Like Right Now? I Can Bust That Shit Out Rn.

It came in bouts.

Terrible things happened when I was around five. My father had been abusing my mother in front of me. Verbally, physically, emotionally, financially, you name it he did it. That’s right around the time your memories start by the way. That was probably the first time I actually wanted to die. I didn’t understand it, but I’d play dead in my bedroom, hoping that if I laid there hard enough it would just… happen. Thought that I wouldn’t be missed. Who was gonna pay attention to a corpse when there was a screaming match outside your door, right? My parents divorced soon after, but my father still wasn’t done with causing damage, so he sabotaged my mother’s credit score. It’s hard to be happy kid when your mother is crawling into your bed at night as a child, not in fear of her own life, but later learning she was in fear for yours. And then when you finally see her no longer in fear for your lives you then see her bone tired and pushing herself to the limit to make rent and feed two growing kids, and get a college degree your father kept her from getting, all while working three jobs? Shit was rough. Ate a lot of tv dinners to get by for a while. Sometimes the toilet paper was more appetizing and cheaper at the time, so I would sometimes eat that like a little creature because it made the hunger stop for a little while.

When I was six I was sexually abused by a family member she trusted to watch us while at work.

I was abused again around that same age by my father’s girlfriend’s son, who was a large bit older than me, though it wasn’t as direct.

My dad would physically and verbally abuse me when I was over at his house for the weekends. He’d let his girlfriends do it too if, because they would try to be my “new mommy” and it wouldn’t work because their vibes were horrendous and they always assumed it was because they were taking away my dad’s attention from me, when he didn’t even give it to me in the first place if it wasn’t in his interests or to save face. Sometimes there were no snacks because he would always date almond moms who couldn’t stand us ‘free-grazing’. So sometimes I just went hungry, even when I was in a sport.

Things didn’t start getting better till I was around eight or nine. And not by much. I got diagnosed with ADHD, but my mental health issues got so much worse around puberty. I didn’t know how to make friends because I was so reclused into myself by that point. I kind of just did my own thing. Nobody really seemed to want to keep me around anyways, and I really tried.

Things were okay for awhile when I was ten and eleven.

When I was twelve my mental shit came to a head. I found a group of friends, but I had to annoy them in order to stick around. I was determined then. They ended up ditching me when I was way older anyways so that blew. I got braces. Started therapy. There were a lot of tears and old wounds reopened. At one point I was homeless and couch surfing because my dad refused to forfeit visitation rights even though he was evicted from his condo. That was a trip. Sometimes I would have to have a sleep over with a friend just to get a shower because he wouldn’t pay utilities. Sometimes when he was single there was nothing in the house to eat, and we would be stuck with nothing until he came home from work. Sometimes he would kick us out and lock us out of the house in the middle of the day during the Florida summers to make us “get off our lazy asses.”

Things didn’t start looking up really for my emotional state till I was about 14.

Then I turned 16 and one of my family members died. Was in a car accident while driving my first vehicle (wasn’t at fault. But damn. It was scary). After that things were better, but to be honest? They’re still kinda shit.

I’m 21 now.

So your answer?

Worst years of my life:

5yrs old - 9 yrs old

12 yrs old - 14 yrs old

16yrs old - 18yrs old

…and now I’m doing better. Not completely OK. Not even good really. but better than I can really remember being in a long ass while.

Nowadays I’m just stressed with school and work all the time. Not really super happy or fulfilled yet either, but I’m assuming that’s pretty normal for my generation.

How old were you at the lowest point in your life? Reblog this and put it in the tags, plus your current age maybe. I'm trying to see something.

Going to go read through the comments on my fanfic to try and get post-election dopamine to make myself feel less like our planet is going to be functionally dead in the next ten years and industry will be super exploitative

Oh and there’s a gray heart emoji now so I can do this I guess 💜🖤🩶🤍

WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT WANT—

Middle aged men can have pink sparkles if they want them

middle aged man bishie sparkles….. i’ve never respected capcom more

Snorting, cackling, and consoling my itty bitty inner child at this.

