Bellasashylegs - Bella

Justice for Sonya Massey

Say her name

She was a beautiful woman with two kids who was unrightfully killed by police officer Sean Grayson

She called for help and she met the end of her life by the same people who were supposed to help her

Fuck the cops and fuck anyone who tries to defend this man’s abhorrent actions. He deserves the same fate if not worse. He took an innocent woman from this world and he deserves twice as much as the pain

Say her name

Sonya Massey

everyone please read this and share if you can.

Brazil is going through one of the worst climatic crisis ever seen.

i live in the southernmost state, Rio Grande do Sul. we have been suffering from extreme, nonstop rainstorms for a week now. the rivers are flooding, reaching 4-6 meters above their natural level. people are being rescued by helicopters, neighborhoods are being evacuated. entire cities are slowly but surely becoming submerged in water. 60 people missing and counting. 32 deaths and counting.

and this is not new. last november also had a flood like this one. 50 dead, many material losses. it happened again this january, with thousands being left without power or water for days.

three catastrophical disasters within less than a year. three disasters only a few months apart.

this is not natural.

unsustainable agricultural practices and politics led to this. a complete disregard for nature led to this. greed led to this. always greed.

when it comes to the climate crisis, i cannot stress this enough: we need to act now if we still want to live. disasters like this are going to happen more often and they're going to be much, much worse. this flood is being considered the worst climatic catastrophe in the history of my state. i don't know how long it will take for another bigger one to happen and take its place. i just know it will be sooner than it should.

links to donate (if you can't donate, sharing already helps a lot):

link for non-brazilians (paybox)

link for brazilians

pix assufrgs

will update more links later. in the meantime, pray for us.

leaked

synopsis - matt and shy!reader's sex tape gets leaked.

pairing - matt sturniolo x shy!reader

content warnings- smut, angst, mentions of panic attacks,etc.

requested by anon

matt sturniolo, your ex fling. you would say boyfriend but it wasn't even that.

a summer fling with matt was what you had. you both spent the past summer fucking around. your relationship with matt was good but the sex was even better. but all good things come to an end.

after a summer of rendezvous you and matt went your separate ways. you back to college and matt back to la to be a pursue his youtube career. back to the life you had before you met him, back to normal. during your time together you and matt were very risky and frisky, having sex in public places, taking risky polaroids, and filming sex tapes.

matt had all your sex tapes on his computer in a private folder, he thought he deleted them after you guys broke things off but apparently not. he was beyond confused when his phone began blowing up.

dude did you see the video?, your tape got leaked, check twitter, is this real? was what his messages consisted of. matt ran to check twitter and of course the search matt sturniolo leaked was trending. he clicked it and was bombarded with nude images and videos. his fingers tapped on the first video he saw and his jaw dropped.

matt was met with your contorted face and your naked body. curse him for liking missionary so much. the video progressed and it was just filthy steamy sex. matt couldn't peel his eyes away from it. the way his cock plunged in and out of your pussy, they way you moaned his name, the way your breasts bounced as he fucked into you and your face, the face he just had to keep shoving the camera in. he loved the way you looked when you were in pure bliss and he couldn't help but focus on it.

back then he felt good recording your intimate moments but now he felt like an asshole. if he hadn't recorded then it wouldn't have been spreading like wildfire all over the internet. the worst part of it all is that your face was so clearly in it and he knew how you felt about social media. you hated it, you didn't like people watching your every move. you hated unecessary attention.

matt didn't know how to reach out to you. what was he supposed to say? hey our sex tape got leaked! can we talk?. he felt awful about this whole thing. his face was barely in it and the only reason it was traced back to him was because of his distinct tattoo's and the moans of his name that slipped out.

on the other end you were feeling more than just bad. you had been panicking and throwing up since your best friend called you and broke the news. you felt violated and gross, your everything was in that video. it was hot back then now it felt disgusting. now that thousands of people have seen you like this it was anything but sexy.

your phone buzzing rapidly broke you out of your upcoming panic attack. you picked it up to see matt calling you, speak of the fucking devil. you both hadn't spoken in months, and this being the reason you hear his voice again is devastating.

it was silent until matt spoke up. "sweetheart?". "m-matt" you stuttered out. it felt weird hearing his voice again. you played with your fingers nervously as you waited for him to speak, to explain, to tell you how the fuck this happened. he took a deep breath before responding "i'm so fuckin sorry for this i don't know how the fuck this happened and i'm gonna work on getting it removed but i wanted to reach out to you and apologize personally before handling the hard stuff".

"how did this happen matt? i trusted you fully and you promised me that nobody but us was going to see it!" you said. tears welled up in your eyes and your voice cracked as you were speaking louder than normal. matt sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. he hated hearing you get so emotional. it was out of character for you. you never got loud or had such emotion in your words.

