At My Birthday Party I Got A Little Too High At Some Point, And I Was Sitting On The Couch While Everyone
At my birthday party I got a little too high at some point, and I was sitting on the couch while everyone else was on the floor of the living room and I felt so lonely. I don’t know why, my friends didn’t do anything wrong, but I was hit with such a profound wave of grief.
It’s like my body realized I was growing up.
One thing about me is I see my memories very vividly, and certain emotions trigger specific memories, and they play in my head like personalized films. When this weird isolating grief hit me, I saw this like montage of previous birthdays from when I was a kid, and I saw the town I grew up in, and the way it used to be. Parents calling for me, missing teeth, grass stained knees, sun kissed shoulders from swimming, blowing out candles, everything. It was a lot. And I wished I was somewhere else for a moment, but I wasn’t exactly sure where I wanted to be instead.
Idk if this makes sense but I really did have a lovely birthday, these things just creep up
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nobody fucking talk to me
this dude. i feel the emptiness of my friend’s absence after every hangout and it cripples me. or something
googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much
front yard
oh deer
Only two ADHD tasks
1) this task will take me five minutes but I couldn’t possibly do it because I have an appointment in six hours
2) this task will take five hours but I’ll just do it first thing in the morning before I leave
I know the whole canine motif has been worn to the bone, however I have felt a lot like a mean dog lately.
So exhausted ):
What have I become
what a strange thing it is to have your heart in one place and your body in another
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