Cupid Screwed Up

cupid screwed up

Summary: Three times Kaz indirectly tells Y/N he loves her and one time she almost dies and he actually confessed his feelings just in a very Kaz like way.

Kaz was an enigma. A painful, irritating enigma.

And Y/N wanted to murder him. Well, she would be murdering him if there wasn't currently a knife sticking out her left thigh.

"Jesper, Jesper, Jesper, don't you dare pull it," Y/N demanded, looking up at her friend with wide eyes.

"I wasn't going to pull it out!" Jesper exclaimed, throwing his hands up and jumping back a step.

"Yes, you were!"

"No, I wasn't!"

"Jesper, I have known you for long enough to recognize that look in your eye."

"I am insulted, Y/N!"

"Will you two be quiet," Kaz snapped, slamming his cane into the ground to get them both to shut up. Kaz let out a long, drawn out sigh and closed his eyes. "Y/N, you cannot walk back to the Slat with a knife sticking out your leg."

"Who says I can't?" Y/N challenged, looking up at Kaz.

"Me," Kaz shot back. "Jesper, pull it out."

"Jesper, do not pull it out," Y/N snapped, her head turning to look at Jesper threateningly, narrowing her eyes.

"Jesper, do not listen to her -"

"Jesper, do listen to me otherwise I will melt down those precious revolvers of yours and turn them into jewellery."

"Jesper, ignore Y/N."

"Kaz!"

"Y/N!"

Y/N let out a screech of pain as the knife was suddenly pulled out her leg and then someone's hand pressed down, hard, on to the wound.

"What the fuck, Jesper!" Y/N yelled, whacking him on the shoulder as she resisted the urge to actually punch him.

"Sorry, gorgeous, but quite frankly, Kaz scares me more than you do," Jesper replied, shrugging and giving her his iconic Jesper smile in an attempt to make things better.

Y/N wanted to slap him but was in too much pain to actually commit. Her leg was throbbing and burning and she really wanted someone to knock her out. Jesper pulled Y/N's scarf from around her neck and wrapped it around her thigh.

"You're going to regret this, Jesper," Y/N complained, dropping her head back against the wall she was leaning on and closing her eyes. "Say goodbye to those revolvers."

"Y/N, stop threatening Jesper," Kaz drawled. He glanced around the alleyway they were hiding in. "We should go before someone finds us."

"How are we getting Y/N back?" Jesper asked, tying the scarf in a knot.

"Just because Y/N's eyes are closed, doesn't mean she can't hear you," Y/N said, opening her eyes and glaring at Jesper. "Y/N, will walk."

Kaz stared. "You can't walk."

"Then I will hop," Y/N replied.

Using her good leg, Y/N began to awkwardly push herself up. She wobbled to the side and Jesper caught her, wrapping an arm around her waist and letting Y/N push herself up using his other hand.

"Are you really going to hop back to the Slat?" Jesper asked, raising his eyebrows as Y/N wobbled again, her right leg barely supporting her own weight.

"Hop, crawl, slide, glide and pivot - either way I'll make it back," Y/N replied, although as she spoke her grip on Jesper's hand tightened and she wobbled again.

Kaz watched Y/N, his eyes narrowing a fraction. He flexed the hand that was wrapped around his cane and exhaled slowly.

"Use this," Kaz said gruffly, holding out his cane.

Jesper and Y/N turned to stare at him with wide eyes. Kaz rolled his eyes at their reaction and grabbed Y/N's right hand by her wrist, physically placing the cane into it.

"Come along," Kaz called, limping off down the alley with remarkable speed.

Jesper and Y/N stared after him.

"Ok, what the fuck," Y/N whispered, looking at Jesper with wide eyes. She could feel the golden crows head of the cane in her hand, her index finger resting along its beak.

"I told you he liked you," Jesper said, winking.

Y/N whacked Jesper's knees with Kaz's cane and Jesper yelped. "As if. Kaz doesn't like anyone - he barely likes himself, Jesper."

"Of course, darling," Jesper said placatingly. "Come along, hop along, Kaz is probably back by now at the speed he went off at."

"We scared him off," Y/N replied as they slowly walked back to the Slat, Y/N relying heavily on Kaz's cane and Jesper as she did a weird, hop, shuffle, slide.

"You weren't actually going to melt my revolvers down, were you?" Jesper asked, pausing suddenly.

Y/N stumbled at Jesper's sudden stop. She looked up at him. "No, of course not. I'm not that mean," she replied, smiling. Jesper smiled back and nodded, reassured of his revolvers fate. "Yet," Y/N added quietly.

"I look ridiculous."

"You look wonderful."

