29/09/18 - 18/100 Days Of Productivity

Good morning, sunshine!

My eyes snapped open at 7:30am so I figured I’d have a wash, stretch out my aching muscles and do some maths. After this I’ll go and grab some breakfast :)

It’s finally half term so the pressure is momentarily off and I can catch up on all my outstanding tasks.

I feel like I’ve achieved a lot in the past couple of hours I’ve been up!

Have an amazing day!

To lost dreams...

From 5 years old, I was dead set on being a writer. I have always been interested in language and was rewarded with a great sense of satisfaction when the nuances of words resonated in my head. It didn’t matter to me that I have aphantasia because I didn’t know it existed. (It’s like a play in my head where the actors are playing behind a closed curtain - and I’m the wrong side of it.) All I knew is that each word was unique even in the face of its synonyms, and I felt those differences coursing through my very own neurones. I still do!

I was the child who, instead of going out to play, curled up in the corner and took herself to a world of her own invention through the means of the written word. I saw sheets of paper more than I saw the sun and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Who cares if I’d have to be the starving artist for a while? Who cares that I’d likely have been hit by more rejections than acceptances?

And then secondary school started. English became more about regurgitating someone else’s analyses in essays than being creative. People used to look at me as if to say, “A writer? What a waste of a brain.” My mind became aware of its blindness and I became severely depressed - and I stopped writing altogether. I am scared to admit that my mind fights to find words sometimes. I am even more afraid to admit that I have nothing about which to write at all anymore.

My five-year-old self would be so disappointed... she sacrificed her imagination - the greatest part of herself - to the hands of an education system that moulds us into depressed conformists.

How were you allowed to take 5 subjects? My school only let's you take a maximum of 4 and most people are encouraged to drop down to 3 subjects after the first year.

That’s normally the rule at my sixth form, too. Originally I was taking 4 subjects, and then I decided that I wanted to pursue chemistry instead of languages - and for that I’d need maths. I asked the director of sixth form if I could self-teach and just be entered for the exams - and he said yes, because I was too stubborn to take no for an answer haha

Break the problem down

From personal experience, life is hard and stress hits you like a tonne of bricks. Exams are coming, deadlines are forever nearing and you feel like one thing is coming at you after another and you can’t possibly finish all this in time to the best of your ability but omg everyone will be mad or disappointed if you don’t and AHHHHHHHH

Stop that.

When you are overwhelmed by stress and believe you cannot possibly succeed, face that shit objectively. Write your stress source down or talk it out and belittle it as much as you can.

For example: “holy shit I have to sit an A Level in Maths and I’ve been learning the content for less than a year all on my own. I don’t have many practice materials and that shit looks hard. I will run out of time because I also have 4 other A Levels to sit and I will fail.” (Me irl bc I’m crazy)

Becomes: “It’s a few questions on a sheet of paper. All you have to do is work on your weaknesses. You should make a timetable to prove to yourself you have time. It’s not A* or bust - do your best.”

Because that’s all it is. Take the emotions away from the problem. Temporarily take everything that’s riding on that one thing away and strip it right back to what it’s really about. Make yourself believe that it is not above you. Once you convince yourself you can do it, actually doing it becomes a hell of a lot easier.

*I’m not saying those things are not important or not a big deal. I’m saying for the sake of your sanity, make it manageable.*

1/10/18 - 19/100 days of productivity

Happy October everyone!

I can’t believe September just disappeared! Anyway, I had the morning off school so I analysed chapters 2 and 3 of the first part of Der Vorleser in preparation for tomorrow’s lesson, and I also finished some chemistry graphs. Then I read some L’invitée (nope, still not done with that 😂) and am currently binge watching documentaries about genetics, epigenetics and genetic disorders. Also, Khan Academy videos about the lac and trp operons. Highly awesome.

Can you tell I love genetics?

Also: have a tiny potato. It’s not mine and I don’t know who created it but I feel like I want to share this because it makes me smile.

Have a great week!

2/5/19

I get a fizzing feeling all over when I solve a puzzle :)

Or it may be a heart attack brought on by the fact that’s it’s flipping May already!

Nah nah nah it ain’t the genders that get you, it’s the cases. I used to chant them in my head but sometimes it wasn’t in my head and people looked at me like I was the girl with the knife.

*demonic chanting*

der die das die

den die das die

dem der dem den

DES DER DES DER

Wow this is me and I’ve always been made to feel bad about it

Loving the green 💕

Some micro-biology notes from today🍏🐦🐢☘

I used to be in an advanced biology class back when I was in school and for the next semester I decided to take a class which will include an exam at the end of the semester.

So interesting, I missed it a lot!

10-12/1/19 - 4-6/100 days of productivity

Omg I am so bad at posting but I promise I have been productive! I’ve done all my homework and read ahead in advance because I am missing Monday and Tuesday’s lessons as I am flying to Berlin tomorrow and spending my 18th birthday there!

Have an amazing week 💕