Thank You @moosemink For Keeping My Inner Fangirl Alive And Well For So Many Years 😔

You made me a Poet

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Pairing: Ryan Magee x Reader

Summary: 5 times that Ryan almost asked you out (and the one time he did)

Warnings: if you count awkward Ryan and fluff

A/N: I love writing these/ also no beta read cause I am too tired

"What a grade A piece of shit" he heard Matt mumble while you were quietly sipping your beverage, staring off into the distance. "I mean, who does that? He knows you struggle with this stuff man." You simply raised your shoulders a few centimeters, obviously not having the strength for any grand expressions other than these micro ones.

When you had rung their doorbell in the morning and Ryan went to open up the door, he felt his heart sink immediately upon seeing you. Your face was flushed and eyes puffy, noticeably having cried a good deal before coming to them. With a new sense of urgency he pulled you inside and after providing you with some snacks and drinks, him and Matt finally heard what had gotten you into this state.

"Landlords fucking suck dude." Ryan chimed in, he was never good with words when it came to this consoling someone, his form of comforting often resulting in an awkward halfway-hug and making jokes until the one crying ended up in a weird state of snort-cry-laughing.

And that is exactly what you did. He didn't mean for it to be a joke but he guessed that your own desperation tried to make the best of anything that was said.

"I just don't know what to do now, I could probably find a new place but where should I go in the meantime? I don't wanna be a burden to anyone."

Your head was hanging low, feeling another wave of tears approaching now that you were talking about it.

"Whoa, whoa don't worry, we can figure something out."

Ryan knew that this wasn't the right time to be jealous but he would be lying if he said he wasn't envious of how Matt was able to handle situations like these. Putting a hand on your shoulder and reassuring you, Ryan wished he could be the one to do so.

"How bout you stay at my place? Or here at the office? You can crash here for as long as you need."

'You could also stay at my place' - a statement that got caught in Ryans throat, it was inapropriate, Matt meant it in a good, sympathetic way. Ryan did as well but more so than that, he wanted you close to him, be the one and only to help you out in this desperate situation. It was selfish.

"Yeah, you don't need to worry about anything. Just calm down and once you're feeling better we can help you with finding a new place." A much more fitting thing to say, even if it didn't reflect what Ryan actually felt.

"I don't know how to thank you guys.. you really don't gotta do this."

Wiping away the last tear with the sleeve of your pullover you finally looked up at Ryan and Matt, a genuine but bittersweet smile on your face. Ryan sighed internally, he would get his chance later.

And hopefully you'd be waiting for him.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

With enough videos shot beforehand, it wasn't a difficult decision wether or not to take some time off by going on a little vacay.

Matt and Ryan had planned this roadtrip for some time now, Justin, Luke and Kellie having already agreed to come along and to Ryan's luck, you had as well, even if you had never went on one before.

The fact that you had said yes though made him feel like the most blessed person that could ever exist on this planet; you were often more reserved, rather staying at home instead of trying new and possibly scary things. The fact that he was able to convince you, especially after he had seen you cancel on so many other trips and invitations that had been proposed by others, had his heart jumping around in his chest as if it wanted to literally break out from between his ribs.

The day that you guys had met up to depart, he of course noticed the lip biting and fidgeting as he watched you through the mirror in the front of the car, earning a few confused looks from Matt as to why he was so fixated.

Kellie did a good job at distracting you, the two of you having your own little drawing contest in the backseat and when the car was suddenly filled with the laughter of the both of you he could finally breathe a sigh of relief, it was all gonna be okay.

As the ride went on, you and everyone else became more and more comfortable. Even joining in on the bit where everyone screamed at Matt for seemingly driving in the wrong direction, even though you guys had never made a clear plan of where to go in the first place.

Driving through a nice rocky terrain and with the sun slowly setting, coloring the sky in a beautiful array of orange and yellow hues, you had decided that it was time to set up camp for tonight. Especially since the sky was supposed to be clear tonight, all of you wanted to get comfy quickly so you could watch the stars, and maybe have a couple drinks in by that time.

Ryan watched as you simply stood there while everyone got out, tent in your hands, clearly unsure of what to do and trying to understand how to set up a tent by watching Luke and Justin, who were mostly messing it up themselves.

Briefly looking around, he saw that Kellie and Matt had gone off to get some stray branches for a little fire, leaving him to help you out without it coming off as desperate. He was positive that someone seeing him like that because he wanted to lend you a hand was irrational, but his conscience still weighed on him.

Walking over to you, he was met with a genuine but nervous smile. Pretending that you were just simply standing there with the tent still in your hands. Not because you didn't know how to set it up but rather simply because you wanted to, that's normal right?

"Need some help there?" He saw by the way that your eyes darted around the area that you wanted to think of an excuse but quickly gave up and sighed, simply nodding, your lips tightening to a straight line.

Ryan smiled and took the rolled up tent out of your hands. "Let me show you, it's a little difficult to get it right for the first time." He wanted to make you feel comfortable, hopefully not shaming you by helping you.

At first you had stayed quiet, simply following his instructions, furthering his inital fear of embarrassing you but after the first few nails had been hit into the ground, your posture loosened up a little bit. Your back not as tense anymore and the expression on your face softening instead of the concentrated look you had given him beforehand.

"I have never really gone camping before you know.."

"Really now?"

Both of you started giggling at that, it was a silly way to start a conversation, especially after he had to rush towards you after you almost hammered your fingers with full force at the penultimate nail, showing him how overly worried he actually was and the fact that he blushed after he realized only made it worse. He was glad that the others were still occupied with their own doings.