"i'm sorry i thought i deleted them after we split and i keep everything that happened between us so fucking private i swear" matt tried explaining. "please believe me i had nothing to do with this and i will do anything to make it up to you, to fix this" he pleaded with you. your sobs echoed through the phone as you cried, you never wanted any of this. "how matt? how could you possibly fix this" you sighed.

"i don't know but please let me try"

"Report: 2.5 millions Sudanese could die from starvation by September."

The RSF -a genocial militia- is mass starving Sudanese people. They are cutting off or denying food access to many through inflation of necessities and it's beyond horrific to see.

This is 5% of the population, and extends to interrelated issues. It has also been reported that roughly 80% of Sudanese people are not able to farm their lands adequately. So please continue to keep eyes on Sudan. Educate yourself, stay informed, and continue to share and donate to GFM's of Sudanese families. I post them on my page as I see them here, as well as when I come across them elsewhere. And as always, free Sudan.

CARE

2.5 million South Sudanese Face Severe Hunger, Figures Reveal - CARE

As many as 2.5 million South Sudanese will be living in severe hunger in the next three months, according to figures released today by the I

“MOVE ON”

Chris finally decides to try get over his ex

Warnings: Mentions of Y/N, fluff I guess, reader being a small fashion/makeup influencer, slightly shy!reader, mentions of drinking, kinda a cliffhanger

A/N: I have not wrote in a while, I’ve been focused on writing my book and not fanfics, so this may be quite shit.

It had been 2 months.

2 whole months since Chris’s ex had broken up with him.

And he was still moping around, barely leaving the house, and annoying his brothers, and they’d had enough.

Chris looked out the car window with a confused look, currently dressed in some basic jeans and a white shirt with a hoodie around his waist. Matt had told him, “Dress casual, we’re going out to eat,” but when the car pulled up in front of a lively house, with music blasting so loud you could hear it down the street, Chris realised he’d been tricked.

“Dude, I’m not going into that party.” He told Matt firmly as he turned off the car. “Yes, you are.” Was Matt’s response, leaving no room for argument. Nick butted in as he opened Chris’s car door for him, “You’ve been annoying us all week with your constant whining. Now you can go annoy others.” Chris rolled his eyes, but reluctantly got out the car and followed his brothers into the loud house.

As they walked in, Chris and his brothers were greeted by a lot of familiar faces. He gave a few waves and polite hello’s, but eventually snuck off to get a drink.

Walking up to the makeshift bar in the kitchen, his eyes immediately landed on the case of Pepsi’s left open, and he grabbed one before heading out the backdoor for some quiet. When he stepped out, he was met with a cool breeze, and then he saw a girl stood on the other side of the decking, drinking some colourful drink. He quickly tried to look away, not in the mood to talk to some girl he didn’t know, but she turned around and caught his eye. He gave a polite, but awkward, smile. “Hi.” He said, trying not to let his lips curve up at the sight of her shy smile. “Hi. You’re one of those triplets, right?” “Yeah, one of those triplets.” he repeated with a slight grin. “Which one are you? No, wait, let me guess.” She said, stepping up to Chris for a closer look.

Chris stared down at her as she tried to figure out who he was, giving her a lopsided grin as his hair falls over his eyes. “Are you.. Matt?” She finally says, making him let out a small chuckle and shake his head. “Nope. You want another guess, or?” He teased slightly, “..Are you Chris?” She guesses again, making him nod as he takes a sip of his Pepsi. “Yep. I’m Chris. And you are..?” He says, now feeling slightly bad he doesn’t know who this girl is. “I’m Y/N.” She says with a little smile, then quickly, and shyly, adds, “I’m not that known. But I do fashion and make up stuff on YouTube.” “Oh, that’s cool. I’ll have to check you out some time.” He responds, his eyes flicking down to her lips as her tongue darts out to wet them. He looks back at her eyes, then smirks a little at noticing her eyes flit down to his own lips.

After a while of talking, the two were now sat on the edge of the deck, watching the sun set together. Y/N was now in Chris’s hoodie, since it was cold, at least that’s what Chris kept telling himself. Chris finally piped up after a while of silence, “Soo.. how old are you?” He looked down at her head resting on his bicep. “Just turned 21.” She responded, lifting her head to look at him, and that’s when they realised how close they were. Her eyes flicked to Chris’s lips, and Chris’s flicked to hers, and then before either could say or do anything, Chris leaned forward.

Her lips were soft against his, her hands going to the ends of his hair and tugging gently. Chris groaned into her mouth, his own hands grabbing her hips and pulling her to straddle his lap. She moaned into his mouth at the sudden movement, and tried to press her tongue into his mouth. But Chris finally realised what he was doing.

