Hey Guys Im Back And Im Going To Start Restricting Again. I Don't Care About Being Beautiful I Just Want

Ugh... I have to be honest I ended up binging on fast food 🙃. I ate a whole pizza and some cinnamon sticks and I feel like such a fat cow. Oh well tommrow I will be be fasting the whole day to make up for it.

God I fucking suck.... stupid bitch why did you have to give In? Did I really need that fucking slice of pizza? No the fuck I didn't.

Im going to eat omad and give myself a healthy 800 to 1,000 calorie meal full of whole grain like rice or oats, veggies, fruit and protein 😋. I will eat my omad at work at 12am- and i will fast for the rest of the day. Which would be a lot more realistic than eating 500 cal a day.

I also need to fast at least twice a week where i go a whole day with out food. On days i fast i will drink lots of 0 cal tea and lots of water and vitamins. I wont do a fast 2 days in a row ill separate them by one day - so fast friday then break with omad sat then fast sunday

Reasons why im losing weight-

- So i can have better boyfriend(s)

- So i will be a gothic beauty

- so my knees wont ache (thats lame)

- it will be cheaper to purchase food

- i will be a "good girl" if i so lose weight

- i will be able to run

- i will be able to stand for a long time at concerts

- i will be considered cute for not eating so much

- i will be able to fit cute trendy gothic clothes and sweaters

- i can finally be able to go on long walks

- guys will finally stop feeding me fattening food to make me happy they will instead give me love and affection which is something i really need from them not fast food

-

Went for a morning walk and while drinking some pumpkin spice low cal coffee and then I had some pumpkin chai tea with a freind. I guess today I was craving something sweet (which I always crave) . The world was so still and quiet waking up this chill morning and it's nice and grey outside too. I wish it were more gloomy but it's not.

I feel like a fat pig. My ex just confirmed that he eats 350-500 to 1000 calories perday and he's so skinny and beautiful. I NEED to catch up and get better at loosing weight. I don't want to be the fat freind. It wil be so worth the hunger when I get to wear cute clothes and have smaller boobs

Goals for tomorrow ✨️🎃

Tommrow my goal is to grab some more low calorie goodies for my coffee and tea.

Tommrow I will come home- clean up - shower like a good girl. Then go to bed.

Tommrow I will challenge myself - i am to take in no more than 800 calories by midnight. I know I can do this

I'm down to more 2 more lbs today!! That makes for a total 9lb weight loss. So yes I AM losing weight! My coworker was right!

I guess my fasting is paying off. And all I do I just don't like food. That's all I do. I'm starting to absolutely despise food. It's gross and makes me feel bloated and fat. Ugh

But 9lbs is NOT ENOUGH. I'm aiming for 40lbs ugh 😑. The scale can't move fast enough but I know it's best if I just be patient and wait

Grocery shopping today-

Zero sugar torani flavor syrup carmel and vanilla

Zero sugar coffee creamer pumpkin spice

More tea flavors

Canned pumpkin

Cinnamon

When will I start to feel light and weightless? I'm desperate for that attention skinny brings and I will not stop till I get there. If I have to pay my mental health for it then that is the price I am willing to pay. I want boys to look at me, I want girls to envy me. And I want my family to take back every little negative thing they have ever said about me back. I will no longer be the fat freind, the fat sister or the fat coworker. Ha! They will all watch me get thin.

And I WILL get there. They will all see. Every guy that has ever ignored me will finally be forced to pay attention. That will make things right.

For now on- Listen up fattie

860 calories will be the MAX that I can have. ABSOLUTELY NO CHEAT DAYS. Fatties don't deserve cheat days.

I will have to drink 8 cups of water each day to prevent me from eating.

I WILL chew my food 25 times before swallowing.

I will take my protein powder and supplements daily

I WILL get plenty of sleep at least 8 to 10 hrs per day. Beauty queens need their rest.