As you put the last nail in, he couldn't help but stare at you, maybe a little too long. The way your hair fell into your face when you looked down, had his hand jerk up for a second. He felt the strong urge to put the loose strands back behind your ear, giving him a clearer view of your beautiful face, maybe even earning a soft smile from you, one that was only for him to see.

"We've done it, ladies and gentlemen!" Being pulled out of his trance, Ryan's head whipped around to Kellie and Matt who had only just come back from their little detour.

"Wood"

And with that, the handful of branches was dropped into the previously prepared fire pit.

Geting up from his kneeling position, he took a step back to admire his and your work, the tent was actually not as crooked as he had thought, you did a pretty good job. That is what he wanted to say but for some reason, he didn't. Maybe he didn't want to be too obvious, too pushy. Or maybe, maybe he was just scared of how you'd react.

Suddenly there was a clanking and clirring of bottles, making it clear that the drinking phase of the day was now officially approaching, giving him an openeing to ignore the thoughts he previously had.

You followed suit, but he caught a a faint look of dissapointment on your face, sending him down into a mild spiral of overthinking. Now it would be awkward to tell you that you did good, or would it be? He wasn't sure anymore which is why he quickly grabbed one of the Klopfers that you guys had brought along.

After everyone had finished tapping the shot for the assigned number of times, Kellie counted to three and everyone downed their shots, albeit with a little bit of coughing.

Ryan could already feel the warm feeling that spread through his whole body. He wasn't a lightweight when it came to alcohol but well, that's what shots are for.

The sky had significantly darkened and as the fire slowly started to become bigger, the atmosphere became that of a classic camping experience. A light breeze, music playing over the speak that they had brought along, the occasional sipping of beer, whisky and sparkling wine and Matt's ongoing anxiety about the faintest of noises that only he seemed to hear.

By the time that the stars were fully visible, most of you were already a little more than tipsy and especially you. Ryan had never seen you this ouutgoing before, even loudly singing along to the songs playing in the background and the fact that you started making jokes that were far below the belt, at least for what you'd normally say.

He didn't think he could fall even harder for you. He had already heard multiple times that his laugh were contagious but the way your whole body started to move as soon as you heard another objectively unfunny joke which was only effective because of the drunken state that you were in, was the most captivating thing he ever saw.

How your eyes automatically squeezed shut when someone kept adding to the joke and then the silent wheeze that accompanied that. It was more than endearing.

And then you sat down next to him.

He didn't even know what was so funny to you but you started laughing uncontrollably, leaning into him more and more, grabbing his shoulder to hold you steady. He couldn't help but laugh along, as did the others. The way your hands felt on his skin made his mind go fuzzy, leaving a tingling sensation once you let go of him.

You were adorable in this state and he desperately wanted to tell you so but you were drunk after all, and he wanted you to be sober if he finally got over the fact that told you how he felt.

So for now he was content with making more unfunny jokes if it meant that you would stay close to him like this.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

Sometimes you have those days where everything just works out and everything aligns to your favor - this was not one of those days for Ryan.

Starting with his shower suddenly malfunctioning, giving him an unwanted ice bath, to him finding out that he had forgot to do his laundry, leaving him to wear a hoodie that way way too tight for him and making him itch all over the place and then the fact that his car had broken down only a few metres down the street.

Luck wasn't on his side today.

He desperately had to go shopping though, the only edible things in his kitchen being one block of butter and some old cereal and coke.

Yet of course, the bad day would not stop with just his morning. The ride on the bus to the super market was suprisingly normal but he was once again proven wrong by fate when he saw that the shelves were basically empty, giving him no other chance than to mostly buy snacks to sustain himself (and some cheese of course).

And of course, because he thought that the day could not get any worse, the bus back home had a delay of about half an hour. He was convinced that he would just lay down and sleep when he got home, skipping the rest of the day before whatever series of unfortunate events would await him otherwise.

Getting onto the bus, exhausted and with a blank expression, he couldn't believe his eyes when he saw you smiling at him and gesturing to the unoccupied seat next to you.

He carefully made his way through the bus, trying not to fall over and embarrass himself any further, it was already bad enough that he must've looked absolutely horrible in that shrinked in hoodie.

You took out your headphones when he sat down next to you, greeting him with a little wave.

God you felt like an angel in the midst of an apocalypse.

Alright, maybe that was a bit dramatic but it was at least something akin to that.

"Thanks for letting me sit, I'll listen to some music though if that's alright, too exhausted for conversation right now."

"Oh yeah no worries." you simply said and went back to listening to your own playlist.

He reached his hand inside the pocket of his shorts, and he felt nothing.

The other one only had his portmonaie, his headphones seemingly lost in the Aether.

Ryan just sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers, slouching in his seat.

"Fuck me man.." he whispered.

"Huh, you alright?"

He really hated to disturb you like this, hopefully his bad mood wouldn't affect you too much.

"I forgot my headphones."

He just stared blankly onward, too tired to really be mad about it. He heard a quiet 'oh' and then:

"Do.. you wanna listen with me? I dunno if you'll like my music taste but it's something at least."

You held one of the in-ear buds toward him, offering for him to take it.

He truly couldn't believe how you just existed next to him like this.

"Sure, I'd love to." Maybe that was too much? Was that too much? He should've said like instead of love-.

Ryan took the bud and gently placed it into his ears, he would make sure to clean that thing until it was shiny once either one of you reached their stop.