Without warning, Chris pulled away and pushed her off him, standing up. “A.. are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” Y/N asked nervously, standing up and fidgeting with the sleeves of her his hoodie. “I have to go.” Is all Chris murmured in response, before quickly heading back inside. Y/N stood there awkwardly for a moment, before realising she still had his hoodie. She grabbed her glass and quickly followed him inside, pushing through the crowd of drunk and tipsy YouTubers, desperately trying to find Chris.

She finally saw the back of his head, and tried to push towards him, but the music changed, and suddenly another influencer friend grabbed her and dragged her to the dance floor, and Chris disappeared from view.

A/N(again): I wrote this in half an hour, and then Tumblr glitched and deleted the whole ending so I had to redo it😭

This is not proofread, if you see any, please inform me of any mistakes, misspellings, etc.

I will probably do pt.2 tomorrow, if you guys want it:)

^me rn watching the superbowl bc what the FUCK are we doing Chiefs get it together mfs☹️

people treat bisan, motaz and plestia like they're influencers instead of, you know, people who have endured/are enduring war crimes beyond imagining and ethnic cleansing. what I mean is, they never asked to be spokesperson for their people's humanity, or planned to be so visible. they're just people, ordinary people who can never go home, who are surviving colonial violence. what they're doing and what they have done defies any term of admiration or respect I could apply. But I wish that people would stop thinking of these individual Palestinians trying to survive in war zones like celebrities or politicians with actual power because it's just another form of dehumanisation. Ask yourself, what will you do if something happens to Bisan? If she is killed or goes dark or inshallah she escapes? Everyday I see posts like, "if Bisan dies, I'll riot!" riot NOW. speak up, now! Palestinians and Lebanese and Syrian people who aren't going viral on social media are being murdered by the occupation in the 100s everyday. I am begging people to stop hingeing their faith in the free Palestine movement and the movement to end the Zionist occupation on individuals. I love Bisan and Motaz and Plestia with all my heart and pray for them every day, but I'm begging people not to reframe Palestinian liberation through individualism. Support BDS, donate to UNRWA or the Red Crescent Society, listen to Palestinians across Palestine and the diaspora. Your belief in the freedom of Indigenous peoples has to transcend the ones most visible and palatable to you.

✯𝐅𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮✯

chris x earth boho!reader

IN WHICH…. Chris and Y/n experience their first time with each other.

WARNINGS: NSFW CONTENT AHEAD!!! Making out, oral (f receiving) fingering, sex, insecurities mentioned, cockwarming,

pt.1 pt.2

Y/n was pacing her room, nothing but anxiety fueling her movements.

Chris was coming over to spend the night and she planned on taking the relationship further. Their relationship was perfect, and although Chris was content waiting until she was comfortable doing anything sexual, she could tell he wanted to. The lingering touches to her waist, the make-out sessions that got a bit steamy before she pulled away, and the way he would look at her late at night when they were going to sleep.

It wasn’t that Y/n didn’t want to do anything with Chris, she definitely wanted to, it was just the paranoia from her last relationship holding her back.

Her ex wasn’t exactly the nicest, always talking about her body and comparing her to other girls. He would say she was too loud in bed, usually using a pillow to cover her face, he even called her disgusting for squirting.

As much as her mother tried to make her feel better and give her the whole woman empowerment talk, y/n just couldn’t bring herself to have sex with anyone ever again.

That was until she met Chris.

She had told Chris everything that her ex had done and said to her. He was very understanding as to why she was standoffish to the thought of doing anything sexual at all and promised her that he could wait until she was comfortable.

And tonight, she’s comfortable…Or she thinks she is.

Her mind is swarming with the thoughts of not being good enough for Chris or her body not looking right. She was so busy pacing her room she didn’t hear Chris walking into the house.

“Ma?” He calls out, making her freeze in place. She quickly closes her door and locks it, running around her room to find clothes. “Just a minute!”

She find a crème and green nightgown and quickly throws it on over the lingerie. She gives one last look in the mirror before swinging the door open. “You good?” He asks noticing her labored breathing.

“Y-yeah-'' she clears her throat before continuing. “Yeah, I just got out of the shower and wasn’t dressed.”

Technically that wasn’t a lie.

He nods before moving deeper into the room, setting his bag down by her closet. “Sorry for being early, we wrapped up filming earlier than we thought.” He takes his hat off and lays down on her bed, sighing out and closing his eyes as the satin sheets comfort him.

He opens his eyes and looks over and sees her looking at him. “What did you want to do? I know it’s late but we could watch a movie or something.”

“Yeah, that’s fine…Can you pick a movie while I go grab a water?”

