Ok Universe, I’m ready To Feel Good Things. Make Me Feel Good Things.

I absolutely love all the space australia/ humans are weird/space orcs things going around, so I haven’t been able to stop thinking about stuff like metaphors and idioms and figurative speech. Like, what if those had been purely human concepts?

Human: “He really broke Omar’s heart”

Alien: “What?? Is Omar still alive? Can he be healed? Is it culturally appropriate to seek out revenge?”

Human: “No, no, like… He hurt him badly.”

Alien: “Yes I understand that your cardiovascular system is important.”

- - -

Human: “She’s a real wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Alien: “What is a wolf?”

Human: “It’s a predator - you know, the one dogs descent from?”

Alien: “… She looks human. How do you know the value of her clothes?”

- - -

Human: “That dickhead stabbed me in the back”

Alien: “MEDIC!!!!”

- - -

Human 1: “Wish me luck!”

Human 2: “Break a leg!”

*Horrified aliens in the background*

Someone felt fabulous 

I was looking for a way to unpurple the sky and I found a black hole spewing astral dust within the storm. I could reach into it unharmed because I was made of the same non-existence.

Mom. I'm in love.

me: not today, satan 

satan: you’ve been canceling our plans for weeks now. if it’s something i said, please just tell me