Cackling Over The Fact That They’re Fucking Fighting Over A Species Of Horsetails, This Is Literally

I have figured it out! Huzzah!

Hmmm I have a few, but some aren’t original. It do be like that. I’ll share anyways just in case.

Miles will never admit it, certainly not to Phoenix or anyone else, but I think he gets baby fever. Like terribly. He sees the little socks and shoes and gloves when they go out to the store, and he fucking melts, like a bowl of ice cream in a house fire.

Conversely, to build on your idea, Phoenix has mixed emotions when it comes to babies because he’s constantly scared he’s going to hurt them, and they cannot communicate that, so he just. Panics. About. Everything. He does think they’re cute, but they freak him out because he feels like he’s a freight train and their fragile little beings made of tempered glass that can shatter at a moments notice.

Phoenix I also imagine is built like a tank. He’s got big ass hands and forearms. Good mix of muscle to fat. (Especially post 7 year gap. I feel like he got to be a bit scrappy and gained some muscularity as a result.) He has those thiccc dad bod abs going for him, so he’s got just the perfect amount of chubby to be the perfect pillow. So if they’re snuggling or trying to watch something, whatever have you, the minute miles relaxes, Phoenix becomes a pillow, cause his bf overworks himself and never gets enough sleep.

Because Phoenix is built like a tank, he withstands a lot of injuries. Perhaps more than he should really be able to.

Which is good because, due to his broad build, he’s like a bull in a china shop. Constantly. He trips over his own feet, he runs into shit, the whole nine yards. It’s not bad luck. He’s clumsy as fuck. Which is why also, Phoenix CANNOT dance.

Miles thinks it’s hilarious to watch Pheonix try though.

However, despite his big ol man hands and clumsiness Phoenix can be such a perfectionist when it comes to details, especially art and music. And he’s delicate about the way he handles his art supplies. (To be honest, imagining this big ol man holding a tiny little stick of graphite like he’s trying to perform brain surgery, and succeeding is hilarious to me). But he’s private about his talents. Doesn’t like to show off. He hides his sketchbooks and only really sings when he’s drunk off his ass or by himself. He gets super embarrassed despite being really good at music and art.

Miles still finds his sketchbooks and flips through them anyways because he’s proud of his talented himbo bf and loves his art, and gets starstruck when he hears this fucking unit of a man hitting a whistle note while belting his current favorite songs and washing the dishes fucking flawlessly like he’s performing on broadway.

What Phoenix doesn’t know is that quiet sweet and low baritone that he thinks is from his phone whenever he’s singing, is his boyfriend quietly duetting with him from the other room, because miles has a decent voice himself, and can’t help himself when his partner sounds like a damn popstar just doing chores. Phoenix is almost always too engrossed to notice another voice has joined the chorus.

Speaking of, being terrible at piano was 100% him playing it up. He’s actually really good, and was probably a part of choir and orchestra in high-school, and did it for years. But that doesn’t make sense for a seedy restaurant with an underground poker ring he actively participates in for information. So he bluffed at being bad.

Despite his embarrassment about his penchant for art, phoenix often doodles little drawings of miles on his work documents when he gets bored.

Maya definitely takes photos and sends them to miles when Phoenix isn’t looking. Miles thinks it’s fucking adorable.

I love the concept that Pheonix has heterochromia iridium, but he puts in contacts to blend in better. I think he’s been doing it most of his life. I’d like to think he inherited heterochromia from his mom, who either had sectoral or centralized heterochromia herself.

I feel like miles is built really broad but is also really lean so Phoenix gets insecure about it sometimes because hawt damn supermodel looking ass build there miles, and miles has to have the “babe I’m Demi, other people couldn’t steal me from you if they tried” talk.

That being said miles is still weaker than Phoenix.

Phoenix could throw miles over his shoulder and parade him around if he wanted to.

Also, Phoenix is COVERED in scars. He just is. Miles thinks it’s hot tho.

I think that Phoenix’s hair is just like that, though he intentionally exaggerates the spikiness just cause he always has. He just has a bunch of wavy cowlicks that sweep back and flare up at the ends. The first time miles tries to get his hair to its “natural state” Phoenix has to explain that his hair is just like that. This baffles the shit outta miles.

Also, Miles is possessive. Mostly because his oblivious bf doesn’t realize that he turns a lot of heads too. Phoenix thinks miles gets the most attention, when it’s really rather equal. Also, it doesn’t help that Phoenix has the whole bakery on his backside from cycling everywhere. The extra attention makes miles hella jealous and possessive. Phoenix has no idea why but loves it anyways.

