Mercury Signs

parties

never knows what to wear: cancer, libra, scorpio, aquarius

knows what they want to wear: taurus, gemini, leo, capricorn

goes nude: aries, virgo, sagittarius, pisces

The end of the world

Virgo: FUUUUUUCK FUCK FUCK THE WORLD IS ENDING SHIT WHAT DO WE DO AAAAAHHHHH IS EVERYONE OKAY? ANYONE HURT? OMG AQUARIUS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING NEAR THAT CLIFF?! COME HERE NOW YOU'RE GONNA DIE!

Aquarius: *falls on his knees* The day has come. I'm going home. At long last I'm going home! Oh alien friends, I can't thank you enough for this! The world is ending!! IT'S FINALLY ENDING!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

Virgo:

Virgo: Okay fuck him, everyone let's go find a shelter.

Flora for the Zodiac

The signs as various myths and legends surrounding the origin/creation of certain flowers (not the flowers directly associated with each zodiac sign).

ARIES // Amaryllis (Greek) – A love struck maiden longed for the handsome Alteo, but he was cold to her. In a desperate gesture, she pierced her heart with a golden arrow and walked to visit him every day. On the thirteenth day, beautiful scarlet flowers bloomed along the path from every drop of her blood. Alteo fell in love with her, and her heart was healed.

TAURUS // Rose (Greek) – Chloris, the goddess of flowers, found one of her beautiful nymphs dead in the woods. She cried, and turned body into a flower. She asked her husband Zephyr, the wind, to blow the clouds away so Apollo could shower her in sunlight. Dionysus added nectar for fragrance, and Aphrodite added pure beauty, then named it for her son, Eros, and hailed her the “Queen of Flowers”.

GEMINI // Foxglove (Celtic) – Foxgloves from “Folks Glove”, as in fairy folk. Fairies would hide in the bell blossoms and wear them as petticoats, caps and gloves. If you pluck the foxglove, it angered them and they may play tricks in revenge! Fairies would give the flowers to foxes so they wouldn’t get caught raiding chicken coupes. With the magic gloves on, they could steal eggs without making a sound.

CANCER // Pārijāta (Hindu) – Pārijāta was a princess who fell in love with the sun god, Surya. However, he left her for another. When he deserted her, the princess became hopeless and committed suicide. From her ashes grew a tree. Unable to stand the sight of the lover who broke her heart, the flowers only bloom at night under the eyes of the moon, and she sheds them like tear-drops before the sun rises.

LEO // Sunflower (Greek) – The nymph Clythia was in love with the God of the Sun, Apollo, but he shunned her and courted a princess. Jealous Clythia told the king who, furious at the princess, buried her alive. Saddened, Apollo went back to heavens without a word. She lay on the ground distraught for nine days, watching him, hoping for a single glance. Clythia wasted away and became a flower, whose petals still follow his chariot across the sky each day, waiting for forgiveness.

VIRGO // Aster (Greek) – When the god Jupiter decided to flood the earth to destroy the men constantly at war, the goddess Astraea was so upset she asked to be turned into a star. Her wish was granted, but when the flood waters receded she wept for the loss of lives. As her tears turned to stardust and fell to earth, the beautiful aster flower sprung wherever they landed.

LIBRA // Anemone (Greek) – Chloris, the goddess of flowers, was married to Zephyr, the god of the west wind. Zephyr fell in love with a beautiful nymph that served Chloris named Anemone. Jealous and angry, the goddess banished her to keep them apart, and Anemone died of a broken heart. Zephyr resurrected her as a flower. She withers every winter but returns every spring to greet Zephyr with open petals.

SCORPIO // Peony (Chinese) – Queen Wu was disheartened to see only winter jasmine in her garden. She wrote a poem to the goddess of flowers asking her to make everything bloom that night instead of waiting for spring. The next morning, all flowers flourished except the peony, which refused to bloom out of season. She was offended and banished it. Once gone, it bloomed beautifully. Furious, she ordered it to be burned – however the next year, the burnt peony grew back. With black petals.

SAGITTARIUS // Pa'u-o-Hi'iaka (Hawaiian) – When Hi'iaka, the goddess of island nature, was a baby her older sister, the Volcano goddess Pele, left her on the beach while she went fishing. Due to a storm, Pele was gone for a very long time. When she returned, she found flowering vines had grown over the baby to shield her from the sun. Hi'iaka now wears them as a skirt to protect her on adventures and in the forests.

