Assertive Young Ladies #90

Kaya Scodelario

How to get your Sub in subspace, a guide for beginners

 Although everyone into the BDSM scene has heard of endorphins, actually very, very few people really understand what they are, how they work, what the “high” is all about and how one can correctly induce the body to produce them. This short primer will answer those questions, and serve as a guide for anyone topping another so that they may successfully send their bottom into a very deep endorphin stupor! (Also known as leaving them in a big puddle of quivering ecstasy!)

The endorphin high is caused by a bunch of natural, morphine-like chemicals the body pumps into your brain to reduce your sensitivity to pain (thus raising your pain threshold.) The fact that the body seems to release these endorphins in measured ‘loads’ is a key to understanding how to ‘play’ the body to produce these ‘loads’ and ‘release’ them into the body and brain region when the ‘load’ is ready. One has to keep in mind that another chemical – adrenalin – is also produced by the body in reaction to pain, and its behavior should be understood also. This is covered later more thoroughly in the section at the end on aftercare – which is a VERY essential element in guaranteeing the success of the effort, as you will see.

The endorphin ‘loads’ as they are available in the body are released in their entirety, and after a ‘load’ is released, it takes the body about ten minutes to generate the chemicals for another one. After the body has been induced to release (or ‘inject’) a ‘load’ into the system, you must then continue stimulating the body for at least ten minutes in some manner before the body will be ready to release another one. This stimulation can be just about anything – sensation play, light paddling or flogging, light caning, etc. – and it does not have to be intense or even nearly match the intensity of stimulation that had caused the release of the last ‘load.’

Once prepared, an increase in stimulation over a five minute span up to a measured ‘climax’ will trigger the body to release the freshly prepared ‘load’ (based upon the submissive’s current pain threshold, “measured” to push them over a new edge.)

So, armed with this information, what does a session look like from the top’s and bottom’s point of view? This should break it down for you.

When a scene first starts, there are no endorphins in the submissive, and even fairly light torment is very stingy, ouchy, and, well, painful! There is an endorphin reserve already in place that is awaiting release into one’s body in case of an emergency, and after just a few minutes of even relatively mild stimulation building to a mild climax, this reserve 'load’ is released, and suddenly the pain threshold clearly rises and the subject can easily tolerate what earlier may have been pushing their limits, making them jump around and squirm, for instance. This new, more pain tolerant state is Level One. There is no altered state of consciousness yet – but there is an increased pain threshold.

Once this has happened, for the top it’s basically just about treading water for ten minutes and doing anything that provides relatively light but constant stimulation to induce the bottom’s body to prepare/create their next 'load’ for release. This is a good time for sensation play, or light paddling, flogging or whipping – and since the only requirement is that it remain fairly constant stimulation, it is a chance for the top to relax for a bit, since the stimulation can be very mild and be easy and relaxing to apply during this time.

Once the ten minutes has passed, a build in intensity over a subsequent five minute period will excite the body to a peak, and a sudden 10–15 seconds or so of intense stimulation just beyond the person’s current pain threshold limit will trigger the body to eject its freshly made, current load into the bloodstream. Now the bottom will be at  Level Two – with still no perceivable altered state of consciousness (beyond panting in relief that you, the top, have ceased with the intense bit!), but there is a considerable  and noticeable leap in pain threshold now.

Following this, again, ten minutes of mild, easy stimulation to provoke the body into generating the next load as quickly as possible. Keep this well below the pain threshold you’ve now created, with just a little intense whack, etc. every so often, about a minute apart. This will keep the adrenalin build up to a minimum, for reasons explained later on. Take it easy, tops, relax, rest that arm and wrist a bit! Then, this relaxing ten minutes is followed with five minutes of building the intensity again to well above the previous level, as the bottom’s pain threshold is pretty high already now and they can take a lot more before the body interprets this as being 'in crisis’ and thus triggers the endorphins’ release. Finished off with 10–15 seconds (up to a minute) of a real intense, over the edge push, and the body will inject that next load.

