before him, his mate grieved a past he hoped would never fully be revealed. You lived through it and were made to watch, whatever power that sent you away cruel and vicious and unrighteous. A lick of anger flamed through him, but something stopped him from feeling it fully. 

“No,” you breathed out, staring down at your arms. “No, Azriel, I can’t go. I can’t—not right now.” 

Your fingers and hands and arms slowly morphed into a hazy glare, and Azriel stared down at them with as much desperation as you did. He reached for you, but his touch went through your limbs and he had to catch himself on the floor beside you. 

There was nothing he could do—absolutely nothing. He and Rhysand had enlisted the help of the Day Court not too long ago, and the entire curse-breaking legion hadn’t found a way to keep you from this fate. 

So, Azriel knew what came next.

He knew that this broken rendition of his mate was fading and he didn’t have the time to pick up the pieces. 

His breath came out in fast puffs as he gathered you into his arms and spoke low by your ear. “It’s going to be okay. I’m going to be right here when you get back. I’ll wait right here and you’ll be back so soon, okay?” 

You nodded against his shoulder, but Azriel felt the tension in your body as you went to speak. “Okay, yes. You’ll be here.” 

“I’ll be right here, my love. I’m safe here. You’re safe and you’ll come home. I love you. So much. 

“I love you—” 

Azriel’s arms dropped.

You were gone.

FUCK YOU FOR NOW, JADE Directed by Lucrecia, 2025

"I want webcomics where I can change the story" read visual novels "I want games that focus on the narrative" read visual novels "I want games that are easy to play" read visual novels "I want to play shoujo / yaoi / yuri manga" read visual novels "I want to read really queer stories" read visual novels

I’m playing Freya, Blood of the Tower. She’s evil, corpulent, and here to fuck shit up. TALIESIN JAFFE during Let’s Play Queen by Midnight!

Nightmares (Azriel X Reader)

Your nightmares are caused by something Azriel did in the past.

Word Count: 1800

            You found yourself alone in the library a lot, covered by your favorite blanket with a good book in your hand. Sometimes you spent time in the library just for the sake of reading, sometimes it was to spend time with Nesta, but some nights, like these, it was to escape your nightmares.

            The embers of the forgotten fired ebbed across the room, and you set down your book, watching. You loved your life here, the house gave you everything you needed, you trained with Cassian, painted with Feyre, read with Nesta, and even went dancing with Mor. You ate good food and felt safe, for one of the first times in your life.

            Guilt ate away at your stomach as you thought about Azriel, his dark eyes and smile he reserved just for you. You had tried your hardest to get close to the male, and some weeks were better than others. Your feelings were always so conflicted around him, on one hand, you were drawn to his quiet stature, the calmness that seemed to radiate from him comforted you, but when you were asleep, you saw him in your nightmares.

            As you watched the dying embers, the memory of your first encounter with Azriel came back to you.

*

You were running from the Autumn Court, with no money to your name and no clothes but the ones on your back. One minute you were running, and the next, you were colliding with a large figure, which knocked you to the ground.

            You had recognized him as the shadow singer from the night court, and the way his eyes pierced yours, wings tensed as if he was about to take off, was a sight you would never forget. He had grabbed you then, and after hours of flying, you were thrown into a dungeon under a mountain, in the night court.

            You were cold, terrified but knew that even if you escaped, your home was gone, up in flames, and your family….your family was gone too. After only hours, you had lost the will to escape, and after days of no food and water, you finally saw Azriel again.

            He had the high lord behind him, his face was blank, void of emotion. “Well, hi there.” Rhysand stands in the corner as Azriel shuts the door, his arms find his chest as he crosses them. Although Rhysand was the one speaking, your eyes could not look away from the figure before you, his large wings, large stature and the dagger he casually flicked around in his hand.

            “We just have some questions for you, then maybe we can let you go.” Rhysand gave you a smirk, nodding to Azriel who moved forward. You cowered back, your back hitting the damp wall. You looked around, for anything to save you, but all that was at your disposal a few chains and bloodstained walls.

            “Please.” You whispered, hands shaking as you looked between Rhysand and Azriel. “I’ll tell you anything.”

            You felt talons scrape against your mental shields, and your eyes widened at the high lord. “Please no-“ You fought to maintain your shield, something your father had taught you to do, but the exhaustion from your lack of sleep and weakness from no food was catching up to you.

            “What do you have to hide?” Rhys voice echoed around your mind, and you shook your head fervently. You looked to Azriel again, and his eyes bore into yours, no trace of humanity to be found. You only saw evil, a male who would torture, a male who belonged in the night court.

            Then, Rhys entered your mind, taking down your shields with no issue. He flipped through your memories as if they were a book, you fell to your knees, hands pressing to your temples in agony. Then it was over. Rhysand knew it all, Beron’s execution of your family due to the secrets they knew about the Autumn high court- secrets that Rhysand would eventually need you for.

            It had taken you a couple of months to trust Rhysand after that, but getting to know Feyre, his cousin Morrigan, and his brother Cassian really helped. But the nightmares remained, most of them focused on Azriel.