"You look gorgeous."

Y/N gave Inej and Jesper an unconvinced look and sighed, slumping into a chair. "Why do I have to wear this? Why can't Inej wear it?"

Kaz barely looked up from the map he was studiously studying. "I need Inej on the roofs. I need Jesper in the crowds and I need you attracting the crowds with your beautiful dancing."

Y/N snorted. She picked up the hem of her long, draping sleeve and picked at the white fabric with her nails.

"Why can't I dress up as literally any other character, why does it have to be this one?" Y/N asked, tilting her head back to look at Kaz.

"Because this one attracts more people and means there are less people watching when we break in to the house," Kaz explained slowly. And because you look beautiful in white. He stood up from his desk and fold the map up into a square small enough to fit into his coat pocket.

The rest of them took that as their sign to go and Y/N stood up, smoothing the white silk of her dress down as she stood. Compared to the dark, muted colours of the rest of the crows, Y/N looked like a ghost. Or a Saint.

Y/N followed Inej out the door but was stopped suddenly when a gloved hand wrapped around her wrist, yanking her to a stop.

"What now?" Y/N asked, turning around to look at Kaz with a despairing frown.

Kaz responded by throwing a coat at her. Y/N caught it with a flail of her arms as it landed on her head. She stumbled back into Inej and Y/N could have sworn she heard the Suli girl giggle.

"Put that on, you'll look less conspicuous," Kaz explained, barging past her and Jesper and walking down the corridor, his cane clicking loudly on the wooden floor. Inej pressed herself against the wall as Kaz passed, a smile on her face as she looked at Y/N.

Y/N pulled the coat on, flicking the collar up and untucking her hair from underneath it. She pulled the sleeves of her dress down and adjusted the coat until it was comfortable.

"Y/N."

"Mmm?" Y/N looked up at Inej. "What?"

"That's Kaz's coat."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes, it is."

"He's wearing his coat, Inej," Y/N said, leaning over the bannister to double check. "Yeah, he's wearing his coat."

"Y/N, Kaz has more than one coat, love," Jesper reminded. He picked up her arm and sniffed the coat. "Smells like him."

"I don't even want to know how you know what Kaz smells like," Y/N said, staring at Jesper.

"Are you three coming or not?!" Kaz yelled from the foot of the stairs. "Hurry up!"

The three of them quickly moved and Y/N jogged down the stairs, holding up the hem of her dress and Kaz's coat.

Kaz was waiting in the back door of the Slat, his hands around the crow's head of his cane, looking bored and unimpressed.

"Done gossiping?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

He turned around and headed out the door, expecting them to follow. Y/N scoffed and shook her head and followed after him, stepping out into the street and shivering slightly at the cold Ketterdam night

The four of them moved into their usual positions as they headed down to West Stave. Kaz in the centre, Jesper on his right, Y/N on his left and Inej hovering behind Jesper like a wraith.

As they turned the corner to the main street, the crowds growing in size as the neared the pleasure houses, Kaz slowed down a bit and turned to look at Inej.

"No mourners," he said.

Inej pulled her hood up and nodded. "No funerals."

She climbed up onto a barrel, swung herself onto a balcony and then onto a roof and she disappeared into the fog.

Y/N hated walking down West Stave as much as Inej did. Neither one of them wanted to be reminded of their past. As they neared the house Y/N had been indebted to, Y/N heistated slightly, her confident stride faltering.

Kaz stopped suddenly, Jesper dodging to the side to avoid walking into him. He frowned but Kaz whacked his leg with his cane and nodded his head to Y/N.

Jesper understood instantly and moved to stand on Y/N's left, his hands settling onto the pearl handles of his revolvers. Kaz moved to stand on Y/N's right and they resumed walking.

Y/N smiled slightly as both boys moved closer to her as they walked past the house, Jesper's hand moving from his revolver and brushing Y/N's fingers reassuringly.

The three of them marched down West Stave until they were at the bridge that went over the canal, connecting either side.

"Alright, it's time," Kaz said, stopping outside a butcher's shop and leaning against the wall.

Y/N shrugged out of the coat and handed it to Kaz. The wind sent ripples through the light fabric of her white dress and Y/N shivered with excitement.

"Jesper, watch her back the entire time," Kaz said, his eyes boring into Jesper's. "The entire time."

"Yeah, yeah, alright," Jesper muttered, rolling his eyes.

Y/N looked over to the bridge and spotted a large group of people clamouring over the street performers who were just finishing. Among them was the Merchant they had targeted and his family. She'd found her target.

"Got them," she said softly, turning back to face Kaz. "Ready, Jes?"