Now at  Level Three, the bottom will definitely feel a little bit 'woozy’ — exhibiting a “mildly drugged” state. Their eyelids should become heavier seeming, and they will fall into a more relaxed condition than before, with more low moans and groans, and with their inhibitions becoming more relaxed. Again, applying ten minutes of any relatively mild stimulation (don’t have to work hard, tops!), followed by a five minute build to a 10–15 second intense climax now that is WELL beyond the previous one, will result in the next endorphin “load” being released to push the bottom into a very nice Level Four head space.

At this Level Four state, there will be a very definite altered state of consciousness in evidence, and the bottom will feel clearly drugged and will be very compliant and submissive now. This is countered, however, by the largest charges of adrenalin they have received so far (from the intense climax just used to push them over this “edge”), so they are still quite communicative and their reaction time is still quick (even hypersensitive – a small whack with a paddle, cane or whip can now generate a huge amount of twitching or jerking of the subject’s body with certain bottoms.) Now, during the ten minute 'treading water’ period for the top, the moans and groans will be longer and deeper, the body often limp in it’s restraints, and the reactions to the occasional harder 'strikes’ will be obvious and even somewhat amplified. This is the tops finest time – they can still relax and obviously not be exerting themselves very hard, yet produce fine moans of ecstasy from their bottom with hardly any provocation! The pain threshold is high, even if the reaction time is increased due to the adrenalin, so harder occasional strikes are welcomed, and the reactions are certainly encouraging!

After this ten minute “endorphin replenishment” period, now it is important to be very sensitive to the limit levels crossed earlier, as you begin that five minute build in intensity that will end in the most intense limit pushing you might do with the bottom for this session (if you are stopping at level five). The bottom will have a very high pain threshold at this time, but also will be fairly groggy (in spite of the adrenalin-fueled reaction times) and less able to communicate their safe word – in fact, will now be so compliant that it is very UNLIKELY that they would use it even if they should do so! So, push this “grand finale” with finesse and sensitivity to what is going on with your bottom! At the other end of the 10–30 second climactic build in intensity – in a wonderful blast – this latest endorphin load will push the bottom into Level Five: a state of supreme ecstasy, docility, and the ability to take just about anything you could throw at them. They will become very limp and relaxed very suddenly – and be very clearly in an altered state of consciousness now.

This is the point most people end the scene and remove the bottom to cloak them in a blanket and begin the all-important aftercare … and unless you know your bottom extremely well, this is where the session should end. However, for those in that category of knowing their bottom’s limits and abilities quite well, the rules and timing are the same as with the earlier segments. Now, your 'mild’ stimulation could be fairly intense if you wanted it to be, and the bottom will become extremely submissive – and receptive – and accepting of any amount of stimulation you could lay on them. This is a dangerous condition, because there is NO WAY a person will utter a safe word in this condition – they can barely talk at all! So, it is best to keep the stimulation relatively intense but not too too (Note: the stronger intensity applied now will hold up the adrenalin levels, and the combination with the elevated endorphins levels creates a condition of intense excitement and of simultaneously intense ecstatic relaxation for the bottom, so they’ll be into receiving whatever is being doled out. More on adrenalin in a minute, though!) Again, finish off after the ten minutes with a building in intensity to one beyond that reached earlier, with a 10–15 second extreme point, and the next 'load’ will be released. So, now we have brought the bottom to a very amazing  Level Six! (But, again, this should only be attempted with a bottom whose limits and abilities are already very well known! The top is working without the benefit of safe words being utterable, in most cases by this time, so care must be exercised this whole while.)

With all the adrenalin now in the body – as well as the complete release of inhibitions from the heavy dosing of endorphins now in their brain – behavior of the bottom can become unpredictable at this point, and you should be prepared to restrain against some wild thrashing and arm flailing that could take place (at least be out of harm’s way!) The person/bottom is going to be in such an intensely altered state of consciousness now that their reactions could possibly be of an extremely primitive nature, and they may be capable of only 'animal-like’ noises and reactions, and no or very little recognizable speech. So, watch out! Following this reasoning, approach the subject as you would a wild animal – very gently, talking soothingly and gesturing in a calming manner. Be prepared for sudden wild jerking, or seeming attempts to 'get away.’ And don’t take it personally! At Level Six, this person is totally ga-ga! Be assured, they are enjoying every millisecond of this experience! And a very long period of dreaminess is now in store for them – if their aftercare is handled properly!

