Catalystcorvid - Whimsy, Creativity, Delight.

ive been calling these asterisms this whole time regardless what they looked like i had no idea that theyre actually called dinkuses. dinkuses. that doesnt sound real

Feeding the Worms

Ever since I found out that earth worms have taste buds all over the delicate pink string of their bodies, I pause dropping apple peels into the compost bin, imagine the dark, writhing ecstasy, the sweetness of apples permeating their pores. I offer beets and parsley, avocado, and melon, the feathery tops of carrots. I’d always thought theirs a menial life, eyeless and hidden, almost vulgar–though now, it seems, they bear a pleasure so sublime, so decadent, I want to contribute however I can, forgetting, a moment, my place on the menu.

Bonfire Opera - Danusha Laméris

My mistress is a bumbling idiot. She’s been seeing a suitor who intends to buy her hand in marriage from her father, but she’s told me quite clearly that she doesn’t think this man is right. As her devoted maid, I cannot let her be wed off to some scoundrel like him. But all my efforts to save her from him have been foiled by her clumsiness. When I brought the tray to them with the poisoned teacup closer to him, in a breach of etiquette she reached for the far teacup and took the poison for herself. When I poisoned his wine, her ring got caught on the tablecloth and knocked over his glass. When I set up the armoire to fall and crush him, she tripped on the rug and made it go off too early. Once I even rigged one of the chandeliers to fall on his spot, and right before it did she violated table manners, got up, grabbed his wrist, and dragged him to the window because she “thought she saw a stag outside.” A stag?! There weren’t even any woods visible from that window! And after all these foiled attempts she has the audacity to complain to me that marrying this man will ruin her life. As if seeing her with any man wouldn’t ruin mine!

How to improve your writing

(Exerpts from Chuck Palahniuk's article Nuts and Bolts, edited lightly for my own self reference)

From this point forward you may not use “thought” verbs.  These include: 

Thinks

Knows

Understands

Realizes

Believes

Wants

Forgets

Remembers

Imagines

Desires

Loves

Hates

As well as limiting the use of the following;

Is

Had/Have

Are

And many more.

Thinking is abstract.  Knowing and believing are intangible. 

Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing.  And loving and hating.

Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them.  Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.

Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing.  And loving and hating.

Don’t tell your reader: 

Adam knew Gwen liked him.

Instead, you’ll have to say: 

Between classes, Gwen was always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it.  She’d roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume.  The combination lock would still be warm from her ass.  And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.

No more shortcuts.

Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.

Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph  (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later)  In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph.  And what follows, illustrates them.

Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline.  Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits.  Her cell phone battery was dead.  At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up.  Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…

Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows?  Don’t do it.

If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others.  Better yet, transplant it and change it to: 

Brenda would never make the deadline.

Don't leave your characters alone.

One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone.  Writing, you may be alone.  Reading, your audience may be alone.  But your character should spend very, very little time alone.  Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.  

A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives. 

Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember. No more transitions such as: 

Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.

Instead: 

Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.

Better yet, get your character with another character, fast.  Get them together and get the action started.  Let their actions and words show their thoughts.  You -- stay out of  their heads.

And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.” Instead, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.

The challenge.

In short, no more short-cuts.  Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.

Pick through your writing and circle every “thought” verb.  Then, find some way to eliminate it.  Kill it by Un-packing it.

Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing.  Be ruthless. Find them.  After that, find a way to re-write them.  Make them stronger.

The Goose Explains

By Amos Russel Wells

It was a goose who sadly cried, "Alas! Alas! The farm is wide, And large the barnyard company, But no one ever looks at me; There really seems to be no use, Or praise, or glory, for a goose.

They pet the dog whose bark and bite Scare tramps by day and thieves by night; But when I bravely stand on guard, And drive intruders from the yard, They laugh at me. The kitten plays, And all admire her cunning ways; But when I venture in the room, To play, in turn, some stick or broom Soon drives me out. Those birds they call Canaries cannot sing at all In my sweet fashion; yet their lay Is praised—from mine folks turn away. They prize the horse who pulls the cart; But when I try to do my part, And mount the shafts to help him draw,

They whip me off. Last week I saw Two stupid horses pull a plow, I watched the work, I learned just how; Then, with my bill, I did the same In flower-beds, and got only blame. It really seems of little use To try to help—when one's a goose!"

by ryex

www.shinozukatomoko.com

sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four

I've been writing more at work in-between customer interactions. Upside is that I can hit my daily goal before I'm even off for the day (and I technically get paid to do it!). All I gotta do is transcribe it into Obsidian when I get home. The downside is I get interrupted often and keep losing really good lines x_x Poor one out for all those bursts of inspiration that get squashed before they make it onto the page