You played a couple of songs, some of them Ryan was familiar with, some of them were new to him and he couldn't explain it but it was just so.. so you.

He closed his eyes and once he did, he could feel how close you were to him. Your leg was touching his and your shoulders were next to each other, if he opened his eyes he could even see how painfully close his hand was too yours, he really wanted to hold yours. He was sure your hands would be the softest that he had ever felt.

For once he was thankful for the slim and way-too-small bus seats.

He lingered on something he wanted to say. Maybe now he could go for it, ask you if you wanted to grab a coffee after he had brought his groceries home. He was actually sure about it this time. His day was already shit for the most part, now he would only be half heart broken if you turned him down- at least that's what he told himself.

Just as he was about to open his mouth-

"Oh sorry, could you stand up for a second, gotta get out."

"Uh yeah sure, wait."

And then he only saw your figure getting smaller and smaller as the bus kept driving.

And he also forgot to clean the god damn ear bud.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

Four words were enough to send shivers down his spine.

"Hey there, good boy!" you greeted Lego excitedly.

Matt was supposed to come over- not you. Why you of all people?

Ignoring the pain in his joints and the exhaustion that came over him, he went into something that could be described as a frenzy.

Ryan had been sick with a fever for a few days now, spending the day in bed and having Matt come over to walk Lego for a little bit and bring him something to eat. With Matt he could just stand there in his boxers with unkempt hair and without deoderant and it wouldn't be a problem. But now that he had heard your voice? Oh dear god.

He jumped as soon he heard you, quickly getting dressed, pushing stray clothing under his bed and into his drawer- promising himself he would be cleaning it up and sorting it later when he was feeling better. He grabbed a hairbrush, frantically trying to make himself look acceptable and then finally almost choking on the amount of perfume and deoderant that he sprayed onto himself.

You had knocked on his door.

"You alright in there Ry?"

That nickname had him weak, specifically when you said it, it just sounded so soft and gentle.

"Uh yeah, you can come in."

Carefully you opened the door, your eyes searching around the room before they landed on him. Your bows furrowed. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"Uh- I'm doing good, really." It was such an obvious lie that it almost made him physically cringe. He watched as you grabbed the thermostat from his desk and walked up to him. Why did you always have to look so pretty? You stood in front on him now, a little smaller than him so you had to look up as you held the appliance up to his forehead.

"38.6 C? Jesus Ry, get back into bed!" you exclaimed promptly. "I'll get you a damp towel."

And with that you left and he could hear you rumage through his home in search for a towel. He did lie back down but he couldn't wipe the stupid grin off of his face after your genuine display of worry for him, the way that you cared for him was sweet and he found himself eagerly waiting for you to come back into his room.

His giddyness about your behaviour was quickly replaced by a jarring headache, a migrane. The little bit of light that shone through his curtains suddenly felt like a supernova had just happened inside of his eyes and then there was this constant ringing in his ears that felt like it became louder and louder with every second.

Ryan clenched his teeth, he was embarrassed by the fact of how shaky and sickly he must've looked. He knew you wouldn't judge him, wouldn't look at him as if he was some weak idiot that over exagerated a common cold but he still felt deeply flustered by the fact that you had to see him like this.

"C'mon Lego, I know you wanna cuddle with him but I don't think that's good now."

He had not even noticed that you or Lego had come into his room, his vision blurry at this point.

Ryan felt a cold sensation on his temple, that must've been the towel you were talking about getting.

"I hope this helps a little bit at least, just close your eyes for a little bit, I'll go and take Lego on a walk alright?"

"mhm.. could you maybe pull the curtains a little tighter together?"

Almost instantly the room became a lot darker and he heard his front door closing.

Ryan really tried to sleep, he wanted to if it meant that he didn't have to wait for the migraine and fever to be over. But he couldn't.

After grabbing his phone and being blinded by its screen almost immediately, he decided that he should probably resort to listening to a podcast while he waited for you to be back. He didn't even know what he waited for. You would drop Lego off, maybe say bye to him and then go home. You surely wouldn't spend your time in the company of someone who was bed-ridden and would most likely infect you as well. Ryan sincerely hoped that you wouldn't get sick because of him and yet, even if it was selfish, he wished that you would stay with him for today. Maybe just sit next to him until the fever knocked him out, just keeping him company; running your fingers through his hair and telling him about your day.

Did he really want you to take care of him? 'God', he thought, the fever delirium was truly getting to him. On the other hand though, imagining your soft and probably cold hands on his hot skin sounded like a blessing right about now.

Once the podcast episode had ended, Ryan found himself confused. What had been playing on his phone for the past hour anyway? It seemed that his mind was truly too weak to concentrate on anything, or maybe he was just preoccupied with thoughts of you.

Shaking his head and letting out a deep and exhausted breath, Ryan decided to get up. It was no use after all and he was beginning to get hungry. His migraine had thankfully stopped for now, the light coming through his windows as he entered the living room still blinding though and having him squeeze his eyes shut.

As he walked toward the fridge he felt like he was gonna collapse. It was probably just the sudden movement, he hadn't really walked or done anything these past few days so of course every movement would be straining on him. This- this felt different though.

Just as he openend the fridge door he felt his knees giving in and so he slid right down the cabinets onto the ground. 'Fuck, why's it so cold in here?' he was sure that he was shaking like crazy at this point, mind too dizzy to actually comprehend whatever was happening with and around him.

"I'm back- oh fuck!"

