Walburga: Sirius, Get This Piece Of Trash Out Of The Dining Room!

drop the teabags

so i made another one bc these are hella fun to write

Remus Lupin to it is perfectly normal to cry in wonder woman: can we establish the ground rules for tonight

Sirius Black: rules schmules

Remus Lupin: do you want your arse to be front page news again?

Sirius Black: those readers were blessed

James Potter: I have it framed

Sirius Black: aww babe

Peter Pettigrew to can you die from too much Nutella?: where are you guys???

James Potter: sry SOMEONE was being dramatic

Sirius Black: it’s not my fault the hairdryer broke

Sirius Black: I couldn’t leave with DAMP hair

Peter Pettigrew: hurry the fuck up

James Potter: pete its fine

Peter Pettigrew: its raining and ive been waiting twenty mins

Peter Pettigrew: it is noT FINE

Rita Skeeter (@ritaskeeter) tweeted: ‘The Maruaders’ frontman James Potter flirts up a storm with old friend Marlene McKinnon at Oscars, are they dating?

Sirius Black (@siriuslyblack) tweeted: @jampots how could you do this to me?

James Potter (@jampots) tweeted: @siriuslyblack you weren’t supposed to find out this way

Marlene McKinnon (@marlsmckinnon) tweeted: @jamspotter you can’t afford me

James Potter (@jampots) tweeted: @marlmckinnon rude tbh

James Potter to Remus Lupin: are ppl acc believing this crap

Remus Lupin: you didn’t exactly help the situation

James Potter: what if evans sees it?

Remus Lupin: I thought you were over it

James Potter: ….

James Potter: i am

James Potter: one hundred percent

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: he’s not over it

Sirius Black: well obviously

Sirius Black: he’s been playing her album on repeat for the last three weeks

Remus Lupin: are you still stealing his spotify?

Sirius Black: im not made of money

Remus Lupin: you have a Porsche….

Sirius Black: details details

James Potter to SUIT UP: who’s doing the speech if we win the grammy?

Peter Pettigrew: I thought you were

Remus Lupin: you said you’d written it

James Potter: where’s the evidence

Remus Lupin sent a screenshot

James Potter: well shit

Rita Skeeter (@ritaskeeter) tweeted: Lily Evans throws drink over James Potter at Grammy’s, is it over his relationship with Marlene McKinnon?

Marlene McKinnon (@marlsmckinnon) tweeted: for gods sake I am NOT dating james

James Potter (@jampots) tweeted: @marlsmckinnon I’m hurt

Marlene McKinnon (@marlsmckinnon) tweeted: you know I love you rlly @jampots

Remus Lupin (@rjlupin) tweeted: @marlsmckinnon @jampots this is exactly what I was talking about

Peter Pettigrew to Sirius Black: why did she throw her drink at him?

Sirius Black: he apologised for being rude to snivilus

Peter Pettigrew: how does that make sense??

Sirius Black: but then he said it wasn’t his fault she was friends with a racist twat

Peter Pettigrew: oh

James Potter to Marlene McKinnon: did you talk to her?

Marlene McKinnon: mate you need to drop it

James Potter: I’m an idiot

Marlene Mackinnon: yes, yes you are

James Potter to Lily Evans: I’m an idiot

James Potter: and I’m sorry

Lily Evans: you can’t keep apologising and then not changing

James Potter: what do you want me to do evans?

Lily Evans: move on potter

James Potter changed the chat name to lets get drunk pls

Peter Pettigrew: u okay?

James Potter: not rly

Sirius Black: we’re on our way

The Daily Prophet (@TheDailyProphet) tweeted: James Potter photographed kissing mystery girl in back of club

Lily Evans sent a photo to Marlene McKinnon

Lily Evans: is that who I think it is

Marlene McKinnon: you’re not seriously jealous

Lily Evans: ofc not

Lily Evans: its just a bit of a surprise

Marlene McKinnon: you told him to move on lil

Lily Evans: I didn’t mean with dorcas

Rita Skeeter (@ritaskeeter) tweeted: James Potter’s mystery girl is Dorcas Meadowes, close friend of Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon, all 3 attended school with The Maruaders.

