Practical Shakespeare Quotes

wotcher, vic

The first time Victoire meets Teddy, he’s two and she’s just been born. She doesn’t remember any of it, but later, much later, her parents would tell her that she’d gurgled at the sight of him like she’d known he was going to end up being her best friend. And then—this part is always accompanied by a knowing smirk—when they brought Teddy up to the new mother and daughter (“Das a bay-bee?” he’s later quoted as saying. “Weird.”), his hair changed from Weasley-red to the same shade of blonde as hers.

“Zis ees Victoire,” her maman had said, smiling down at Teddy. “Do you want to say ‘ello, Teddy?”

And Teddy had cocked his head to the side, nodded in the sort of pompous, overly-excited fashion that only a two-year-old could get away with, and said, “Wotcha, Vic.”

//

By the time Victoire can talk and walk (and thus cause all sorts of trouble), she and Teddy are inseparable. Literally—Victoire throws tantrums that pay hefty tribute to her Veela heritage whenever she goes more than a few days without seeing her best friend. Sometimes, they hang out at Auntie And-rah-meh-da’s house, but most of the time, it’s either at the Burrow or Shell Cottage or sometimes even Uncle Harry’s house. Her maman frowns when Victoire comes home with her hair a mess and her dress splattered with mud, but because Victoire’s cheeks are always flushed and her grin is set to devour her whole face, she doesn’t say anything.

After all, there’s always Cleaning Charms (and thank Merlin for them). And besides, as Victoire’s daddy likes to say when he thinks Victoire isn’t listening, “at least she’s still young enough that the only trouble she gets into with boys is a spot of mud.”

//

When Victoire turns two, her maman and daddy sit her on the couch between them and tell her that she’s going to have a sister. Victoire doesn’t care much. A sister would be nice, she thinks. Teddy is nice, but he’s four now. He’s old and sometimes he doesn’t want to hang out with her because she’s too young. Plus, he’s a boy. And boys are gross, even if they’re crazy-haired Metamorphmagus boys named Teddy. (Especially if.)

“My maman’s gonna have a baby,” she tells Teddy a few days later, lying down on the grass beside him.

Teddy doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just continues pulling up grass with stubby fingers. “Good,” he says suddenly, and she’s so surprised that she turns to face him. His hair is black like Uncle Harry’s. “You’ll have someone else to play with.”

Victoire’s face screws up. “Why’re you so mean tuh me?” she demands shrilly, sitting up and glaring at him.

Teddy turns away from her, his hair briefly taking on the same shade of green as the grass around them before returning to jet black. “Because I’m older,” he answers angrily, throwing his handful of grass at her. Most of it lands on her dress, but she can feel pieces of it in her hair. “I don’t want to play with babies like you all the time.”

Victoire starts crying. She pushes herself off the ground and runs back to the safety of her home, wishing she’d never met Teddy Lupin. That Muggle girl from the nearby village was right—boys are meanies. But she never thought Teddy could be like them. He’d taught her how to colour and he played in the mud with her and brought her Chocolate Frogs when she was sad. He was nice… wasn’t he?

Or not. Beyond furious and more than a little sad, she stomps into the cottage and slams the door behind her with as much force as she can muster. One of the panes of glass breaks, and her maman comes running into the room at the noise, one hand cradling her tummy, eyes wide. Her daddy is only a few steps behind her, his forehead all scrunched up, wand in hand.

“What ees eet, ma chérie?” her maman asks, crouching down and cradling Victoire’s face in her hands. Her beautiful features—her mother really is beautiful, the most beautiful woman in the whole world—are twisted with worry. “What ‘appened? Are you okay? Are you ‘urt? Where ees Teddy?”

When she hears Teddy’s name, Victoire starts to sob even harder. “He—he called me a baby,” she bawls, throwing her arms around her mother. “He said he was glad you’re havin’ a baby ‘cause then he doesn’t have tuh play with me anymore!”

Her mother pulls her onto her lap and starts to rock her back and forth, singing an old French lullaby under her breath. Victoire’s daddy looks angry, but he crouches next to her too, stroking her hair. “I don’t care if the kid’s four and basically family,” he mutters lowly to his wife. “I’m going to kill him.”

Victoire’s maman giggles quietly as she continues to rock Victoire back and forth. “Beell,” she says in the same tone of voice she uses on Victoire when she’s done something bad, “you cannot ‘urt every boy who ‘urts Veeky.”