He nods and asks for a Pepsi as she walks out the room. She arrives in the kitchen and grabs a glass, filling it with ice.

“You’re fine, everything will be ok. There’s no reason to worry, everything will go smoo-Ok what’s going on?” She jumps and turns around seeing Chris with his arms folded.

“I thought you were picking a movie?” He notices how she’s looking everywhere but him, causing him to walk closer.

He wrap his arms around her waist and pulls her in, “talk to me, what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Not-Do not saying nothing. You’ve been acting weird and I know something is up. Did something happen?”

She bites her lip and plays with the cup in her hand. Chris stays silent, waiting for her to get her thoughts together before speaking.

“I-I had something planned tonight…But I’m a bit scared.” He nods along to her words.

“Ok, what did you have planned?”

It takes a moment for her to answer, her hands getting shaky. “Hey, calm down. Speak to me mama, you know you can speak to me.” He kisses all over her face, noticing that it’s warm.

“C-can we just lay down? Please?” Everything in him wants to say no, not until she tells him what’s wrong, but he knows he can’t push her. It’s better to let her come to him when she’s ready to talk.

“Ok, come on. I turned on your favorite.” She smiles softly and quickly finishes filling her cup with water, grabbing his Pepsi in the process.

They walk back to the bedroom and crawl into bed. As she gets comfortable, he notices her nightgown rising up, showing a sliver of the green butterfly print covering her lower half. He diverts his attention and crawls in next to her, pulling her close.

He starts to movie and settles into the bed, his head resting on top of hers.

The movie flies by, Y/n not even paying attention as the credits roll on the screen. She was stuck in her head, asking herself if she should make the move. “You want to go to bed now?” She jumps and turns to Chris who’s looking at her with those same bedroom eyes.

She doesn’t know if it’s intentional or not, but it’s enough for her to make up her mind.

“Yeah…I’m going to go to the bathroom first.” He nods and grabs his phone as she walks over to the en suite.

She stands in front of the bathroom mirror and stares at herself, slipping off the nightgown.

“You’re beautiful, any man would be lucky to have you.” She repeats her mother’s words to herself. She sprays a bit of her perfume and walks out the bathroom, thanking whatever gods there are that Chris turned off the lights.

She crawls back into the bed, facing away from Chris. Like clockwork, he turns to her and pulls her closer, only to stop when he feels her skin.

He sits up a bit, looking down at the silhouette of her body. She swallows harshly and turns on her back, looking up at him.

It was dark in the room, no light of any kind peeking through. It was a blessing for one, and a curse for the other.

“C-can I turn the lights on?” Chris questions, he was eager to see if his mind was playing tricks on him, wanting to know if his girlfriend was really in bed with nothing on.

“Lamp.” She mumbles softly, pulling the blankets over her chest. He leans back and pulls on the lamp cord, a soft hue of orange illuminating the room.

He notices she pulled the blankets up, her knuckles tight as she holds it against herself. He reaches forward and gently pulls it down.

His mouth runs dry when he sees the lingerie covering her chest. It wasn’t sultry by any means but it was definitely a turn-on.

“D-do you like it?” She’s nervous, he hasn’t said anything to her at all, just staring at her chest.

“I love it, you look beautiful, gorgeous…Is this what you had planned? You wanted to have sex tonight?” She nods softly.

“Are you sure? You know I have no problem waiting. Don’t do this for me, do it for you.”

“I-I’m sure…”

That’s all Chris needed to hear before his lips were pressed against hers. It wasn't a harsh kiss filled with lust, no, it was something more.

It was soft, tender, delicate....Loving.

He crawls over her and deepens the kiss, his hands trailing up and down her thighs. He pulls away from her lips and dips his head into her neck, peppering kisses along her jaw and lightly biting down on the soft brown skin of her neck.

Y/n can feel her heart beating out of her chest, her breathing labored as Chris works on her neck. With each mark he leaves she can feel herself getting wetter and wetter.

She bucks her hips making Chris smile to himself, “patience mama, this night is about you.” He trails his kisses from her neck down to her chest.

He goes to take the top off but she quickly grabs his hands, “I-I want to keep it on, I’m so-“ She's cut off by Chris’s lips finding their way back to hers.

“Don’t apologize, this is about you. Ok?” His eyes are boring into her. She nods and he goes back to peppering kisses all along her body, taking time to admire each body part.

“Beautiful, each part of you.” He mutters softly.

Just like the butterfly on her chest, she feels hundreds of them in her stomach, swarming around and making her feel warm,

Making her feel loved.

He keeps going, getting lower and lower until he gets to her pelvis. He toys with the hem of her bottoms, eyeing the green material with hungry eyes.

“Can I take these off?”

She hesitates.

