Looks Can Be Deceiving

Klingons are integrating new words for the cat slow-blink into Klingon. They have specific words for a when a Klingon/cat exchange a slow-blink and a different word for when a parent/child exchanges a slow-blink.

My kitten tried to kill my stuffed tribble. My roommate remarked that my tribble killing cat would make a great Klingon pet… and she’s right.

Imagine a Klingon ship having a cat that protects them from tribbles & vermin. They have to get the cat from a shelter run by humans and they’re like “This is the honorable Mr. Chonks”.

“Yes, our ship also has an earth feline. Her name is Carrot and she fights like a warrior.”

There’s absolutely a Klingon out there who lost an eye to a feral cat that he then adopted.

Klingons who go “pspspspsps” to get the Ship Cat to come hang out during break.

Orange Ship Cat that gets lost in the jeffires tubes and Klingon whose sole job is to go fetch the orange cat. He acts like he hates his job but he actually really adores his feline co-worker so much.

Klingon that always hands things to the Ship Cat so it can sniff it.

Klingon that intentionally grabs boxes to enrich Ship Cat’s little life. Sometimes they get multiple boxes and the crew bets on which box will be deemed “best box” by their fluffy little warrior.

Klingon that starts his work shift saying “Qapla’!” to Ship Cat who meows in return.

Newly Minted Ship Kitten climbing up to a Klingon Captain’s shoulder with her tiny needle claws while said Captain is attempting to be intimidating on the viewscreen.

Klingon who gets a head bunt from Ship Cat and gives it a head bunt back.

Okay, so y'all know the phenomenon where American media companies say they can't produce queer stories because they'll just get censored in foreign markets? It's transparent as hell, because the dominant culture of the United States is still violently queerphobic, and in many cases, state queerphobia in other countries is the direct result of Christian imperialism. The US is not the enlightened gay haven in a world of evil homophobic foreigners, and trying to pretend that American media can't be too gay because it'll be censored overseas is asinine. We all know that, right?

Anyway, today I learned that there is an episode of the Australian cartoon Bluey that has been censored in the United States because it shows the dad character pretending to be pregnant and have a baby as part of a game of pretend. Disney refuses to air it on the Disney Channel or on Disney+. It has been made available on YouTube by the Australian rights holders.

So let's quit fucking pretending that Disney is actually scared of foreign censors, hm? The queerphobic censorship is coming from inside the House of Mouse, and it always has been.

I live for stories like this of knowable Gods.

You meet god and she's mostly dead fish. You ask her why and she says most of the world is dead fish, and she's made herself to appeal to the most common denominator, the everyman funnyman comedy show that runs for eleven seasons but with the entire universe in mind. You ask her how much of the dead fish is your fault, she says it's far less than you'd think, in the grand scheme of things. You ask her if you matter at all. If you can do anything. She shrugs her rotting shoulders and says mattering is a made-up concept, like life, but sure, you can matter if you want to, on some scale. She has many scales. She doesn't know what you mean by 'anything', but you can do everything you can. You ask her if it's enough. She says there's no base requirement for deserving to exist. She's smoking a joint and the smoke filtering out of her gills gathers and forms gas giants and red dwarfs. You ask her if there's any hidden secrets of the universe you should know and she says it's not a secret if she tells, plus it's fun to let you figure it out yourself. You ask her if any of your questions were right questions and she says you worry about being right so much it might keep you from fucking around, which is as close to meaning of life as she ever bothered to make. You don't ask but she says she loves your hair, also your whole being, also your planet. She says she figured out what love is yesterday and is trying it out, which explains the ten thousand rainbows and sudden influx in rains of fish. She offers you a drag of her joint and you wake up half past midnight behind a chain restaurant clutching a smoked salmon. The new stars are winking like they're in on some joke and you're sure if you try hard enough you'll remember what it is.

This should be a scene in some upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy sequel.

so last night, for the first time, a bunch of drunk undergrads found that we had the Canadian national anthem in the karaoke list and the whole gotdamned bar decided to stand and sing for it. 

this in itself was funny enough, but i had been bussing a table of british international kids and now I’m struck with the thought that they now might assume ALL CANADIAN KARAOKE IS JUST. LIKE THIS

….no…..Kraft Singles =/= American cheese. Do. Not. Put. Fucking. Kraft. Singles. On . Your. Hamburgers. I. Swear. To. God. I. Will. Slap. That. Shit. Onto. The. Floor. Fuck. Off.

Please go up to your grocery stores deli counter and ask for a half pound of their American cheese sliced. It’s so worth it. I won’t eat Kraft Singles. I love American cheese.

Buy a “big ‘ol’ block” of American cheese, shred a bunch and add an equal amount of some other shredded cheese of your choice, pimentos, mayo, finely diced green onions, pepper, celery salt all together and then you have a delicious “basic pimento cheese”. modify it to your hearts content. Put it on sandwiches, baked potatoes, scrambled eggs, crackers. Can’t do that with Kraft Singles.

Sporked

The Best American Cheese for Your Next Grilled Cheese Sandwich | Sporked

Proud to be an American (cheese).

the thing about that weird stuff americans call cheese is that if you heat it a little it becomes an excellent burger condiment despite its failings in every other area. such is the fate of the american cultural product

reblogging this beauty just because she’s neat ❤️🕷️🕸️

these three emojis are brothers 🤔🤨🧐

ways to tie knots on pendants and keychains