At A Loss

At a Loss

Summary— Lando loses his wife in a freak accident and Lila doesn’t understand where she went

Warnings— SAD ; death ; funeral ; car accident ; drunk driver ; hospital ; life support mentioned ; this is really sad ; Lila not understanding death

A/N— I will be apologizing here but I don’t expect forgiveness for this deranged piece…

Dad Lando List

Dividers @bernardsbendystraws @dollywons

No request, just my own deranged mind

It’s been nearly a year since his wife died suddenly. She was literally driving home from the grocery store, 5 minutes away from her house, when a drunk driver hit the drivers side of her car. Lila was with Lando at the house, a small grocery trip ended in a funeral. When his wife hadn’t come home for hours, he tried calling, texting, but nothing.

It was when a police officer knocked on his door with the information that she was in the hospital and not doing good that it all came hurdling down on him. He called her mum first and told her what he was told and they rushed to the hospital.

Their mums in the waiting room, Lando handed Lila to his mum as to not scare her from all the machines his wife was on. He held her hand as she took her last breath. Crying into her hand as the machines flatlined. He signed all the paperwork and got all her things that were still in tact.

He saw her car at the impound lot and broke down again. Her car mangled, the same car he bought her as an anniversary gift 3 years prior, the one she dreamed of having. Cisca had kept Lila the few days after, allowing Lando time to grieve and settle everything.

Him and Lila went to the funeral, front row, on display. Lila had no clue what was going on. The 2 year old confused on why everyone was crying and wearing the same color. She also wondered why there were so many beautiful flowers around a box.

Lando opted for a close casket funeral, for Lila’s sake. The picture of her mum on the big board didn’t help though. “Mama!” She said and pointed to it. Lando burst into tears again and Lila was confused.

The media went silent on Lando’s behalf while he took the next few races off. The drivers banding together to help him in anyway possible. Other drivers with daughters bringing them for play dates.

When racing resumed, Lando had no choice but to bring Lila along. It was hard at first, but she napped a lot. The other drivers bringing their daughters and wives when they could, allowing Lando to not have to worry.

Now during the break, she was inconsolable and Lando didn’t know why. Lila was screaming and crying, her tears nonstop flowing as Lando tried calming her down. She hiccuped from crying so hard and drenched her shirt with tears.

He took her shirt off and she was left in just a diaper. She didn’t want his touch, swatting him away while he kneeled. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He asked again, her crying drowning out what she kept yelling at him. She whined at him.

He was at a loss of why she was so upset, not letting him hold her and comfort the cries. “Mama!!” He finally understood her words and it pulled at his heart, now trying not to cry himself.

He hated how cruel the world was, taking his wife away so suddenly. Lila didn’t understand death, thinking her mum just left them. Lando hung his head and stood up. He didn’t know what to say or do anymore. She wants someone she can’t have.

He barely had time to grieve, taking care of Lila was his main priority and he didn’t want her to see him upset. It’s clear to him now that she didn’t have time to grieve either. Lila sat on the cold wooden floor, holding her pacifier as she screamed for her mum.

“I miss her too Lila.” He said to her. She paused crying and breathed in short breaths. He offered to hold her and she mocked his movement, also wanting to be held. He held her close to his chest as her tears were silently still falling. “Mama still loves you, sweetheart, she’s just not here to say it.” He whispered.

He looked up and tried to hold back the inevitable tears. His voice cracking as he cooed to Lila. “Mamas gone?” Lila asked, her little voice breaking Lando’s heart. He let the tears fall.

He had texted his mum in the middle of Lila’s screaming fit and she told him she was on her way. When the front door opened, the sight she saw was gut wrenching. Lando swaying an upset Lila while he himself was upset.

“My babies.” Cisca murmured. She wrapped her arms around them and told Lando how much of a good dad he was. “It’s not your fault baby, there was nothing else we could’ve done.” She cooed. He knew his wife’s death was not his fault, but it weighed on him as if it was.

“Mimi, where’s mama.” Lila sniffled. Cisca looked to Lila and back to Lando. Realizing why they were both upset, Lila wanted her mum and Lando couldn’t help her.

“Oh baby, mamas in a better place.” Cisca smiled, holding back her own tears. “How about we get you down for bed, yeah?” Lila nodded and Cisca took the little girl to bed. Lando sat down at his kitchen counter and cried.

… can I say that I kissed the brick before throwing it? Or cleaned the knife before stabbing? 😭

@il0vereadingstuff @angelluv16 @pandabiiissh @kallanfiona @itznotsophia