She wasn’t used to people going down on her, her ex hated it. He would put up a fight, call it gross, and demand that she blew him instead.

But Chris was different, he worshiped her as if she was a goddess. He worshipped her like she was the reason for his breathing.

“C-can we turn the light off?” She asks meekly.

He stares at her for a few seconds until he moves. He grabs the green duvet before throwing it over his shoulders. “What are y- You want the light off because you’re uncomfortable with me seeing you. I’ll use the blanket so I won’t have to see you, or at least all of you that is.”

She thinks about it for a few seconds before nodding, agreeing to the compromise.

He adjusts himself on the bed, leveling himself with her pelvis. He loops his fingers through the waistband of her bottoms, slowly pulling them down.

He doesn’t dive right in as much as he wants to, he takes his time kissing the inside of her thighs, leaving his mark.

He pulls away from her thighs and hovers over her mound, his breath sending a shiver up her spine.

He plants a soft kiss on her folds before licking a long strip. She sucks in a sharp breath and clenches the sheets in between her fingers.

He closes his eyes and moans as he laps at her folds, shaking his head back and forth. He was eating her out as if he was starved, like he hadn’t eaten in months. Drinking her juices as if he was dehydrated, and she was the golden fountain.

He grips her thighs and pulls her closer, indulging in his newfound favorite meal. He could do this forever if she let him. She was sweet and bitter at the same time, almost like a strawberry freshly picked off a bush.

He wraps his lips around her clit, sucking and swirling his tongue around the button. She’s biting her lip, trying not to let any sound out.

He trails a singular hand down the back of her thigh before slipping two fingers inside her, curling them as he moves them in and out.

That was enough for her to snatch the blankets away, immediately holding eye contact with him. She whimpers and throws her head back in ecstasy, her legs beginning to shake.

He pulls away from her clit and rests his head on her thighs, watching as his fingers disappear inside of her.

He speeds it up, loving the way her chest rises and falls rapidly all because of his fingers. He can tell she is close, her squirming becoming more frequent and her whimpers getting closer together.

He uses his thumb to swipe over her clit, drawing endless figure eights. He leans over her body, capturing her lips with his own, “Come on baby, let go for me.” He encourages.

He curls his fingers one last time before her legs snap shut and she closes her eyes, her orgasm hitting her full throttle.

“That’s it,” he coos, kissing all over her face, his finger still working her through her orgasm. She opens her eyes, the orbs glossed over with a look of love that has Chris wanting to please her even more.

“Can you handle one more for me?” As much as he would love to keep going, he’s putting her needs before his. He could live without actually going all the way with her tonight, he would do it for a million years if it meant her being comfortable.

She nods, already going for the band of his sweatpants. He pushes her hands away and pulls her into another deep kiss, allowing his tongue to dip into her mouth. As the two make out feverishly, he manages to pull his sweats and boxers down.

He pulls her a bit closer sliding a pillow underneath her back before sliding his cock in between her folds, using her slick as a natural lubricant. She whimpers against his lips, finding herself loving the way his dick feels nudging against her clit.

He lines himself up, and slowly pushes in, his head falling to her shoulder as her walls clamp down on him. He groans and grips the back of her legs tightly, clenching his eyes shut.

Y/n is the same way, her jaw slack as no sound comes out from the euphoric feeling of the intrusion. She grips his back, her nails leaving crescent-shaped indents on his milky skin.

“S-slow, please?” She finally mutters. Chris swallows before slowly rocking his hips, moaning lowly at the friction.

He keeps a steady pace, not wanting to go too fast, and unintentionally hurt y/n or make her uncomfortable. “Fuck, you feel so good mamas.” He praises, slowly lifting his head so he could see her.

She looks beautiful.

Her eyes are clenched shut, the crow's feet that he loves so dearly prominent as day. Her nose is scrunched as pleasure rakes through her body.

However, the only thing Chris doesn’t like is her silence.

Like it was stated before, Chris knew everything her ex said to her about their sex life. He knew she was insecure about her moans and her body because of him. He knows she hates violence but he swears if he ever catches the guy he's going to hurt him.

“Let me hear you, let me hear those pretty sounds.” He begs. She opens her eyes and shakes her head, soft pants coming from her mouth.

“Come on baby, I gotta know I’m doing my job right of worshiping you.” He urges.

Y/n doesn’t budge, still too scared to make any noise despite wanting to.

Chris decided to take matters into his own hands. He sits up so he’s on his knees and bends her legs back as far as they can go, her calves draping over his arms.

Thank god for yoga.

He pulls out almost all the way, before snapping his hips at an angle that finally draws out the noises he’s been craving to hear.

Y/n arches her back and lets out the loudest pornographic moan her body can muster, her eyes going crossed in the process.