            You closed your book, watching the final ember die out and not flicker back to life. You collected yourself, taking a deep breath and making the walk back to your quarters. You could see the sun rising in the window and you sighed, knowing that it would be a long day of training with little to no sleep.

*

            “Is there something wrong?” Azriel asks you, you two are circling the mat since Cassian wasn’t able to train with you today.

            “Of course.” You try to smile at him, but you know it doesn’t meet your eyes.

            “Are you sleeping alright?” Azriel lowers his fist, his face filling with concern. You look into his eyes as he nears you, they are filled with emotion, but you can’t tell which ones.  

            “Not really.” You admit, putting your fists down as well. “I keep having these nightmares, they won’t stop.”

            “I’m sorry.” Az’s hand twitches towards yours but goes back down to his side. “I…I have them too, you know.”

            You sit down to stretch, and Azriel follows suit. The sun is beaming today, and Azriel is wearing a shirt that is clinging to every inch of his torso. You can’t help but watch the muscles shift in his arms as he stretches it above his head, the lines of his tricep deepening as he reaches over. You blink a few times and realize that he’s speaking.

            “I’m sorry, what did you say?” You stammer, quickly getting into a stretch of your own. Azriel smile grows, and he looks away.

            “I was just saying that whenever I have nightmares, usually flying helps.” He mused, stretching the other arm. “But I guess you don’t really have that option, not having wings and everything.”

            “Are you teasing me?” You scoffed, and he shrugged, looking back at you with a cheeky grin on his face, a grin that he reserved just for you. You looked down yourself, and you could feel the heat rise to your cheeks. He drove you crazy. “Maybe I’ll just have to find you when I have my next nightmare and take you up on that offer.”

            “I would love that.” Az whispers but then clears his throat. “ I mean, I would love to help you out, with the nightmares, I mean.”

            You smile at him, and he stands up, offering out his hand. You take it, feeling the butterflies in your stomach as he helps you up. “I have a book that’s calling my name, I’ll be in the library if you want to read with me.”

            He nods, letting go of your hand hesitantly, and you leave him to go inside.

*

            You’re in the dungeon, you could feel the damp walls under your hands, the slippery floor under your feet, and you can see a dark figure, surrounded by shadow. You press your back to the wall as far as it can go as the figure walks closer. Your hands are suddenly locked above your head, and your feet are chained to the floor.

            Azriel comes back into view, his dark eyes void of emotion, this is not the male you know. “Azriel, please- it’s me.” You beg, fighting against the chains. “Azriel please, please don’t do this.”

            He takes slow, cautious steps towards you, flipping truth-teller in his hand. He cocks his head to the side, holding up the knife is a slow movement, as if trying to figure out where to start. “Az, we’re friends, please.”

            “Actually, Y/N.” He whispers, and his eyes turn from blue to black. “We’re not.”

*

            Someone is shaking you awake, you can feel the hoarseness of your throat because of your screaming. You open your eyes, immediately finding familiar blue ones. A cry leaves your lips as you sit up on the bed, back hitting the headboard.

            “Please, please don’t hurt me.” Your voice shakes, Azriel stares at you. Where was his blade? He was just holding it. You look around, realizing slowly that you’re in your room, and that this is Azriel.

            He just stares at you, an expression on his face that you don’t recognize. He’s sitting on the edge of your bed. You take deep breaths, your chest rising and falling in rapid succession as you two stare at each other. “It was just a nightmare.” Azriel whispers, and you nod your head. “You were shouting my name.”

            “I’m sorry for waking you.” You turn to look at the clock at your bedside, it was before dawn.

            Azriel stares at you a moment longer, then runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. “Why were you shouting my name?”

            “I don’t know.” You whisper, but you both knew it was a lie. The room was warm, and you felt a weird sense of dread fill your chest.

            “Your nightmares, what are they about?” Azriel whispers, his hands clenching into fists.

            “I don’t remember.” You lie again, and he groans, putting his head into his hands. The room was silent, the only sound was the feeling of your heartbeat in your ears.  

            He stands then, heading towards the door and reaching towards the handle. Despite your recent fear, you didn’t want him to leave, but you could see the hurt, the agony, written on his face as clear as day. “Please don’t go.” You whisper, pulling the covers off so you can follow him.

            He shakes his head, eyes closing for a second then reopening, pinned on yours. “Your nightmares, this whole time, the reason you haven’t been able to get a good night sleep, the reason you can’t eat some days- they are because of me?”

            You shake your head and open your mouth to speak, but the tears that fill your eyes are a clear indication. He reaches his hand towards his pocket, and you can’t help but back up, remembering him reaching for truth-teller in his dreams. His hand freezes again, and you can’t help the guilt from coursing through you.

            He finishes reaching into his pocket, slowly grasping something and tossing it on the bed. “I’m sorry.” He whispers, then leaves.

            Tears stream down your face as you hear the footsteps echoing down the hall. You climb back into bed, resting your back against the headboard and your head against your knees. You spot the object on the bed out of the corner of your eye,

            You reached for it and slowly opened the box. It was a necklace, and in the pendant in the middle was a pair of wings. You lifted the necklace up, running a finger over the chain, and you realized a note was in the box.

            “Your own wings, Love A”