Such Joy

Stuff it & wrap it 🩶

troubleshooting your chastity lifestyle - part 1/2

i will often get messages from followers about problems that they are having in their chastity relationship. lets start the new year by trying to fix some of these problems. instead of responding to everyone individually ill be spending the next few posts answering some of the common problems people are having.

many keyholders have expressed frustration that they aren’t quite getting the submission and/or the loving attentive and affection husband that is promised by chastity. or they are getting it for a little while and then it goes away. i’ve noticed some common mistakes that people are making…

1, avoid the “lock it and leave it” mistake. chastity is NOT something that can be passive! keyholders must play an active part in the game being played. the surest way to fail to achieve all the benefits of chastity is to just lock your partner up and ignore him. in fact, this will likely have the opposite effect causing frustration (the bad kind) and resentment.

you should be doing something every single day that engages him with reguard to his chastity. this can be fun exciting things that take time and effort or this can be as simple as a comment about his cage, a joke or a tease about it, grabbing his cage in the kitchen, or demanding a picture of his cage when he is out of the house. for the love of god though, you need to do at something!

2, avoid what i’ve heard people describe as “traffic jam chastity”. this is when you don’t keep him locked, teased, and denied long enough. understand that in order to get to the sweet spot of chastity you need to have a minimum amount of lock up time (plus constant teasing). this will vary by each couple but it is certain that only having him locked for a few days at a time will result in failure. i suggest at least 4 weeks at a time. ideally more! it takes time for him to build up sexual tension and frustration and to convert that into constructive emotions and actions. if you’re unlocking him too often then you will never reach the promised land and every time you unlock him, you’ll have to start over.

some keyholders are worried about being “too strict” and keeping him locked for too long but you should remember that if you’re already in a chastity relationship then he wants to be locked up! unlocking him is likely the opposite of what he wants. still, if you are worried about how long you keep him looked and denied then play this fun game: chose a number of weeks that you think is reasonable to keep him locked for. maybe like 6 weeks to start. write it down. tell him that you’ve chosen a period of time for his next chastity sentence. tell him that he has to also choose a period of time and write it down but if he chooses a time period less than what you chose then you will double the your number! (ie if you chose 6 weeks and he chose 3 weeks then he will be locked for 12 weeks! oof…) but if he chooses more than what you’ve chosen, then that will be his new sentence (ie if you chose 6 weeks and he chose 7 weeks then he will be locked for 7 weeks). this is a fun game that also let’s you know exactly how long he thinks is appropriate.

3, As the keyholder, you must set clear rules and expectation. you have to make and enforce your will. do you want nightly back rubs? make it a rule. want him to clean the house? make it a rule. want him to give you and orgasm. demand one. i’ve been giving many examples of things you could do to keep chastity spicy. pick a few and do them on your terms. he is probably starved for this kind of attention and if youre not giving it then no wonder he is acting out! chastity is a give and take and the more effort and energy you put into it, the more benefits you will receive from it.

more FAQs and trouble shooting to come.

man I just want him 

I want to take care of him and place my hand on his cheek and have him melt into it. I want to kiss his cheeks and make him smile. I want to tell him how pretty his eyes are and make him blush. I want him to rest his head in my lap so I can comb my fingers through his hair and gently scratch at his scalp. 

He’s bigger than me but I want him to feel small and loved. I want to praise him and call him sweet names. I want to hold him and play with his hands. I want him to feel safe with me and trust me and love me.  

I’m selfish and I want I want I want