Thank,,,, you for this,,,

I can never find my fucking references that I like because theyre scattered to the wind

Here's some notes on some of the upper body muscles so you, artist, don't need to look them up

They are not medically accurate, just enough for artists to know the necessary muscles and how they work together

I 100% recommend doing the last exercise I did to be able to actually place the muscles

Here are my notes on the lower body muscles

GOD I WANT A CAT SO FUCKING BAD MAN

The void is hungry

I’ve had,,, an idea,,, like a beautiful, beautiful idea for a fantasy creature Au for ace attorney.

I’ve had oread* miles edgeworth and fire spirit phoenix wright FUCKING INVADING MY BRAIN. Here’s some of my brain rot. And the reference pose I used just in case someone was looking for it (thank you og pose posters of the art world you are gifts of gods I swear it, I used number three but I altered the shit out of it AND THOSE HANDS TURNED OUT SO DAMN NICE) and I have ideas for who is what if yall wanna hear me out. (Please say you do I’m begging I wanna theory dump so bad)

So some tidbits. Yes Phoenix has little fire wings and he can (kind of anyway, it’s more like floating) fly. It is important to note; he’s not a true Phoenix, just an elemental being made of fire. He can change his form (he’s literally an essence of fire itself contained in an elemental core.) They flare when he gets happy, excited, jealous, worried, or angry. They tend to recede or die out when he’s sardonic or in any other depressive mood. He also flutters them a little when he’s really stoked or happy.

He can control how hot his external flames burn, same with his wing size (when he thinks about it).

If his internal flame goes out he dies. If it dims due to illness or lowered body temp, he does get really sick (like a flame getting weaker- yes he was really not ok after the bridge incident, and the taser gave him fever chills for two days after because it was too close to his heart. Glass had to be removed from his stomach after Dahlia because he can’t fucking digest glass and it melted into a huge wad in his stomach causing a large blockage. The poison dahlia used had a side effect of lowering body temp, so Phoenix still got sick from being stupid.)

Also. This motherfucker has to eat. A LOT he literally has to consume a fuel source (food, coal, wood, anything that can burn) so he doesn’t yknow. Stop burning.

He does glow! From the inside out! Lantern boi.

Miles is an Oread. Oreads are Greek rock, valley, mountain, and grotto spirits.

He’s made of limestone. Looks intimidating, but crumbles apart easy.

Yes. He does grow garnet crystals out of his horns.

He can mold and shape rocks at will, which is useful because when he pushes himself too hard or is stressed he can’t hide it. His body parts just start crumbling off. (Dw, they snap back into place like nothing happened but it’s definitely unsettling. Think: “Your arm’s off!” “It’s but a fleshwound.”)

I gave him a tail and more animal like legs to be more of a representation of animals that live in his life source area (there’s a sacred grotto he’s bound to, same one as his father, he visits to check in every once in awhile.)

Because his life essence is linked to the grotto, he can only get sick or die if his source area is sick or dying/destroyed- or if his heart is damaged or destroyed (it’s like a little physical link to their source area, can’t function without it.)

Earthquakes are still big scary. They’re extremely painful, like if all your growing pains hit at once. Miles experienced his first one when trapped in that elevator, which freaked him out so bad on top of the fighting that… well, we know how it ended. Even though he doesn’t need to breathe (made of rock) he still had a panic attack from stress and went unconscious from it. Not fun.

Also!! If he blushes too hard, he can melt!! His ear!! It’s melty!!

Big teefs for eatin rock. He does have to consume extra mineral rocks or he can be a little brittle.

He can shift into a more “human” form without a tail and with regular legs, but it’s not as comfortable as his standard form. Bratworth definitely spent more time than he should’ve trying to look more human to fit in with the Von Karmas.

He wiggles his lil ears when he’s content or happy. Because that’s cute and it makes me happy.

I’ve been thinking up theories for like most of the cast. Vote in the poll if you wanna hear more!

Well shit. Can’t be cursed.

Apollo looks like he’s starting to realize something about himself lmfao this is perfection

for the character / expression sketches… 1e and 3a, Apollo and Klavier, please? Thinking that Apollo says something unintentionally funny and he’s shocked when Klavier genuinely giggles :3 could work vice versa tho, whatever you want! thank you very much !

First time drawing both Klavier and Apollo, wahoo