How Dare You Make Your Goddess Feel Uncomfortable And Disrespected. Double The Price And Ask Her To Please

"No touching... just licking."

How to allow Release

Now that you have a few ideas when to let your husband ejaculate, I will briefly discuss how you let him ejaculate. Like always this is totally up to you as the keyholder, but don’t be afraid to be creative!                                           

During Penis-in-Vagina Sex                                          

 I discourage this one because I feel that sex and ejaculation need to be separated  to avoid accidents. We have sex several times per week and ejaculation  is never expected and rarely a topic of conversation. But if you do  enjoy the feeling of him ejaculating inside you, then you can of course  go ahead and allow him. From there, I put the chastity device  back on and then we either fall asleep together or roll over and watch  TV together.                                           

Blowjobs                                           

Again, whether you want to give him blowjobs is up to you.  Even if you do, you don’t have to keep going until he ejaculates. I  personally don’t really enjoy giving blowjobs. I gave him a lot of them  before we got married, and even swallowed, but after we got married, I  gradually reduced their frequency and limited them to foreplay only.  Since we started chastity, I haven’t given him any nor do I plan to do  so – and I even like to tease him about the fact that he can only blame  himself because he was the one who approached me with the idea of  chastity. On the other hand, I know a woman who will only let her  boyfriend cum when she gives him a blowjob. Her logic is that blowjobs  are his favourite and hence, on the rare occasion that he is allowed  release, she wants to give him maximum pleasure.                                           

Handjobs                                           

This is the main method I use to make my husband cum. You want to  make it about you and not him. It’s no longer his orgasm, it’s your game  – you’ve got control of the joystick and he’s here for your fun. Here are some ideas to spice things up:                                           

Timer                                           

You can allow your husband a certain amount of time, for example, if  his last ejaculation was two weeks ago, you could give him two minutes  to cum. If he doesn’t make it in time, he will be re-locked and you can  tell him with a big grin that he was obviously not horny enough and  should be locked up a bit longer next time. Some women challenge  themselves to make their man cum as quickly as possible, which with a  sufficiently horny man may just take a few seconds! Alternatively, you  could give him a handjob but tell him to last at least a certain amount  of time. If he doesn’t manage to last long enough, he will be “punished”  (you can decide how). You can also combine this with post-orgasm  stimulation, for example you tell him you will stimulate him for ten  minutes, and even if he comes after five you will keep stroking for the  remaining five minutes.                                           

Playful submission                                           

This can be a lot of fun and you can be really creative here. Some ideas:            

Give him a handjob while you are acting extremely bored and reading something on your phone                                           

Do it while he is completely naked and you are not                                    

Tell him to put a condom on before you give him a handjob or blowjob. This also avoids a big mess, so strongly recommended!                           

Tie his hands and blindfold him                                           

Make him please you orally                                           

Make him eat it after he cums                                           

Include the balls                                           

This is something you should probably discuss with your husband  first, but it’s a lot of fun. For example, you could frequently  interrupt your stroking to give his balls a few slaps, or you could  stroke him with one hand while you squeeze his balls with the other one.                                           

Post-orgasm stimulation                                           

This is when you don’t stop stroking after he cums. When a man  orgasms, his glans soon begins feeling extra sensitive and wants to be  left alone. If you keep stroking and rubbing his glans he will be  overwhelmed by the intense feeling. You may need to restrain his hands  before! But don’t worry, what you’re doing is completely harmless. I  love the irony that he has been looking forward to a handjob for such a  long time, and now that I’m doing it it’s suddenly “too much”. Too  funny!                                           

Edging                                           

Stimulate your husband until he reaches the edge of orgasm – then  pause or dramatically slow down your play to prevent him from climaxing.  You can do this many times in a row. This is extremely pleasurable for  him, because it prolongs his pleasure and ultimately gives him a much  stronger orgasm when compared to regular sex when you finally decide to  let him pop – although, of course, you can always change your mind and  lock him back up before that happens.                                                                                       

Touchless orgasm / release                                           

This is when you stimulate him until just before the “point of no  return” and then remove your hand and stop all stimulation. If you time  it right, instead of ejaculating in “bursts”, the semen flows  effortlessly down the penis – hence they are also misleadingly called  “ruined” orgasms. If done correctly, he will still be horny afterwards  and will stay hard as a rock, still wanting more, even though he just  ejaculated. Touchless orgasms are great when you want to give him an  orgasm but still leave him horny when you lock him back up. Or, if you  plan to have an all-night love-making session but you are afraid that he  will cum to quickly, you can start your evening with a touchless  orgasm. I found this great article explaining why a touchless orgasm means prolonged pleasure for both of you and how to do it (contains explicit pictures!) – some quotes below:                                           

