An Impressive Study By My Favourite Artist :)

In any case you mustn’t confuse a single failure with a final defeat.

F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night (via honeyforthehomeless)

Waiting is hard but it's better than having nothing to look forward to.

Beliefs

"Doubt your doubts and believe your beliefs" sings Jon Foreman. This is a great advice to us, modern-day people. We let ourselves be shaken by nearly everything: science, new religions, even the opinions that aren't identical to ours. Nowadays people are lacking confidence and mostly confidence in what they believe. In what WE believe.

On the contrary, when we don't believe in something, we mostly have absolutely no idea what that thing's about. We don't read the literature of the religions we don't agree with, so this means we are very far away from being given the right to disagree, since we aren't informed. When someone denies evolution, or science, they don't have a physics, chemistry or biology degree, they just are willingly ignorant.

At the end of the day, we don't have strong faith or strong doubt, but even when we do, it's based on nothing. But why is that? It's because we can't listen to all debates, read every book, perform each experiments to support our beliefs or doubts. In fact it would be impossible, since humanity hasn't yet answered every questions, we are too young a specie to know it all. This means that every faith and doubt will be open for discussion for an exceedingly long time.

Opinions and beliefs make us, people, so diverse and it's wonderful. However, it's quite trivial that in the end only one faith will prevail and on a distant-enough day we will know who was right because  every single belief system, no matter if they say it differently, excludes every other. You can try and model religions as different paths to the same place but it doesn't work. They're contradicting each other. If one's true, the other is inevitably false.

I know there have been countless flame wars generated by religious differences. You might even bring up the crusades as a fine example, however, the crusades are so much opposed to how christianity is defined that the "holy crusades" were acts of the least christian roots. Just saying... But where am I going with this? Fighting over who's right or who's wrong is folly. Think about it, truth will prevail. Forcing your ideals on others will never produce new believers, only averse souls. I, for one, am a believer of Jesus Christ. And yes, I'm convinced that I'm right about what I have faith in. I stongly think that everyone should believe in what I do, STILL, my onlytool to achieve this is live my life by the principles I believe in. You have the choice to disagree. I'm sad if you do but it's completely up to you.

Cheers :)

inspiring, although I’d argue with Wilde because immoral books don’t always show the world its flaws but sometimes encourage and multiply them (this was a tough lesson for me as an aspiring writer)

“That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.”  ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

“I should like to make life beautiful–I mean everybody’s life. And then all this immense expense of art, that seems somehow to lie outside life and make it no better for the world, pains one. It spoils my enjoyment of anything when I am made to think that most people are shut out from it.“  ~ George Eliot

“Madame, all stories, if continued far enough, end in death, and he is no true-story teller who would keep that from you.”  ~ Ernest Hemingway

“The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame.” ~ Oscar Wilde  

“Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why.” ~ James Joyce

“A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us.” ~ Franz Kafka

“Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.” ~ Edgar Allan Poe

Dear Hank. As I was reading, I had a revelation: without the little voice in your head, you couldn't read, couldn't think, etc. Do you know how to explain that little voice?? Am I hearing my own voice, but in my head? If so, do toddlers have that voice in their head when processing information? How is this little voice generated? I confused myself asking these questions, so I'm not sure that I've fully gotten what I've asked across. But it mostly is: what is this voice and how did it get there?

The little voice is a construction your mind uses to analyze itself and the world. The little voice saying all of its little words is the culmination of billions of years of evolution and hundreds of thousands of years of culture. The little voice is both you and the thing that created you. No one understands the little voice. It’s probably best not to think too much about it.

Closing Thoughts

Considering everything I say I believe in, I'd be the greatest hypocrite to fight death. Obviously I'd be just as big a fool to give in to it, no doubt.

Last week, when I thought about dying, the first thing in my head was a list of all the things I haven't finished or haven't yet started. It seemed like my life was incomplete but that's just an illusion.

There's nothing that has to happen in a man's life and there's nothing I have to become or I have to achieve. The real necessities of life, crystallized and clear, are to love and to be truly God's.

