WAKE UP GAY PEOPLE AND BY GAY PEOPLE I MEAN BIGGAYHIMBO STANS

hey so i have a new fic coming (gimmie a month) but in the meantime heres images of my childhood bedroom

i took some of them when i was trying to be happy there and i took some of them when we were trying to run away. i think about the second to last picture often. the sign above it said things worth believing in. i had been trying to fill it for months. i never got the chance to finish it.

every time i thought of something, if i stopped to think about it through goggles that acknowledged how vast and wicked the world could be, in that way you are overwhelmed by evil when you’re little, it never seemed worthy of putting faith in. i only ever managed to add to it when i was blind with happiness, and that came rather irregularly. i always felt guilty about it later; how dare you find bliss in pretty boys and sweets and silly indulgent giggles. i still feel that way sometimes.

i try and find bliss in it anyway now. i think to the voice in my head, “you’re just a child. there’s no sin in happiness. there’s no sin in happiness. tonight you will nick yourself while cooking. tomorrow you will spill a drink. those aren’t sins, either. they’re just reasons to find your bliss now.”

and then the voice says back, “you’re being very silly.” and i think “i can hear you trying not to laugh. it’s beautiful. you’re so beautiful. happiness isn’t a sin.”

the sign was hidden in the corner, with my hope chest and my closet. it was six pages of white construction paper. i never filled up more than 1/8th of a single sheet. i looked at it every night. the first few days, when it was empty, i’d stare at it till i fell asleep kneeling on the floor. my knees would wake me up with stabs of pain, and it felt like penance for being alive. i can’t ever convey how wonderful first putting a marker to that paper felt; the turquoise ink spreading fat, welcome.

i went to sleep in my own bed that night and i woke up the next morning and wondered if the world was really as bad as it felt; and i decided it couldn’t be all that bad. i forgot the decision quickly. for the seventeen minutes i held it, i felt peace.

Have been rewatching ouran recently and decided to doodle my favs. I love these little guys

i’m always like “i can’t write for ohshc anymore, my brain demons will Get Me”

and then i go on tumblr, where the brain demons live

everybody talks shit on renge from ohshc but how many fourteen-year-old girls do you know who would not do the exact same thing. she’s deranged. she’s the realest. she was given the option to make her maladaptive daydream a reality and she was rich and wild enough to do it. fuck human rights she’s evil and i love her.

he’s finally earned that last little box… go completion status… go….

dilfs should fuck each other, solving the problem for themselves and enabling eeven more unrequited lust from freaks on tumblr dot com

dilfs are sexy but age gaps are bad which implies that the only morally correct dynamic with an older man is unrequited lust. discuss

one day i'll actually start posting my fic but today is probably not that day

anyways on a bit of a roll art-wise so have this dumb doodle

who wanna read a play i wrote its real sad and horrible and i wrote it in six hours and it’s perfect and divine

i love bra’ad so much because in all the dnd i’ve played/watched/etc no character has ever captured gay panic so effectively.

while we’re talking about Charlie’s propensity for gay roleplay, here’s one of my favorite Br’aad moments.

i’m a LOSER and all my classmates call me a STONER even though i am NOT one and i have a CAFFIENNE ADDICTION and i am having withdrawl headaches from DIET COKE and i hqve like THREE FRIENDS and i am emotionally shackled to some guy form like two months ago who kept kissing me but only when we were DRUNK and he DOESNT like me and we don’t TALK and i HATE HIM and i hope he DIES and i have NO boyfriend and TWO TEMP JOBS and NO FUCKING MONEY and a BROKE ASS CAR and like THREE FRIENDS and NO BOYFRIEND it bears repeating and i NEED to get hit by an AMERICAN PETERBILT OVERSIZE LOAD SEMI TRUCK!!!!!

wake up gayboys you’re getting a fic tonight.