Zodiac Signs As Monsters!

Please don't copy to other sites without permission. I done this piece as while ago at Christmas, only just feel comfortable sharing it. Please let me know what you think

Samelia Pondchester

YES GOOD

Who cooks: Sam prefers to but they alternate

Who does the laundry and other chores: Both

How many children do they have: Two

Who’s more dominate: Sam

Favorite nonsexual activity: Picnics

Their favourite place to be together: Home

Any traditions: Every Christmas they go all out, Sam decorating the house to the extreme with Amy complaining about having to take it down later, but secretly loving every moment of it. Then they have proper big family dinners, inviting Dean, Castiel and the Doctor along.

Their “song”: Copacabana by Barry Manilow, the song that was playing when Sam proposed.

What they do for each other on holidays: Say they won’t give each other presents but then both of them still get each other presents.

Where did they go for their honeymoon: France

Where did they first meet: Amy was in America for a break and got caught up in one of Sam and Dean’s hunts. Then she asked him out and a year later in the middle of a hunt decided to get married and had Castiel do the wedding authorising thingy.

Any pets: A dog, though Amy was reluctant at first

What do they fight over: Sam’s hair.

Do they go on vacations, if so where: Anywhere really. They’ll get the Doctor to pick them up, specifying somewhere safe even though they know it rarely ends up being that way.

Signs as Settlements

Aries: a condominium in a high rise at the crazy city life will suit these energetic people. at the city cos it's where they really belong, in a high rise, so they'll be far away from the bustling when they wanna recharge.

Taurus: in a quaint little town that looks like it's out of a disney or ghibli movie. they love it when a place makes them feel all gooey inside, however and whatever that is, so a beautiful quiet village will be a+++ for them

Gemini: they'd choose a nice loft where their work, family, friends, recreational places (basically all connections) are close. for them, it's okay to spend a bit more for a nice place that makes everything reachable.

Cancer: a very laid back farm! or a place with accessible vast lands. these family people don't need anything else anyway as long as they got their family with them, and their friends knowing where to find them.

Leo: they envision their selves living in a very grand abode because hell why not? but since they ain't stupid not to know how high maintenance a gigantic house can be, a villa would be suitable for their tastes.

Virgo: they'd go gaga for those house designs ikea promote; not too big not too small, minimalistic but very chic and organized. they'd want their place to be utilized and transform into whatever purpose they want.

Libra: a cabin, definitely a nice cozy cabin just in the middle of the crazy city life and tranquilizing seclusion. they want to settle down in a place where de-stressing is easy and balance is easy to reach.

Scorpio: they'd love a modern and sophisticated beach house where they have the free reign to talk long walks at the shore and de-clutter their thoughts, and invite family and friends for gatherings and catching up.

Sagittarius: since they're in love with travelling, their rents would be short-terms, they'd invest on a home van, maybe even a portable house. the idea of bringing their home wherever they go is great for them.

Capricorn: they love being on top, and that goes to where they live too. realistically, they'd love to have an attic apartment with the rooftop for them. then after nonstop hustling, they'd get their penthouse of their dream.

Aquarius: mhm, a house that has some history story behind it, styled in soft bohemian or rococo which they'd take the liberty of customizing. they'd only call it their home if they see their fragments all over the place.

Pisces: these people may have the "come what may" attitude, they'd love to have a manor in a nice above-average suburb, surrounded by trees and a nice community, just having that peachy and rested life they want for their own.

THE SIGNS AS GODS & GODDESSES

Aries: God of Fire & the Seven Circles of Hell, punishing the sinners and heretics

Taurus: Goddess of the Home & Hearth, protecting our loved ones and our shelter

Gemini: God of Scholars & Education, watches over the spread of information and knowledge

Cancer: Goddess of Women, all things soft & feminine

Leo: God of Animals & Children, all things wild & free

Virgo: Goddess of Snow & Natural Phenomena, cruel yet natural and beautiful

Libra: God of Justice & Beauty, vain yet fair

Scorpio: Goddess of Death & Darkness, the dead and the afraid

Sagittarius: God of Travel & Adventure, new experiences and foreign affairs

Capricorn: Goddess of Success & Fame, fortune and notoriety. The She-wolf of Wall Street

Aquarius: God of Discovery & Technology, all things metal and shiny

Pisces: Goddess of the Ocean & Emotion, the seas are at the mercy of her moods

The end of the world

Virgo: FUUUUUUCK FUCK FUCK THE WORLD IS ENDING SHIT WHAT DO WE DO AAAAAHHHHH IS EVERYONE OKAY? ANYONE HURT? OMG AQUARIUS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING NEAR THAT CLIFF?! COME HERE NOW YOU'RE GONNA DIE!

