No Idea If Youve Taken Youre Exam Yet But I Wish You Luck!!!!

I'm back! Sorry I haven't been active lately, life planning is getting into my head, and I've been working on a big passion project I'll share with you all soon ^^ also, thank you my lovely @pixo0 for reviving me with those sweet messages.

Here's some photos I took but forgot to post— I took them at the height of spring.

Ah— I feel like I wasted the long-awaited cherry blossom season just staying inside and drawing... I guess there's always next year. Time seems to move faster recently anyways.

How has everyone been doing? I miss you.

Valentine's Day - 2

There's a cute café near the arcade that's licensed to sell both Uji and Yamabuki matcha, so I took Sen there. We got a crème-brûlée flavoured mille-crepe cake and an oreo parfait to share, while Sen got his matcha and I enjoyed a warm hot chocolate.

It felt like forever since we last met up, so I couldn't be more thankful that we're seeing each other tomorrow, too. He really likes that tendon place near my house, so maybe I can treat him? Or should we could go get curry, as it's really satiating, and can also come with tempura..? I'm not sure...

Hiiii you're back! Missed you <3

Oh my goodness Mari!! I missed you so much too (⁠ ⁠；⁠∀⁠；⁠)

Glad to be back!!

keeps coming back

i knew it. I really can’t trust myself to do the right thing I can’t believe it

Matcha and adzuki bean mochi after a tasty omakase.

Lately, I've been distracted with all sorts of things-- I want to write, animate, code, game-- everything but schoolwork appeals to me.

Though I try to push for productivity, what really call to me are the self-led projects.

Every time I lose motivation, I find myself saying, "it's okay, I can always become a journalist." "I still have my music to keep me afloat!" "maybe I can drop out and make an indie game." "If I just get enough money to invest in Nvidia..." Feckless attempts at leaving hard work for comfort-- I know I'll never survive thinking like that.

I just need to hold out for a few more years, and maybe, I'll be comfortable enough to pursue passion...

Who, me?

I’m not depressed. I don’t think I’m depressed. I don’t feel depressed.

So why does everything point to me being depressed? I can’t even keep up a personal blog, which kinda sucks :/

Recently, I stumbled upon a little text-adventure game that pretty much summed up how I was feeling for the last two years or so- I can definitely turn my life around, but I just don’t. Maybe it’s a choice. Maybe it’s something I can’t control. Who knows. I blame laziness, mostly, but I’d suppose that’s a bandaid on the entire situation. I’m probably just a coward for responsibility. Here’s the game, by the way: http://www.depressionquest.com/dqfinal.html

I guess I do have my moments where everything feels like it’ll turn around and I’ll have a completely new life and all that, but I don’t think I’ve ever followed through. Sure, I definitely can make things better, but sometimes things just don’t work out. 

Hope I can do what it takes, though- I’m really banking on the hope I can clean up my own mess and pick up my slack. Being able to make choices for myself I like, having the energy to accomplish simple tasks like doing my homework and agreeing to go out with my friends. It sounds so wonderful to live without this barrier. Please, please, please. God, I just need this one wish. I’d absolutely love to live with energy and the ability to go out and do what I want to, what’s good for me- God, please, I’m sorry I didn’t have faith, I just need this one thing. Please help me out, please listen to my prayers now. I’m sorry. I really want to live without this.

Not sure if this helps but I don't really believe that knowing we'll die in the end changes anything.

Do you listen to a song just because it ends?

Do you read a book just to close the cover in a few days?

Look, I'm no fully grown adult with a grip on life or a real job or anything, but I'm a bit of a believer in just trying to make the best of things while we're here. The time limit isn't really the end goal per se, but it's something to give our lives value.

What's the point in living forever anyways? With an ~80 year lifespan, these days matter!

Or at least, that's what I believe in theory. Might want to consult @aletheia-mou for more thoughts on life, since I've kind of reached a point in this line of thought that satisfied my need for knowledge in this area.

Hang in there<3

Caramel

☆ Meaningless? ☆

What's the meaning of life? I need an answer--not something along the lines of "it's all about self-discovery!" Discovering one's life is part of the journey, but if that's all there is to life, I don't want any part of it. If it's truly the case, then I discovered that my life is full of wrath and meaningless things. I use too much oxygen and produce too much carbon dioxide. My presence is negative even on an environmental level. My life is all about academics I swear. Although I love academia, it kinda sucks that I am 2 dimensional outside of school. Why should I even pity myself? Maybe everything happens for a reason. I'm gonna die anyway sooner or later.

I hope it's sooner rather than later.

(o´∀`o)

Good luck on ur examn !! 🙏

Thank you!!! Once this is all over, I can finally hole up in my room and play games forever...

Any recommendations on fun hobbies/things to do during the break? I want to start filling out my days so they don't blend together as much... (ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ｡⁠;) Hopefully...

First day in a life between lives

I’m in a really great mood today! I left my house- it felt really weird to be leaving while not completely integrated into either my old or new personality yet. Going out with friends, it felt similar to how I used to feel being dragged out, but more enjoyable- and somehow, brighter?

Not much cleaning has been done today, but I’ve still got ten days to get my new life together! I should probably get some more cleaning done before I go to bed, so that’s what I’m off to do once I’m done writing this post.

One more thing I’ve done that I’m really proud of- I’ve shown my blog to one of my closest friends!! It feels so good to have told someone else about my new life/personality, and I hope that having someone know about it will keep me on track and accomplishing my dreams!! Oh hello avocado friend :))))))

I’ll post again tomorrow, or maybe sometime tonight before I sleep. For now though, I’m leaving today feeling so accomplished! 

<3 Caramel