The Feminine Urge To Mourn Lost Cultures And Empires. For Your Heart To Ache Every Time You Remember

Please somebody tell me I'm not crazy for this but I just reread The Mysterious Study of Doctor Sex for the millionth time just to take another look at the "letter" and my heart almost stopped.

Every time I've read this before I was like oh god, a letter from a doomed cavalier to their necromancer before they're about to die the next day, how heartwrenching. But now I suddenly see this in a completely different light.

First of all, "darling girl" - so this is addressed either to Mercymorn, Cassiopeia or Cytherea. We know that the letter is stored in a wooden sphere as a keepsake, in the Sixth House, at the time of its opening locked away for at least 460 years at the time Pal and Cam solve it.

Now what are the odds that either Mercymorn or Cytherea, who are both truly PAINFULLY attached to their dead cavaliers would somehow lose or give away ANYTHING given to them by Cristabel or Loveday? None.

It makes sense that the letter addressed to the founder of the Sixth House somehow finds itself in the Sixth House after the alleged death of Cassiopeia, then. So upon the first several readings, I was like "oh Nigella wrote this to Cassiopeia" (especially because it's said that nobody could "get a look at" Nigella with Cassiopeia around, which I always thought pointed at the possibility of them being romantic).

However, when we look at the bits of information sprinkled through HtN, we learn that Cassiopeia worked closely with Anastasia to figure out the perfect Lyctorhood, that Anastasia "failed" because she had "researched it too much" which was apparently "classic Anastasia". The Ninth House also didn't exist before she founded it upon the Tomb, which also begs the question where she is originally from. My suspicion is that Anastasia and Samael were Sixth, just as Cassiopeia and Nigella, which is why they worked so methodically and closely together.

I always thought the phrase "when you are far away" was purely metaphorical, because a cavalier is merged with the necromancer in the lytoral process. Their soul doesn't even go the River, it is perpetually inside the lyctor, they become one, an integral part of one another. But what if this was meant literally? And the choice of words in the phrase "one thing that never stays entombed", as if they already know there's something that IS to be entombed and stay that way?

Anastasia is the one who can't follow where the lyctors go. She is the only one from the group left behind, who will literally be far away from them because she is sent to build the Tomb while the lyctors leave the system aboard the Mithraeum.

Is this a bloody love/farewell letter from Anastasia to Cassiopeia when she learns that she's leaving to build the Locked Tomb while the lyctors head to space? I'm going insane here.

on desire, on needs. november/december.

the crane wife by cj hauser // speeches for dr frankenstein by margaret atwood // the crane wife by cj hauser // hunger makes me by jess zimmerman // the crane wife by cj hauser // a hunger like no ther by sk osborn // cover of war of the foxes by richard siken, art by david de la heras // hunger makes me by jess zimmerman // i had to get out by indigo de souza

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

Meme idea

Photoshop the goose from untitled goose game into the background of a photo of a place where something bad happens, but it’s a photo of before the bad thing happening, so it’s implied that the goose caused it

planet of love - richard siken / midnight mass (2021) / doomsday -lizzy mcalpine / midnight mass (2021) / litany in which certain things are crossed out - richard siken

seriously I had some little TikTok teenybopper burst out laughing on my tour because I said that a historical figure was “most likely what we’d now call gay”

like

listen

you’re free to take a ouija board out to the cemetery and try to explain the dizzying array of current queer terms and get a solid answer as to how he identifies within that framework but 

until then, I’m going to continue NOT definitively assigning someone identity terms they didn’t self-identify with, and might not have even known, when I’m responsible for representing them faithfully and they’re not here to correct me. even more so when they’re part of my own community

I mean, you know, as long as that’s okay with you. Bestie.

Marie Howe, from Magdalene: Poems; "What I Did Wrong"

Text ID: His cheek against my cheek, / his mouth on my mouth, / his hands on my hair / to be gathered / close closer / This was the source of my suffering and joy

oh, I think you fucked me up, i think you figured out how to crack me down, how to cut me down i see you smiling now, oh, the power you hold beautiful control, beautiful control

the world was not meant for beauty like this - a captive prince playlist -

listen to it here ♥ 

I just finished reading Kings Rising - oh boy!! But I read it on my kindle and now on the internet I hear about a chapter 19.5. Are these the same as the short stories???

[LONG HIGH-PITCHED GASP OF REVERENCE]

NO! it is NOT the same as the short stories!!! The Infamous Chapter 19 And A Half was a bonus chapter at the end of the Prince’s Gambit paperback (there’s also one in the Captive Prince paperback called The Training of Erasmus, which is about – you guessed it – the training of Erasmus). it’s basically just an extra scene at the end of chapter 19, which doesn’t SOUND like much, BUT GO BACK AND CHECK WHAT CHAPTER CHAPTER 19 IS.

I originally read the first two books on my kindle so I didn’t have The Infamous Chapter 19 And A Half, either. blessedly, the glorious and ever enabling @camp-four happily took photographs of every individual page and text them all to me, in order. I still have them all in an album on my phone. sometimes I read it before I go to sleep in order to have sweet dreams and wake up refreshed and buoyed by the knowledge that true and good love is real and it’s out there. 

DON’T SAY I NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU! 

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