“The so-called “ruined” orgasm is one of the most intensely  pleasurable, toe-curling, sweat-inducing, back-arching, fist-clenching,  teeth-gnashing, brain-bending tricks you can use in the bedroom to drive  your man into an animal sexual frenzy.  It is also perhaps the least  understood and most underused method of extending and delivering  pleasure to both partners. If you can master this you will feel more  empowered and satisfied than ever. I promise!!! (…) The Name Is  Misleading: It’s Still an Orgasm! (…) A properly ruined orgasm is STILL  potentially more intense than a normal orgasm!   It’s not “ruined” at  all!  It feels profoundly different to him, but it still feels great –  especially if you use it as a tool to extend your lovemaking! (…) Don’t  feel bad about ruining your man’s orgasm!!! I simply cannot say it  enough.”   

 “Whereas a normal orgasm causes him to go limp and enter what  doctors call the “refractory period” where he is no longer motivated to  have sex, a ruined orgasm has the opposite effect – it causes him to  stay hard, fully aroused, hyper-energized, and HIGHLY motivated to have  sex. (…) But that’s not all. (…)  Simply put… a man who’s been ruined  once or twice (or more!) in a single night can fuck you harder and  longer than you ever thought possible. (…) Basically, a ruined orgasm  (or three) multiplies his sexual endurance for the rest of the night,  without reducing his desire. In fact, it amplifies his desire, because  he gets to experience a higher pleasure plateau than he would normally  be capable of experiencing!”                                           

“To bend your man’s brain and give him truly epic ruined orgasms,  you need to know his body very, very well.  You need to study his  specific sequence of escalating physical pleasure signals, to identify  the first possible moment in the sequence where you can let go and cause  him to still cascade through climax.  Arched back, tensed muscles,  grunts, whimpers, pulsing cock, retracted balls – every man has his  signals. (…) Instead of letting go “at the last second” you actually  want to let go as early as possible. You want him to hang, untouched, on  the verge of climax, for as long as physically possible, before his  body reflexively sends him over.  Do it correctly, and his cum should  just dribble out, under weak contractions. (…) With good communication,  you can find the perfect timing together, by working your way  “backwards” from the moment of his orgasm.  Start by having him tell  you, out loud, when he hits what he believes to be his point-of-no-return.” 

“Back off at exactly that moment. (…) However, men always misjudge their own point-of-no-return. (…) In order to find his true point-of-no-return, you need to study the cascade of physical reactions happening in his body in the precious seconds before he calls  “stop.”  Then, night after night, progressively work your way backward  through that cascade, stopping sooner and sooner, on your own (without  him telling you when to “stop”), until you find the point where he doesn’t climax at all.  Then, night after night, slowly and very carefully work your way forward again, until you find the point where he  lingers for 5 to 15 seconds, untouched, before leaking uncontrollably.  (…) Basically the power of his “cumshot” is a clue to help you know if  you’re doing it right (weaker is better) (…) Another huge clue that  you’re “doing it right” will be in his refractory period – or lack of  one.  After a typical good ruined orgasm, his cock should not “wilt” at  all.  He should stay aroused, erect, and eager for more action.”                                           

“Please don’t let your hard work go to waste by feeling like you  have to give him a normal orgasm eventually, don’t give in to a sense of  guilt!!!. That will just cut your night short. (…) I allow him to have  orgasms, but he can only have them on my terms.  That means… when I want  him to have a “normal” orgasm, I give him a “normal” orgasm.  The rest  of the time?  I either tease and deny him, or I ruin him.  He never  knows what I plan to do until I do it. (…) I can choose to “finish” him.   Or I can choose to “ruin” him.  He gives that choice to me, willingly,  lovingly, every time.  It is his love letter to me – the single  greatest gift he is physically capable of offering – and I cherish it.  I  respect it.  I handle it with utmost love and care.  And it makes me a  fuller, more confident, more satisfied, happier woman.  It makes our  marriage stronger, and I adore him for it. I would also like to point  out that once I mastered the ruined orgasm my husband is actually more  disappointed with a normal orgasm because of his refractory period. It  may sound counter-intuitive but a normal orgasm is actually the outcome  he likes the least, despite it being the thing he craves most  desperately when his “primitive horny brain” is in charge.”                                           

Keep him guessing.