A cold presence on either side of his head, it felt heavenly right about now. "Jeez, you're burning, c'mon let's get you to the couch."

Your voice was so soothing to him, he might as well get lost in it.

"I'm fineee.." who was he even trying to convince?

You sat him down on the couch and handed him a cup of water along with some medicine. "Picked those up at the store, they should hopefully help a little."

Your hand was gently resting on his arm as you kneeled in front of him, waiting for him to take what you had given him.

And he did, albeit with some coughing.

"Just lay down for now, I brought some stuff for a soup so I'll make that for you alright?"

Just as you were about to walk back to the kitchen he gently grabbed your wrist. He felt like he was drunk with how his body and mouth were moving without his brain having any say in it.

"Thank you.."

"Of course, Ryan."

He loved it when you smiled at him like that, he told himself that this was the kind of smile that was only reserved for him to see, a side of you that you only showed to him.

"You're really pretty, you know that?"

"I think the fever is getting to you.." you giggled lightly at his remark and he could only shake his head that at.

"I actually wanted to ask if you'd like to..."

You watched as his arm limply fell from your wrist and couldn't help but smile at the unfished sentence. You were curious what he wanted to say but more importantly he had finally fallen asleep now.

Swiftly throwing a blanket over him before you went to his kitchen, hoping that you could make something decent for him to eat once he would wake up.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

"What's keeping you up?"

"I could ask you the same, Magee."

Ryan smiled as he made his way over to you, trying to ignore the anxiety he got from watching you sit on the windowsill. He trusted you enough that you wouldn't accidentally fall out but of course, he was still worried for you, he always was.

"Seriously though, everything alright?"

You didn't answer but the way your eyes watered was enough of an answer for him.

He decided to wait, maybe you'd say something after all. Pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, Ryan rested his upper body on the windowsill right next to where you had placed your feet, staring onto the bright city lights and taking a drag here and there.

It felt like an eternity until one of you spoke again.

"I know that it can be tough sometimes, trust me."

He tried, testing the waters, not averting his gaze from the city beneath you.

"I don't know what you're going through right now but you can always talk to me, I hope you know that."

You didn't look at him when he smiled at you but the little nod you gave him was the only thing he needed to see from you.

You were quite similar to Ryan in that sense. It was never easy to talk openly about your feelings and he knew that all too well.

"I know you might be thinking that you can handle everything on your own but sometimes talking helps. Maybe that doesn't mean much coming from me but.."

He liked your company. Whenever he was stressed he knew that your presence acted like a comforting haven for him. You and Matt were some of the few people that actually got to hear the thoughts of him that weren't quite as "surface-level". Ryan had spent days just hanging around at your place, even if you weren't talking with each other, there was still this mutual understanding. Besides, Lego enjoyed your company as well and that was definitely an instinct he could trust.

"I guess all I wanna say is that I'm here for you."

Not quite sure of how you would react, he nervously scratched his neck before taking a final drag of his cigarette and putting it out afterwards.

He heard a quiet sniffel, enough to make his heart ache knowing it was coming from you.

"Thank you, the same goes for you Magee."

You always called him by his last name in situations like these, trying to make it more comical for the both of you.

At first he was offended, thinking he wasn't worthy enough for you to call him by his first name while you were talking about this stuff but soon he realized that it was actually the opposit. The fact that you let him into your space while you were feeling vulnerable like this wasn't something that should be taken for granted. And Ryan knew that.

An idea came to mind, maybe it wasn't the right time, perhaps it was the wrongest time of all but all the other times that he had tried had failed because fate just decided to deny it to him. So maybe now.

It was the middle of the night, the only other person at the office was Matt and he was still working as far as Ryan knew, there should be no distractions this time.

He took a deep breath and looked at you, you stared back, confused at his serious expression.

"I've been thinking, and maybe it's a bad time right now but I feel like I have been too hesitant in the past and I-"

"You guys got room for one more person in here?"

It was safe to say that Ryan would be developing a bruise with how hard he slammed his head down onto the windowsill.

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．

He wanted to gag at how kitsch this whole thing was.

With how often he read the letter he could probably recite it by heart now, not that he couldn't anyway.

Ryan wanted it to be quick, just give her the letter, go home and hide under his blankets until you gave him a response. It was bad enough that all his verbal tries had failed, that he now resorted to a love letter of all things made him feel like he was starring in some weird K-drama of some sorts. Only that he most likely would not get the girl in the end.

Shaking the thoughts from his head, he left his apartment and started walking. He could just drive but then he would probably just end up in front of your home, contemplate the whole thing for way too long before decided to just drive back home.

Walking gave him the chance to properly calm down (and give him 30 more minutes of not doing it).

His heart was beating like crazy, probably to the point of it not being healthy anymore and definitely something he should bring up to his doctor, maybe he should smoke a cigarette? Just to calm himself a little faster? No- then he would smell like cigarettes. It wasn't like you weren't used to it already but still- not a good look in his opinion.

He held the letter as if it was fragile glass, scared he might crumple it on accident.

What if you said no? What would happen to your friendship? He did write that it would be fine and he would perhaps get over you at some point but even so, what if it became too awkward for you? You probably wouldn't wanna hug him anymore if you knew how he felt about your touch, wouldn't go on walks with him and Lego anymore if you knew how bad he wanted to hold your hand during those, wouldn't wanna stay at the office anymore if you knew how often he thought about kissing you.