Sirius Black to no the next album will not be called sirius and the others: someone buy teabags

James Potter: there are spares under my bed

Sirius Black: about that

James Potter: you fucker

Peter Pettigrew: did you try moonys stash in his wardrobe

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: you stay away from those teabags

Sirius Black: too late

Remus Lupin: I’m telling mrs potter

Sirius Black: you wouldn’t

Remus Lupin: too late

Dorcas Meadowes to Lily Evans: u know me and james were just messing right

Lily Evans: why does everyone think I’m bothered

Dorcas Meadowes: bc u r

Lily Evans: I’m not

Dorcas Meadowes: so our snap streak ending was an accident then?

Dorcas Meadowes: 308 days !!

Dorcas Meadowes: gone !

Lily Evans: I might be slightly bothered

The Daily Prophet (@TheDailyProphet) tweeted: ‘The Marauders’ raise £2 million for charity with their new single

Lily Evans to James Potter: it’s incredible how much you guys have raised

Lily Evans: you should be really proud james

James Potter to Remus Lupin: she called me james

Remus Lupin: who?

James Potter: evans

Remus Lupin: oh

Remus Lupin: OH

James Potter to Lily Evans: thanks lily, it means a lot

Lily Evans: so… you and Dorcas?

James Potter: we’re just mates, it was a bit of fun

James Potter: we both know there’s only one girl I’m interested in

Peter Pettigrew to graham norton for prime minister: controversial idea

Sirius Black: go

Peter Pettigrew: Portugal shouldn’t have won Eurovision

Sirius Black removed Peter Pettigrew from the group

Lily Evans to James Potter: i have a question

James Potter: oooOOOooo ominous

Lily Evans: are you ever not dramatic

James potter: we literally went to stage school

Lily Evans: im just going to ask my question

Lily Evans: why is your twitter handle jampots??

James Potter: why not

James Potter: it’s iconic

Lily Evans: why do I like such a lame person?

James Potter: so you DO like me

James Potter: !!!

James potter: also who even uses lame anymore???

Lily Evans @lilevans tweeted: quick twitter poll; who thinks the word lame is lame

Sirius Black @siriuslyblack tweeted: @lilevans the REAL question is who uses semicolons in tweets ???

Remus Lupin @rjlupin tweeted: @siriuslyblack it’s like you’re allergic to good grammar.

James Potter @jampots tweeted: you’re not helping your case here evans

Lily Evans @lilevans tweeted: @jampots I’ve seen your match attacks collection sit down

Peter Pettigrew @realpete tweeted: @jampots @lilevans ouch burn

James Potter @jampots tweeted: @realpete traitor

Sirius Black to James Potter: I just read this article

James Potter: oh yeah?

Sirius Black: so we’re dating

Sirius Black: and we have a kitten called Beatrix

James Potter: what??

James Potter: it would obvs be called cassiepoiea

Sirius Black: omds cassie for short

Sirius Black: the blacks hv flaws but our names are fabulous

James Potter sent a photo to I miss Minnie telling us what disappointments we are

James Potter: me and sirius bought a kitten !!

Sirius Black: shes so cute !!!

Remus Lupin: we’re not allowed pets in the building….?

Peter Pettigrew: and I’m allergic to cats

James Potter: honestly you two are so selfish

James Potter: we can’t take her back

James Potter: are you seriously going to break her little kitten heart

Sirius Black: we already made her an instagram and everything

Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: ???? hv u seen my jacket

Remus Lupin: would it kill you to use grammar properly for once

Sirius Black: nvm acc i found it

Sirius Black: also rude

Remus Lupin to bring back remus being a werewolf conspiracy theory 2k17: we going out tonight?