Death is a frightening thing to face and there sure isn't an easy way to get through it. Don't get me wrong, I don't welcome it and I don't wish it but I'm at peace. Of course, I hope that I'll live for a good while longer but even now, I'm pretty full of love.

Breaking the Ice

For about half a year I've been stuck. I haven't written a single word worth mentioning. And that's a problem if you're trying to write something. I had a conflict that I had to rewrite before the climax of my story and nothing worked. I resolved I would not progress with he whole novel as long as this problem is not solved and today, with pride I say, I have solved it. It's possibly the sweetest, neatest, greatest, most dynamic, most intense part of the whole thing.

But why couldn't I write it? I've been in a bittersweet relationship with the Creator of everything. Last time in church, the scripture said that what the Lord requires of me is:

to try to live in love,

to live according to His laws,

and to be humble toward Him.

None of the above has been fulfilled lately. But He reached down to me and, so openly, he set the rules for me. I was finally told exactly where I'm lacking. Everywhere, apparently. But it's good, it's really the best. I finally know that I should do these three. And I'm so thankful! Knowing this is salvation. I'm saved... once more. This is the biggest thing of my life and now that it's done--not for the first time, sadly--life can/must move on for me. Move forward ;)

A brief look-back to my book

I'm still working on the little extension thingies for my book. It's been over a year and a month, that I started writing it.

One night I had the weirdest dream, probably of my entire (rather short) existence, about these kids being tricked and trapped in Underworld... I remember, I was in the middle of another "novel" (which by the way I still have not finished :P), and I was just browsing among self-publishing companies. I randomly filled out a registration for one site, as to see what it would cost me to publish myactualwork. I don't know for what reason, but I clicked children's books category, and then things just got crazy in my head...

Nothing real was set in motion but the next day I was called by this publishing company. A very nice woman was politely asking me about mybook. It blew my mind. I felt like I was arealwriter. For no apparent reason I started telling about my dream, insted of the project I was making. What I said was to no extent collected or organised but it didn't bother me much, I was just speaking. Dreaming of getting published...

In one week I wrote like twenty-five, thirty pages. I was extremely thrilled. But, then my joy was soon overcome byreason. I was (and still am (for a hopefully short period of time)) monetarily dependent on my parents. The cheapest publishing package was about 2000 pounds if I remember correctly... Anyways, they said, that a book is not a good investment. So they gave me exactly 0.00 pounds to follow my dreams...

I never give up. I didn't give up then, either... In the coming two months I finished my book, had it revised by a published author, who became a very good friend of mine on the way... After that I sent my manuscript to another friend of mine, who resides in Michigan, U.S.. He used to be a professor of genetics and his knowledge is literally unprecedented. Though I hardly agree with him on anything... So he revised it, as well. He said, it's not really good but he sees some potential... This is kind of like the greatest compliment I've ever heard from him, so it was extremely delightful to me, despite its actual indifference :P

My endurance was always fueled by my beautiful Special Girl (I never know how to call her because girlfriendis kind of awkward and she's not my wife yet, so I'd feel uncomfortable with calling her my Half). She is the greatest artist I've seen, or heard, or known about. The inspiration and motivation she gave me are like this once-in-a-lifetime thing, which we always hear abot but can never truly depict... She never let me give in, or turn blue...

And now, after a year, I'm here. Still trying to make it better. But in this one year, I've learned, that I'm ready to leave my parents' house. For good. I'll write. I'll marry my girlfriend (according to my parents) before time. These are my plans and I know, that I shouldn't be crossing the bridge yet, but there's this thing, called faith. I know this is my path because I was instructed this way, by my Heavenly Instructor... I don't fear the shadows of my future, or even my present because I know, that nothing can go so wrong, as to prevent me from becoming the man, that I'm born to become.

wow, my tumblr turned 1 today! it's been a very beautiful and often uneventful year. despite all the controversies, i've closed a great year. thanks to the anonymous readers, the random likers, and most of all, my dearest 13 followers :) it's been superb.