So deep in his own head, Ryan didn't even notice that it started raining and that the street lamps around him suddenly went out. Quickly he put the letter into the pocket of his hoodie, praying it wouldn't soak through and increasing his pace by just a little bit.

Was there a power outage? He hoped that he had safed the scripts he had been working on beforehand though of he was honest, that was the last of his worries right now.

The most precious thing he had written in these past few days was right here with him and he knew that that wouldn't be so easy to recreate. It was embaressing how many times he had started anew, the trashcan by his desk looking like the ones in movies about a failing writer who just doesn't have any creativity left within him.

As he walked up to your door, his throat suddenly tightened, he hadn't been this scared of something in years.

Due to the power being out, he simply knocked- silently hoping that no one would open so he could be spared from what he had put onto himself there yet to his dismay/luck, there you were.

"Ryan?"

You looked adorable.

Hair dissheveled and leisure clothing, clearly ready for bed and a flashlight in your hands.

"Uhhh- heyyyy."

Great Job Magee, real smooth.

"Wha- wait did you walk here?! You're soaked dude what the fuck."

And before he knew it, you were pulling him inside by his sleeve.

"Uh no it's fine I'm just-"

You had already thrown a towel into his face.

"I don't want you to get sick again, you know you really scared me with how you collapsed and stuff."

"That was almost a month ago.." he mumbled but started drying his hair nonetheless.

Wait, this isn't how he wanted this to go at all! He can't give you the letter while he was here! Ryan was positive that he wouldn't survive it if you read it in front of him.

"You can also come into the living room by the way."

He could hear the smirk in your voice and it drove him crazy, even if he couldn't see you right now.

Carefully he navigated his way through your dark hallway and stepped into the living room which was lit up by various candles.

"Old fashioned." He stated with a giggle.

"I mean, gives me a chance to finally use these, I was in the middle of a tournament though!"

You pointed to your Nintendo Switch in the dock positioned before your tv.

Ryan offered you a sympathetic smile, feeling sorry for you but being too caugh up in how he should handle the situation now, and with the fact that you looked like a painting with how your face and hair was lit up by the dim light of the candles surrounding you.

"What's up Ryan? I mean yeah you show up sometimes and that's fine but.. by foot? Without Lego?"

Alright, playing it off as a simple visit wouldn't work with you, great.

"Uhm yeah, about that."

'Just get it over with Magee, the worst she can say is now.' And with that he pulled out the letter that had thankfully been safely shielded from the rain.

"I.. I didn't want you to read it while I was here but nothing I can do about it right?" He laughed breathlessly, more out of panic than anything else. God, he felt like he was back in High school with how he was acting.

You smiled at him with furrowed brows, taking the letter and gently unfolding it after looking at him one final time.

Ryan sat down, a good amount of space between you, and ran a shaky hand through his still-wet hair.

He was more than glad that your cat showed up to keep him company while he was nervously waiting for you to finish. In his head he went along with the word that you were probably reading by now.

'I feel ridicoulus writing a letter to you about this but it seems that I can't express myself any other way, at least not as sincerely as I want to.

I'll make it quick; I love you. I love the way you talk to me, the way you look at me and the way your touch feels on my skin. I love the way your voice sounds whenever you read something to me, be it a silly reddit post or from a book you like. I love how you always seem to effortlessy look perfect, no matter what. Even in the most unflattering lighting and angles you still manage to blow me away with ho gorgeous you are. How your hair falls, how you move and how you dress, everything about you screams perfection and here's the thing.

I love you.

More than a friend, more than a best friend, more than anyone.

Maybe you don't feel the same way, and while it hurts to think about it I know that I can be alright as long as you stay in my life. You have helped me grow so much, been through many hardships alongside me and I know that I can come to you whenever I feel like the world is against me.

Perhaps you feel the same way and even if you don't:

I love you.'

It felt years had gone by, the world never felt as quiet and still as it did during these few minutes.

Carefully, he took a peek to where you were sitting. He was anticipating a quiet "get out", an angry or disgusted look.

How surprised he was when you suddenly got up and stood before him, his letter still in your hand and how you looked down on him. He couldn't quite make out your expression and he was ready to apologize, the first 'I'm Sorry' already leaving his mouth when suddenly;

he felt your hands on either side of his face and how you leanend down, connecting your lips with his.

A featherlight kiss.

You sat down next to him, eyes fixated on the letter and the last sentence.

"I love you too, Ryan Magee."

Now it was his turn, he gently turned your face towards his, kissing you with a tenderness that he himself didn't even know he was capable of.

"So that is what you wanted to tell me two nights ago, didn't know you were able to write like that." You smiled at him, a hand on his leg.

"What can I say, you made a poet outta me" Ryan laughed, quietly, too high on his own feelings.

You simply smiled at him and it wasn't long before your lips were back on his.

DISCLAIMER & MASTERLIST

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

This is an RPF-Account

As you can see from the heading, my account is and will feature real-person-fiction. If you have a problem with that then please leave my blog.

I will not tolerate any hate toward my work or that of others simply because they write RPF but I do want to set a couple important boundaries of what I think is acceptable with RPF and what I think is not:

PLEASE DO NOT:

Do not treat the people that are being written about like they are objects, specifically sexual objects. That means that I don't want someone to express their carnal desire to do X-Sexual-Action with X-Person. Please keep that to yourself.

Please do not engage in stalker-like behaviour with real people. Too often I see low quality zoomed in pictures of someone who didn't want to be filmed with comments that are often similar to my first point.