“But I want to,” Victoire’s daddy mumbles, sounding every bit like his daughter in her most petulant moments.

Victoire’s maman huffs, but there’s a small smile playing out across her lips. “‘e is young,” she says firmly. “And ‘e will make mistakes. Watch—’e will be back to apologize. ‘E cannot stay away.”

And sure enough, fifteen minutes later, there’s a timid knock on the door, and it’s Teddy, looking small and lost. “I—uh…” he trails off, his eyes flickering between his scuffed trainers and where Victoire stands behind her father, hands on her hips like Aunt Ginny when she wants to look intimidating. “I’m sorry, Vicky. I was being mean.”

Victoire’s already forgiven him—she forgave him five minutes ago. But she still darts out from being her father and plants a kick square on Teddy’s shin. It gets her a time-out from her mother and an irritated look from Teddy, but her father’s smiling into his palm, so it’s worth it.

//

Her sister is born four months before Victoire’s third birthday. Victoire’s in St. Mungo’s waiting room with Teddy and Andromeda—she only learned how to properly say the older woman’s name a few weeks ago—because there’s too much screaming in room where her mother and it smells too much like the Burrow after one of Grandma Weasley’s cleaning days.

Finally, a Healer finds them and tells them the baby has been born and would you please come this way, ma’ams and sir. Victoire, scared and nervous and excited all at the same time, grabs Teddy’s hand as they follow behind the adults. Teddy’s hair turns bright red—brighter than her daddy’s—but he doesn’t pull away.

When they reach the room, the rest of her family is already there, crowded around a bed, but they smile and make room for her once they spot her. Victoire catches sight of her mother with a bundle of blankets in her arms, hair dark with sweat, cheeks flushed. But both she and Victoire’s daddy, who’s hovering beside her and looking pale, are smiling widely.

Her mother motions for Victoire come closer. Victoire hasn’t let go of Teddy’s hand yet, so he just follows behind her shyly as she gets closer to the bed. “This ees your new sister, Veeky,” her maman whispers hoarsely, holding the blankets out to Victoire.

Victoire looks down at the blankets, shocked to see a pair of blue eyes staring back at her somberly. It’s so small. Hesitantly, she reaches out a finger and touches one of the baby’s tiny fingers. The baby makes a noise that sounds a little like a laugh, and Victoire’s maman smiles even wider. “‘Er name ees Dominique.”

Victoire doesn’t really understand what’s going on, but she hugs her mom anyways, and when Teddy whispers, “are all babies this ugly?” into her ear, she stomps on his foot even though she kind of agrees with him.

//

Victoire’s brother Louis arrives when Victoire is four and a half, and Shell Cottage becomes a warzone. Luckily, though Teddy is almost seven now—way older than her—he still hangs out with her when he’s not seeing his other friends.

One day, when everyone’s at the Burrow for Sunday Brunch, he tells her that he’s going to teach Louis all his tricks. Victoire looks at him in her best Aunt Ginny impression—hands on her hips, upturned eyebrows, pursed lips, eyes blazing—and says, “what tricks, Teddy Lupin?” She’s just lost her childish lisp, and it makes her sound older. Teddy blanches.

“Blimey, Ted,” Uncle Ron laughs, clapping an affronted Teddy on the back. “You’d better watch out.”

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Potter Sibling Stuff:

James: Why can’t I go in the kitchen?

Lily: *Hiding fallen feathers behind her back* No reason.

James: Then let me through.

Albus, From The Kitchen: ARGH!

James: *runs in and freezes*

Albus: *holding scratched arm next to a hippogriff* This isn’t what it looks like.

James: Well then what is it!? Because it looks like a Hippogriff in our kitchen!

Lily: This is all a dream *hand swishes*

James: That only worked once!

Albus: In our defence, Mum and Dad only said we couldn’t get a baby Hippogriff, they never said anything about a fully grown one.

—

Lily: *holding sketchbook* What’s this?

Albus: What are you doing in my room!?

Lily: Looking for your diary.

James: Oh I have that. Thought it was a very gay hand written novel at first.

Albus: *snatching diary* Give that!

—

James: No.

Lily: Yes.

James: No!

Lily: Yes!