Every single time you touch his penis, he should never know if you intend to edge him, ruin him, or give  him a full orgasm.  Lie to him.  Tell him you’re going to stop, then  don’t.  Or tell him you’re going to ruin him, then give him a full  orgasm. Or congratulate him on the orgasm you’re about to give him, then  “change your mind” and stop for the night.  This only works if you also  sometimes tell the truth.                                           

Masturbation                                           

Some women don’t like their man touching himself down there, either  because they find his masturbation unattractive or because they want him  to “forget” how to do it. But other women like letting him masturbate  as they like to watch or because they are feeling a bit lazy and don’t  want to lift a finger themselves. In any case I would discourage you  from allowing him to masturbate when he is alone (for example, sending  him to the bathroom for a quick wank); instead, he should always do it  in your presence. Also, if you allow him to masturbate, there should be a time limit (never more than a few minutes) so you can make sure he only cums when is very horny.                                           

https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/

Oral Pleasures

FLR Tips is the sister site to FLR Info, where you’ll find introductory information about Female-Led Relationships. If you’re new to this, you should head over there. This site is about the practical, day-to-day aspects of FLRs. It is much more explicit and quite sex/femdom-oriented. Consider yourself warned.

Cunnilingus is pretty much a staple of FLRs. Our men love to perform it on us for hours on end, and we just lie back to receive orgasm after orgasm, night after night. Right?

For lots of FLR couples, this is indeed the case. Most men who are drawn to FLRs and properly starved of orgasms, are extremely happy campers when they get to put their head between their woman’s legs. And there’s no doubt that many women thoroughly enjoy it, too. Properly done, many of us will agree that it feels wonderful and can be extremely satisfying, both physically and mentally.

For others, it isn’t quite so simple. Some women enjoy it as foreplay, but not as the “main course”, at least not night after night. Others enjoy it when they are able to relax, but have certain issues preventing that from happening most of the time. Finally, there are those who feel plenty relaxed, but just get nothing out of it. 

The premise of the rest of this article is that you’d like to enjoy oral sex more, since it is a very practical and natural expression of the power dynamics in an FLR relationship. If you’re happy about not caring about oral sex, that’s perfectly fine - go read another article.

Let’s say that you generally enjoy oral sex, but you don’t find it particularly interesting, and you’d get bored pretty quickly if it was the main ingredient in your sex life. In my experience, this is the most common attitude among women who are new to FLRs, and it’s a perfectly reasonable attitude to have! Here are my tips for you:

Revel in the power your pussy holds over your man. Even if you don’t find it particularly sexually stimulating, you might find it very satisfying as a ritual. Speaking for myself, I feel that being on the receiving end of very frequent and utterly one-sided oral sex is the symbol of feminine rule in our household. And I know my husband feels the same way.

Think of it more as pampering than sex. It certainly doesn’t have to be the main ingredient of your sex life, even if you do it on a daily basis. It can be something you do as a ritual, because you find it pleasant, because you feel it is befitting your type of relationship, because it makes your man happier etc. Whenever you feel like having a different kind of sex, just do so.

Having an orgasm is not necessarily the goal. There are countless things your man can do while he is between your legs, and licking you to orgasm is just one of them. This applies to you as well - you don’t have to stop what you’re doing just because he is down there performing his duties. In fact, it probably has a stronger “FLR ritual effect” if you both treat it as nothing our of the ordinary. So continue reading your book, play with your phone, or even do a little bed-side work. If it becomes pleasurable enough that you want to just lie back and enjoy an orgasm, then you should of course do that, but only if that’s what you feel like.

If you do have an orgasm, you certainly don’t have to end things. You’ll probably be extra sensitive right after you orgasm, so he should learn to ease back to gently kissing you or whatever for a while, but feel free to go for another orgasm or a nice, long period of post-orgasm oral pampering.

Don’t worry about his comfort - at all. If you feel more comfortable being covered in sheets or a duvet, have him crawl under it and stay there for as long as you want, nevermind if he gets hot. If you want to lie on your side or your stomach, go right ahead, nevermind if it forces him to maintain an awkward position to reach you properly. Not only does this free you to be as comfortable as you can, but he will absolutely love you for being selfish and demanding like this. Trust me.

Make the oral sex about power play. Sit on his face, rub your juices all over it, restrict his air flow, have him lick your ass instead. Many women, myself included, enjoy this part at least as much as the actual licking. Using your pussy and ass as “weapons” can be an immensely powerful and enjoyable feeling.

