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Putting 99 in the microwave will cook your food for 99 seconds, but putting 100 will cook your food for 60 seconds.

Smart Ass Answers

SMART ASS ANSWER 5

It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

"What are my choices?" the man asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER 4

A lady was picking through the frozen Chickens at an grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, "Do these Chickens get any bigger?"

The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."

SMART ASS ANSWER 3

The policeman got out of his car and the teenager he stopped for speeding rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the Cop said.

The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."

When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER 2

A truck driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read " Low Bridge Ahead."

Before he realized it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car arrived. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

The truck driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of diesel!"

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR

A teacher at High School reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack, a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-assed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class was reduced to laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."