In Highschool I Wrote A Story About A Middle-generation Of Stellar Travelers. Their Parents Were Born

In highschool I wrote a story about a middle-generation of stellar travelers. Their parents were born on earth and left as children, and the middle generation will not live long enough to see their destination. They live their entire lives on the ship and I wrote about them trying to find their place in everything. They will never know blue skies and warm beaches and open fields with warm breezes. They’ll never know birdsong or crickets or frogs. They’ll never hear the rain on the roof of a dreary day. I never could find the right way to end the story. I wanted it to be a happy ending, but I didn’t know how to do it.

I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.

In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.

In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.

And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.

When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.

But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.

You have to teach yourself that being happy is not a radical idea.

STOP THE SHOCK

Please stop scrolling and please take 26 seconds to watch this video (TW: Abuse of disabled people):

(Reposted by kind permission of @/auteach on TikTok).

On July 6th, a federal court overturned an FDA ban on the use of electroshock devices on autistic people, which the United Nations recognises as torture.

This blog will be dedicated to the #StopTheShock campaign and will include survivors’ stories and action points to help fight this decision and stop the torture of autistic people.

For a current list of action points, head over to the AuTeach website. PLEASE REBLOG and spread the word, even if you are not autistic, and follow this blog for updates.

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blueba-berry

3 years ago

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blueba-berry

3 years ago

To the person reading this, I hope tonight treats you gently, and that tomorrow looks brighter.

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blueba-berry

4 years ago

Hiya everyone. I hope everyone is holding to hope today. Depression takes away our joys by bringing a lot of us into this survival mode where we focus on the basics like work, eat, and sleep and activities that distract us from the chaos happening in our minds. It should seem good enough to stay in survival mode but our mental health continues to decline simply because our brains were never meant to just survive. The brain performs a variety of higher functions that arent needed for basic survival. We dont need to know how to bake cakes, or build amusement parks or be an interior designer or make glitter or create different dance moves or even have such an extensive vocabulary with words that have the same meanings. We didnt have to dive so deep or reach to the stars, but humanity did and we do everyday by just daydreaming of creating and discovering new ideas and places. The truth is our brains Survive to Thrive. Depression brings us to a place where we feel the burden of keeping on but cant access the memories of what for. We dont remember our passions or hope or really who we are at times and if we do they seem numbed in ice and the connection to our identity is weakened. I think for the most part we dont want to die, I think we forget how much we truly want to live. Under all the supression and burden that is depression we forget how to thrive and then we forget that we want to thrive at all. Its not easy to thrive because with depression our brains are wired to perserve oursevles, our emotions, our focus, our energy, our actions as a way to cope. Dont hate yourself because your brain is trying to protect you from breaking even more. Depression biggest weapon is turning you against yourself. Love yourself, your cells are cheering you on, I'm cheering you on, people in the world who know of people like you are hurting are cheering you on, and somewhere your very being is waiting for permission to cheer yourself on. Love yourself even on the days you dont consider yourself so great because you are always of great worth either way. Even if you didnt like who you were yesterday make the choice on what person you will be today and then tomorrow, one day at a time, theres more things that change than things that stay still. We are welcome to grow along too. And we can grow into another way and the true way of thinking. Our little cells make us a force to be reckoned with so our little acts to support our goal of thriving can do the same. When I think of thriving, I think of being joyfully 'unecessary'. Add a different spice to the same meal. Make your own little dance, color in a coloring book, your brain thinks it wants to die? no it wants to DYE, paint on that paper then, color the world with your creative ideas, sleep on the other side of your bed tonight, add a little to your life like flavor powder adds color and a different taste to the water. Humm to yourself, write a short story, mismatch your socks, talk into the fan, make shadow puppets, make your own joke to tell people, make that bopping noise with your mouth, thrive not by doing hundreds of 'unnecessary' things in a day but by allowing yourself to be the more you already are little by little. Jesus bless you all.

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