Jesper nodded. "No mourners."

"No funer -"

"Hold on."

Y/N frowned as Kaz cut her off. "What?"

Kaz limped over to a stall near the butcher's shop that was selling flower crowns. He handed over some kruge and picked up a dark purple one.

Y/N watched Kaz carefully as he came back over. He walked up to her, standing so close to her that his coat brushed her stomach. Kaz reached up and placed the flower crown on Y/N's head with surprising gentleness.

Kaz tilted his head back, his eyes narrowing slightly. He reached forward and his fingers brushed Y/N's cheek as he moved a strand of hair to the side.

Y/N didn't breathe as Kaz touched her hair, adjusting her flower crown. This was the closest Kaz had ever been to her and the most he'd touched her - even if it was just a brush of a gloved hand against her cold face.

"Now we're ready," Kaz said, his gravelly voice quiet. "No mourners," he said, raising his voice as he turned and limped off towards the house.

"No funerals," Y/N and Jesper called after him.

As soon as Kaz was gone Y/N turned to Jesper, grabbing his hands tightly.

"What the fuck was that?!" She exclaimed.

"Not a clue," Jesper replied, thoroughly perplexed by Kaz's actions. "You look cute, however." He reached up and moved her flower crown slightly.

"I always look cute," Y/N said, smirking.

Jesper laughed, throwing his arm around her shoulders. "Aw, look, I'm rubbing off on you!"

Y/N jumped over a barrel and skidded around the corner as she ran from the Stadwatch She turned into an alley, falling into Inej and Jesper as they ran out the same alley and into her.

Jesper grabbed Y/N's arm as she wobbled backwards and yanked her back into the alley, pushing her against the wall.

"They saw me," Y/N panted, bracing herself on her legs as she tried to catch her breath. "They know what I look like."

A cloak was thrown at her face and Y/N made a sound of surprise, spluttered and flailed her arms around trying to catch the cloak.

"Put that on," Kaz said, his voice emerging from the darkness.

Y/N untangled herself from the cloak and wrapped the dark red material around her shoulders. She linked the clasps together and organised the cape on her shoulders.

Kaz walked forward and stood before her. "Pull the hood up."

Y/N scooped her hair to the side and pulled the hood up to sit just above her forehead.

"It'll do," Kaz grumbled. "Let's go."

He walked off first and the other three fell into step beside him. They walked out into the street, walking along the canal, heading back to the Slat.

"Stadwatch," Jesper muttered.

Kaz glanced up and saw three members of the Stadwatch marching over the bridge and in their direction. He glanced at Y/N.

"Jesper, put your arm around Y/N's shoulders," Kaz muttered, keeping his head down.

Jesper did as Kaz said and Y/N could feel her heartbeat increasing as the Stadwatch got closer.

A hat landed on her head over the top of the cloak hood and Y/N tried not to show her startled surprise. The Stadwatch walked past them and Y/N turned her head into Jesper, wrapping her arm around his waist.

"All clear," Inej said softly and Jesper and Y/N relaxed.

Jesper kept his arm around her shoulders and knocked on the rim of the hat that sat on her head with his knuckles.

"Nice hat," Jesper teased.

Y/N reached up and pulled the hat off her head, eyes widening with surprise as she realised it was Kaz's hat.

"Wait, Kaz -" Y/N looked over her shoulder for Kaz but the man had vanished, taking Inej with him. "What the -"

Jesper let out an over-exaggerated sigh. "It suits you, you should keep it."

Y/N elbowed Jesper in the ribs and he let out a bark of laughter as he dodged to the side, avoiding her following punch.

For once, their usual pairings had changed. Inej was with Jesper on the opposite side of the building whilst Kaz and Y/N were hovering outside the front of the building, waiting for Inej and Jesper to return.

They'd narrowly escaped a run in with the Dime Lions, escaping with only a few bullets being fired and punches being thrown.

And apparently, it was Y/N's fault.

"You were the only one who knew, Y/N," Kaz growled, glaring at her as he leant against a wall.

Y/N scoffed. She pushed herself up off the wall and paced up and down the street. "Of course. It hasn't occurred to you that it might have been someone eavesdropping or someone who told someone else - we went to three different locksmiths asking for heavy duty lockpicks, any of them could have been paid of by Pekka Rollins."

"It's far more likely that you accidentally let something slip -"

"Do you truly think so little of me, Kaz?" Y/N asked, pausing and looking at Kaz.

I think the world of you, Kaz wanted to say. But he kept quiet.

"Gee, thanks," Y/N muttered, rolling her eyes.

