Gonna Fast Till Thursday Noon. Right Now It's Only Almost At Hour 10, But Gotta Push Thru It.

I'm so tired. I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up

Accidentally hurting your pets is the worst, because you can't even tell them how absolutely sorry you are.

I cant stop thinking about it.

I've just thought it even worse for myself. My dad has multiple of his teeth missing bcs his teeth got fucked up from uncorrect corrections in his teens and i can tell it bothers him. The way he holds his mouth has changed, he tries to hide his teeth when speaking and smiling. And it prevents him from socializing, he used to be so much more sociable when I was little.

And im not scared for the socialization part because I will become a self isolated loser anyways, but now I'm fearing my teeth falling out just like his because I couldn't take basic care of myself. It pains me.

Because of my constant eating during binges and times where i simply was overeating my tooth enamel is completely damaged. And that can nor will never be restored.

My dentist straight up told me I have damaged it already so from now on if I don't stick with very strict, regular meals my teeth will be easily and quickly rittled with holes. But if I haven't been able to do that so far, no matter what. So now I'll just have teeth full of holes, feel constant pain and spend god knows how much trying to keep fixing em to escape atleast some of the pain. Just rip all my teeth out so I could not ruin them further and not chew at all.

I'm just feel sad and devastated. That shit by the age of 19. And for what? Nothing positive or anyhting of resemblance to even show for the years of straight up food addiction.

NOOOO!!! A GIRL IVE BECOME GOOD FRIENDS WITH OVER THE MONTHS JUST TOLD ME SHE HAS AN ED. NOW MY BRAIN WILL AUTOMATICALLY START SEEING HER AS COMPETITION, START HYPERANALYZING EVERYTHING I AND SHE DO AND SAY AND ITLL START TO SPITE HER FOR BEING SKINNIER THAN ME.

i want to cut so bad but i left my blade at home. my only hope is my pencil sharpener, but i left my scisors back at the apartment aswell.

Kinda funny how I'm obsessed with him. Go out of my way to just see him for half a second. Wish I could just look at him for hours. But at the same time I aknowledge that he's kinda ugly.

I can't bring myself to do anything. I just keep giving up and failing every day, just again and again.

Kinda crazy how over half of the life I live isn't even real.

Seeing him makes my head hurt with desire. I don't know why, but I want to bleed on him, tie him to me in way that he can't erase from his mind. I hate that a part of me even wants him to cut me. Him gently caressing the area before, holding my hand with his other hand, whispering sweet and reassuring words whilst quickly wounding me so I could taint him with my blood. After I'd just wanna lay with him, no words would be needed, I'd just wish to admire his skin painted with my blood.

I hate how my ridiculous obsession with him makes me feel such hatred towards a girl that has done nothing to me. My eyes glazed over her and my mind started automatically fantasizing about killing her. Seeing the fear in her eyes. Even when it wont being me closer to him a part of me would see it as a win, I hate that.