Thanks For Looking At My Blorbo

Thinking about Writing

I don't know how many people are actually reading this dumb lizard story, but I'm having fun writing it, improv-ing it one day at a time. I already know the main beat of Chapter 3: How Li'l Jevoi Met the Shadow Queen.

“Darling… Kiss immediate”

Kinoshita Kanae VS. Kinoshita Negai

WLC 6.C: Or Not Sexy

Having defeated the witches in honorable combat, Ling now has the chance to explore their lair.

Wasting no time, Ling crawls from the bedchamber back to the main room and enters the next corridor clockwise. These tunnels are as unsafe to navigate as the rooms are: misaligned walls, ceiling overhangs, random steps in the floor.

In the chamber Ling chose arbitrarily, she discovers a yellow-furred minotaur clad in leather armor lying amongst piles of random junk.

"Sheriff Honeycrisp?" asks Ling, "What the- How long have ya been down here?" Ling approaches and shakes the bull.

The sheriff is neither dead nor asleep, but trapped in magical stasis. As he would become an issue in-and-of himself, Ling decides to simply make a note of him.

L: Sleeping bruty would have to wait.

Silently scurrying, Ling looks for another passage. After discovering the kitchen, toilet, and a braintree arboretum, Ling stumbles upon a portal chamber. The dark spiraling tentacled maw shines an unnatural light onto the ceiling.

"Wait there, Dr. Ling," echoes a deep baritone in Ling's mind, "I have been expecting you." As Ling tries to think questions the voice answers them. "I am the entity those witches have attempted to sacrifice children to. Worry not, for I am holding them safe in a private subdomain. However, I cannot safely return them yet; unless I place them back in this specific cave with their kidnappers, they will be flung randomly into your plane. The contract I have mistakenly made must be undone as the trio have gleefully misrepresented my will. Connive a means for them to violate the pact (of which you must uncover yourself) and I shall strip them of the boons they have misused. Be warned, they have studied further arcana; at no point will they truly be defanged. I am asking a lot of you, but I will give you the proof you seek, for I am the teacher you were told of: the missing total six girls and a boy." The vortex adjusts showing Ling the missing children held in a weave of tentacles, eyes, and teeth. "Destroy this coven where my prior agent could not, Wizard Lizard, and I shall reward you."

Ling steps back out of the room, contemplating on both how to confront the coven and how much faith this elder god can afford.

J: And you trusted that? L: It was right; Hanzy was the only boy missing. I was still holding out hope that it was all a misunderstanding and no one was actually evil.

"What're ya prowling around for?" asks a tired Gudrun cloaked only in darkness, causing Ling to jump.

"Water," says Ling, recovering, "Forgot my water."

"Why'd ya come here?" asks Gudrun, low-key irritation growing in her voice.

An idea forms in Ling's mind. "Something called me," she says softly, walking ever closer to the dwarf, "Dark, dangerous." She stops right in Gudrun's face, "Deep." She licks the dwarf's ear. "Do ya feel it down here?"

Gudrun attempts to respond, but emotions and exhaustion cut off all attempts. She sputters, red in the face. Fortunately for her, it is at this exact moment that Zingiber prances into the scene.

"What are you two up to?" she sings, "Ready for round two?"

J: Do you really have to talk about this in front of Dalini. L: She's not listening to this story anyway. Not since ya put that huge cake in front of her. D: CAKE CAKE CAKE NOM CAAAKE L: Great parenting, by the way.

"Always, but I've got a question: what are ya beauties doing down here?" Ling says backing away from Gudrun. "Most witches I know stay clear of the Underdank."

"We're working with someone special," says Zingiber, "He's kind of a pain, though. He speaks in riddles and code. He'll say not to do things when he clearly wants us to do them. The eldritch are silly like that."

Ling nods along. "When's your mate showing up?"

"I guess I can message her; she'll want to meet ya." Gudrun heads back to the bedchamber. "Zinj, ya watch her."

"Absolutely!" shouts Zingiber, "I can show her all my cool murder and torture spells." The elf dances about, like a schoolgirl or an electrified worm.

"Ripper," mutters Ling, her hope bitterly dying.

MKDA has my favorite take on Reptile, even if it's because he was literally going insane.

I miss pirate Nitara too. There's absolutely room in MK for a pirate.

Vampires of the DA era are of impressive size.

Throwing and Battle Damage

Mikado sadly only knows one of the possible throws. With the Naginata, her signature weapon, she can break her opponent's neck. I can cheat her into using the others, but let's talk about a Story mode oddity first.

