Holy Shit

Fairy: Hey I didn’t get your name.

Me: Yeah that was on purpose.

Fairy: Oh my god stealing people’s names has been categorized as a war crime for like a hundred years. Do I seem like the kind of fairy that would do war crimes?

Me: Well yes, but that’s just my impression of you personally. Not fairies in general.

Fairy: You’re smarter than I thought.

Human: Deal.

Fey: Very well. When you return home tonight, your mother will be in pristine health again. It will be like she never fell ill at all. Even the memory of her suffering will fade…

Human: Thank you so much. She means everything to me.

Fey: I know, I know. Let’s hope the price wasn’t too much for you after all… Only time will tell.

Human: So, when do we start?

Fey: …If I may ask you to elaborate?

Human: You said you wanted my firstborn.

Fey: Yes? And you agreed?

Human: Yeah, so, when do we start?

Fey:

Fey, blushing: Ah.

Forbidden Soup.

This is gold!

Instead of a stoic hero and a chatty villain or a chatty hero and a stoic villian imagine if they’re both chatty. Just, the villian trying their best to kill the hero while the two of them have a in-depth discussion about their opinion of pumpkin spice

Tumblr Fic Masterpost

Trying to put together a post of the tumblr fic I’ve done. i’ll try to keep this updated as I go, like the Patreon one. (If you end up doing some sorta deep dive of my tumblr and find shit I miss, please HMU with a link and I’ll add it, but I think I found everything.)

Fic based on this prompt:  It’s 3 AM and you are heading to the kitchen to consume the shredded cheese as usual. Unusually, a wizard in full robes is there, already eating the cheese. (Published January 24 2019)

Fic based on this prompt:  The strongest warlock in all the land uses his power to constantly kidnap the princess. Most people believe it’s because he’s in love with her, but they have it all wrong. He’s in love with the knight who always comes to save her. (Published March 18 2019)

Fic based on this prompt:  You drop a small piece of food on the floor, and decide to kick it under the oven/couch/whatever because you can’t be bothered to pick it up. As you’re walking away, you hear a very quiet “Thank you!” from under it. (Published April 3 2019)

Fic based on this prompt: You’re a witch who makes a living selling potions, breaking hexes, etc. You seem like a regular shopkeep, but, if someone can give you the correct code-word, they can buy illegal love potions from your store, instantly making the recipiant fall madly in love with the customer…Or at least that’s what would happen if you hadn’t started partnering with the FBI soon after you opened the store. Write about your first sting. [Please note that this fic starts with a trigger warning about the topics of consent, more detailed at the link. I’ll happily answer questions about it if you need to know more before reading.] (Published April 11 2019)

Fic based on this prompt:  Explain how you try to calm down a newly turned vampire who was beyond pissed and ready to throw down at the vampire who turned them into a vampire because now they can’t eat their precious garlic bread anymore. (Published April 22 2019)

Fic based on this prompt:  After beating the hero near death, the villain is finally told that the hero isn’t even 18 yet. Now the villain is taking the hero to go fight the gods who had sent him, looking to stop them from endangering kids for their own benefit. (Published April 30 2019)

Fic based on this prompt:  You are back in your hometown for the weekend, and run into your long lost love. You are both happily in a relationship now but while you sit for a coffee and laugh about the old times, he suddenly gets very serious and says “it’s still you, you know? The person I see by my side, at the end of the day”. And your heart stops. (Published May 23 2019)

Fic based on this prompt:  You live with a Vampire. Every Saturday, you give them a cup of your blood, and they cook you a nice meal. (Published September 9 2019)

Fic based on this prompt: “Would you die for me?”“Again?” (Published October 7 2019)

Fic based on this prompt:  You’d known, intellectually, that your heroic nemesis was a teenager, but it didn’t really sink in until the day their school called because your number was the only one on their emergency contact list. (Published March 20 2020)

Fic based on this prompt: You are a human in world were all of the cryptic creatures you’ve ever known are real, every year there is a reunion where all of the local cryptics reunite and have a chance to talk with the humans.This year for some reason you received an invitation to be the host of the ceremony, however, this is a position that only cryptids can have. Your neighbors all have the same invitations, that’s were you notice, you are the only human in a neighborhood of shape-shifters. (Published April 15, 2020)

related stuff:

@jeannesreading did a wonderful audio rendition of The Strongest Warlock (for real y’all should check it out)

also of course @phinnsyreads​ put together an amazing audio rendition of The Thing Under the Fridge

Wanna Support Me?

If you want to help a gal out, you can head over to my ko-fi (also big thanks to everybody who’s helped out, you guys are amazing)

I still have a Patreon, I plan on refitting it for longer form pieces that are less suited to tumblr. Not doing much with it at the moment, because in these pandemic times I don’t wanna put anything behind a paywall, but if you want to support me a little bit on a recurring basis, that’d be the place to do it.

I’m eventually going to finish the novel I started on it, but in all honesty I wrote myself into a corner on that one and need to figure out what I’m going to do next. It’s all still up and it’s public and free, and if anybody wants to give me some feedback, it’s there. 

If you can’t help me out financially, I totally understand, the other way to support me is to reblog it so that others can see it. 

UNMUTE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!! #intears #lmao 

Don't ever hide who you want to be!

two of my sisters think that writing fanfiction is a shameful and embarrassing hobby. So please reblog if you disagree because honestly i have to hide a piece of who i am just because they dont like it.

Help

I'm tired

Of fighting with you

Of you ignoring my problems

Of you not hearing my cries at night

You think I've changed

The fact is I haven't

I'm still a child asking for help

This time my method has changed

My problems have changed

I haven't

Please help me.

Help me before it's too late.