So, why do I go on and on about the aftercare? The work of putting endorphins into the subject’s body is finished, right? Well, yes, but you have also succeeded in putting very, very large amounts of adrenalin into their system, and adrenalin is tricky stuff. Even at Level Four, aftercare is important now because of they way adrenalin burns off – it burns off very quickly – compared to endorphins, which burn off very slowly. At Level Five or Level Six, there is enough adrenalin in the body that it will take 10 to 20 minutes for it to burn off (even up to half an hour!), and during this time, the bottom very likely will experience a number of adrenalin 'crashes’ (similar in a way to coffee jags), and some of these can be very intense — and even quite frightening! They will need to be kept warm and be held and comforted AT LEAST throughout this period of adrenalin burn-off. My feeling is that if you don’t care enough for the bottom to enjoy cuddling and caressing with them for up to half an hour, you probably shouldn’t be taking them to any Level Six endorphin/adrenalin levels! (Or even perhaps to a Level Four!)

This adrenalin “crash” experience for the bottom is something many, many tops are unaware of, and they have no concept of the amount of harm they could be doing to someone’s psychological state by not performing adequate, loving, fondling and comforting aftercare during this time. All the bottom needs now is to be held and to hold you (or whoever you assign to perform aftercare) back – in order to be comforted by your presence, and to be allowed to make you become the entire focus of their awareness. No stroking, or massage, or other stimulus is needed or even desirable at this time. What is important is to keep in verbal contact with the bottom (not requiring words as responses, merely nods), instructing them every little while to relax. The adrenalin will have them in a very agitated state – high heart beat and breathing levels, etc. – and this situation is completely counter to the endorphin experience.Sure, they have a ton of endorphins in their system, but the adrenalin is presently holding them off from experiencing the full effect of them. The top’s guidance is extremely important at this time to help them relax through the adrenalin burn-off period.

The important thing to realize is that, if not actually 'talked down’ out of the adrenalin agitation, the person could easily never allow themselves to relax enough to even feel the massive content of endorphins that currently exist in their system! (Maybe you’ve all seen the bottom who, after 45 minutes to an hour of intense stimulation to the point of near-total collapse on the cross or bench, is released and – after a mere couple of minutes – is just mingling around and talking and mixing with people as if nothing ever happened. These people are floating on a self sustained adrenalin buzz. This not only is likely to be unhealthy, but these bottoms are cheating themselves out of a long, long stretch of total endorphin-induced ecstasy!)

Step-By-Step Aftercare Instructions

So, while gently holding the bottom and letting them hold you back, coo softly and comfort them, and tell them to go ahead and to let themselves relax. You will feel them do so as they comply to your wishes, as they are quite docile and compliant to receiving instructions at this point. But they will also slowly tense up again from the adrenalin. Keep reminding them to relax, telling them to give themselves permission to relax totally. As they begin to succeed at doing this after a while, some will encounter a frightening feeling, which some describe feeling as if 'falling off a cliff,’ and they will tense up a great deal from fright in that event. Or, they might encounter a feeling of intense 'blackness’ (as the endorphins get a chance to relax even their optic nerve) and they will freak out and pull back from relaxing again.

If they report such experiences (or even before they do) tell them not to fear that, but to let it go and pass through it – telling them to relax themselves through the sensation of falling or blackness with the understanding that this is quite normal and is a common experience. Once they do that, having learned to “relax through it”, they will be “in it” after that point, and will begin to relax very deeply, very often seeing colors and beautiful technicolor visions and dreamlike landscapes, spaces and places. How sweet!

Once this happens (which, again, will take at least 10 minutes — and up to a half hour for some, depending on the amount of adrenalin that they must burn off), then your bottom needs only a little more loving attention, and can then be left bundled in a blanket somewhere on their own to float in a happy bubble, very possibly for hours!