Aquarius: *falls on his knees* The day has come. I'm going home. At long last I'm going home! Oh alien friends, I can't thank you enough for this! The world is ending!! IT'S FINALLY ENDING!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!

Virgo:

Virgo: Okay fuck him, everyone let's go find a shelter.

The Signs Dancing

Taurus: Has one good move they just do over and over.

Gemini: Is actually really good hot damn.

Cancer: Can't and wont dance.

Leo: TEARIN' UP THE FLOOR WOAH

Virgo: cute little head bobs but nothing else

Libra: can only do group dances

Scorpio: DOING THE WORM OR SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE THAT YOOO

Sagittarius: best twerker in the world

Capricorn: can't dance but doesn't give a fuck and dances anyway because yolo.

Aquarius: nobody thinks they can dance and then they surprise everyone by doing something crazy amazing.

Pisces: can only dance sexually

Aries: has no sense of rhythm

the signs as superpowers

aries : telekinesis

taurus : animal communication

gemini : laser vision

cancer : empath

leo : no power, you're just a good person

virgo : super speed

libra : super intelligence

scorpio : mind control

sagittarius : super strength

capricorn : immortality

aquarius : being rich

pisces : all of them

THE SIGNS AS THE 7 DEMON PRINCES OF HELL

Lucifer (pride) - Leo, Aquarius

Beelzebub (envy) - Gemini, Virgo

Sathanus (wrath) - Aries, Sagittarius

Abaddon (sloth) - Pisces

Mammon (greed) - Capricorn

Belphegor (gluttony) - Taurus, Cancer

Asmodeus (lust) - Libra, Scorpio

THE SIGNS AS WEIRD LAWS IN THE U.S.

Aries: It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house. (Ohio)

Taurus: It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public. (Indiana)

Gemini: It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors. (Pennsylvania)

Cancer: Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. (Arizona)

Leo: Prison workers will no longer be allowed to have sex with inmates. (California)

Virgo: It is illegal to sell one’s eye. (Texas)

Libra: It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he/she got hurt in your house.(Michigan)

Scorpio: It is against the law to have sex with a corpse. (Illinois)

Sagittarius: Candy may not contain more than 1% of alcohol. (Massachusetts)

Capricorn: The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (New York)

Aquarius: It is illegal not to drink milk. (Utah)

Pisces: A person must be at least eighteen years old to play a pinball machine. (South Carolina)

The Signs Realizing They Love Someone

Aries: Gets excited; immediately says it; is the sweetest person ever and really passionate lover; realizes they don’t anymore over time; repeats

Taurus: Puts their guard up; eventually cracks and tells the person; claims possession of the person

Gemini: Gets excited about it, but is really anxious; becomes a completely different person; constantly falls in and out of love though

Cancer: Questions it; gets scared; realizes they really do love the person; takes their time saying it, but once they do, they say it every chance they get; does anything for that person

Leo: Throws their heart on a platter; shares their limelight; busts their ass out of generosity and love

Virgo: Is completely taken aback; tries not to let the person know for as long as possible; stays in denial for awhile; completely takes care of their partner and becomes a crazy stalker

Libra: Gets bubbly and excited; changes their ways and tries to cut off all their hoes; might slip up here and there but genuinely tries to be with their partner 24/7

Scorpio: Doesn’t trust it; over time lets their walls come down but still is a mystery; becomes super possessive but also romantic af

Sagittarius: Sees it as a challenge; tries to explore this new feeling they have; actually can become very loyal and romantic

Capricorn: Weighs the pros and cons; if they like the pros, they tell the person; tries to be more open and loving

Aquarius: “Oh shit. I’m in love? Damn. I’m in love. Love…What’s love anyway? I don’t know, but I think I really like this one.”

Pisces: Throws themself into the relationship; becomes very trusting and lovey dovey; makes themself always available for their lover