I Yelled At God Today.

I yelled at God today.

This morning, I woke up PISSED. Before going to bed, I had gone on a massive twitter rant about this whole “Make Rape Legal” rally nonsense going on. And I couldn’t let it go. Like, this was really eating at me. This morning, I yelled at God. I wasn’t mad at Him. I was so frustrated and bitter and angry with this world, and the people in it. I was so done with humanity and everything we’ve created. 

This happens every morning. If it’s not a pro-rape rally, it’s a black kid shot by police. It’s protesters at Planned Parenthood. It’s a mass shooting in a school or a theatre. It’s Trump. It’s murdered and missing Aboriginal women in Canada. It’s human trafficking. It’s refugees dying at sea. It’s terrorist attacks. It’s casual racism and sexism on facebook. It’s thousands of children dying of hunger. It’s capitalism. It’s imperialism and colonialism. It’s everything. Every day. I wake up PISSED every morning because of this wretched, broken, messed up world we live in. This wretched, broken, messed up world we MADE. 

I asked God, “how am I supposed to have joy and peace in the midst of these atrocities and injustices?” I knew that I wasn’t supposed to have this rancor and vitriol rooted in my soul. I know that this bitter, hateful, black feeling inside me is not of God. But I knew that I was outraged for the right reasons. I know that I am angry because of all the evil in the world. So why does my reaction feel so antithetical to my calling? Why can’t I help but have the feeling that I am destroying myself from the inside out? My heart is in the right place, right? I love people, so I’m outraged at their mistreatment. So why is this love stealing my peace and my joy? Why does my love feel like hate? 

I asked God this. I said to Him, “are you angry like me? Is your heart breaking like mine?” And He said, “Katherine, my heart breaks for the victims AND the perpetrators. I weep for lives taken and souls lost, no matter who they are.” 

See, my problem is that I say I love people, but I don’t actually love all people. My love only extends about as far as my personal code of ethics deems people worthy of love. I love the victims, and I forget to love the perpetrators. I love the oppressed and I forget to love the oppressor. I love the innocent and I forget to love the guilty. 

Funny, right? Cause I am the guilty. We’re all the guilty. Jesus died for rape victims AND the rapists. And I think I love people but it’s only when God shows me the hatred I harbour in my heart that I realize that I don’t know how to love people at all. 

Somehow, I bought the lie that hate is the right response to hate. Somewhere along the way, my love was hijacked and twisted and corrupted into hate, and I couldn’t see it. I couldn’t understand why I was so tortured all the time. I thought that hate was strong and love was weak. So I hated the people inflicting injustice and I thought I was doing something about it. 

I forgot that love already did it. I forgot that it’s already done. I forgot that Jesus said “It is finished.” I let the enemy steal my peace and my joy because I forgot what real love looks like. 

So when I yelled at God today, and I said “what am I supposed to do?!” He told me to love. 

Which was much more revolutionary to me than one might expect. :P 

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Hi friends! This is me SHAMELESSLY promoting my latest fundraising venture! I'm participating in World Vision's "Fill a Stable" event with my university society. It would mean the world to me if you would donate and help us reach our goal of $1200.00.  Thank you in advance :) With love,  -Katherine

Why The Abortion Debate Is Such A Difficult One

The crux of the conflict of opinions on the matter of abortion is that different parties define personhood differently. I think we can all safely agree that murdering an innocent human is wrong, but what qualifies as an innocent human? At what point in development does this creature become a true person? What makes a person? Is it the soul? That intangible essence of existence, the source of all love and character? The thing that you and I fall madly in love with, the undefinable presence of someone's identity? What IS that? How do I measure that? How do I count and quantify and categorize that? How much does it weigh? What does it look like? There is no way to empirically define what makes someone a PERSON. If it's what makes them human, DNA alone would do that. But what is it that we see as sacred and precious? And more importantly, when does it occur? When is that cluster of cells infused with a a soul? When does it become more than just tissue and transform into the vehicle for an identity? When the brain develops? When the heart starts beating? When they emerge from the womb? Or at conception? Who really knows? This concept is so abstract that you can't possibly pinpoint a moment in time and say "there. THAT's when they became a person." Because as soon as they're a person, everyone unanimously agrees that they're worthy of life. As long as that issue remains grey, so will abortion. I've asked many more questions than I've answered. But if you are able to answer the questions I've asked in the space between your own two ears, you can formulate a stance on abortion. I know mine. Please, give it some serious thought. And good luck.