Tops should be mindful of the fact that if they had intended to have sexual play with their bottom, they should probably fit that in around level three or four, for after hitting level five, their bottom may be too floaty to be able to concentrate for long on what they are doing. Then again, that can sometimes result in extremely passionate and inhibition-free indulgence, resulting in heights of ecstasy and orgasm never before experienced. But, if your bottom drifts out on you or loses their erection, don’t say I didn’t warn you! There’s no telling which way they will go at level 5 or 6!

“Flying”

There is another factor that can produce an altered state of consciousness FAR FAR beyond even that of the most extreme endorphin experience. This is experienced by submissives whose intense focus upon their Master or Mistress (their Dominant) – and upon pleasing them – eventually leads to a hallucinogenic kind of altered state known commonly in the BDSM community as “flying,” having an almost mythological aura surrounding the word by now, though for very good reasons! It is probably the most profound experience one can have as a submissive. It involves a state of intense devotion towards the dominant (who is not just a mere “top” at this point!) that borders upon religious worship, with complete trust and a total commitment to please and satisfy them thoroughly. Through the attainment of a complete selflessness and focus on the dominant, a transformation takes place that is very, very deep, almost trance-like.It can become so profound as to produce an extended, hallucinogenic state that is very wonderful and blissful. Many have reported even seeing visions under the spell of this “flying” effect. All have attested to the profound sense of peace and bliss they have experienced while even near the “edge” of this state.

This “flying” state can be attained by some with very little endorphin content in their system (some say even with none, but I’m quite certain most folks have attained at least a level Three or Level Four endorphin high in order to trigger the total release of inhibitions which this psychological state seems to require, at least generally speaking.) With practice, the release into this “flying” submissive-space should come easier and easier, eventually with even a mere suggestion being able to trigger the effect for some with very little or even no endorphin content being in the picture. COMBINED with the level 5 or 6 endorphin head space, there likely can be no deeper state of ecstasy possible for the bottom — short of total enlightenment! Until such an experience of full enlightenment can be accomplished, perhaps the attainment of this interim bliss is quite acceptable, and certainly should be considered an attractive and enjoyable state to be in! The secret ingredients are intense focus; a commitment to please the dominant utterly; and complete and total devotion! These ingredients – with some endorphins in the mix – should produce a quite satisfying effect for both the submissive and the dominant!

(Disclaimer — I am not a medical doctor, I assume no responsibility for people who try to use this information or for the effects which may arise from the application of the information above. As resulting from my personal knowledge, research and experiences, I can, however, assure you that this information is completely accurate to act as a guide for those exploring these effects as part of their own BDSM explorations.)

@myheartinherhands

The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Fun and Exciting Male Chastity Lifestyle

The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Fun and Exciting Male Chastity Lifestyle

Nine times out of ten, or maybe 99 times out of 100, it is the man who brings up the idea of male chastity and his fantasy of being denied.

The woman’s reaction will vary…. from complete disgust…. to obvious disinterest…. maybe mild curiosity…. all the way to emphatic embracement.

No wonder it can be nerve wracking for a guy to broach the subject of male chastity to his partner.

Her reaction will make or break his day!

Keep in mind that he would not have brought it up if it wasn’t important to him, so it’s a good idea for the woman to keep her wits (if she possibly can!) and carefully consider her initial reaction.

The smart approach is to calm down, collect her feelings and then suggest a time for a lengthy sit-down discussion.

A short ‘on-the-spot’ superficial little chat will NOT do the subject of male chastity proper justice!

Scheduling the discussion for later will buy her some time to not only reflect on his desires, but allow some time to do some preliminary research into male chastity, so she has a better idea as to what she’s dealing with.

During the sit-down discussion, it’s best to let him do most of the talking while she encourages him to bare his deepest and darkest secrets.

Listening and asking questions will give her some valuable insights into what is actually going on here.

Her final question to him should be….

WIIFM…. (what’s in it for ME!)