Sirius Black: yassss

James Potter: can’t, going for a drink w evans

Sirius Black: oooooOOOOOO

Peter Pettigrew: is that what the kids call it these days

James Potter: seriously?

James Potter: don’t answer that sirius

Sirius Black (@siriuslyblack) tweeted: this is a psa that james puts sisters before misters

James Potter (@jampots) tweeted: @siriuslyblack chill

Peter Pettigrew to 3 decent ppl + jim the traitor: james has a hickey pass it on

Sirius Black: whAT

James Potter: wtf bro

James Potter: how do you even know that

Peter Pettigrew: I came in to bring you tea

James Potter: oh yh

James Potter: thanks for that btw

Sirius Black: we’RE GETTING OFF TOPIC

Sirius Black to Euphemia Potter: james got a hickey from lily

Euphemia Potter: Lily Evans?

Sirius Black: that’s the one

Euphemia Potter: I always thought she was lovely

Euphemia Potter:  Now what’s all this I hear about you stealing remus’s teabags?

“The whole point of keeping the school open at this time is for you to receive your education. The exams will therefore take place as usual, and I trust you are all revising hard.”

— Happy birthday to Minerva McGonagall

I’m sure you’ve already received a couple asks for this, but now I wanna see what happened when James got on a carnival ride and puked all over Ginny.

Extended family outings like this were always a challenge anyway, but the arrival of a travelling funfair not far from Ottery St Catchpole proved to be a greater challenge than most. Keeping track of all Weasley, Granger-Weasley and Potter children in the dusky summer evening, surrounded by rides, sweets and street performers was hard enough, but keeping the statute of secrecy on top of that felt near on impossible.

‘Just settle on a colour, Ted, and stick to it.’

‘I can’t help it!’ Teddy protested.

‘Well you’re going to have to wear-’

‘I’m not wearing a hat!’ Teddy told his godfather furiously. ‘Hats are stupid!’

Keep reading

‘You ran away from home?’ ‘When I was about sixteen,’ said Sirius. ‘I’d had enough.’ ‘Where did you go?’ said Harry, staring at him. ‘Your dad’s place,’ said Sirius. ‘Your grandparents were really good about it; they sort of adopted me as a second son.’

(and I know this set will probably be confusing to some people since a lot of people like Kristin Scott Thomas as Walburga but she’s always been Mrs. Potter to me)

When you discover that these two:

