Can't Decide Whether It's Funnier To Say "my Hungry Ass Could Never Work At A" And Then Say Something

"it was in 2020" oh so like a year or so ago. a couple years. im sorry 5? did you just say five? five years ago ?

i hate it when people are writing a long ass thing and start a parenthetical aside and forget to close parentheses it makes me feel like i cant escape from the sentence

Neil is speaking

People are so stupid about snakes. If there's a little black racer chilling outside just leave it alone, you don't have to kill it, it's probably dealing with all your pests for you, jesus christ

Silly phone, you're not detecting an analog audio accessory, you're detecting soup, from the bowl of soup I dropped you in.

imagine if doorways grew back like scabbed over with fresh drywall and you had to keep carving them back out with a jabsaw to keep the doorway clear etc

the range this man has. from "a beauty so captivating that he could topple a kingdom" to the most pathetic, sopping wet cat in existence.