She should listen to his answer VERY carefully as it will help her out later.

Time For Some R&R

No, not rest and relaxation. If you’re a woman that chooses to embrace a male chastity lifestyle, there will be plenty of opportunity for that later on.

R&R in this case stands for ‘research’ and ‘reflection’.

This 2nd step to living a male chastity lifestyle is all about the woman doing her due diligence, rolling up her sexy silk sleeves, and doing some research as to what makes her man ‘tick’.

The more she can get inside his head and find out what he really wants and needs, the better this lifestyle will work for both them.

A little investigation into the mind of the man who craves being put into a chastity device and denied will reveal something very important to the woman.

She needs to realize that if she doesn’t have a mean streak in her now, it will serve her (and him) well to allow the cruel side of herself to blossom.

In order to deal with all of the bullshit that will soon be coming forth from him, it will be mandatory for her to be (at times), tough minded, mean and yes….

…. even somewhat of a bitch.

While her research will enlighten her to all of his male chastity fantasies, she will need to adopt a tough-minded attitude in order to effectively use those fantasies to her benefit.

Now for the 2nd part of the R&R…. reflection.

It’s time for her to reflect on his answers to WIIFM.

He undoubtedly gave her some excellent ideas as to what she will get out of the tedious task of training him to be locked away in male chastity.

But his ideas are just a start. What about HER deepest and darkest desires?

How will she benefit from this arrangement?

She should take some serious time to reflect on this as it will come in handy soon.

She Makes the Rules!

Now we’re getting to the fun part…. where she gets to make up the rules.

Okay…. You’ve had your sit-down with each other.

She’s finished with her research assignment.

Now it’s time to make up the rules as to how you’re going to play the male chastity game.

Although he’s got plenty of ideas of his own for ‘rules’ as to how he would like all of this to play out, in order for a male chastity lifestyle to work seamlessly over the long term….

…. there can really only be one rule-maker.

HER!

It’s just the best way to make this male chastity thing work.

In coming up with a set of rules, she will of course take into consideration his male chastity fantasies that he revealed to her during their initial discussion.

She will also factor in the information she uncovered during the research phase.

The reflection time she spent on sorting out her fantasies and desires will also play a major part in making up an appropriate set of rules.

But the first rule of male chastity and the most important is this one….

Every subsequent rule made by her is to be followed explicitly and directly by him with Absolutely no questions asked or allowed.

If he can’t deal with this over-riding theme of Female Supremacy, FemDom, FLR, D/s, Female Keyholder or whatever you prefer to call it, then she simply refuses to be involved any further and expects no further mention by him of male chastity.

It’s imperative that she holds ALL of the cards for this game to work.

There can be absolutely no exceptions, wiggle room, backsliding, second-guessing or topping from the bottom.

None of that bullshit!

This ONE rule firmly and succinctly sets the tone and direction for a fulfilling, fun and exciting male chastity experience.

From then on, she makes as many or as few rules as she wants. She can add, delete, change or modify any rule, anytime at her whim…. with no prior notice.

If she’s in a benevolent mood, she can even entertain suggestions from him as to the nature of the rules.

This predominant position puts her in a place of prodigious power.

And this level of power will pay off in BIG benefits.

Time For Lockdown Mode

There are many factors you should consider when looking to buy a male chastity device.

» Type: chastity cage or belt? » Material: plastic, leather or metal? » Security: used with a piercing or without » Custom made to order or off the shelf? » Price? » Manufacturer: reliable customer support

Let’s go over these considerations, one-by-one.

If this will be your first chastity device, it’s best to stick with a cage type. Chastity belts are very secure and look sexy but they do have their drawbacks.

They are usually custom made so will take longer to receive, plus they are on the expensive side. A chastity belt can also be harder to hide under certain types of clothing.

As far as material, leather looks sexy but is not very secure (it can be cut easily) and is not particularly hygienic.

Metal is definitely sexy looking and usually quite secure. But devices made from metal are obviously heavier, harder to get used to, and pose a problem with airport security.

Plastic is the way to go when first starting out.

