People Mischaracterising Cass As The Most Perfect Most Well Behaved Child Ever Is So Funny To Me Like

Literally anyone meeting bruce and his family for the first time: So how did you get so many kids by 30?

Dick: HE WAS A TEENAGE DELINQUENT

Jason: *shouting over him* HE LEFT MY MOTHER AT THE ALTAR

*tim is sitting, just happy to be included*

Bruce: BE-quiet.  They're ADOPTED!

Jason: *not a beat missed* Because he’s never known the touch of a woman.

Despite what you may have heard Bruce Wayne is not, in fact, a furry.

He is, however, very opinionated.

Jason, to himself: If I can catch Tim off guard when he comes back from patrol he'll confess about breaking my favourite Wonder Woman's mug

Jason, as Tim wanders in: Got anything to confess??

Tim, very very high off Gotham Harbor fumes: Ra's pickled my spleen.

switching things up for day 2 of fem!dabihawks weekend <3

Damian gets into trouble at school a lot and every time the principal calls up one of Damian’s family members to come in and deal with the latest issue Bruce has to scramble around whatever crime-problem they’re swamped with at the time to get either him or Dick or Alfred down to the school, but sometimes they just can’t and have to let the principal know that nobody can come, except the principal makes a big stink about SOMEBODY having to show up for this kid, and so to avoid looking neglectful Bruce reluctantly agrees and says somebody will be down there soon.

Damian’s principal watches as this 200+ pound brick shit-house of a guy casually wanders into the school with the most menacing glare on his face as he sips from a starbucks cup, slings his other hand into the pocket of his leather jacket, ignores her completely to turn to Damian and go ‘fuck’d you do now?’

‘fighting.’ Damian responds, looking slightly proud, sitting straight up in his seat. brick shit-house man sticks his bottom lip out and nods consideringly.

‘opponent get a hit on you?’

‘of course not. i used that move you showed me when i was four. executed it perfectly.’

brick shit-house man nods again in approval, sticking out his cup. ‘nice. you get the rest of my oreo frappe as a reward.’

Damian takes the drink and sips it delicately, preening under the guys praise. the kid Damian had been called in for fighting, of whom had been whining about how Damian should be suspended for his actions, had grown nervously silent at the sight of the frankly massively intimidating man, as had his equally vocal mother. brick shit-house man doesn’t grant them a glance, instead looking at the principal.

‘so can we go now? i was in the middle of an interrogation when Bruce called.’

hesitating slightly, the principal asks who this man is, in relation to her student.

‘none of your fucking business.’

ok then. after double checking that Damian was ok with leaving with the man, there wasn’t much she could do but say yes and hope her acquiescing would save her from the weight of his glare. as they leave, she hears Damian innocently ask if he could aid with the interrogation, being as he was now free for the afternoon.

‘are you kidding? Bruce would hate me if i let you near that shit.’ a beat. ‘so yeah but like don’t fuckin tell him.’

the next time Bruce Dick or Alfred can’t make it down to the school on short notice, the principal assures them they can reschedule.

I’m not saying Arthur’s a slut but having a bunch of men kneel for you just to make them knight’s are definitely slutty tendencies.

what if you wore a shirt that featured a picture of you trying to claw your way out of the shirt with a horrid desperate expression and the text "THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME I'M TRAPPED IN THE SHIRT"

duckies

when you’re obsessed with character coding dc comics is free real estate ask me about the autistic coded characters ask me about the history of queercoding and how it ties into dc ask me about trans coding as it pertains to secret identities i beg of you i am fascinated