Despite Phoenix being a tank, he’s a lightweight (Asian glow babes, he has it). And a giggly, happy drunk.

Miles is a heavyweight, from living in Germany for so damn long, but when he gets drunk, he gets bold and does shit he definitely wouldn’t normally do. Like flirt. Aggressively. With his boyfriend. In public. Or absolutely kill it on the dance floor. Or sass people. You get the idea.

Larry and maya may or may not have some video blackmail of one drunk prosecutor from some random party he and Phoenix attended. They’ll never tell.

I don’t know why but I think Phoenix just likes frogs. I think the big ol eyes and the constant grumpy face they make reminds him of miles. Or he just thinks they’re cute. Either way. He loves em. Especially tree frogs. They’re his favorite.

Miles loves orchids. He’s always thought they’re beautiful and practical, since the blooms last for so long. And he can literally do nothing and ignore them, drown them in water once every one to two weeks, and they’ll put out huge blooms. It’s impressive, honestly. And utterly baffling to Phoenix how orchids are also the only plants miles can keep alive.

I have some nrmt headcanons for you to celebrate the occasion

Phoenix does most of the cooking at home. Miles is notoriously a very bad cook, but whenever he does make an attempt, Phoenix "Iron Stomach" Wright eats it anyway and tells him he loves it.

Conversely, Miles is a very good baker. His favorite part is laying out all the ingredients before he starts in a bunch of little ramekins

Whenever Miles is having a bad day at work, the first thing he does when he gets home is take off his shoes and his coat. Then, he silently bumbles around the house until he finds Phoenix, and then he lays down on top of him

Once, Phoenix borrowed a DVD using Miles' library card and lost it before he got home. It's been five months and he's looked for it every single day, and he's terrified to tell Miles it's missing + find out about the late fee

Miles found the DVD the day after Phoenix lost it. He turned it in on the day it was due and is waiting to see how long Phoenix will take to confess. He's wondering if it would be funny or cruel to stage his own arrest for excess library fees.

Apollo has a crush on Miles and, conversely, Klavier has a crush on Phoenix. None of them have any idea.

Despite the fact that Phoenix is good with children of any age, Miles is actually the better of the two at handling babies. This is primarily because most of Phoenix's kids get to him as Standing and Walking children

As most of Miles' nightmares faded after AA3, Phoenix actually started getting some of his own after the bridge and "the big reveal." Miles likes to comfort him by holding his head to his chest, running his fingers through his hair, and humming to him. It's very soothing for both of them

give me one of yours too! I love these guys hehe

Question for yall:

Is 6,662 words too long for a second chapter?

The first was only like, 3,879 now that I’m looking at it.

Should I wrap this one up and post it, or break it in half or something????

I’m remembering why I avoided writing fanfics now. It’s because I am like Oscar fucking Wilde and I don’t know how to stop once the flood gates open.

I need advice. Help.

Gimme fantasy au info in exchange for my fantasy/siren au infodump

FUCK YEAH SAY LESS

Ice lizard just sounds like a surefire way to kill a lizard. An ice lizard is a dead lizard.

Spin this wheel to get a word and this wheel to get an animal. Congrats, this is now your new MGS codename.

Reblog with your codename btw I'm curious-

(I'm Acid Cobra)

Oh these guys are hilarious I love them to bits

So there are several species of frogs that have evolved to be so small that their vestibular balance system doesn't work well and I'm sorry but it's the funniest thing to watch them try to jump.

Currently, my fucking notes app. I trust nothing else.

plz reblog for science

Yeah

ADHD time blindness be like "oh, today is the 30th? that's fine, December is still next month, that's forever away!

...what do you mean tommorrow?"

No, that’s usually the one time I am mad about it. I’m patient with everything else but phones and just not checking your blindspots are my driving pet peeves. I’ll live with everything else.

Put it down. You’re driving babes. Phone is off limits, I promise you will live. Please check the lane next to you before you try to merge and run me off the fucking road, (this has happened actually I wish I was joking, worse, it was a service van and the dude didn’t even stop after nearly killing me), I would rather there be a body to find when I die and not an assorted metal chocolate box of mangled pieces of flesh, thanks.

Ideally, I wouldn’t be anywhere near a moving metal death trap when I die. That’d be real nice. But if I do, I want to be buried under a tree.

Slept like a child who insisted they stay up past their bedtime at a party and not even five minutes later is found in a dead sleep on the couch.

Why do we say “slept like a baby” when babies literally wake up screaming every two hours?

I want to sleep like a middle-aged dad who “rests his eyes” during a Marvel movie and wakes up refreshed, confused, and ready to barbecue.