Can you please watch the video "rapping for Jesus" and tell me your opinion on it? Thank you!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA just watched it, and I have to say that I always get a kick out of painfully awkward Christian videos. I make fun of myself all the time, because we can be a pretty ridiculous bunch. For example, I love the "Sh*tuff Christian Girls Say" video and quote it aaaaaalll the time hahaha.. "God is love, enough said. Hashtag, BOOM." There was one problem with the "Rappin' for Jesus" video, though. They kept saying that Jesus is their "n****"!! I think it was a misguided attempt to emulate rap culture and slang but really ended up being pretty disrespectful. I would personally NEVER EVER EVER EVER say that word! I know some people who say it, and they're like "I'm just joking" and I'm like "that's not funny." It's made sooo much worse by the fact that they are just. so. white. haha So..yeah. I honestly didn't take it very seriously and therefore found nothing excessively good or excessively bad about it. Except the n-word thing. That's not cool. What did you think of it? :P  Peace and love! -Katherine 

Many christian families seem to almost block or discourage their children from reading certain books, watching certain movies, or just taking out tv and computers all together. Do you think this is because these parents believe that if their children are exposed to these influences, the children will form their own opinions and leave the family?

I sincerely hope not! Haha your question makes me wonder about your opinion of Christian families. :P

I personally think that the primary objective of any parent, whether Christian or not, is to protect their children. And any parent anywhere, at any time, of any religious affiliation, who forbids their child to read or watch something, is doing so because they think that the entertainment in question is somehow inappropriate for their child. This might include gratuitous sexual references, excessive violence, coarse language, or questionable thematic messages. There was lots of stuff I wasn’t allowed to read or watch a a child, because it contained one or several of the content “red flags” I just listed. The real reason parents put boundaries on their children’s intellectual diet is because children’s brains are very malleable, and they form world views based on what they see. And they will quickly become desensitized to anything they see or hear frequently in various media, and they will then assimilate it into their way of thinking and it’ll come out in their actions and speech. If you let a kid play super violet video games when they’re like, 6, they will be more likely to respond aggressively and violently to day-to-day situations. If a kid is watching shows everyday with the f-word in them, they will start saying it too.

What you will find is that parents who have more conservative beliefs (such as Christians) will put more restrictions on their children’s reading and viewing material because there are more things they want to keep their children from getting desensitized to.

However, I would never agree with the statement that this is to keep the children from forming their own opinions, or being able to think for themselves. In fact, children can’t really think for themselves. You don’t even develop post-conventional morality or abstract logic and decision making skills until after the age of 12, and even then your frontal lobes are still developing all throughout your teens. So especially for young kids, what we see as their “thinking” is really just a product of the input.

So you’ll find that a lot of the age restrictions parents impose are ages like 12 and 16. [sidenote: for me, cell phone was 12, Facebook was 16, and dating was 16.] that’s because these ages are in the period of life when people actually do start thinking for themselves.

Christians aren’t brainwashed; we know that following Christ is a personal decision, and your parents can’t make it for you. I imagine that every Christian parent’s fondest wish is that their son or daughter would think for themselves, make their own decisions, and choose to have a personal relationship with their Lord and Saviour. Lots of us do. :) and those who do..did it because we wanted to. Not because we didn’t know any better :P

Thanks for the question! Peace and love! -Katherine


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Thanks for the follow. Blessings!

No prob bro! Thanks for stopping by :) 

Do you think God or Jesus would get mad if someone had sex before they got married?