Neck breaker demonstrated by a fully battle damaged versus Mikado on a clean story Mikado.

In the second game, all four limbs and the torso can be damaged. This is marked with either bloodstains or bandages.

Story damage is in the game's files and code, for all six starting characters' versus outfits and the four unlockable characters from Slash mode, too. This is despite that none of them should be in Story mode.

Uno Reverse Card! This is what Mikado's story outfit looks like with all five damage points.

Mikado, that illegal! You can't use throws in Group Battle Mode!

Hello, demons, it's your boy.

Just posting this to prove I'm real.

Game Manual

Here are some some details and pictures from the games' official manuals.

Mikado and her Shainto counterpart Kaun face off.

The manual pairs her with Jo as speed-type. The stats the ladies have are similar with the four swords, but the polearms are a different story. The Shainto spear is Jo's worst weapon, but the Narukagami naginata is Mikado's best. Mikado and Kaun have the maximum speed and power with the big pointy sticks!

Mikado's stats with each weapon, if you're curious are:

Weapon-----Power----Speed

Naginata----22/22----15/15 Same as Kaun with Yari (Jo is 15 and 12)

Broadsword-15/22-----12/15 Same as Jo

Katana-------12/22-----14/15 Slower than Jo

Nodachi-----15/22-----13/15 Much weaker than Jo (18)

Longsword--10/22----14/15 Slower than Jo (Tied for the weakest Char/Weapon combo in the game.)

Notes: The lowest normal power is 10 and speed is 12. NPCs and the secret duo are above the limit. Mikado is weaker and slower than Kaun with all swords except being as fast with the katana.

In the original game, Mikado and Black Lotus (aka Kokuren, aka James, aka Highwayman) are the medium characters. Sadly, I haven't found the character stats in BB1 yet.

Also, that codename: Gate of the God's Descent. That's even cooler than my nickname for her: the Empress.

Mikado and Tatsumi face off, back when she was balance and he was speed.

These scans came from Archive.org, so that's why the text is scrunched like that.

WLC 3.4: Up to Gank

Gash leads Jevoi up the stairs to the safest part of the tower, behind the shell of the Tarasque. Feeling her bitterness of being led away, he asks, "Who is your 'nana'?"

"You really want to know?" Jevoi's voice is sudden and loud. "Nana Ning's the coolest. She's super-fast and has all of the knives."

"Is that so?" asks Gash, looking over his shoulder, "What can she do with them?"

"She's a super sneaky acrobat and kills bad guys," says Jevoi running ahead of Gash, "I want to be just like her!" She turns back toward him. "But Mum hates Nana, she'll never let me."

"Yeah, I get it," says Gash, "My ma was against me learning magic." He manifests and twirls a knife before banishing it.

"But you did anyway?" asks Jevoi looking up into his eyes, "How did ya do it?"

Gash hesitates, but decides to answer, "My sister and I ran away from home."

L: I'ma kill him.

"But you shouldn't."

"Why not?" whines Jevoi.

"Your ma's a wizard; she'll catch you," he leans down and whispers, "So you should study all her tricks first; that way she can't catch you." He stands up and continues on as roaring and explosions occur in the distance.

L: Death threat rescinded.

Jevoi gasps, "You're really smart, Mr. Gash!"

Gash laughs, "That's why Boss Mel trusts me. Now right through here is Gank."

"Who's she?" asks Jevoi, as further explosions sound from outside.

"Why don't you ask her yourself?" He opens a door, and says, "Hey, Gank, got someone for you to meet."

The bedroom's walls are decorated with stars and crescents. The plum bed is almost as big as Ling's. Lying on the bed, idly kicking her feet and reading a large tome is a teenage reptilian with a spiky armored body and four clawed arms. She's wearing a black wig with a magenta stripe in its bangs and tiny black trunks.

D: Is that why you wear that wig? J: It looks great, right?

Jevoi hides behind Gash's leg, too nervous to approach.

"What d'ya want, old man?" asks Gank. She looks up from her book. "Need me to babysit for ya?"

WLC 2.E: Only Human

"Never met a human before," says Ling, "Did ya come down here yourself?"

Melandria nods, still eating.

"Why'd ya do it? How'd ya do it?"

Melandria finishes the potato. "I needed to get away," she says, opening her arms wide, "As you can see, I'm a freak."