Were married in Love Actually

Jace stepped forward to help Alec into a dark blue gear jacket printed with golden runes, while Catarina draped a cobalt-and-gilt silk jacket around Magnus’s shoulders.They both moved back, and a hush fell over the crowd as Jia spoke. “Through the centuries,” she said, “there have been few unions between Shadowhunters and Downworlders that have been recognized as such. But a new age has dawned, and with a new age come new traditions. Tonight, as Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood blend their lives and hearts, we stand ready to recognize this union. To witness a true bond between two souls who have cleaved to each other.” She cleared her throat. There was delight and pride in her face as she gazed around the gathered group. “Alexander Gideon Lightwood. Hast thou found the one thy soul loves?” It was a question asked at every wedding: part of the Shadowhunter ceremony for a thousand years. The crowd hushed, the hush of holiness, of sacred ritual observed and shared.  “I have found him,” Alec said. “And I will not let him go.” “Magnus Bane,” said Jia, “Hast thou gone among the watchmen, and in the cities of the world? Hast thou found the one thy soul loves?” “I have found him,” Magnus said, gazing at Alec. “And I will not let him go.” Jia inclined her head. “Now it is time for the exchanging of runes.” This was the moment when, in a traditional ceremony, Shadowhunters would Mark each other with wedding runes and speak the words of the vows. But Magnus could not bear runes. They would burn his skin.  Alec moved closer to Magnus and Emma saw that it was a golden brooch in the shape of the Wedded Union rune. As Alec moved toward Magnus, he spoke the words of the Nephilim vows: “Love flashes out like fire, the brightest kind of flame Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it.” He pinned the brooch over Magnus’s heart, his blue eyes never leaving Magnus’s face. “Now place me as a seal over thine heart, as a seal over thine arm: For love is strong as death. And so we are bound: stronger than flame, stronger than water, stronger than death itself.” Magnus, his gaze fixed on Alec’s, laid his hand over the brooch. It was his turn now: Alec drew aside his jacket and rolled up his sleeve, baring his upper arm. He placed a stele in Magnus’s hand and clasped Magnus’s fingers within his own. With their hands entwined, Alec traced the shape of the Wedded Union rune onto his own arm. Emma assumed the second rune, the one over his heart, would be added later, in private, as it usually was. When they were done, the rune stood out stark and black on Alec’s skin. It would never fade. It would never leave him, a sign of his love for Magnus for all time.  Slowly Magnus lowered his hand, still clasped in Alec’s. He gazed at the rune on Alec’s arm in a sort of daze, and Alec looked back at him, as if neither of them could look away. “The rings now,” said Jia, and Alec seemed to start out of a dream. Jace stepped forward and put one ring into Alec’s hand, and another into Magnus’s, and said something quietly to both of them that made them laugh.  The rings were Lightwood family rings, etched with the traditional design of flames on the outside, and with words inscribed on the inside. “Aku cinta kamu,” Magnus read out, gazing at the interior of the ring, and he smiled at Alec, a brilliant, world-spanning smile. “My love for yours, my heart for yours, my soul for yours, Alexander. Now and for all time.” Magnus and Alec slid the rings onto each other’s fingers, and Jia closed her book. “Alexander Lightwood-Bane. Magnus Lightwood-Bane. You are now married,” she said. “Let us rejoice.

The Wedding ceremony of Magnus Lightwood-Bane and Alexander Lightwood-Bane (via magnusbane-aleclightwood)

Next Gen’s New Year’s Resolutions

Teddy: find a place near Uncle Harry’s, because he spoils him

Victoire: binge watch all the Disney movies in one night ( “That’s impossible, Vic.” “Go die in a hole, Scorpius.” )

Dominique: disarm Aunt Hermione in the family duels

Louis: eat an entire pizza in 3 minutes ( “Does the Weasley-Delacour family have any realistic resolutions?” “SHUT UP, SCORPIUS, I’M GONNA DO IT!” )

Molly: get better grades

Lucy: learn how to speak Punjabi with Molly and mum to hide stuff from her dad

Fred: drink nine bottles of firewhisky and not pass out ( “Fred, you’re not even of age.” “WATCH ME.” )

Roxanne: go viral on YouTube with a video of her “miraculously moving things with her mind” ( “Against the law, Roxy.” )

Rose: get better grades, become a prefect, learn how to speak Gobbledook, defeat at least two of Hogwarts’ Quidditch records, write an award-winning book, skip a few grades, beat Uncle Harry out of his Head Auror placement, singlehandedly join the wizarding and Muggle cultures together… ( “Dammit, Rose…” “I’m gonna do it, Scorpius. Watch your mouth, you’re gonna wanna stay on my good side.” )

Hugo: make the Quidditch team

James: get good enough grades to get into Auror training ( maybe even find out what his sexuality is ffs )

Albus: spend more time with his boyfriend ( “That’s sweet, Al.” “Also, learn how to make you less grumpy all the time.” “I’M NOT GRUMPY!” “Of course, Scorp.” )

Lily: jump while simultaneously doing a handstand on a broomstick. while it’s in the air.

Scorpius: find a new boyfriend (this one’s family is exhausting)

okay, well not that.

he really likes his.

crazy, unnecessarily large family and all.

I AM ABSOLUTELY LOSING MY MIND AFTER READING THIS PLEASE READ IT