The adrenaline was beginning to fade now and her entire body ached. She'd climbed across a roof, been punched and shot at and thrown into a wall in the past hour and all she really wanted was to go to her bed in the Slat and sleep.

Instead she had to cope with Kaz being Kaz.

"I didn't say anything to anyone, Kaz," Y/N said softly, looking at him from the shadows. "And I only knew the bare minimum. I would never betray you, Kaz. Why can't you see that?"

"Because the last time I trusted someone," a muscle in Kaz's jaw jumped and his hands clenched around the head of his cane, "I lost everything." His dark eyes looked up from the ground and locked on to Y/N's. "I will not make that mistake again."

"And so you blame me," Y/N finished. She scoffed and shook her head. "Fine."

Y/N walked back up the street, returning to her spot in the dark opposite Kaz. Her left side was throbbing and she absent-mindedly brushed her fingers against it.

Red stained her fingertips.

Y/N paused in front of Kaz, her eyes locked onto the blood.

It was as if the sight of red on her fingers sparked a reaction inside her brain. Y/N became aware of the burning feeling in her side and the unbearable pain that washed over her. Dark, black spots dotted her vision and she could hear her heart pounding in her ears.

Her knees buckled and Y/N fell backwards, losing her balance entirely. The cobbled streets rushed up to meet her and Y/N vaguely realised that her head was about to smash against the stones and that no one was there to catch her.

Someone grasped her arm, their grip painfully hard. They stumbled down to the ground with Y/N, trying to slow her descent on to the stones. Y/N felt her right shoulder and her side collide with the ground and the impact vibrated through her entire body.

Y/N felt someone pull her against their knees, supporting her awkwardly on the ground. Her eyes focused again and she managed to look up.

Kaz was kneeling beside her, his knees supporting her back, his gloved hand still wrapped around her arm. The two of them were in the middle of the street and Y/N barely hid her surprise at the fact Kaz had saved her from smashing her head into the cobbles.

Kaz was struggling. His brain was screaming at him to let go and he could feel the waters rising again, lapping around his waist and soaking his legs. But Y/N's eyes were locked on to his and his hand was still around her arm, his knees supporting her. He couldn't let go. He wouldn't let her go.

"What's wrong?" Kaz forced himself to ask, his voice harsher and deeper than normal. He cleared his throat and took his hand off Y/N's arm and carefully moved her jacket aside, his bare wrist brushing the bare skin of her bloody side as he lifted her shirt up a bit.

"I don't - I don't remember," Y/N stammered her own shaking hand hovering over the bullet wound in her side.

"Don't," Kaz said, pushing her hand away as she went to poke it.

Kaz had seen numerous injuries in his lifetime. It was like Jesper said - pointing a gun at someone in Ketterdam was a way of saying hello. He'd experienced his fair share of injuries and had seen both Jesper and Inej at their worst, bleeding out and pale.

But, for some reason, it was different with Y/N. Kaz swallowed and took his gloves off, pressing them against her side with his bare hands.

He was used to blood. It no longer fazed him. What was fazing him was Y/N's sluggish pupils slipping away from his gaze.

"Say you're sorry," Y/N muttered, her head falling onto Kaz's thigh as her body went limp.

"I don't say sorry, Y/N, you know that," Kaz replied, taking a hand off her side and gently nudging her head so that she was looking up at him. "I know you didn't tell."

"That almost sounded like an apology," Y/N said, her voice quiet. She was silent for a minute but then said, "who did you trust?"

Kaz froze. "What?"

Y/N opened her eyes wider and turned her head to look at Kaz properly. "You told me that the last time you trusted someone," she paused and took a deep breath in, wincing, "you lost everything. Who did you trust?"

Kaz could feel the waters rising, flooding his body. His eyes unfocused and he was back in the bay, Jordie's body underneath his hands, his brothers rotting skin the only thing he could feel.

Y/N's hand clusmily wrapped around his wrist and Kaz blinked, startled.

But he didn't pull away. He blinked again and clenched his jaw.

"My brother," Kaz said quietly, his voice harsh and rough. "He told me that 'our luck was changing' and then not even a week later he was dead and I was alone. I had nothing. And I haven't trusted anyone since. Until you. I trust you, Y/N."

Kaz looked down at her. Y/N had passed out, her head on his thigh, her hand still gripping his wrist. Kaz smiled for a moment and shook his head. He confessed his heart to her and she passed out on him. Kaz looked up as he heard Jesper and Inej running towards him and found himself relaxing just a little bit more as he saw that his other two crows were ok.

Kaz would never admit it to anyone who wasn't Y/N but she had well and truly stolen his heart. And when she was around him, the waters stayed on the shore.