Albus: Hey guys, you were taking too long and I did it anyway.

James: Wha — NO!!

—

James: Why do I have to do the dishes? I did them last night!

Lily: Because Mum and Dad love me more.

Albus: Yeah, and they hate the way I do them.

Ginny: Hey kids, oh and James, it’s rubbish day tomorrow so take the kitchen bins out.

James: Wha — I have plans!

Albus: Not anymore trash man.

—

Albus: Oh yeah, and James.

James: Yeah?

Albus: Try a silencing charm next time, it really—

James: *throws pillow at Albus*

—

Lily, Wearing Crop Top And Shorts: I’m going out.

James: Not in that you’re not!

Lily: Why not!?

Albus: Because it’s ugly.

James: At least wear something that goes together well.

—

James: *plonks on the couch*

Harry: Took me ages to fluff those pillows.

James: Sorry.

Albus: *steps over back and squats with a plate of cold pizza* What are you guys watching?

Harry: Some Muggle cop show.

James: What!? Why doesn’t he get yelled at for that!?

—

Lily: Can I invite a girl over?

Harry: Sure.

Albus: Could I invite a girl over?

Harry: No.

Albhs: Why!?

Harry: It’s just inappropriate.

Albus: What about a boy?

Harry: That’s fine.

Albus: *silent in polysexual*

James: Could I invite a boy —

Harry: You’re still grounded.

James: For what!?

Harry: *Points to dirty dishes*

James: That was Lily’s—

Harry: I don’t want to hear the excuses.

—

Albus: I may have gotten into a fight.

James: With who!? A dragon!?

Albus: No! Just some twenty-five year old with a lighter.

James: What!? Are you okay!?

Albus: Yeah I’m fine, he wasn’t very good.

James: You’re covered in cuts, bruises and burns!

Albus: And? You should see him.

Lily: *walks in* Again? What did he say this time?

James: AGAIN!?!?

—

James: *walks into bathroom to see Albus bleaching half his head* Did you have another mental breakdown?

Albus: No. It was a panic attack actually.

—

Lily: How is James better at makeup than me!? He doesn’t even wear it!

James: I’m gay, I don’t know.

—

Albus: This is a bad idea. Maybe we shouldn’t do this?

Lily: James will be hella pissed.

Albus: Okay, let’s go!

—

Albus, Over Phone: Hey Mum. You think you forgot something at the shops?

Ginny: Oh shit! Lily asked for rye bread.

Albus: I meant me!

James: You forget Albus again?

Ginny: Why didn’t you mention it?

James: You forget your child and I’m somehow to blame?

Ginny: Don’t give me that back talk!

James: Backtalk!?

Ginny: You’re grounded!

Albus: This was so worth getting left behind.

—

Lily: Can I stay over at a friends house this weekend?

Harry: Sure.

Lily: Thanks!

James and Albus: How was that so easy for her…?

The Marauders as Dads

stop ugly crying. it’s unbecoming.

James Potter:

Sirius Black:

Remus Lupin:

Peter Pettigrew:

Harry Potter Unpopular Opinions

- jily > snily

- fleur delacour is amazing and deserves more appreciation

- regulus black is my favorite character

- romione is the best ship in the series

- dramione doesn’t make sense (they’re not really compatible)

- cho/harry/cedric is wonderful and is my top

- severus snape is a piece of trash (i can write a 30 page essay about it)

- james potter is wonderful

- linny > hinny (don’t get me wrong, i love hinny with all my heart, i just think that luna and ginny are more compatible)

- neville/luna/ginny is amazing and makes so much sense and needs more appreciation

- harmione doesn’t really make sense to me (feel free to give me reasons why you ship it, because i kinda want to get into it but i don’t really understand rn)

- cho chang is wonderful and deserves appreciation

- i literally never had any appeal in snape

- dumbledore wasn’t half as bad as the fandom makes him out to be (although i don’t like him, i think the fandom is a bit dramatic about him)

- james > snape any day

- narcissa definitely isn’t a good person, but she was a wonderful character and i would love to see what her school days were like

- if lily hadn’t died, snape would still be a death eater and would still be a piece of trash

- teddy lupin deserves more love and appreciation (not unpopular, but also to mentioned enough)

- i never really minded percy

- DRACO MALFOY DESERVED WAY MORE OF A REDEMPTION ARC THAN SNAPE THANKS

- RON WESLEY IS AMAZING AND DESERVES MORE LOVE AND APPRECIATION PLEASE JUST GIVE THIS BOY SOME LOVE I’M BEGGING YOU

- HARRY JAMES POTTER IS SO FCKING UNDERRATED OKAY 

Magnus birthday snippet!