Most chastity cages, whether made from metal or plastic are pretty damn secure! Although there are men who can finagle their way out of them, my experience has been that when properly fitted, they won’t be coming off without a key.

For added security, many modern chastity devices can be used with or without a penis piercing.

Custom made chastity cages are typically of the belt variety or made from metal. Like I mentioned above, they are usually expensive and can take quite a while to receive. Also, initial measurements are critical to achieve a good fit.

Off the shelf chastity devices come with different sizes of rings and spacers that will ensure a good fit. It is usually necessary to experiment with different combinations of spacers and rings to come up with a comfortable fitting device.

As far as price goes, an off the shelf, plastic chastity cage such as the very popular CB-6000, while not cheap, is well within the budget of most.

You can find cheaper, Chinese knock-offs on Amazon but the quality is NOT to be trusted…. they crack and break a lot.

On the other hand, custom chastity devices can get quite expensive and are best left for when your chastity lifestyle has been allowed to season a bit.

Male chastity is becoming more popular all the time which brings more designers and manufactures into the arena with new and innovative products.

These manufacturers can come and go like the wind so it’s always wise to pick a chastity device made by  a company who has been around for awhile in case you need customer support or replacement parts and accessories.

There is a reason devices like the CB-6000 are so popular.

It’s affordable, secure, comfortable and hygienic!

You can find a CB-6000, right here.

Unfortunately, it’s not as simple as ordering a male chastity device, locking him up and embarking on a fun and exciting male chastity lifestyle.

There is a critical process that must be carefully navigated before the mayhem can begin.

This is what you’ve been waiting for? Your male chastity device has arrived and you cannot wait to get started.

Break Him in…. Slowly but Surely

Whoa boy (or girl). Take a deep breath, relax and read what I have to say on this matter.

Before wildly embarking on this male chastity adventure it’s necessary for an adjustment period….

…. a physical and emotional one. He needs to be slowly but surely, ‘broken in’.

First, take a little time and make sure you get a good fit, not too tight, not too loose, but just right.

Once that’s done, lock him up for 24 straight hours.

After a day, you’ll both have a good idea as to how things are fitting down there. A little initial discomfort along with some minor pinching is to be expected.

No big deal, at least not for the keyholder anyway.

Any major discomfort can now be dealt with at this time. A larger ring, a different sized spacer, shaving the genitals, applying lotion.

Now go for another 24 hours. If everything is hunky-dory (aside from the minor chafing, pinching, etc.) then it’s time to go for 72 continuous hours (Yes, 3 full DAYS!) in lock-down mode.

He will now be getting used to and/or moving beyond any minor discomfort.

He will soon find it more practical to sit down on the toilet and pee like a girl.

He will get used to the feeling of not being able to touch his dick.

He will begin to experience a yearning feeling deep inside his balls (as well as his mind) that comes with sexual denial.

The next phase is to remove the chastity cage, re-shave, re-lube, re-adjust rings and spacers and lock him back up for seven straight days!

This is the phase where any final physical adaptations will take place and more importantly, where the psychological process begins.

This is where the fantasy begins to morph into reality.

He now will be getting what he asked for and begins the transformation from a macho man to a compliant and devoted husband or boyfriend.

Seven continuous days of no whining, complaining or cumming marks the point when your relationship is ready to take on a new level of meaning.

It’s now time to make a very BIG decision!

Now that he’s adapted, both physically and mentally, to being locked up for seven straight days, he’s proven that he can ‘handle’ things.

The BIG Decision

In order to set the proper ‘tone’ of how the relationship is to eventually evolve, a mandatory (and lengthy) lock-up and denial period will have to be agreed upon and then strictly enforced.

This ‘conditioning phase’ is necessary so that both partners are fully committed to the idea that male chastity is no longer just a fantasy or a mere game, but a lifestyle decision to be taken seriously.

This ‘lock-down’ phase should be anywhere from a month (bare minimum), to a full year. Three months seems to be the ‘sweet spot’ for most couples.

This may sound like ‘harsh’ treatment but is absolutely necessary in order to instill the proper mindset in the male.

