Hey! Have You Heard The Song I Celebrate The Day By Relient K? It's From Their Christmas Album. They

I'm Turning 20 In 10 Days

"I've come so far but I've got so far to go." 20 strikes me as a very odd age indeed. You're two decades old. You're no longer a teenager. You have a different digit at the beginning of your age. I mean, you've had the same first digit since you were 10 years old. And we can all agree that 10 is a very young age. It's a big deal. You're entering into the decade of your life where so many things are supposed to happen. Between the ages of 20 and 30, you might finish post secondary education, start a career, fall in love, move out, get married and have kids. All of those things might happen while the number 2 is the first debit of your age. And I'm not gonna lie, that freaks me out. Adding to my disquiet is the fact that one of my friends is 20 and got engaged just the other day. I'm thrilled for her and panicked for me, and it's implications regarding the stage of life I am entering. Might I add that it did not help when my father said "that's how old I was when I got engaged." It does not worry me that I am single and will not be engaged at the age of 20. What worries me is that I might be expected to be engaged at the age of 20. There's only one day's difference between being a teenager and being an adult. Teenagers have a reputation for doing dumb stuff. But adults are expected to make informed, logical decisions in life changing situations. I know that 24 hours is not going to make that big a difference in my decision-making skills. 20 is a grown up age. But it will not belong to a grown up life. I still live at home. I still ask my parents' permission. I still eat Nutella with a spoon. I still have stuffed animals. I still hate homework. I still have sleepovers. I still get stupid little crushes. For all intents and purposes, I am a child! And yet I feel as though at the age of 20 I'm supposed to undergo some transformation and move out and have a career and find a mate. And then you begin contemplating the future. Do you know what it feels like when all the moments yet to come have weight and they press down on you? When all the breaths yet to be breathed turn to lead in your lungs? When you're suffocating under the expectations of others and your own expectations for yourself? The future is heavy with paths to be chosen, mistakes to be made, hearts to be broken, prices to be paid. Like a stormcloud with rain, it's full of successes and failures, joy and sorrow, triumphs and disappointments. And you begin to wonder, how on earth am I to weather these storms of life without an umbrella? I'm not entirely gloomy about this birthday. I know the future has limitless potential for optimism and that life is what you make it and I'm very excited to become an adult! I can't wait to move out and try new things and explore brave new worlds. That being said, I'm also straight up terrified. And with that thought, I bid you goodnight.

Video Rant #2: Feminism is In A Relationship with Modesty and It's Complicated.  *The little ding you hear in the background is my phone, sorry guys! haha :P 

This is me externally processing.

My beliefs about equality and justice are, to me, the logical outpouring of Christ’s love in my life. God commands us to love our neighbours as ourselves. We are called to glorify God by loving people: indiscriminately and unconditionally. A passion for justice should flow naturally from this love. Injustice violates love. God, whose divine essence is love, is supremely and perfectly just. Our love, as Christians, would be incomplete if it did not seek to correct injustice. 

Jesus was the ultimate social justice activist. He was the great equalizer. He spent time with society’s most marginalized groups of people and never looked down on anyone for the situation or their choices. He met people where they were at. He got on their level. Jesus was not someone who stood back and regarded injustice or oppression from afar. He loved them personally and practically. He was involved in their lives. Furthermore, Jesus did not come to uphold an unjust and corrupt social system. He was radical. He was subversive. He upset the status quo. Jesus came to give sight to the blind, and to set free the captive and oppressed. Jesus is the model of social justice. 

It’s because of my deeply-rooted convictions, because of the belief in Jesus Christ that defines my whole life, because of this moral code to which I adhere, that I am so implacably passionate about social justice. This is why discrimination and intolerance offends and outrages me so much. This is why I fight for the rights of all marginalized groups. 

For the past three weeks, I’ve been teaching the gospel to children at a Christian summer camp. The curriculum I’m using is the 5 Gs of the Gospel: God, Guilt, Grace, Gratitude, Glory. When we talk about Gratitude, we talk about how people act when Jesus changes their life. People who know Jesus begin to act more like Him. And God loves people and we love God so we love people. Now here’s the kicker, for me: loving people and acting like Jesus means correcting injustice. It means feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, liberating the captive, including the outsider. It means accepting people. It means treating everybody the same no matter what their struggle is. 

YOUR GOSPEL IS INCOMPLETE IF IT DOES NOT INCLUDE JUSTICE. THE GOSPEL IS JUSTICE. JESUS IS JUSTICE. 

