Hold A Magnet Near The Foxes And Weapons Start Appearing Outta Hammerspace

just realized we’re gonna see non-smoking andrew in the queen’s game……..

Three and four

they def get weird tan lines during the summer because of their armbands which is part of why they keep them on all the time. neil’s are more distinct differences in tan levels and andrew’s are like burns that fade into barely tanned skin

I love how we as a fandom have just accepted that andrew is like pale pale and Neil is obviously white but tan. Like it just fits.

neil's learned obliviousness

gearing myself up to write another essay about neil josten. the grind never stops. had to figure out why people making neil super clueless and oblivious always rubbed me the wrong way even tho it's technically canon so here it is.

ok so i have a lot of thoughts about neil and obliviousness but i'm gonna mostly condense them into this single thesis statement: neil only pays attention to and notices things he deems important.

we've been knew atp that neil has insane tunnel vision, and that often comes across in his narration. because of this, it's easy to assume that neil is just genuinely very clueless and oblivious when it comes to social interaction and also romantic relationships, flirting, etc.

i know nora herself said that neil wouldn't realise if someone is flirting with him because he's dense as a brick and while i appreciate the comedic value of socially oblivious neil i generally take this characterisation with a grain of salt because it very quickly leans into territory of neil being just generally dumb and inept, which i lowk can't stand because it sanitises and declaws neil a lot and makes him boring and stereotypical.

so i raise you this: neil's obliviousness (if you want to call it that) throughout aftg and in his narration is deliberate. mostly, i think it's all intentional. he literally intentionally refuses to notice or give attention to certain things. and because of his relentless focus on only a couple of things (exy and his survival), things like socialising and relationships get put on the backburner unless they relate to the two aforementioned things.

let's dissect it using examples.

nicky's flirting. neil's narration is pretty clear-cut when it comes to this. he doesn't demonstrate much confusion towards nicky's behaviour except that he doesn't really know why nicky's more interested in him than exy. crucially, he isn't confused about why nicky demonstrates an interest in him (which is because he thinks neil is hot), he's just confused about why nicky is investing energy into flirting with him when, in his mind, there are better things to be doing. it seems, at least in his narration, that he knows nicky is flirting, he just doesn't know why and also doesn't really care to focus on it. aside from an initial discomfort/expression of disinterest, neil doesn't linger on nicky's comments and flirtations for the rest of the series. he narrates it when it's relevant but doesn't make any additional internal comments towards it because it doesn't pertain to his two priorities: exy and survival.

marissa's flirting. i feel like there's two ways to interpret neil's response to marissa's advance "i can give you my number". neil says "what for?" and you can either take this as genuine confusion or just neil kinda being a dick. i lowk never considered the first option and just jumped straight to "neil doesn't really care about hurting this girl's feelings" lmfao. i think i'm right tho, because he elaborates and makes it clear he isn't interested in pursuing relationships outside of the foxes (see: priority no. 1, exy) and when nicky and dan comment on it, making it explicitly clear that marissa was asking neil out, neil doesn't express any confusion over what she was trying to do. people who write neil being genuinely exaggeratedly clueless when being flirted with need to remember that neil wasn't unaware of marissa's intentions during this scene, he was just so aggressively disinterested that he failed to remark on most of it. he never expresses any actual confusion or obliviousness about her flirting.

andrew. ok look. this is gonna require some explaining. first of all let's talk about andrew's attraction to neil on a purely physical level. their nothingship era, if you will. neil's dizzying whiplash during the "that doesn't mean i wouldn't blow you" scene is honestly pretty understandable. like really, who wasn't surprised during that scene? the hints in the previous books about andrew's attraction towards neil were so subtle that most of us readers had to reread a couple times to actually catch the progression and build-up. and also, andrew was high and manic for most of the first two books, so it's understandable that neil probably chalked up a lot of andrew's yapping and odd behaviours to the drugs, rather than a genuine expression of andrew's feelings. that's not to say he discounted the things andrew told him, but since he's always taken andrew at face value, he also didn't doubt andrew's "i hate you" and supposed dislike of him. i think it's actually very very understandable that neil didn't pick up on andrew's attraction to him because 1. why would you ever assume that about anyone anyway 2. neil is pretty preoccupied with being hunted down by his serial killer father and the japanese mafia 3. andrew was NOT making it easy on neil at all. this is partially because andrew himself wasn't ready to face the reality of his feelings for neil and also just his general confusing way of going about things. it makes a lot of sense that even neil, who's generally good at reading andrew and picking up on his hints, would miss whatever hints andrew was dropping about this, if any. and finally, 4. andrew wanting to fuck neil doesn't have anything to do with exy or survival, so neil instinctively filters it out and doesn't think about it a lot. next, i guess we have to talk about andrew's actual feelings for neil. again, we like to make fun of neil for never picking up on the fact that andrew is in LOVE with him during their situationship phase. but again, i think it makes a lot of sense? yes, andrew wasn't exactly subtle about it by a certain point (see: baltimore reunion) but also, neil has literally been pavloved to reject romantic relationships. one of the ways he "justifies" his nothingship with andrew is by assuring himself that andrew is only physically attracted to him. and the other justification is that he sees andrew as intertwined with the idea of his survival, because of the deal they have. keeping andrew close and being in a relationship with him is directly related to his own safety and survival. because neil's lowk manipulated his own thinking to associate andrew implicitly with survival, suddenly their relationship is a lot more prioritised in neil's mind and narration, because it pertains to priority no. 2, survival. i truly, truly believe neil's refusal or inability to see andrew's actual feelings for him is deliberate. he doesn't want to notice that andrew actually is in love with him because that is area he isn't familiar with and he doesn't want to hurt andrew when he dies. but because he obviously does want to continue this little "nothing" with andrew, and because he associates andrew with survival, he's unwilling to let go of him. so he just refuses to notice and remains deliberately oblivious to andrew's feelings for him. it's all very psychological.