This lengthy stretch of total denial will also empower her to be tough-minded during some tough times.

She will also use this time to thoroughly train him to sexually please her without the use of his now caged-up cock.

He will become adept at transmuting his feelings of frustration and denial into the satisfaction of providing for her needs and desires.

During this training period, it’s wise to tease him un-mercifully in conjunction with verbal humiliation and an occasional whipping session, if she’s into that.

Nothing can approach the emotional intensity of her being licked to orgasm-after-orgasm by a locked-up and denied male right after he’s being worked over with a riding crop.

At the end of the ‘conditioning phase’, she will have elevated herself to a position of complete control and power while he….

…. will have learned to happily (for the most part) take on the role of a subservient sexual slave.

At the end of this period of lock-down and denial, his input into matters will no longer be necessary.

She may ask for his thoughts, but it’s now all about her! She makes all the rules and he simply answers, “yes Dear”.

His ‘Cumming Out’ Party

He is now perfectly primed and positioned for his first release in quite some time.

It’s been soooo long since he’s experienced an orgasm. Perhaps maybe a wet dream, but that doesn’t really count now, does it?

A firm benchmark has now been established within the relationship.

He’s proven (with her help) that he can endure a long period of sexual denial, all the while attending to her ever escalating sexual desires.

Denying a man while you are free to experience sexual ecstasy is an incredible turn-on and power rush for a woman.

She, on the other hand, has become capable of maintaining a disdainful demeanor to his ‘predicament’ all the while providing him with the necessary ‘guidance’ (which can sometimes be cruel and humiliating) without flinching.

But now that he has ‘paid his penance’ and she had become sufficiently empowered, it is time for her to decide on how his future orgasms will be ‘managed’.

The first area to consider is how often he should be allowed to cum.

Most women opt for a set time interval…. but it should never be more often than every two weeks!

Once per month is better. In my experience, once every two to three months is optimal.

Some keyholder’s choose to keep their men guessing; orgasms are allowed only at her whim, and he never knows when that might be.

That sounds quite cruel but some women get off on the look on a male’s face when she leads him to believe that the time is near, only to change her mind at the very last minute.

This tactic is suitable for women who prefer to emotionally ‘break’ a man down and render him as a mere shell of his former self.

For most women, this is ‘over-the-top’ and they prefer to let their man hold onto a portion of his self-dignity so that he can still function effectively out in the ‘real’ world.

And then there are women who prefer performance based or ‘earned’ orgasms.

An ejaculation can be conditional upon completing chores, performing tasks, maintaining proper behavior standards, losing weight, hers-to-his orgasm ratios (100:1), chastity games, etc.

One important thing to remember; the time between orgasms can always be extended because of ‘bad’ behavior on his part.

Once the woman has established a fair frequency for his orgasms, she must then decide on HOW he will be achieving these rare (to him) ejaculations.

This is where things get incredibly fun but quite spicy and dicey.

We Now Know the WHEN…. What About the HOW?

Now it’s time to consider how he will be cumming. This is the fun part, especially for her.

After going through the ‘conditioning phase’ he has had plenty of time away from regular intercourse. If she has a penchant for penetrative sex, a dildo or a strap-on (for him) solves that issue.

She may decide that his days of fucking are over. No big deal for her since she has the options above at her disposal.

Many women choose to deny the male the privilege of traditional intercourse as a matter of principle.

It is quite common for a woman holding the key to insist that any of his orgasms are of the humiliating variety.

I have a friend who handcuffs her husband’s hands behind his back and then just tells him to go for it.

He inevitably winds up humping the hardwood floor in the kitchen, then meekly licks up his mess afterwards.

I’ve heard of one woman who has her man hump one of her girlfriend’s legs while she hurls degrading insults his way.

Other women are particularly amused by, and have become masters of, the ruined orgasm.

One particularly cruel acquaintance of mine insists on performing an emasculating prostrate milking in front of a girlfriend, boyfriend or sometimes both.