Happy birthday, High Warlock! I’m currently in Southeast Asia so my sense of global time is a bit skewed, but I believe it to be Magnus’ birthday and will be snippeting accordingly! Hope you enjoy this scene from Lost Book of the White in which Magnus has a lot to contend with.

****

Magnus found his robe, blinked the sleep from his eyes, and went into the kitchen, where Jace Herondale was pouring coffee into Magnus’s “I’m Kind of a Big Deal” mug.

“Don’t you have your own coffeepot?” Magnus said blearily.

Jace, blond hair in its usual, preternaturally excellent state,flashed him a winning smile that Magnus was not prepared to deal with before he too had some coffee. “I hear you got stabbed by a weird Norwegian thorn,” Jace said. “Also, do you have any soy milk?Clary’s doing a whole soy milk thing now.”

“What are you doing in my apartment?” said Magnus.

“Well,” said Jace, now rummaging in the fridge, “I’d like to think I’d be welcome anytime, what with my close relationship with all three of you. But in this case, Alec called us. Said something about Shanghai.” ​“Who is us?” Magnus said suspiciously.

Jace waved his coffee cup around. “Us! You know. All of us.”

“All of you?” Magnus repeated. He held up a hand. “Wait. Stop. I am going to go put on something more substantial than a kimono. You are going to use your angelic powers to pour me as large a mug of black coffee as you can find, and I will be right back, and then we can talk about terrible concepts like who ‘all of you’ are, or what Alec told you about last night.”

When he returned to the living room, now suitably dressed, he found Alec, arms folded, looking long-suffering. In the far corner of the room, next to the ceiling, Max floated, tumbling in the air. He didn’t seem to be in peril—indeed, he was yelling “Wheeeeeeeeeee” and appeared to be having an excellent time. Under him, Clary Fairchild and Isabelle Lightwood attempted to nudge him back to the ground with a broom handle. With her free hand, Clary was waving a red braid, trying to get Max interested as though he were Chairman Meow. Max was upside-down and obviously feeling good about it. Everyone else was in t-shirts and jeans, but Isabelle, of course, had shown up in a fitted black sweater over a tiered velvet maxi skirt. She was one of the few people who could occasionally make Magnus feel underdressed.

seduce me with ur history knowledge 

Next Gen’s New Year’s Resolutions

Teddy: find a place near Uncle Harry’s, because he spoils him

Victoire: binge watch all the Disney movies in one night ( “That’s impossible, Vic.” “Go die in a hole, Scorpius.” )

Dominique: disarm Aunt Hermione in the family duels

Louis: eat an entire pizza in 3 minutes ( “Does the Weasley-Delacour family have any realistic resolutions?” “SHUT UP, SCORPIUS, I’M GONNA DO IT!” )

Molly: get better grades

Lucy: learn how to speak Punjabi with Molly and mum to hide stuff from her dad

Fred: drink nine bottles of firewhisky and not pass out ( “Fred, you’re not even of age.” “WATCH ME.” )

Roxanne: go viral on YouTube with a video of her “miraculously moving things with her mind” ( “Against the law, Roxy.” )

Rose: get better grades, become a prefect, learn how to speak Gobbledook, defeat at least two of Hogwarts’ Quidditch records, write an award-winning book, skip a few grades, beat Uncle Harry out of his Head Auror placement, singlehandedly join the wizarding and Muggle cultures together… ( “Dammit, Rose…” “I’m gonna do it, Scorpius. Watch your mouth, you’re gonna wanna stay on my good side.” )

Hugo: make the Quidditch team

James: get good enough grades to get into Auror training ( maybe even find out what his sexuality is ffs )

Albus: spend more time with his boyfriend ( “That’s sweet, Al.” “Also, learn how to make you less grumpy all the time.” “I’M NOT GRUMPY!” “Of course, Scorp.” )

Lily: jump while simultaneously doing a handstand on a broomstick. while it’s in the air.