final argument: people like to make fun of neil for not realising his own feelings for andrew but listen. he does realise. he never says that he doesn't feel anything for andrew. he never denies being in love with or attracted to andrew, not even in his own head. he registers, literally in trk, after his conversation with nicky, that he sees andrew differently and could be developing feelings for him, but he literally forcibly pushes the thoughts away because they would distract him from priority no. 1 (exy) and priority no. 2 (survival). he also notices in the back half of tkm that their nothingship has taken on new weight and means more than just "nothing" but he avoids acknowledging it with andrew even when he's aware of it in his own mind. so yeah. neil isn't in a state of denial. like at all.

also, neil does notice things when they pertain to his priorities. like, he picked up on jeanee the same way kevin did. he noticed literally in trk the way jean reacted differently to renee, but he only chose to acknowledge and mention it out loud when he could use it to his advantage. and it did work out in everyone's favour, because he brought it up with kevin, kevin gave renee jean's number, and that's how jean was able to escape the nest and survive the year. so, lbr, neil isn't as clueless and out-of-it as the fandom likes to make him. he can be very perceptive and socially aware when it pertains to his narrow-minded priorities.

ok at the end of the day, i can acknowledge: it is not that deep. if ppl want to make neil super oblivious and clueless and socially inept, it's not rlly a big deal. i just personally hate when they dumb neil down when he is honestly such a smart and perceptive character and his intelligence is actually such a huge part of the series. so anyway. i hope u enjoyed this essay, it's been a while so it's a little rough.

One of many third book makeouts 🫡

still thinking about this and i have another reason why neil should have fucked teeth: his smart mouth. like that boy is always struggling to stay silent and hold his tongue. and yes we know he canonically loses his cool and just accepts that he’s gonna die soon like oh well, why not say the crazy thing. but you can’t tell me that attitude problem hasn’t existed and hasn’t gotten him into some trouble before. and i’m just saying, i think it’s gotten him punched in the mouth before which i think would fuck up his teeth a little

you cannot tell me that neil doesn’t have wacked teeth. like he didn’t have a consistent dentist growing up if he even had a dentist at all. because dentist scans mean leaving unchangable, undeniable truths of your identity behind and mary would not have liked that at all.

so give me neil with a chipped tooth he got from a rough landing after jumping out of a car or a window. give me neil with a gap between his front teeth. give me neil with crooked teeth to match his crooked smile

omg if we get baby kevin and kayleigh, even for like a flashback or a chapter, i will sobbbb. i cannot handle that and yet, i want it so so bad

would also be so interesting to see a kayleigh and tetsuji interaction. cause why does he hate women so much (not that misogynists ever need a reason to be bigots) when he literally created the sport he bases his entire life on with a woman

have not been able to stop thinking about the kevin day duology and my mind went to the prequel and if we will get to see kevin falling in love with history……… i just know you would lose your shit (rightfully so). sorry this isn’t really a question lol, i just feel insane and need to know if that possibility crossed your mind yet

THE KEVIN DAY DUOLOGY HAS NOT LEFT MY MIND SINCE I FOUND OUT ABOUT IT

Everything in the prequel is going to kill me 57 times over like if we get to see baby Kevin its gonna be so over for me

The fact that we get to be inside his head is already great enough but now thinking about getting all the answers to Kevin’s time in the nest is making me vibrate at the speed of sound

Im also hoping we get more about Kayleigh and how much Kevin remembers about it like there’s so much that’s been alluded to

My favourite thing to torture myself with is imagining the aftg character at an age when they start to resemble their father.

Like Neil one day gets a haircut and then forgets to shave and looks in the mirror and has a complete breakdown. Let's is hair grow pretty long after and never cuts it above his ears.

Jeremy deciding to grow a beard because his father was always clean-shaven.

Jean having some buried memories dug up when he reaches a certain age and suddenly the face of his abuser is right in front of him again.

On the flipside, Kevin is all Keyleigh until he hits forty and then suddenly everyone is gushing about how he and Wymack are peas in a pod and it's an extra special connection between them

was out all day today and got home feeling like i needed to power down like a machine and not exist for a while so i just thought about jerejean for the past hour and now my brain doesn’t feel like it’s dissolved

Andrew Minyard doesn’t recover

And that’s okay- here’s why

Many people have been angry about the extra content through the years, but by far the thing that I see the most people being pissed about is this, “Andrew and Neil doesn’t get married” and the “they never say I love you”

But let’s talk about this for a minute

Because just because he doesn’t recover, doesn’t mean he doesn’t get better

He does, he keeps a stable relation to his brother, cousin and Kevin after graduation, something he wouldn’t have before

He let’s himself care for Neil and the cats

He starts finding some sort of joy in Exy with the people he cares about and who cares about him

He gets well enough to sleep in the same bed as Neil and have sex with him

He gets well enough to go on mundane dates with his partner on the beach, FaceTime Nicky on schedule and cuddle up with the cats at night

He gets a lot better

Don’t relate “full recovery” to “getting better” because they’re wildly different

He shows that even if you do not recover completely from the trauma you’ve suffered, from the hurt, you can still live and be happy with the people you love

So if I see one more person saying that he’s “bad mental health rep” I might actually have to fight them