"I don't see it," says Ling, "I just see a woman tired of being treated like s***e. Not particularly uncommon."

"Darkness flows through me," says Melandria as the distant shadows over the room flare up, "I belong to the depths, unfettered by the physical world."

L: Or would that flare down?

J: Don't overthink it, Mum.

"Don't cut yourself on that edge, mate," says Ling, walking about to inspect the throne, "'Sides, ya're a queen; ya've got people that like ya."

"Three people," says Melandria, somberly, then her voice picks back up, "Maybe four?"

"Three?" Ling turns suddenly. "How are you a queen with only three subjects?"

"I'm not," says Melandria, "The Shadow Queen is just a cool title. I control literal darkness; I am the queen of shadows. No one lives in this underground sandpit."

Ling throws her arms into the air. "Brilliant," she says, "B****y brilliant." She begins walking toward the door.

"Wait," says Melandria, "I still want to know about this business idea you had."

Ling turns back to the not-actually-a-queen. "I'm researching how to grow food in the Underdank, but-"

Melandria's red eyes light up. "Then I would love to help!" She sways to the side and mutters to herself, "A chance to prove I'm not a monster."

"Ya're not a monster," says Ling, "Your body doesn't define ya."

"You don't know what they called me on the surface."

"And ya don't know what they called me at school."

D: What did they call you at school?

L: Ya don't need to know that.

"Still," says Melandria, racing over to Ling, "I won't take 'no' for an answer." She puffs out her chest. "My appearance is how I'm judged down here too; I had to work myself back up to monster. The orcs, the Vrow, I'm an object to them."

Ling nods. "I may not look it," she says, licking her eyes, "But I have a similar rep. 'DuMb LiZaRd BrAiN.'"

"Was that your school name?" Melandria opens the door into the foyer and leads out.

"I worked myself up to the bad one," smugly says Ling, following, "How'd ya think I got in here? Speaking of: ya've got two tallgoblins working for ya, so who's the third?"

"An extremely encouraging young woman," says Melandria with a smile, "Named Kirono."

WLC 2.6: A Whole Lot of Hole

Down into the darkness the party did travel, climbing down by hand. One of Kalyani's staves carried a spell that allowed Maraja to imitate Ling's natural climbing.

"Do you really do thhiss every week?" asks Kalyani, carrying her entire weight on her hands alone, "Care to ssay why, dear?"

"Plant research," says Ling, climbing slow enough to keep pace while also carrying the priestess' bag, "I'm experimenting with biolumies in the Cave."

"Bio loomies?" asks Kalyani.

"Rocks and shrooms that glow down there," says Ling, "Trying to find a way to farm in the dark."

"For what purposse?" asks Kalyani, "The food crississ issn't from lack of light."

J: It is odd that you started there. L: Well, it's all I could afford at the time.

"If food can grow in the Caves," answers Ling, "That's a reason to get those b*****ds down there to stop raiding other parts of the Glow."

"Iss thhat why you moved here?" asks Kalyani, "And from where?"

"From Ozzel," says Ling, "Went to Lemonbum's Wiz School. Thought my accent would make it obvy. Where ya from, Sister? Ya don't sound local either."

"Her eyess led me here from thhe cloudss of Shheshhaparvata," says Kalyani, her voice more melodic, "Every few yearss, I-"

"CAN YOU STOP TALKING?" shouts Maraja, whose descent was far more cautious, "HOW ARE YOU SO CALM?"

"Breathhe, dear," says Kalyani, "Move one limb at a time."

The light from above suddenly ceases to be; Bobbobo had closed the dome.

"THE OPENING CLOSED," yells Maraja, her voice cracking, "I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!"

J: Why didn't you have any light with you? L: Ya think seeing how far down it was would help? Or seeing the light be swallowed by the abyss? The temptation of looking down would've killed her. J: Point taken.

"Mate, panicking is just making ya slower," says Ling, "Which means ya're up here longer. I'd be bottomside already if I weren't watching ya. Remember why ya're here."

"I'M TRYING!" screams Maraja, "WHAT IF WE FALL?"

"Then I'll jump after ya," says Ling, "I'm a wizard; I've a spell to save ya."

"WHY NOT USE IT NOW!?"

"If I use it too soon, it won't work."

"Remember, what shhe ssaid yessterday," says Kalyani, "Disstractsion. Tell uss more about thhiss lady we're following."

"Okay, okay," says Maraja, trying to calm her breath, "I can... do that."