If you don’t actively dislike it, use oral access to your pussy as a reward for your man. Conversely, if you do enjoy it frequently, take it away for a period as punishment.

Focus on other aspects of it. Surely, there’s a certain psychological pleasure to be had from knowing that you have a man who would love nothing more than to go down on you every single night, when your vanilla girlfriends are lucky to get it once a year?

Understand that for a lot of men it’s not mainly about the licking, it’s about having their faces close to the “holyest” of anatomical places. The smell, the wetness, the warmth, the opening up of your legs, serving your needs, the mere symbolicm of it.

Don’t feel obligated to learn to love it. If you do, great - your man will be pleased. If you don’t, there are plenty of other things to enjoy in a FLR, and you can still get it whenever you feel like it.

To me, it’s all about seeing the possibilities rather than fretting about whether you find oral sex satisfying enough.

OK, let’s turn now to those who enjoy (or think they would enjoy) oral sex when everything is just right, but who can’t ever seem to relax enough for it to be just right. This is also quite common, I believe, and can be caused by a multitude of reasons, mostly psychological. I don’t want to trivialise the issues these women are experiencing, but here are some general tips:

Explain the issues to your man and try to resolve them together. He will be more than happy to take it slow if it means there’s a chance he can get more “facetime” in the future.

If you worry about how you smell or look, consider taking your man’s enthusiasm at face value. He most likely doesn’t care, or positively loves how you look and smell.

If the intimacy bothers you for some other reason, try taking your mind off it by doing something else while he is occupying himself. Read a book, browse Facebook or Instagram, play a game, watch TV.

If you feel like you always have to be fresh out of the shower when enjoying oral sex, please don’t. Our type of men generally enjoy quite a bit of muskiness, just don’t overdo it unless you’re sure your man is into that.

See a doctor if you think you have some issue that really does makes your vagina unpleasant to be around. It may be easy to fix.

Beyond these simple tips, I don’t have much to offer. The types of issues that cause some women to find oral sex difficult can be complex, and I am not a professional counselor. Just remember that your man is your partner in this, and he can be a big help if you let him.

Finally, let’s turn to those who find oral sex just plain boring or downright painful. Again, it’s fine if you don’t feel the need to start liking it, this is for those who see the appeal in frequent, enjoyable oral sex, and would like to get there.

If you find oral sex painful, give your man clearer instructions. Have him steer clear of your clitoris, have him gently kiss instead of lick etc.

If the issue is a lack of physical stimulation (not enough friction, a preference for rougher sensations etc.), try giving your man clear instructions. He can use his tongue more forcefully, he can expose your clitoris more fully, he can move his head more vigorously, he can rub his beard against your most sensitive areas and so on. Also see the point about vibrators and toys.

If you need to be filled to feel any enjoyment, have him bring a dildo of your liking on his excursions. He doesn‘t need to move it a lot, it could just be used to get you in the mood.

Make it more interesting. Have him bring a vibrator, a butt plug or whatever else you enjoy, and tell him how to use what he brings.

I believe most women can find enjoyment in oral sex, it’s mostly a matter of finding ways to do it that suit their preferences and temperaments.

Personally, I find oral sex the most fitting expression of my husband’s deferrence to me as a woman. I also find it highly pleasing sexually, so we do a lot of it.

She does “traffic jam” chastity

Help! My husband asked me to try chastity play but it’s not going well. Usually, right after I’ve let him out, things are fine. He can be a little cool toward me but that’s fine. But then over the next two days he grows steadily whinier until his begging to be unlocked is intolerable. Not much fun for me or him. I never tell him exactly when I’ll do it, but I almost always take pity on him in the evening on the third or fourth day and let him out to take care of himself. The whole thing has been a bit of a letdown. Is this what everyone is raving about? Surely not.

- Ms. M

No, Ms. M, it’s not and I dare say it’s because…

YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

Okay, there’s no such thing as right and wrong with intimacy, just different tactics that will yield different results. The tactics you’re using are not aligned with the very achievable results you seek.

Traffic Jam Chastity

Don’t you hate idling in a traffic jam? The worst isn’t standstill traffic. The worst is traffic that is moving just slow enough so that you can’t leave your foot on the gas because you have to keep braking every five seconds. Starting and stopping in crowded traffic is enough to send any driver to road rage court. But that is exactly what you’re doing to your husband.

After a man orgasms his sexual response and interest drop precipitously to their lowest levels. We’ve all seen it. Interest in sex evaporates. Romance and flirting get shoved roughly in a drawer and the male brain hunkers down to git stuf dun.

