[nsfw!] Caleb Fucking You

(x)

cab quiz with dan and phil

This was 365 days in the making! What a year, guys.

Gurlll we need hamzah x longterm!gf!reader

Like they've been together since 4freakshow, maybe she was even a member. I just can imagine him taking her camping cause he liked it sm with martiin and they make a vlog and they're just super cute and the fans love em and all. Omg i need him like NOW!!

STOPPPP THIS IS SO CUTE omg, i’ll probably tap into the camping one later i just really like the idea of reader being his long term gf and needed to whip something up asap. also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAMZAH 🥳

i like the idea of you not being in freakshow and everytime hamzah brings up having a girlfriend literally no one believes him to the point where it becomes a running bit that you’re completely made up LOLLL like that one kid in school that’d always be like “i have a gf she just goes to a different school 😑”

he didn’t talk about you very much due to respecting your privacy and not wanting to air out your business and relationship until you were ready, but he also just thought it’d be soooo funny to have everyone believe he didn’t have a girlfriend only to reveal on stream that you’re very very real.

and he’s beyond excited when you tell him you’re okay with announcing yourself, comes up with a whole plan on how you’ll do it during his birthday stream.

it’s like towards the end of the freakshow stream, hamzah is mid sentence when you walk into his room, he’s like “i didn’t even — oh hey”

he’d instructed you to strap one of those silly party hats on him, hand him a cupcake, kiss him on the lips, then leave without saying a word siisjwjsjjsjsns and the chat goes crazy of course and the other freakshow members go quiet bc they were also very convinced you weren’t real, and he’s like —

hamzah: why’s everyone quiet?

claire: ??

haley: ??

chase: who the hell was that.

h: my girlfriend?? duh. anyways i gotta go

immediately hops off the stream but joins you in the next room to watch the remainder of it and read comments. he’s pretty pleased with himself too until the chat is convinced you’re an actress he hired just for this 😭

caleb who absolutely despises every fictional man you have a crush on growing up. he wishes those movies, shows, books, whatever it is, were wiped off the face of the planet. what does this 2d man have that he, your best friend, the one always by your side, doesn't?

celebrities make him even more enraged. he has to resist the urge to burn your dozens of photo cards that are all in one little binder. it would be so easy. the posters on your wall that stare at him every time he enters your room are a reminder that you look at them more lovingly than him. and even worse: they get to look at you.

god forbid he finds out you're reading fan fiction about them. he might actually explode. you left your laptop open and he finds posts that almost make him punch the nearby wall. you're fantasizing about being with them? romantically? sexually? he feels a murderous rage when he finds out. at least now he knows what you want in a relationship, although this is the last desirable way for him to find out.

it takes every fiber of his being, all of his strength, to keep his rage contained. his smiles are tight and forced, but you don't realize that as you gush about a new appearance of your favorite character.

but caleb loves to see you happy. he'll talk with you about anything and everything just to see you smile. so he bears it. he keeps it all in.

dan: *pulls out flowers*

dan: hey babe, happy 7 years

phil: *confused face*

phil: i’m 31

5:39 AM and im still conscious, baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sweetnerd

@toxycodone / @maniacpixiedreamboy been waiting to post this one for ya (based on this post of his)

summary - daisuke -desperate for some release after months of passionless jerking- begs to eat you out one night.

1 k words / 18+! mdni

Recently, the lock on medical had been snapped off. Thankfully, you knew the culprit to be Swansea after a belligerent search for painkillers. And unfortunately, you were responsible for watching over the numerous drugs each night.

Well, you claim it’s a misfortune but really you placed the burden upon yourself. Anya insisted that she would sit with you -- seemed borderline inconsolable at the idea of you being there alone. Then she told you the code to unlock the ship’s gun.

You weren’t sure why a nurse and her assistant had access to the gun when even Captain Curly didn’t, but you also weren’t getting paid enough to ask. Besides, you’ve never had a reason to use it so why concern yourself?

As if sensing all such serenity, the Tulpar bangs outside. Then Daisuke is clambering inside, hands on the doorframe and cheeks flush. His knees are pressed together, his whole body bent like some cheap hanger. Hair tousled, strands upright in odd angles -almost electric in nature. If not for the utter strangling silence behind him and his heavy breathing, you might’ve thought the rest of the ship was on fire.

“Dai… suke..?” you sit up groggily, scrubbing exhaustion from your eye, “The hell’s wrong with you? Do you know what time it is?”

“Do you?” he shoots, abandoning the argument a second later in favor of quietly humming, “I wanted to ask you…”

“Yeah?”

“Uhm, ugh… It was easier in my head… earlier…” he mumbles, hand drifting down toward his pelvis. He scrunches the crotch of his sleep pants, a lofty sigh escaping at the squeeze, “Can you- I’m just, you get it? You’ve gotta,” he clenches his eyes, seemingly shaking away the humiliation that very instant and looking at you with the biggest, wettest plead you’ve ever seen, “Can you please sit on my face while I jerk off please? Please?”

The pinched look on your face does not scream disgust, which only relieves him slightly -- he hadn’t really considered what he’d do if you reported his question to Captain Curly. Head too hot with want to forethink something as trivial as a sexual harassment lawsuit.

“Why…?” you lean back, hesitant though not appalled.

“I need to get off, like crazy,” he stumbles forward, slow enough for you to roughly shove him back if you want to, “All I got is an old mag, and it’s junk!” you can hear the delirium thrumming through him the longer you keep him waiting, “You’re so hot, I just wanna eat you out… You don’t even have to do anything, just ride my face! I’ll be good, I promise. We can stop whenever, too, I don’t need to finish,” he swallows harshly before whispering something you’re not totally sure you were meant to hear, “Just the memory could make me cum anyway.”