“There it is.” He grunts. He keeps his original pace, just going a bit harder to keep drawing out the angelic sounds flowing from her mouth.

This new angle allows him to go deeper, deeper than just her cervix. It’s as if he reached her stomach, her lungs, her soul.

The two hold eye contact as he continues to plow into her. He notices her mouth forming words but nothing comes out. “What is it baby?”

“Fa-ster.” She manages to moan out. Chris doesn’t have to be told twice, whatever she wants, she gets.

He speeds up his pace, Y/n's moans only getting louder, encouraging him even more. At this point her wooden bedframe is slamming against the wall, surely leaving scratches in the process.

Their moans intertwine, bouncing off the walls and creating pitch-perfect harmony. It was as if they were two instruments brought together to make a symphony.

It was harmonic.

“Oh fuck- I love you!” She moans out, her back arching as he hits that special spot inside of her.

“I love you too mama, so much.” He leans forward and brings her into a passionate kiss. She lets out a drawn-out mewl, her hands flying towards his arms.

His thumb finds its way back to her clit and she gasps, quickly trying to stop him. She was close to orgasming, that was fine. What wasn’t fine was the fact she knew she was going to squirt.

She could feel it forming, that white-hot coil ready for release, ready to burst.

“W-wait I- I know baby, let go for me. It’s ok.”

It’s as if he controls her, her body listening to his demands. She tries to close her legs but Chris stops her, watching as her juices splash in between them.

Chris groans at the sight, falling forward and nuzzling his head in her neck as he delivers three more pumps before letting go.

He stalls deep inside of her, decorating her walls with a nice shade of pearlescent white. He goes to pull out, but she stops him, holding him close.

“Stay...Please?” She mutters timidly. He stares at her for a few seconds, his brows furrowed in confusion before he understands what she wants. He nods and settles back down, holding her close.

He lightly runs his hand along her body, whispering sweet words into her ear.

“You were so good baby, perfect.”

“Gorgeous, like a goddess”

“Made just f’me.”

The two lay there, tangled in each other's arms, their souls intertwining and merging into one.

Fading into each other.

im sorry if yall tired of chris x earthyboho! reader but atm this is all i can write so this what yall getting 😭

TAGLIST 🍑

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ SWALLOWIN’ MY PRIDE

↳ series masterlist!

↳ summary: in which chris is forced to swallow his pride as he comes to terms with the new that y/n has shared, realizing it’s not just her fault. however when he mentions the alternatives, he fails to see how much it hurts his girlfriend.

↳ pairings: boston bruins player!chris sturniolo x fem!reader!

↳ warnings: swearing, angst, chris not wanting a kid, verbal arguments, big talks about abortions and giving the kid up for adoption, mentions and descriptions of vomiting, a loooot of angst tbh.

↳ important things to note: this is a heavy chapter so please keep that in mind if you choose to keep reading, i’ve done my part and have warned you about what this chapter entails so please do yours and close out of this fic if you cannot handle those topics. i am not your mother i cannot stop you, but if you choose to keep going despite being uncomfortable with the things i’ve warned you about, you are not allowed to get upset with anyone but yourself. enjoy<3

THIRD PERSON POV

chris was left utterly speechless as he stared at the thin plastic stick in his hand. the only thing running through his mind, was “what am i going to do? i just signed the contract today?” he felt guilty being so absorbed in his doubts about his career but it was something he had worked for his entire life. he knew his concerns were selfish, he knew that, but he couldn’t stop worrying about them.

the words “we’re pregnant, chris.” rang in his ears like a bell chiming, he felt his breath get stuck in his throat and he wasn’t able to breathe. he quickly shifted y/n off his lap so he could begin pacing, he held his head in his hands as his skates clunked against the padded locker room floor.

“what the fuck are we going to do y/n?” chris spits, his voice broken and unsteady as he looks at his girlfriend, her eyes red with unshed tears as she shook her head softly and shrugged.

“i don’t know chris.”

“why weren’t you careful?” chris exclaims, unintentionally putting all the blame on her as her head snaps up, her brows furrowed tightly as she breathes out a listless laugh.

“how is this all my fault?”

“i’m not saying it’s your fault. but why didn’t you just get an abortion?”

“in case you forgot what you were taught in fifth grade health class, it takes two people to make a baby, chris. you were the one that wanted to hit it raw and you promised to pull out but clearly you didn’t. and i didn’t want to abort it without your input because this child is half of you, too. and i would not be able to sit through that alone!“ she scoffs, tears dripping down her cheeks as she stares up at him, guilt and regret chipping away at the slight glimmer of hope that chris would be okay with it that she held.