But, as we know, those rascally males don’t stay heads-down for long. Within 24 hours the sexual response begins to slowly return as the prostate refills. He barely notices it at first but by the second and third days it has taken over his one-tracked mind and he’s getting pretty ready for some luvin’. Shouldn’t that mean you should give it to him? Give him some relief?

Days 2 and 3 are the most irritating for a man

No! Let me explain why not. Days 2 and 3 are the most irritating phase of chastity for a man. Why? For the same reason day 3 of any diet is the most temptation prone and why it eliminates so many dieters. He’s transitioning from getting exactly what his body demands to not. It’s an uncomfortable change and the body doesn’t like it. Every five minutes his body asks “Wait, wut? You mean I can’t have? Why can’t I have? I need! Give me now!” Frustration and irritation mount and, if you do let him orgasm, he will experience immediate relief.

The Goldilocks Phase

Relief is not pleasure. Relief is not useful. Relief, his relief, is not your friend. It lets him off the hook and unravels all that nice tension you just wound into his brain. If you want to experience the benefits of chastity and you want your husband to be floating on the fabled submissive cloud of chaste pleasure then you need to get him past the constant battle for relief and into the Goldilocks Phase.

Sometime after day 4, depending on the man, his body will slowly start to realize that an orgasm is not imminent and therefore it’s a waste of resources to keep expecting relief at any minute. This may take hours or days but he will eventually stabilize into acceptance. Not just mental, but physical acceptance. This is where you want his head.

In the Goldilocks Phase, his expectations have been lowered enough to stop fighting chastity but not so low that he gets depressed. In this phase he is free to simply experience chastity, to experience the sensation of ever growing arousal and ever intensifying desire. For men, desire is pleasure. This will be a sweet sensation that never stops, made just a little bittersweet by occasional waves of overwhelming need. (Don’t worry about those They pass quickly.)

Goldilocks is best for you too

It’s not just him that rides this wave. You benefit most in this period. Rather than spending time fighting chastity and pestering you, his only way out and only listening ear, he spends his time in quiet contemplation. It is this phase that he switches to the long game. Instead of busting out a couple of chores and expecting a tit-for-tat release, he begins to consider the keyholder’s point of view, her needs and her whims. He finds himself doing things that he knows she’ll appreciate and he hardly even notices that he’s doing them. He truly puts her first.

But you need to do it right

But for him to take that view you need to play above his level. Chastity must reinforce the dynamic you want. That means the following:

You never promise a date. You can hint at early release for good behavior or late release for bad, but he must never expect an actual date or time.

You must never cave to begging. He may ask politely once or twice during a stretch of chastity and, if you wish, you may give his request some consideration. But once your decision is made you must stick to it no matter what. I recommend that further begging result in a longer sentence.

Behavior should be tied to chastity. Don’t reward bad behavior. If you do you’re just teaching him he can do it and get the rewards.

How Long? Three-to-four weeks

The Goldilocks Period is about three to four weeks long. During this period he will slowly get more and more aroused, experience more and more submissive feelings toward you and become more and more malleable by you.

That long? I couldn’t possibly!

To some who are starting out, weeks of lockup might seem cruel. Believe me, it’s not as cruel as what you are doing to him by letting him out every three days, stop and go, hot and cold, up and down. If your doctor prescribed a 20-day course of antibiotics would you stop taking them after three days when you started feeling better? No. The same goes with the man. To get all those benefits you need to keep him locked for the full course. I would say that’s at least two weeks (in the case of some reward for extra good behavior) but usually three weeks. And up to four (in the case of bad behavior).

How will you know? He will thank you.

How will you know that you’re keeping him locked up long enough? He will thank you. That’s right, he will actually thank you for keeping him locked up. It might not happen right away. It might take several rounds, several months for his thinking to evolve but it surely will. I’ve done this to hundreds of men, some in person some online. Every single one of them proactively thanks me at some point. There are other signs as well. Aggressiveness toward you will disappear. Calm, quiet service to you will develop spontaneously. After the letdown of orgasm he will actually crave to go back in chastity. He’ll miss that glow so much he’ll want to skip past the next three days so he can get it. Eventually he’ll reach the point that he doesn’t want to be unlocked when the time rolls around. At that point you can have the magical discussion about… wait for it… permanent chastity. That, however, is a discussion for another day.

So man-up, ladies and lock him down and swear off traffic jam chastity forever.

Can not look away…