“Uhm…”

“I’ll give you some of my sweetener stash!”

“I don’t want that, Daisuke…”

“Then forget you heard it!” his dark eyes scramble over your body, “What else can I give you?”

Your own gaze flips over his shoulder, out the still open medical door and down the hall. Empty. Quiet. You snag him by the loose collar of his spare Pony Express shirt, sunshine fabric pillowing between your finger, wrangling him into the bay.

“Just be quiet,” you hiss, “The lock’s busted.”

Daisuke’s rosy lips drawl upward, loose and loopy and disbelieving, “You’re serious?”

“Aren’t you?”

He nods hastily, jumping back onto one of the care beds before flattening across it -- pleading silently up at you with wet puppy eyes while scrubbing sweaty palms down his thighs. Crinkling the soft material until it’s ricketing down his knees; watching hawklike as you slowly strip. Then you crawl atop of him, he clutches you by the hips and blows out a wildly uneven breath.

Barely able to find the strength to blink -lest he be cursed to cut the sight of your bare skin from his eyes- Daisuke only just scrounges the wherewithal to assist you into kneeling over his scorched face.

Exhaling between your thighs, Daisuke winds one hand around your thigh -blunt nails digging into the fat- while wrapping his cock with the other.

Craning his neck, he approaches eating you out the exact way you assumed he would: eagerly and without forethought. Absent of technique, but so full of hunger; his tongue parting and swirling wherever he pleases in that moment. As rhythmless as he is, he’s overtly sloppy -- wet clicks livening the silent room.

Billows of loose breath echoing. You sigh as he whimpers into you. Your weight jostling over his face as he bucks wildly into his tight fist -the resulting gasp only makes him thrust up harder.

“Ah, Daisuke,” pure instinct encourages you to reach down and wrangle his hair, keeping him still for you to grind down and fuck his face. Swirling your hips for that wet friction and Daisuke puts up no fight: only moaning louder into you. Vibrations making you shudder and weep again, “Ah- Daisuke!”

He croons beneath the praise, thumbing the soaking head of his cock while tongue-fucking you open. Desperately stretching his neck to nuzzle deeper into you with his own mewls leakier than a broken faucet. The messy sound of his clenched fist rapidly working his cock grows louder -- you glance over your shoulder to find him shiny with precum. Hand a mere blur over his thick erection. Ruby head peeking at you with every thrust until pearly ropes are painting his knuckles -- some more ambitious shots flying onto your back.

You’d somewhat expected him to slide back like some content, melty goop.

Daisuke surprises you when he smears cum over you whole before using it as lube to slide in, nearing knuckle deep. He moans in time with you as if he can feel it -or maybe just because feeling you clench around him is that good.

“God,” he whimpers beneath you, fingers curling inside you, “I could die down here…”

It might’ve been alarming, if he hadn’t said it so dreamily.

Maybe you’ll let him go down on you more often, if he’s always going to be so eager.

andy speaks: i offer you child of ares!caleb 🤲 this was written with child of aphrodite!reader in mind 🐣 peep the hozier and love, rosie reference ><

child of ares!caleb who makes you spar with him at any given time only to lose because he got distracted by your pretty face. 

“not fair play.” he groans on the ground after tripping. “do you need help getting up?” despite his grumbles, he takes your hand with a sly smirk and yanks you down to him.

child of ares!caleb who stares down anyone who dares to talk to you. how dare they take up your time that could've been spent with him? 

his cold gaze makes the other person tremble and rush to get away. the moment you turned to face him, all confused because why did that person just run, caleb is all smiley. eyes bright and hands already reaching out to cup your face and give you eskimo kisses.

child of ares!caleb who grins like he's high off anesthesia whenever you fuzz about his injuries. he melts in your hold everytime you kiss his bruises and gashes, wishing him a speedy recovery.

he’s not above intentionally getting his lips busted just so you can smooch his pain away.

child of ares!caleb who doesn’t like you to worry too much. 

he smoothes out the furrow in your brows with a thumb, followed with a soft kiss to your lips. “i'm strong,” he assures you. for as long as he lives, you will never have to worry about losing him. even death can’t keep him apart from you. no grave can hold him down— he’ll always crawl back home to you.

child of ares!caleb who is never not in awe of your beauty. his eyes find you at all times. he stares at you with love and complete adoration, tracing your every features with his gaze like he’s tattooing you onto his mind.

child of ares!caleb who gets touchy feely. his hands roam your body like they belong there, yet he gets flustered when you do the same to him. his ears redden and his cheeks are dusted light pink the moment your fingers graze his biceps.

child of ares!caleb realizes he’s in love with you when you almost died on a mission. he grabs your wrist and pulls you into your room. 

“you could've died today.” he mutters, jaw clenched and breaths heavy. 

“but i didn't. i couldn't die when i knew someone was waiting for me to come home.”

“you drive me insane.” caleb cups your face and crashes his lip into yours. it’s rough, it’s needy, it’s desperate. he kisses you like he’s pouring every unspoken word he wishes to say into it.

child of ares!caleb who’s rough at the edges but you soften him. you kiss every scar of his. you hold him every night. you kiss him like he’s a saint to be worshipped. he claims he’s tainting you yet you welcome him with an open heart. 

child of ares!caleb who will always, honestly, truly, completely love you.

glad to see the yee never dies