“i just signed a good contract baby, i can’t miss my games for this shit.” chris sighs, his heart rate slowing down, but his mind was still racing, leaving him blind to the internal battle his girlfriend was facing.

he felt sick, he had everything mapped out for the next five years and this baby completely threw a wrench in everything that he had meticulously planned. there was no way a baby this early in his career would look good, it’d make him look reckless and uncaring about his job.

“do you not think i’ve been thinking about that, chris? that’s the only thing i’ve been thinking about since i found out or even had the slightest idea i was pregnant, i have been terrified of derailing the life plans you’ve set up for yourself and i don’t know what the fuck to do but what i do know, is that we’re pregnant and we have to make a decision about this. so until you’ve processed this, you can stay with one of your brother’s, i will be waiting at home.” y/n replies, her voice gradually getting quieter and breaking even more as she finishes. wiping her tears, she quickly exists the room, the need to vomit overcoming her.

her mind wouldn’t stop racing. it brought every possible scenario to the surface and she was beyond scared. what was she going to do? chris sure as hell didn’t seem to want the baby, and she thought she didn’t either but talking about it to chris had her realizing that she wants a family more than anything.

as she knelt in front of the toilet , she couldn’t help but laugh internally. finding out you’re expecting a child was supposed to be a joyous and happy time. finding out that you’re carrying a life that is half of yourself and the person you’re in love with, the person you’re fully committed to for life, was supposed to have you feeling over the moon. and instead, it had y/n’s stomach twisting with guilt, regret, heartache, and distress.

ash she wiped her mouth and flushed the toilet, she sat on the edge of it, letting her tears fall as she let the feelings of hopelessness and loss fully consume her heart. would she really see this pregnancy to term if chris didn’t want anything to do with her and the baby? if she did, would she let chris back into her life when he decides he wants a family? or would he seek a family somewhere else?

“how the fuck am i going to survive this without him?” she whispered to herself, quickly exiting the public washroom and making a beeline for the front entrance.

chris on the other hand, was stoic as stared at the wall opposite of him, the thin plastic stick beside him taunting him and his mind, almost as if it was telling him that he was acting selfishly. instead of comforting his girlfriend, who was as equally terrified of their recent news as chris, if not more? he blamed her. he yelled at her.

he callously told her to abort their baby to be. to get rid of the life growing inside her as if it meant nothing. as if it wasn’t the product of two people that loved each other deeply. even if it wasn’t planned or considered, that child to be was still the result of chris and y/n’s love. of the fact that they held each other so closely that they made love without any preventative measures. but chris couldn’t look at it that way, he didn’t want to.

his focus was on his career, hockey was everything to him. it made him everything he is. but was hockey really the only thing that mattered to chris? as he mulled over the answer, images of y/n sobbing as she held the freshly positive test, of her sobbing and scared in front of him waiting for him to pull her into his arms in the middle of that locker room flash through his mind. he felt guilty, he hadn’t even hugged her as she sobbed, he so badly wishes he could rewind the clock a few minutes so he could react differently but he couldn’t.

he knew he wanted a family at some point in his life, but now? it was so early. he wanted to bask in all the glory of being the newest and youngest star on the bruins without the responsibilities of his personal life hanging over his head. but that wasn’t possible.

as his team made their way down the hall, chris shoved the test into the side pocket of his hockey bag and plastered a fake smile on his face. the team cheered and hollered as they had won the game. chris joined in on the festivities, briefly forgetting the decision he had to make as the team got dressed in their suits and dress clothes, deciding to hit the bar in the lounge above the rink nd celebrate their win and landing bracket in the playoffs.

y/n was in the complete opposite state, she sat at the table, the meal she had prepped hours ago as soon as she got home after leaving the game early sat on the table in front of her. it had grown cold and stale as she tried to bring the urge to eat to life but she couldn’t bear the thought of choking back her food. she hated eating without chris. she knew he wasn’t going to join her after she told him to stay with one his brothers, but out of pure muscle memory she made a plate for him and it sat across the table from her, taunting her, as if to say “this is what your future will look like if chris decides he doesn’t want the baby.” and it broke her heart into a million shards.

could she really handle a life without him? they’ve been together for so long as it is. was it worth it to go through everything that they have already, just for a child to tear them apart? she didn’t know the answer to that and she didn’t want to. she hoped that somehow, chris’ mind would change and he would have this great epiphany and realize he wants this, the family life with y/n.

she knew how important this spot on the bruins’ team was to chris, she knew that more than anybody else. but was it more important than a life with the woman he called his soulmate? was his career more important to him than his relationship?

y/n, truthfully, had began to believe it was. he would call off dates and anniversary dinners to go hang out with the team, he would come home late the nights he promised to be home early. he put so much of their time together on the back burner, and maybe this child was the wake-up call she needed. maybe she wasn’t cut out for the life of dating a superstar hockey player.