These people are still real people like you and me and I know, because my wattpad days have taught me, that sometimes it is easy to get lost in a crush on someone. Especially when they are actively responding to fans and putting out content.

That being said; Yes. I do plan on writing smut but I will be respectful and put warnings on NSFW chapters. I hope I do not need to explain that writing smut and objectification of someone is not the same.

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Masterlist

{ ♡ = smut; ☆ = suggestive; ❀ = fluff; ☾ = angst; 🕯 = slow burn; }

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

ONESHOTS

Ryan Magee x Reader {Supermega}

❀ Red Lipstick

☆ Officer?

❀ You made me a poet

The Witcher {The Witcher/ all media)

☾ Your Voice Remains

{Kaer Morons} Brother Love

OneyPlays Crew x Reader {OneyPlays}

❀; ☆ The Most Wonderful Time of The Year

Zach Hadel x Reader {OneyPlays}

☾; ❀ A Quarter to Something

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

MULTICHAPTER

Zach Hadel x Reader {OneyPlays}

🕯 A Heartstruck Collision

I have to get up in like 5 hours. I will not survive tomorrow

its nothing some ibuprofen and a blunt and 5 beers and a head injury and jacking off and killing myself cant fix

djungselskog for everyone

reblog to give your mutuals a djungelskog

Heard.

LOUD and CLEAR

2014 zach hadel

Gamemaxxing like crazy rn

OMG I FORGOR TO UPLOAD CH3

edit: I'll upload it later today, gotta do it on my pc cause tumblr on the phone sucks :))

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Masterlist

Pairing: OneyPlays Crew X gn!reader

Warnings: Mentions of Weed; Alcohol Consumption; Sexual Innuendos

A/N: A small little Christmas Fic that is mostly platonic! Does feature some flirting but all in good fun :)

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

“Dude be careful. Careful now… CAREFUL!”

“I am careful you annoying critter!”

THUMP

Christmas ornaments rolling over the wet floor and a wide-eyed Lyle standing on top of a shaky and rusty ladder, holding up a christmas star in one hand with the objective of putting it on the now fallen tree.

“You fucking retard oh my god!”

Oh, and Zachs screaming as he stood there with this hands at his hips, looking at Lyle like a disappointed mother after her child inevitably fucked up.

That was only one of the scenes which greeted you as you had entered the office on Christmas Eve. Not to mention Adam and Cory’s attempt at baking cookies which you could smell throughout the entire house.

“You guys need any help?” You laughed as you watched Zach pick up various ornaments. You put the presents you had brought on the couch, seeing as there was currently no tree to put them under.

“Yeah I need you to take Lyle out back and put that dumb christmas star between his eyes and through his skull.”

“Well if someone hadn’t been stressing me out the entire time, maybe I would have done a better job!”

Lyle was still standing on the ladder, looming over the fuming Zach from high up, arms crossed.

“(Y/n), can you please help with the tree for a second? I do not have the mental capacity to put up with Tribal over here..” Zach sighed and looked at you with a defeated expression.

Earning a quick laugh from you, you eventually decided to help after listening to some more of the back and forth between the boys which wouldn’t lead anywhere any time soon.

“You know what, I don’t even care, I’m just gonna help Adam and Cory in the kitchen.” Lyle huffed, stepping from the ladder and making his way out of the room.

“By the smell the cookies are burned already so you can’t do any more damage at least.” Zach spat back as he heaved the tree upright again with you. Lyle only stuck his tongue out at him in response.

Especially during the holidays it seemed as if each and every one of the boys reverted back to high schoolers. The way that they tried to “plan” everything also seemed akin to all those events that the students back at your school tried to do.

The entire building was busy, Chris was on the forefront of frantic. Checking how everyone was doing and if anyone needed any help as well as Tomar who tried to “gentle-parent” every conflict or wrongdoing that occured. Spoiler Alert:

It only worked with Adam.

And although the rooms smelt of burned cookies and wet pine needles; the Christmas atmosphere was surely building up. Everyone was wearing red and green elf caps and Ugly Christmas Sweaters™. Especially Zach’s had you giggling once you got a good look at it.

“Wow, awesome sweater you got there dude..”

He looked down on himself before looking you dead in the eye.

“Well he is my hero sooo ... you got a problem with that snowflake?”

His sweater read: “O.G. Don. Making Liberals Cry One Tweet At A Time.” And of course, a picture of a knit Donald Trump accompanying it.

You laughed at his impression. “Sure, yeah. Sorry.” “Tz, yeah I thought so.”

One by one Zach hung the fallen ornaments back on the tree and you started putting your gifts under it, earning a gasp from Zach.

“Holy shit why are some of them so big, how much did you spend?” He wanted to look at the tags, trying to spy for the one that was meant for him. You swatted his hand away quickly.

“I’m not gonna tell you how much I spent, Zach. Just be happy you’re getting anything with the way you annoyed me this year.” “Fair enough.”

You helped Zach with the decorations and the lights, accidentally spinning them around yourself as you tried to untangle the 4 metres of cable as quickly as possible. The mismatched ornaments were all over the place look-wise. Some of them were classic red and golden spheres with glitter over them. Other ones were… more explicit. Santa was definitely presenting a little more than you were used to from the Coca Cola Ads back in the day.

Zach also tried to debate you on the Sonichu ornament which he wanted to hang up right in the middle so it’d be the first thing that anyone saw when coming in. You really tried to convince him otherwise yet his argument of: “Well Christmas is all about friendships and Sonichu was Chris Chan’s best friend so you’re pretty ignorant if you want me to put him in the background” left no room for further discussion.