CAPRICORN // Aconite (Greek) – As one of his twelve labors, the hero Hercules was sent to fetch the three-headed dog Cerberus from the underworld. With the help of Persephone, he was successful. The spittle of the beast dripped upon the rocky earth, and from it sprang the first aconite plant. The purple wolfsbane flowers are elegant, but it’s leaves and roots are deathly poisonous.

AQUARIUS // Iris (Greek) – The goddess Iris would bring messages to the gods across the sky, appearing to mortals as a rainbow. She acted as the link between the heavens and earth, where she left irises of many colors, the three upright petals symbolizing hope, valor, and wisdom. If purple Irises were planted over the graves of women, it would summon the Goddess, who would guide the dead in their journey.

PISCES // Water Lily (Brazilian) – When the moon goddess, Jaci, hid behind the mountains, she’d take beautiful girls with her and turn them into stars. Naiá, a girl who loved the goddess, dreamt of becoming a star, so she roamed the mountains every night. While resting by the lake, she saw the moon’s reflection, dove into the water and drowned. To reward Naiá for her sacrifice, Jaci turned her into a star different from all the others – the star of the waters.

You Know The Signs Are Tired When They Say...

Taurus will always aim to do the right thing. Morality runs deep through their veins, so when the world shuts down and they become tired, they will apologize to you endlessly. Their conscious will prompt them to, even if it’s a simple apology over something meaningless, whereas Sagittarius, let’s it all out. They ask for help. Where do you think you stand? What do you our predictive astrology readings will tell you about your conscious off guard?

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THE SIGNS AS GODS & GODDESSES

Aries: God of Fire & the Seven Circles of Hell, punishing the sinners and heretics

Taurus: Goddess of the Home & Hearth, protecting our loved ones and our shelter

Gemini: God of Scholars & Education, watches over the spread of information and knowledge

Cancer: Goddess of Women, all things soft & feminine

Leo: God of Animals & Children, all things wild & free

Virgo: Goddess of Snow & Natural Phenomena, cruel yet natural and beautiful

Libra: God of Justice & Beauty, vain yet fair

Scorpio: Goddess of Death & Darkness, the dead and the afraid

Sagittarius: God of Travel & Adventure, new experiences and foreign affairs

Capricorn: Goddess of Success & Fame, fortune and notoriety. The She-wolf of Wall Street

Aquarius: God of Discovery & Technology, all things metal and shiny

Pisces: Goddess of the Ocean & Emotion, the seas are at the mercy of her moods

THE SIGNS AS WEIRD LAWS IN THE U.S.

Aries: It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house. (Ohio)

Taurus: It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (Indiana)

Gemini: It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (Pennsylvania)

Cancer: Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. (Arizona)

Leo: Prison workers will no longer be allowed to have sex with inmates. (California)

Virgo: It is illegal to sell one’s eye. (Texas)

Libra: It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he/she got hurt in your house.(Michigan)

Scorpio: It is against the law to have sex with a corpse. (Illinois)

Sagittarius: Candy may not contain more than 1% of alcohol. (Massachusetts)

Capricorn: The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (New York)

Aquarius: It is illegal not to drink milk. (Utah)

Pisces: A person must be at least eighteen years old to play a pinball machine. (South Carolina)

Zodiac Masterlist

 Signs as SPN Soulmates

Signs as SPN Weapons

Signs as SPN Characters

Signs as SPN Seasons

Signs as SPN Actors

Signs as Cas/Dean

Signs As SPN Quotes

Signs as Types of Deans

Signs as SPN Gifs

Signs as Destiel Gifs

Signs as SPN Halloween Gifs

Signs as Supernatural Creatures

Signs as SPN Christmas Gifs

Signs as Types of Hunters

THE SIGNS AS BONES CHARACTERS

Temperance "Bones" Brennan: Virgo

Agent Seeley Booth: Leo

Jack Hodgins: Taurus

Zack Addy: Gemini

Angela Montenegro: Aquarius

Daniel Goodman: Capricorn

type of humor

aries: deadpan

taurus: knock knock jokes

gemini: self-deprecating

cancer: juvenile 

leo: hyberbolic

virgo: morbid

libra: highbrow

scorpio: sarcasm 

sagittarius: puns

capricorn: memes

aquarius: stand-up

pisces: situational irony