I’ve witnessed a pro-domme at a party order a man to polish a pretty girl’s high heeled boot with his cum, followed by his tongue, while she whipped his ass from behind with a riding crop.

My favorite? Instructing him to cum on her ass followed by a thorough tongue clean up. Ummmm.

It can also be exciting to incorporate some sort of ‘dice’ or ‘spin-the-wheel’ type of game, leaving the matter of ‘if he gets to cum’ and the manner in which he does it, up to pure chance.

You’re really only limited by your kinky and perverse imagination.

Now that you’ve both settled in and become comfortable with your personalized version of a male chastity lifestyle, it’s time to reflect on an extremely important matter.

Once everything has been set-up properly within a male chastity lifestyle, everything should now be smooth sailing.

Not So Fast

The reality of enforced male chastity typically does not measure up to the fantasy he once had about it.

The fantasy was much more erotic than the stark reality of constant denial and severely limited orgasms.

Now that he’s securely locked up, with no release on the horizon, second thoughts on this course of events begin to haunt him.

But it’s a completely different story for her!

The reality of male chastity for the woman is much more powerful and fulfilling than the initial fantasy ever was.

At first, it was about his fantasy. Now it’s all about her reality.

Now that she holds the key to his manhood and has the situation well under control, she can’t understand why she was ever hesitant to begin this in the first place.

Sure, she has had to initially expend some major time, energy and effort with all of the rule setting, conditioning, attention to detail, discipline and compliance issues.

To be honest, this is no small feat and is NOT for a weak willed woman!

But she will have emerged from the back-end of this process with superior self-confidence and complete sexual liberation.

He, on the other hand, has relinquished his ability to orgasm, something so importantly powerful that he can’t help but wonder if he has made the right choice.

He will, at some point, inevitably began to start ‘missing’ his frequent orgasms, the ones he had become so addicted to for most of his adult life.

If she acquiesces to this inherent weakness that resides within most all males, the lifestyle that they have expended so much effort to build, will began to fold like a cheap lawn chair.

When the subject rears it’s ugly head, she will need to firmly put her high heeled foot down and say NO!

There can be no going back. She is living the perfect, pampered life that she deserves while he, for maybe the first time in his life, has found some real peace, even though it’s of the frustrating variety.

If he continues to complain and have regrets about his situation (the one, by the way, he so desperately lobbied for) she has several options, including but not limited to….

» institute a policy of permanent orgasm denial » increase his chore/work load by 50% » a severe cock caning or whipping session » make an appointment to have his penis pierced » discontinuance of all male chastity activities » threaten to leave the relationship

Any unreasonable demands on his part should be firmly countered with strict and swift consequences.

It’s really only matter of time when she will need to draw a bold line in the sand and not put up with any questioning of her authority.

Consider this to be an honest and fair representation of possible ‘fall-out’ issues when embarking on a male chastity lifestyle.

Male Chastity is NOT For Every Couple

To successfully incorporate it within a relationship, both partners will need to have the courage to move beyond traditional sexual and romantic roles that are played out by most couples.

Social conditioning, as it pertains to relationships, is powerful stuff and can lead to feelings of guilt, fear and inadequacy where none should ever exist.

Both men and women instinctively know who they are at a ‘gut’ level. Being in tune with that inner knowledge and living your life exactly how you want, results in true happiness and freedom.

If you’re a guy who is sick and tired of being in control all of the time, then maybe it’s time to let go.

If you truly adore a woman and enjoy treating her like a Princess, elevating her pleasure above yours, then go for it.

If you’re a woman who would like to see how it feels to ‘turn the tables’ and be the one who wields the power in a relationship, why not give male chastity a try.

Freeing yourself from ALL household duties (or just the ones you dislike) while experiencing exquisite sexual ecstasy, precisely the way you want it, when you want it, cannot be adequately expressed in words.

A man that can provide all of that for her, and then some, will evoke emotions that will reverberate all the way down to his inner core.

Training a male to accept his new life of being denied is a fun, frustrating (at times), and extremely rewarding endeavor. You will need to get a chastity device early on in the training process. You can find one right here.