Once you made sure that Zach wouldn’t take a peek at any of the presents, you followed the smell of candies and burnt cookies to the kitchen where your gaze immediately found Adam who was sitting on the kitchen floor. Joint in hand, staring intensely into the oven (the light inside wasn’t even turned on).

“Oh, hey (y/n)! You wanna try the first batch?” Cory greeted you excitedly. Your eyes couldn’t help but wander from him pointing at the crumpled-ashy piles on the tray on the counter, to the apron he was wearing.

An arrow pointing upwards at his face with the subtitle: “This Guy rubs his own meat”

A Cory original it seems. He looked quite proud as he noticed your chuckle.

“Uhh- think I’ll pass..” You tried to weasel your way out of trying those science experiments. “The second batch won’t be..” “Akin to burn victims? No, I made sure of that.” Lyle chimed in from behind Cory.

“Burn Victims?” Adam gasped calmly yet with a hint of hurt. “Those are my babies all right? You guys are just judgemental..”

“Adam.” Lyle began, he stopped mixing more batter and turned to his friend on the ground. “Eating one of those would be like smoking 20 cigs at once.”

You chuckled at their little banter. You were just glad that there was no more fighting happening. Although that was probably thanks to the separation of Zach and Lyle.

“And what would be wrong with that?” Adam pouted, his eyes still fixed on the dark oven. You wondered how high he was flying already.

“Nicotine, Adam. Not weed.” Cory said before trying to pick up one of the burnt cookies which turned into something that could be compared to dust. Leaving Cory to blankly stare at his ashy hands.

“Mr Stark… I don’t feel so good.” You mumbled, earning a laugh from Adam who hadn’t even seen what you were talking about.

“By the way, where are Josh and Chris at? I saw them running around when I came in and I thought they’d be here with you guys.” You asked the three men in front of you.

“They’re in the recording room I think” Cory said, running a hand through his hair.

Just as you were about to turn around and make your way to the recording room, Adam spoke up quietly. “Noo, No! Chris and Tomar wanted to get a karaoke machine from one of Chris’ friends.”

“What, when they say that?” Befuddled, Cory looked down at Adam who’s attention was still on the oven.

“They stopped by and told us.” Cory’s gaze met yours, utter confusion apparent on both of your faces.

“How did you catch that but I didn’t?”

Adam just shrugged and took a drag of his joint. At that moment he looked like an Astronaut who experienced Zero Gravity for the first time.

“I think we can take out the second tray now and put these bad boys in.” Lyle spoke up. He held up the whisk. “Who wants to lick?”

“Don’t say it like that dude..” Adam finally got up from the ground, he looked like a toddler while doing so.

“What? I’m only offering my creamy left-over dripping liquid to someone in the room? What’s wrong with that?” A grin spread across Lyle’s face as Adam mimicked gagging at his words.

You and Cory simply laughed at the scene. “Besides, I’m sure (Y/n) would love to help me out with that.” A blush spread across your face, a nervous giggle leaving your lips as you took the whisk which Lyle handed to you with a wink. “You’re disgusting dude.” You said before trying the batter. Surprisingly enough, it actually tasted really dang good.

“That’s genuinely quite-”

“LAST CHRISTMAS I GAVE YOU MY HEART-”

Besides making you drop the whisk and probably waking the entire street, George Michael seemed to want to shatter your eardrum with those vocals.

There was a deafening silence after the sudden jumpscare.

“Sorry!” A muffled apology was shouted from the living room, causing you and Cory to double over in laughter.

“What the fuck, Zach?” Lyle wanted to seem pissed but he couldn’t help the corners of his mouth twisting upwards as he shouted back.

The Man, The Myth, The Goblin then appeared in the doorframe to the kitchen, laughing at Adam’s shocked face.

“I just wanted to set up some atmospheric music”

“Yeah and how’d that work out?” You asked as you turned around to him.

As Zach profusely apologized to specifically Adam. Lyle began to put in the third and probably final batch of cookies.

“But in my defense!” Zach raised his voice along with his finger.

“It is kinda funny how that got you like ‘WHam!’ y’know.”

The silence that followed his wordplay was even more deafening than before.

“Alright yeah I get it, fuck you guys.” And with that he turned around on his heel and back into the living room.

Soon after though you heard the rustling of keys in the hallway, announcing the last two of the bunch who were hopefully coming to stay this time.

A bunch of grunts and huffs later, you and Lyle decided to take a look at what was going on and whether or not you were about to witness some extra Christmas-loving, judging from the sounds of panting.

“Oh (y/n), Lyle, hey there!” Tomar greeted the both of you. He and Chris were currently trying to carry in the karaoke machine that had been mentioned earlier.

“Uhh, do you guys need any help with that?” Lyle said, stepping from one foot to the other.

“I mean if one of you could hold open the door so it stops spanking me that’d be great.”

Chris’ back was turned to you, and the door indeed kept wanting to close on him. You quickly got to holding it open for him.

“Oh c’mon you like getting slapped on the ass though, don’t lie.” Zach suddenly spoke up after he entered the hallway to watch the scene along with you and Lyle.

Chris let out a strained laugh. “Sure, but you can do that later, babe.” He said, his voice dropping a few octaves lower, making Zach chuckle.

As you kept standing by the door, you finally noticed the familiar sound of “Jingle bell Rock” in the background, you were impressed that it took only two tries for Zach to set up something as easy as a stereo system. Although his hard work would soon become irrelevant again because the big-ass karaoke machine was now finally inside the office and on its way to the living room.