sighing, she cleared the plates off, putting the leftovers in an air-tight container and leaving them for her or, hopefully, chris to eat another day. she quickly loaded the dishwasher and started it before cleaning the rest of the kitchen. as she had finished, she flicked off the main kitchen light, leaving the light above the stove on so that when chris came home, if he had made up his mind yet, he wouldn’t be surrounded by complete darkness. but she knew in the back of her mind, chris coming home tonight was just wishful thinking.

as she laid in bed, she scrolled through instagram, chris’ story updates catching her eye. pressing down on his profile circle surrounded by a pinkish purple ring, she was met with the sight of chris and john shot gunning beer in their suits, leaving her slightly hurt that instead of talking about things with her or his brothers he chose to party with his team. she knew that making an appearance at the after parties was important, she had just hoped their situation was more important. but refusing to let herself dwell on what she meant to chris, she rolled over and willed herself to sleep.

it had been a few days since her confession to chris and she had yet to hear even just a single word from him. and the silence was killing her. after her doctors appointment, which confirmed that she was in fact two months along, she had received texts of congratulations and more from his family so she assumed he had said something and maybe he wasn’t completely ashamed of what was happening, but she had a gnawing feeling of doubt in her stomach telling her that wasn’t the case.

“matt i don’t know what to think.” chris sighed, looking to his more level-headed brother for advice in this situation.

“well chris, do you really want her to abort it? like can you live with the fact that you’re putting her through that, you know that she’s completely all for it, but it’s different when it’s the one going through it. so would you be able to live with the fact that you’re pushing her to take away this chance, both of yours and hers, at a family right now?”

“well when you word it that way-“

“and who’s to say that you won’t be looking at having a family the same way down the line if, let’s say, she aborts the baby now and this entire thing happens again? would you put her through it twice? when you could just as easily implement all the later plans with your career that included a family into your plans for now. it would be much easier to maneuver things around right because the ink on your contract has barely dried yet. you do it later down the line and shit could go up in flames. but if you’re still dead set on pushing her to an abortion, by all means do it. it’s up to you man but from the way you’ve talk about it, y/n wants to have a family so what you’re doing is most likely killing her, and if you pushing her to do this wrecks your relationship, you won’t find another girl to love you the way she does. and i know you didn’t actually ask for it, but my opinion is that you’re being a fucking idiot. you and i both know that all you’ve wanted with y/n is to raise a family. you talked about your future kids’ names with her two months into the start of your relationship. so i’m not sure why you’re doing all this shit, chris.” matt rambled, his words cutting directly into the flesh of chris’ heart, he knew matt was right. every word he spoke nothing but truth clinging to it. so why was he putting both him and y/n, mainly y/n, through all of this? sighing, chris nodded and thanked him for the advice before plucking his keys off the counter of matt’s kitchen before heading out the door and climbing into his car.

chris made quick work of driving home to y/n, he felt so unbelievably guilty for leaving her alone with her thoughts for as long as he had. as he stepped into their shared home, he felt like an intruder, he didn’t feel like himself, because in what world would chris, the same chris who is so unbelievably and irrevocably in love with y/n, push her to terminate their child? chris should’ve been ecstatic and sobbing over the news. instead he let his job cloud his judgement and focus, and he felt terrible.

“baby?” chris calls out, quickly climbing the entryway stairs and standing in the main hallway, waiting for y/n to answer.

“in here.” she calls back, her voice tired and strained from all the crying she had done. as chris rounds the corner into their room, his heart breaks at the sight of her curled up on his side of the bed in his hoodie.

“i am so sorry y/n, i’ve been an asshole.”

“i’ll say.” she whispers, shifting back to her side of the bed as chris climbs in beside her.

“i want to apologize for blaming you, it’s not your fault. and for suggesting an abortion without actually hearing what you want. if you want one, i’ll support you. i talked to matt and he made me realize what a jackass i’ve been. if you genuinely want this baby, then i do too. i love you, and i want you to be safe and happy. and if having a family makes you happy, then i’m willing to raise this baby with you because in all honesty, i do want this baby.”

“what about your career?”

“we’ll figure that out when we need to.”

“okay. i love you.”

“i love you forever and a day, y/n. i’m so sorry i’ve been so shitty, i was scared and lashed out on you when i should’ve acknowledged that you were scared too, i shouldn’t have let you deal with it on your own.” chris hums, wrapping his arms around her as she dries her tears and rest her head against his chest.

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↳ this story is far from over, let me know if you want a part three <3 there’s gonna be so much angst i actually feel bad which is crazy bc i never feel bad for writing angst