And here is the very big problem that I have right now. This camp that I work at is not as inclusive and tolerant as I am. I’ve talked to way too many people who think my feminist views are unbiblical. The policies of this camp regarding people who are homosexual are in the process of being decided, and I don’t know how it’s gonna go. I’m told that transgendered persons are not permitted to work there and may not be permitted to attend as campers either. Is it because “we don’t want to send the message to the campers that that kind of lifestyle is okay”? Because parts of my lifestyle in 2015 definitely weren’t okay and still aren’t and you would not want to send the message to campers that it’s okay, but I was still hired. Is it because “we just want to focus on teaching kids the gospel, and not engage in discussions about those kinds of topics”? Well this is a problem, because I believe that your gospel in incomplete without the part about treating everybody with respect and equality. How can you teach kids the gospel while discriminating against people who quite possibly need love and support and acceptance the most? 

I’m struggling with this because I think that equality and tolerance is so integral to the gospel message, and when I see an organization that doesn’t practise equality and tolerance, I feel that they are misrepresenting the gospel. I wouldn’t want to work for an organization like that any more than I’d want to attend a church that didn’t teach sound doctrine. I do not believe that those attitudes are of God. God is not about discrimination. And I want no part in it. 

Okay so. I'm what one might call an evangelical christian. God is my reality - the foundation upon which my life and my identity is built. And it's pure love and joy.

But sometimes, being a christian really sucks. I feel guilty, like all the time. I feel guilty for stuff i do. For stuff i don't do. For stuff i've done. For stuff i haven't done. For who i am. For who i'm not. Sometimes i just feel guilty, just like, in general? No reason. I'm just chillin and feeling guilty without any idea why. I think that is due, in no small part, to my christian upbringing.

And it really fuckin sucks. the story of God's love for humanity is all about redemption and freedom and perfect unity with God themself. but humans' interpretation of that story is like, "wow, we are shitty. we are all so shitty. we're, like, the worst. we have to feel very bad about this and hate ourselves and punish ourselves for this until we die." Like, way to miss the point!?

And then, kids like me grow up in that environment and end up feeling guilty all the time for no reason! It fuckin sucks!!

Humans!!!!!!! Should!!!!!!! Not!!!!!! Kill!!!!!! Humans!!!!!!!

i don't know what else to tell you except to be brave and to be kind. take it day by day. go outside and watch the clouds paint the sky. call a friend.

we are still here, and furious. you are still here, and that matters. you can still do and make and be something important. i promise. stay alive. it matters, and you matter. i know it is easy to succumb to anxiety and exhaustion and defeat.

communities can start with tiny ideas. google "dnd meeting near me" or whatever your interest might be. google "volunteering near me." google "support groups near me." start journalling. start a discord. start a book club.

when you close your eyes and hear hamlet, answer his prayer: it's better still to be.

Out of all the things I’ve received at pride parades, as a Christian, this one is my favorite.

WHy do you go to a non-demoninational public university. Why dont you go to a Private Christian school? Like Liberty university or something?

I'm still seriously wondering how you know where I do or do not go to school. :S Anyway, it's just kind of that I never even considered Liberty U, or similar schools, as options. Cause I wanna be a doctor. Also, I live in Newfoundland, Canada. And people who love on Newfoundland who want to go to bible college go to one of two universities: Tyndale, in Ontario, or Vanguard, in Alberta. Since I don't want to be a pastor, I don't really see the point in going to either one of those schools, or any school at all other than Memorial University. It's the only university in Newfoundland and it's suuuuuper cheap, and I can live at home and all that good stuff, and it's a relatively good quality school where I can get a science degree before I go to med school. Sooooo....yeah, it was just a really easy decision to make. Almost not even a decision at all. That's all :)Peace and love!-Katherine

I really enjoy your blog, katherine :) you're answers are so interesting and clarify so many things. God bless, xox.

Thank you so very much my darling! You are the absolute sweetest :) I'm very glad you've been enjoying my answers :) hopefully there will be many more to follow :)Lots of love! -Katherine

Sometimes, I want to take your face in my hands, look you in the eyes, and say this:

You are enough. You don't have to try to be anything more or anything different than exactly who you are. You are worth it. You are worthy of my time and my attention and my love. You have so many good qualities. You can't see them all, but I guarantee you that I can. You are loved. Everyone around you cares about you. You are lovely. You touch and inspire those you come in contact with every day. I really really want you to love yourself because I love you and it makes me sad to see that you don't love yourself. Everything you feel is normal, and it's okay. But I want to tell you that sometimes feelings lie. And if feelings ever tell you that you're anything less than wonderful, and loved, and perfect exactly the way you are, they're lying. You will get through this. You are strong enough. You have people around you. You're gonna be okay. You are okay. You can do this. And last but certainly, not least, I'm very proud of you.  Love,  Me.