Just Wanna Say Thank You For Your Juangarde Content (as A Starving Juangarde Fan And As A Juan Fan In

With how much Farwell, My Turnabout is centered around suicide, the fact that Matt canonically self harmed ( re; scratching his face up during his breakdown) and how it's implied his initial scar may have been self-inflicted is rarely brought up in discussion drives me bonkers. It seems like such an important facet of his character and is so thematically relevant, like I know how generally hated Matt is but him being the culprit doesn't negate any of this, in fact in my opinion it only strengthens it.

beach episode pt. 2– kunigami and chigiri help each other apply sunscreen :)

They’re both thinking gay thoughts 💕😵‍💫🥱

I’ve been looking at this for so long it doesn’t make sense anymore…. :/

juan corrida is the okokok to matt engarde's lalala

they should make it legal to kill your friend's shitty parents

オートロさん。

talking with bestie about whether matt or juan would propose and i have reasoning for both. Here It Is.

Juan: He's been engaged once before. Clearly that did not work out. Unrest in pieces, bitch, I hate you Inpax. He's determined to get it right this time, because he's with the right person this time. Matt has always been the man he was meant to be with. They will always find their way back to each other, and Juan wants to ensure that there's no way he could ever lose him again. He's also a hopeless romantic as we know and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think he has a scrapbook laying around of different proposal ideas. He knows the shit that Matt has gone through, and probably not even the worst parts of it. That's a terrifying thought, and he wants to put as much of that pain in the past as he can. He wants to move forward with their lives, he wants to promise himself to Matt forever. He wants to promise Matt a soft forever, a delicate one, free of hurt and anguish. He's going to do it right.

Matt: Honestly, he needs a sense of control in his love life. So much of his relationships haven't had any of his input, and while of course Juan is nothing like that, the fear remains. Trauma does that to a guy. Again, fuck you Inpax. He likes the comfort and security of being agentic, making decisions. And he knows that Juan is the type to provide the grand romantic gestures instead of receiving them. Matt wants to change that. When his life went to shit, he lost control, he wasn't there for Juan, he couldn't provide comfort and love and care. He's back on the right track now. He can make up for lost time. He can get down on one knee and in spite of all his flaws, all his mistakes, the sins of his past that nearly cost his beloved his life, he can pledge to love this man forever. He already does. But Juan likes this cheesy shit (and Matt is learning to, though the process is slow). He wants to make Juan feel loved, he wants this proposal to be everything he's ever dreamed of. Everything he couldn't get the first time. It would be grandiose. Sentimental. Multifaceted. Intimate. A perfect whirlwind combination of what's in Juan's scrapbook and that charismatic clumsiness, maybe the heat of something A Little Too Personal, that is undeniably Matt Engarde.

okay yeah and these are my ramblings. enrida/juangarde i love you. The them. The sillies.

STOP PARALLELING THE HONEYMOON WITH YOUR OWN JAPAN TRIP THATS OUR JOB

I don't even know if you're still in the Matt Engarde hype but oh my fucking god. holy fucking shit. I am obsessed with the thought that this man would rather create a whole persona as an amalgamation of the traits he doesn't see as "acceptable", one who can carry the blow of Celeste's suicide because he's bad and independent and dettached and everything he was never allowed to be, one who can carry the anger he bottled up for the sake of images; the anger rooted so deep, burning him inside out at every ounce fear and the self-hatred and the neglect and the betrayal of being left behind he encounter. I'm going insane.

He sees "growing up" as something bad, as if being a fully separated entity from who nurtured you is shameful, and how this somated with the grayness of Celeste's relationship with him (and the fact all the people in canon she was in a relationship with, romantic or not, borderline or straight-up codependent) heavily implies that she, consciously or not, made him fully rely on her for everything and fed into the image that things should be like that forever: that he would never be someone if not "part" of her. And not to be an Engarde apologist or anything but the knowledge that this is a common strategy for abusers, especially parents and caretakers; to "mesh" with their targets to a point they don't know who they are without them, and how this causes long-lasting identity and self-image issues, much like that dude Matt?? It's driving me nuts.

Just. The littlest, tiniest voice in my head saying that Engarde would rather destroy the already poor image he had of himself as a person and wear the "evil" label like an armor than to acknowledge he might have been a victim won't shut up and i'm very sorry for the lenght of this but i've been running up my walls all day brainstorming about this and i need to sleep. I know this may be far-fetched, so feel free to add any divergences from my biased conclusions if you'd like!

i am always and forever in matt engarde hype anon....thank you so much for this ask that has been on my mind since i got it. your point about his relationship with celeste being part of his urge to "mesh" and stay childlike is really fucking me up. i love it so much it makes different aspects of the whole puzzle click in my head. also "would rather be evil than a victim" i think describes engarde deeply. anyway i just love all of this thank you so much for sharing<333

some of my favourite blue lock characters!!

so this ended up being my dark urge wild magic sorcerer for bg3 that I made based on Matt. Didn't feel like downloading any mods to make it super accurate to how he looks in the OG game but like. He's pretty so idc. Yes Juan is his guardian. Bc I'm gay and stupid and so are they