“Whoa, great job with the tree guys!” Chris exclaimed, wiping some sweat off of his brow before taking off his jacket and scarf.

“Yeah, wait till you see the first batch of cookies.” Lyle said jokingly, nodding toward the kitchen where Adam and Cory were peeking their heads out. “The cookies look good," both of them exclaimed, almost in unison.

“I’m sure you guys did your absolute best.” Tomar gifted them a warm smile, his fatherly demeanor unmistakable in his words.

A genuine smile broke from Adam’s lips: “Thank you Tomar!” to which the other shot him a thumbs up.

Chris then got to setting up the whole machine and for some reason, everyone including you just decided to watch him quietly. There wasn’t really much to do, the tree had been set up, the cookies were cooki(e)ng and music was playing. All of that combined created a sort of awkward atmosphere with some cover of “Winter Wonderland” playing quietly in the background.

Suddenly, Chris stopped handling the cable to turn around to face the onlookers. “What the fuck are you retards doing? Booze is in my car, Jesus christ.”

Lyle was the first to run outside, you and Zach following swiftly after.

As the first opened the trunk, he let out a sound of astonishment. “Holy shit- how much does he want us to drink?”

The trunk was filled with beer, rum, mulled wine and ingredients for eggnog. There was so much that it was no surprise that none of it had fallen over, there was literally no room for anything to fall over.

You rolled up your sleeves and clapped your hands together dramatically. “Alright, let’s get this stuff inside.”

Zach let out a guttural whine as he heaved the first six pack from the trunk, over exaggerating the physical effort to a maximum.

“Stop whining or I’ll give you something to whine about.” You joked at him. Lyle was already gone with some of the wine and rum under his arms.

Zack spat back at you: “Well maybe I’d like that!”

You both looked at each other for a second, blankly staring into the other ones eyes before bursting out into laughter.

“Alright dude, c’mon let’s get this over with.”

20 minutes and a couple of back’s cracking later, all of the booze was finally inside and the karaoke machine was all set up. The fridge had also been emptied for the eggnog and beer, leaving all of the healthy stuff on the counter, unrefrigerated. Cory’s response to your worry about there being mold was simply: “nah it’ll be fine.” And who were you to argue against such a well-thought-out point. (You tried and were just met with the same response).

Soon all of you found yourselves huddled together in the living room. Adam and you taking the carpet as the others made themselves comfortable on the couch.

“Okay! Who’s gonna bless us first with their beautiful, god-given voice?” Everyone’s eyes landed on Zach who shook his head profusely. “Nu-uh, no way. I’m not gonna go first, I’m not drunk enough to embarrass myself like that!” Cory stuffed a beer into his face and Chris was expectantly looking at him. He was the only one standing, excitedly holding out the mic to his friend.

“I hate you people, all of you.” He said, but gave in eventually (after downing about half the bottle in one go.)

After Zach’s (very sentimental) performance of “Don’t stop believing”, Lyle followed with a very metal rendition of “I want it that way.” Growling his way through the song apparently.

You finally decided to get on the couch between Chris and Cory since your bones did not like the floor as much as you had hoped.

Chris laughed out loud multiple times as he listened in on Zach, Tomar and Adam who were desperately trying to get the latter to understand how the machine worked and what song he wanted to pick.

As he doubled over, his hand landed on your leg as he tried to stabilize himself.

“Sir?” You exclaimed at him in a deep voice.

He realized then where his hand actually was. The alcohol seemingly giving him drunk-courage though with how his hand was moving upwards now.

“Oh- oh I’m sorry, I didn't mean to.” He kept babbling, his hand moving further, sending you into a fit of giggles.

“Chris!” You laughed a little louder as his hand was now dangerously close to your lap.

“Sorry, sorry.” He chuckled and removed his hand, holding it up in a feigned gesture of ‘you got me’.

Just as Cory was about to ask what is taking so long with the next song, Adam suddenly spoke up loudly, pointing outside:

“Oh my god it’s snowing!”

As if you were all connected through some secret hivemind, all of your heads whipped around to the balcony.

It was actually snowing. Holy shit.

In a matter of seconds, everyone put on their jackets, boots, scarfs and hats, storming outside to marvel at such a true christmas miracle.

Zach and Adam tried to catch the flakes with their tongues almost immediately upon arriving outside.

You were astonished as you stood there. Under the streetlights, the snow seemed to dance, each little snow crystal seeming like little stars falling from the sky.

“You alright there kiddo?”

Tomar came up to you, putting a hand on your shoulder as he spoke.

“Yeah just- just really surprised is all..” You huffed, leaning into the touch of the man beside you. The temperature dropped quite quickly.

“As soon as there's enough snow for me to form a ball, y'all better run!” you heard Lyle shout from across the lot, he and Chris were trying to gather as many flakes as possible. They were really hopeful for a snowball fight.

“Me too, I reckon we enjoy the snow for now though, might be gone in like an hour.”

You nodded, following him further out.

It didn't take long for everyone to fully revert back to little kids, you included.

Shaking the snow from one person's beanie into the hair of the other or picking up a little from the ground and trying to stuff it in someone else's face. Truly, no one was safe.

The Presents had long been disregarded, almost forgotten in the Winter wonderland you now found yourself in.

Even if it was a cliché, among the merriment and laughter around you, you realized that maybe the real Christmas was the friends you made along the way

:)