No, I absolutely do not think that God would get mad. Because, you see, God is very consistent, and all sin is equal to God. Sex before marriage is just as bad as murder, but also just as bad as saying hurtful words. And you don’t see God smiting me with lightning every time I lose my temper. Thank goodness for that!God loves us. He knows that we’re going to screw up. And yes, our screw-ups separate us from His perfection and His glory, but He didn’t want that, so He made a way for us to be close to Him even though we’re imperfect and corrupt. That was the cross. God’s grace is infinite! It’s like a tidal wave that crashes over you and snatches you up in the inexorable current and tumbles you head over heels in it’s wake. It submerges you completely, until you don’t even know which way is up anymore. But that’s okay, because unlike real life water, God’s living water makes you feel like you can finally breathe again, and that there’s no weight pushing down on you at all. It makes you feel like you can fly, like you’re soaring high up in the atmosphere, weaving in and out of clouds, and you haven’t a care in the world! God’s grace is vast enough to handle our mistakes. He will not get mad at us for having sex before marriage. He wouldn’t necessarily be delighted with us, but I picture Him as the father who’s all like “I’m not mad…I’m disappointed." I know, that kind of makes me want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out again. BUT! Here’s the really big, gigantic, ginormous, massive, humongous BUT! When we go to God and we’re like "I know I screwed up, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me and make me all perfect and beautiful and spotless again." He does! The bible says that He will throw our sins into the "sea of forgetfulness" - that expression comes from Micah 7:19: 

 19 

You will again have compassion on us;    you will tread our sins underfoot    and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.

The bible also says that He has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west in Psalm 103:12: 

12 He has removed our sins as far from us    as the east is from the west.

So basically, never be afraid of God if you feel like you’ve done something He wouldn’t like. Because the minute you approach Him in contrition, He is so ready to hug you and say “It’s okay, I forgive you and I love you.” That applies to any and every sin out there! Peace and love! -Katherine 


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Jesus is radical. Grace is radical. The Gospel is radical. Christianity isn't for the faint at heart.

I have such respect for you! You are lovely.

Whaaattt!!?!? Ohmygosh, thank you so much!! You're the absolute sweetest! That means a lot to me :)

So judging from your first question, Some people clearly don't respect your views or share the same passion for god. My question to you then is: The people who don't know god the way you do, are they weak in a bliss of confusion, incapable of hearing God's call?

Hmmm...."weak in a bliss of confusion, incapable of hearing God's call?" that is a very interesting way of wording it, and definitely one that I had never considered before. So I think I can confidently say no, that's not at all what I think about people who aren't as crazy for God as I am. Okay, you know when you discover this awesome video on the internet that's just hilarious, or an amazing song, and you wanna show it to your friend right away because you'll KNOW they'll love it as much as you do? That's kinda what it's like for me. Like, I love everybody no matter what their opinion on God is, but at the same time, I do live my daily life operating on the assumption that everyone needs Jesus. I need Jesus desperately and the difference He's made in my life is incredible. So I guess I view people who aren't, y'know, "God-crazy" like me as people who just haven't discovered Him yet. Like either they haven't been told about the youtube video, or they were told and haven't watched it, so they don't know how awesome it is. Totally not incapable of hearing His call, not by any stretch. God works and speaks and moves in mindblowing ways, and sometimes people who seem super "far" from God hear His voice super clear while others who seem super "close" aren't even listening, haha :P And there you go! Peace and Love! -Katherine 

Looove me some spoken work poetry. So many goosebumps.

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depressionanddeconstruction - unlearning and relearning
unlearning and relearning

please see pinned post. queer christian currently deconstructing my faith and trying to unlearn religious legalism and prejudice. pro choice. sex is a spectrum. gender is a construct. protect trans kids. stop nonconsensual surgeries on intersex babies. black lives matter. indigenous lives matter. land back. free palestine. (canada) every child matters. (canada) no pride in genocide. i'm a white settler living on stolen land trying to be anti-racist and anti-colonialist.

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