From My Sketchbook. I Love This Quote And Worf Goes Hard.

anyway garak canonically calls julian “darling” and “my love” let’s all think about that

mortifying

My idea of Amanda Grayson is this double nature because she needs to be in a certain way to enjoy life on Vulcan but she also becomes much more fun as a character if you imagine her as being very human in certain aspects of her life and personality. Having that garden full of gnomes, occasionally calling Sarek “babe” and wearing party hats etc.

What I’m saying is: She made finger guns at Spock all the time while he grew up and he always viewed it as a strange and embarrassing yet seemingly necessary part of human culture. Which caused some initial confusion the first time he visited Earth. 

have I mentioned in any sort of detail yet how creeped the fuck out I am by the way the Founder(’)s(’) treatment of Odo is just like…. textbook abusive? because it is MASSIVELY DISTURBING to watch, okay.

like. punishing him (for what is almost certainly a hypocritical crime), and then doing the “we forgive you. do you forgive us?” routine. CONSTANT constant “we love you and you’re a part of us and we want you back” talk. isolating him from anybody else because they’re not good enough and can’t give him what he needs and don’t understand him the way the other Founders do? fucking with his sense of time such that he neglects any other responsibilities. simultaneously belittling his reasons for not going back with them, and then acting like they absolutely deeply understand that single reason that they’ve half-made up. questioning and wearing down his stated boundaries about linking.

honestly the most freaky part was when Odo was defending his choice to link with the other Founder to Kira by talking about how he wouldn’t be letting any information slip about the new resistance, because linking isn’t a sharing of information, just like, existence or something. when the Founders had literally used the Link to engage in espionage a season ago by manipulating and planting information while Odo was joined to them. like. YIKES on bikes, massive gaslighting ahoy.

and you know what, in light of all this it kind of makes me… suspect that the purpose of launching marmalade children off into space all on their own isn’t just to gather knowledge to enrich the Link and the changelings’ understanding of the world, but also to create “sleeper agents”, enmeshed in non-Dominion cultures, who will be easily ripe for manipulation by the core population of Founders into betraying their adopted societies and advancing Dominion takeovers of new worlds. because the Founders know that changelings are feared and mistreated by solids. Odo himself certainly hasn’t been run out of town or anything; he has a pretty good position for himself - and even so, his primary caretaker as a child was Dr. Mora, who also was and continues to be abusive and manipulative to him. so his that case is at all typical in terms of who picks up and “raises” these baby changelings, what the Founders have done is basically created a population that comes to them already fucked up by their personal history, and easily vulnerable to re-victimization.

Fic idea I was struck with the other day and keep thinking about: a Vulcan adopts a cat.

*some dramatic scenario in which odo is relieved to see quark*

so i just finished season 2 of DS9 for the first time and i have so many thoughts about quark and his relationships with the crew; specifically ben, kira, jadzia, and odo. throughout the season, we see quark either trying to connect to these four — albeit in his own grating way — or proving his worth to them after a major fuck-up. (this is the case for jadzia specifically; he inadvertently put her on danger in invasive procedures [2x03] risked his own life trying to save her. we see them hanging out in playing god [2x17], so we know they’re cool and that jadzia forgave him. this should go without mentioning jadzia sticking up for the ferengi more than once throughout the season, specifically to kira, and insisting there’s more to them than their money grubbing ways.)

with ben, quark attempts to connection with him over a drink in second sight [2x09], only for ben to turn him down — presumably because he has too much on his mind and quark is quark, but the way the camera lingers on our favourite bartender, we can see how the rejection ate at him. the rejection sensitivity is dialled up even further in shadowplay [2x16] when quark attempts to get playful with kira, only to be told she utterly despises him for collaborating with the cardassians during the occupation — forcing him to realize that their snark isn’t a game and that she legitimately doesn’t like him, to the point where he says (verbatim) that he wishes he hadn’t brought it up. this comes up again in the jem’hadar [2x26] when he mentions to odo that kira specifically doesn’t like him, showing how much he internalized that conversation and ruminates over it even with the passage of time — and that’s still not all!

