Dracula...

I don't own a car how have I been in a car crash?

I love scam calls that are easily verifiably false. “Your mortgage is about to default.” Cool 👍 I don’t have one of those

You just being here is enough

you're my present this year

For the last time, I am not giving you my penis

Mine is a red panda so like equally cute?

your tumblr avatar is who you are on the outside, and your discord avatar is your true self

@defemstrish

the humble olm

Adding 1,000,000 bees to a sentence can drastically change its meaning observe:

He sat down on a bench.

Which becomes

He sat down on a bench and was engulfed by a swarm of 1,000,000 bees.

Me when I fire a machine gun

oh you think your life is hard? try being a gay rat living in france who hates your dad and just wants to cook

So are earwigs!

queen bees are generally too heavy to fly due to their enormous ovaries and i think that’s fantastic

Comparing the rotations of objects in the Solar System. Just look at them lol.✨🪐

To everyone that's confused, the planet Venus rotates very very slowly, with a single revolution taking about 243 Earth days, and Mercury rotates slowly, but not as slow as Venus.