Woke:

not entirely sure on how all of the bats would react but i personally feel like jason would very likely pull a gun on a karen (assuming that it's a karen pulling the freak out). for example:

karen (being kicked out of a mcdonald's or smth and screaming her head off): HOW DARE YOU TOUCH ME, GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!!!!!

jason, actively on patrol assuming this is a mugging or something and plopping down behind the mcdonald's security guard and pulling his gun: alright buddy, take your hands off of her

security guard: gladly, i'm just trying to get her to leave. she just threw a drink at the cashier

jason:

jason, turning to aim the gun at her with a death glare for wasting his time at 2 am: welp, you heard him. leave before i fucking shoot you.

of course he wouldn't actually shoot her but she doesn't know that

You guys know those public freakout videos, right?? How do you think the batfam would realistically react in a situation like that. Just as an example I guess, one day they're patrolling, and they hear someone in trouble--Though, it turns out to be someone losing their mind because they didn't get their way or something. Cause, I feel like that would be something they could run into??

Thoughts?

Pie Prank Gone Wrong

Beast Boy (holding a cream pie): This is going to be so funny! Cyborg you want in on this?

Cyborg (sipping coffee from a distance): I'm not getting involved. I may be half-machine, but I'm not stupid.

Beast Boy: You're no fun dude. I bet when he gets hit with this pie he'll laugh.

Cyborg (doubtful): Mm-hm.

The door to Titans Headquarters slid open as two men entered, and Beast Boy immediately splattered the pie right into Jason Todd's face. Roy Harper took a few steps back, a mix of amusement and concern on his expression, while Jason stood there, pie still covering his features, unmoving and silent. Cyborg nodded, having anticipated that this was bound to go wrong.

Cyborg (holding up his coffee): Jason, good to see you!

Beast Boy (covering his mouth): Oh shoot, sorry dude! That was meant for Nightwing. Still funny though, right?

Jason wiped the remnants of the pie from his eyes, Roy Harper took a few more steps back, stifling laughter.

Jason (seething): That's real funny, man.

He forced a fake chuckle, still dripping pie filling.

Jason: Roy, can I see your bow and arrow, please?

Roy (hands over his bow): Sure thing!

Jason (still smirking at Beast Boy): You’ve got ten seconds and then I shoot you with these arrows. As a prank!

Beast Boy: You're kidding?

Jason: 10, 9, 8, 7—

Roy (chuckling): You should turn into a bird; this is not going to end well for you.

Beast Boy: On it!

In an instant, Beast Boy transforms into a hawk and flew out the door just as Jason finished counting down.

Jason: 1! Time to hunt!

Jason bolted after Beast Boy, a determined grin on his face while the animal changing hero flew away. Cyborg took another sip of his coffee while staying seated.

Cyborg: I was just here minding my own business.

Roy: Smart choice.

luigi mangione, the SUSPECTED (innocent until proven guilty) united healthcare shooter, has been charged with terrorism. that’s right. a man who supposedly shot ONE SINGLE PERSON is being charged with terrorism. because in america, billionaires lives matter enough that a SINGLE rich man’s death is considered a terrorist act against this country. think about that.

things jon missed while stalking his colleagues:

the fact that sasha had been half lined up for gertrude's job and how that would be a pretty good murder motive

the discrepancy between elias's hiring in 1991 and how he said he was working as a filing clerk in 1972

tim's brother's mysterious disappearance/death directly preceding his change in careers

martin's real age and literally any of his academic or employment history

conclusion: he's bad at this <3

This is probably a hot take but I don't think anybody actually cares who Batman is outside of the GCPD and conspiracy theorists.

When Batman first shows up he's a friggen poltergeist. He's a cryptid. For a second there maybe people thought he was just a creepypasta.

Then when people start to think… actually it kinda seems like he's a guy…? Like, he's a real…? Person…???

Then the GCPD is like, 'Okay, well, then he's breaking laws.'

But your average schmo is like, 'And? Yeah he's a guy; he gave me fifty bucks to get home last night. Right after he saved me from an acid piranha pit.'

But the thing is, Bats has his own personality. He's a whole person as the mask. People don't ask who Superman's secret identity is because, as far as they're concerned, Superman is just Superman, and when they can't see him, it's because he went home. It would be the same with Batman. They probably think he sleeps or hangs upside-down all day.

I think Gothamites like him as Just Batman; he's the city's pet monster, and they like it that way.

I think we get super caught up in the, "Batman's secret identity might be revealed! 😱" because Batman's secret identity is famous. But if someone unmasked Clark or Barry or Hal it would be like

"…I have no idea who this is."

And they expect the same of Batman.

GCPD wants to know so they can arrest him, conspiracy theorists want to know because they wanna know where he fits into the machine, gossip columnists want to know so they can get catch some drama, and real-person fanfic authors wanna know so they can accurately describe him when he takes his mask off to kiss Bruce Wayne.

Dick was the last to be adopted, Jason became the black sheep post-resurrection, Tim made himself Robin, Damian was dropped in Gotham after ten years of being kept secret, Cass possesses killer instincts that run counter to Batman's philosophy, Duke is a meta whose parents are still alive (albeit jokerized), and Steph has zero legal connections to the Waynes. All of the batkids have reason to believe they're the only one Bruce doesn't want around and Bruce is unaware of the problem because they don't vocalize it not just out of the usual emotional constipation, but also a deep-seated fear of being proven right. In this essay, I will—