Scorpius: find a new boyfriend (this one’s family is exhausting)

okay, well not that.

he really likes his.

crazy, unnecessarily large family and all.

James: What if something happens to Sirius and he never gets to meet my baby?

Remus: James-

James: I don't want to hang out with some stupid baby who's never met Sirius

How to help Amazônia:

You can donate to SOS Amazônia which is one among the 100 NGOs selected as “The Largest NGOs in Brazil”.

> > > ( ENGLISH: //doe.sosamazonia.org.br/en ) < < <

And remember: - 1 USD is 4,04 reais. - 1 EUR is 4,47 reais. If you donate only $2,50 USD (10 reais) you’re helping a lot.

If you donate only $2,30 EUR (10 reais) you’re helping a lot. About people saying “the minimum value is $10”: Even if you’re not from Brazil you can donate in REAL instead of donating in USD or EUR via Paypal, so… YES, you can donate less than 10 dollars or euros. (Just don’t change the currency to USD or EUR, Paypal converts your dollars/euros to reais.)

Or you can help by signing the petitions too!

https://secure.avaaz.org/campaign/po/apocalipse_na_amazonia_40/?cdGYPob and https://www.change.org/p/impedir-o-desmatamento-e-explora%C3%A7%C3%A3o-da-amaz%C3%B4nia

It won’t take much of your time!

Translation:

Stop killing the Amazon!

To members of the Brazilian Congress, the government of Jair Bolsonaro and world leaders: As citizens around the world, we were horrified to see the rapid increase in the destruction of the Amazon rainforest in recent months. The fate of humanity is directly connected with the fate of the Amazon, and we ask that you do everything you can to protect the forest, including passing laws to protect public forests and ending illegal deforestation, and even increasing international pressure to prevent further destruction of the Amazon.

Please. Boost if possible, this is REALLY important.

Kissing Styles...

James Potter: Very… very eager, but trying really… really hard to restrain himself. Knows how to do fun things with his tongue… has had a lot of practice. All in all… he’s what people like to describe as “fun”… 8/10 

Sirius Black: Knows how to adapt. Can pretty much match anyone’s kissing style, but likes deep, intense kissing the most… Also likes biting and hickeys. As talented as he is pretty. Down for basically anything… An enjoyable experience all the way around. 11/10

Remus Lupin: Nervous. Starts off slow… then kisses like it’s the last time he’ll ever kiss someone because he always feels like it’s the last time anyone will ever want to kiss him… 6/10 when he’s nervous… 9/10 when he relaxes and let’s go. 

Peter Pettigrew: Sweats a lot… too much tongue… 4/10  

Lily Evans: Expert kisser, knows her shit… at least as far as technicalities go… but lacks spontaneity. Get’s flustered when she doesn’t see something coming like James’ tongue tricks… also gets distracted easily (”SHIT! That’s due tomorrow!”)… Overall, needs some work. 6.5/10

Frank Longbottom: Handles you like you’re made of glass… very gentle… very sweet… enjoys kissing the spot just beneath your ear. Hates biting because he’s worried he’ll hurt you. Often stops to stare or chat. Worships the ground you walk on… 8/10 for kissing… 20/10 for making you feel like a goddess. 

Alice Longbottom: Kinky as fuck. 9/10

Dorcas Meadowes: Kinkier than fuck. Kisses like she owns your ass. Also hella gay. 10/10

Marlene McKinnon: Also also hella gay… less kinky. Uses a lot of tongue… but does it right. 9/10 

Mary Macdonald: Mary sue to the max… every kiss is like a reenactment of “The Notebook”. Disney-esque. 7/10

Regulus Black: Untrusting. Tends to panic if things go too quick… or too slow… or not exactly how he planned it. Perfectionist… and a bit of a control freak… doesn’t really know how to adapt to other kissing styles. 4.5/10

Narcissa Malfoy: Reserved… until between the sheets, then she will eat you alive. Mother fucking queen. Savage. Always tops. 10/10

Lucius Malfoy: Fun to look at… Terrible kisser. -5 stars. Two thumbs way down… would not recommend…. 0/10……………. alright… 2/10 for being pretty… Also… submissive af.  

Bellatrix Lestrange: Will rip your goddam lip off. 0/10…. unless you’re into that.

Fenrir Greyback: Will rip your goddam head off. -54/10

Severus Snape: Ew.