in the collaborator [2x24], there’s a specific exchange between odo, kira, and quark that’s very relevant to the theme of quark feeling rejected and isolated by the crew. transcribing it doesn’t quite do it justice, so i’ll just link the scene itself:

TL;DR: these two show up and quark immediately gets defensive and nervous. given his interactions with odo on a regular basis + kira’s recent (and completely understandable) anger, he figures them confronting him together probably spells out trouble for him. and unfortunately, in typical odo fashion, he doesn’t exactly make him feel any better:

quark: you want something from me, don’t you?

kira: how’d you guess?

odo: it’s simple. we’ve been here more than a minute, and we haven’t insulted him, threatened him, or arrested him.

quark: exactly. so what is it?

quark values odo’s opinion a lot. and while i’m sure odo was just playing around and being sarcastic, this is the last thing quark needed to hear in that moment and solidifies in his mind that he’s only of any value to the others when he’s useful, which ultimately culminates in this confrontation with ben after they’ve been captured by the jem’hadar:

i’ve seen this clip before, but it was only last night, after having seen season 2 to completion, that i finally had the full context for it — specifically, for quark’s emotions, and why he went on his little tirade. he isn’t angry at ben specifically; he’s angry at the entire DS9 crew for (in his mind) treating him like an annoyance that’s only worth speaking to when he gives them something in return. i believe he brings up his species as a whole rather than Just Himself for two reasons: 1, it gives him a roundabout way to express his outrage without getting too vulnerable, and 2, he is attempting to rationalize why he’s faced with the indifference and the animosity that he is. chalking it down to speciesism helps him rationalize why this is happening, but the alternative is also pretty devastating: that they just don’t like him as an individual.

but here’s the kicker: they DO like quark! ben lets him come along on the camping trip despite his wishes to spend time with jake and only jake. he engages in conversation with him, feeds him, and is pretty damn amiable towards him despite quark’s incessant complaining. he defends quark to eris when she expresses annoyance over him. meanwhile, odo specifically joins the rescue mission to make sure quark gets home safe (in his own words!!!) and even tells kira she’d miss quark if anything were to happen to him — they ALL would — and she agrees!

the tragedy is that all of these things are discussed when quark is out of earshot (no pun intended) or just not paying enough attention. but despite his growing disillusionment with them, quark is willing to resort to violence (something he’d really rather avoid) to protect his friends; first demonstrated in invasive procedures and then coming full circle when he lethally shoots a jem’hadar trying to hurt ben, who returns the favour by making sure quark isn’t left behind despite eris’ insistence. and this time, quark IS around to hear that someone cares about him; not just anyone, but the station’s commander, which certainly gives him the validation he’s been craving all season long.

while i can’t find the clip, i think quark’s little monologue to the gloomy morn at the beginning of the episode describes it best; he isn’t just their bartender, he’s their confidant and their friend — or desperately wants to be. unfortunately, his learned / cultural behaviours, impulsivity, and selfish tendencies (as demonstrated when he abandons morn to scurry after his boytoy, aka odo) drive a wedge between him and the people he’s come to want the approval of so badly… and despite his glaring flaws and their often flippant treatment of him, they manage to like him anyway. big ears just needs to listen better, it seems — or maybe his friends need to make their affections a little more obvious.

i just. man. it’s such a subtle arc, one you probably don’t notice unless you’ve been watching a bunch of episodes consecutively like i have (not to mention my, ahem, keen eye on a certain ferengi…), but it’s so satisfying. they didn’t have to do all that for him and they did. this show and its attention to character detail is incredible and i can’t wait to see what else it has in store for me. 🖤

just wanted to see him on his knees, really. funny how i can just draw anything and nobody can stop me