One Of My Favs. Thanks For This Author! :)

one of my favs. thanks for this author! :)

the wrong john masterlist

john price x f!reader (johnny's twin)

ao3. | tumblr tag: “fic: the wrong john”

your estranged twin johnny asks you to meet his new boyfriend and beloved task force at the base they're stationed at. the night before, you meet his captain, and well. chaos ensues.

the chapters:

two strangers in a bar

yours or mine

last names are important

guilty as sin?

i called you on the phone today

come back, be here

a knock on the door

family issues

a place for the two of us

tags: unhealthy family dynamics, x reader but there is some backstory, drinking, flirting

will add more as the series continues! chapter names are subject to change

guysss this is my first planned series! it's based on a dream i had lol like all good ideas should be. the nine chapters are a a bit ambitious but i'm really trying to grow my writing skills so we'll see how it goes. let me know if you want to be tagged, updated coming soon :)

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3 years ago
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╰┈➤ Lesbian Pompompurin, Gay Chococat, Bisexual Kuromi, Pansexual Hello Kitty, Transgender Cinnamoroll, Nonbinary Badtz-Maru

like/reblog if you use!

9 months ago

EXACTLY!!!! i absolutely love how you said this

nah since marvel is trending again I’m going to say it again louder for the people in back — canon steve rogers would never have chosen an “idyllic 1950s white pickett fence life” because the only place that man belonged was a picket LINE. the whole point of his character was that his work was never done. there was always going to be another oppressor, another bully, another person who takes advantage of the underprivileged for him to stand up to. from the moment he gained consciousness he, a chronically ill son of a working class mother living below the poverty line, used his voice and his body to protect & fight for what he believed in. I’m not sure there was ever a time pre-super soldier serum where he didn’t have a black eye. he could put the shield down all he wanted but he could never retire from being steve rogers — someone who never once turned a blind eye, who never once wanted a “reward” for his work, who never once abandoned his friends. this isn’t up for debate. this is almost a century of comic book & film/animated precedent. he may have been a man out of time, but in his words “it’s tempting to want to live in the past. it’s familiar, it’s comfortable. but it’s where fossils come from”

2 years ago

LOVE LOVE LOVE IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2!!!!

➶ ambivalent — series ; chapter i

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

➴ neteyam x human!reader — “we are mated for life”

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” - Abraham Maslow

synopsis: neteyam doesn’t know what’s worse. possibly having you as a mate or being in an arranged mating with a feisty woman that’s already laid claim to him. he finds a little irony in the fact that he never planned on taking a mate at all, but now he’s got two. he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place, unsure of where to go from here but secretly finds a bit of solace with you.

genre: slowburn, hurt/comfort, enemies to lovers, 18+

tags/warnings: some sexual themes, this is a little more angsty this time, neteyam is going through it in this chapter so beware of a (lot) little horniness but also him dealing with his conflicting emotions as usual, slight kanu appearance (he’s as flirty as ever but will come off a tad bit distant – for good reason), some touchy ‘teyam, neytiri losing her shit (insert jake, the mediator) and the “only one bed” trope (its so cute until neteyam starts thinking a little too much about it and gets a little…excited)

word count: 21k (trust me, it’ll go by quicker than you think lol)

↳ notes: it feels like i haven’t posted in a month when in reality, it’s only been a few days 🤦🏽‍♀️ i swear, sometimes my perception of time is so off it’s not even funny but anywho! finally giving you all the first chapter, which is so exciting bc this is going to set the stage for the chapters to come ! there will be lots of questions, old and new, and i hope to answer most of them in the next two chapters so bare with me ;)) i have pretty much set myself up for a chapter a week, and since they’ll be fairly long, it should hold you guys until the next update. some won’t be as long as 20k+ but just know that i was insanely excited to get this out and made sure to include everything necessary to officially start the story so happy reading!<3

↳ need to know info: i’ve decided to change the na’vi speaking to where it will only be in italics when they are speaking it around her, otherwise it’ll be presented in normal text. they will also be speaking in na’vi throughout the entire story unless said otherwise, which will be made very obvious, dw hehe

↳ p.s. proofread by me, so pretend you don’t see any grammatical errors or anything shsj

ꕥ okok, enjoy n pls like/reblog! it is much, much appreciated, ty ꕥ

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

previous chapter ➳ series masterlist ➳ next chapter

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

“Again.”

The young warrior closed his eyes to gather himself before exhaling a breath. How long had he been at this again? Since dawn? No, he’d had breakfast. He was sure of it. Maybe it was sometime early in the afternoon that he was pulled off to the training grounds to practice. It felt like he’d been practicing for ages. 

Sunlight could only be blocked out by the trees for so long until it was forced to break through the dense branches and leaves, throwing shadows across his damp skin appearing drenched with sweat. He longed for a well deserved break, but neither he nor his father would allow it. He had to shoot a perfect shot or he wasn’t going anywhere.

When the air was thick enough with tension and determination, he reached back and grabbed another arrow from the quiver against his back. Once the arrow was fitted to the string, he rested the shaft against the bow, and took in a slow breath.

“That’s it. Slow, and steady,” he heard his father say a few feet away.

The warrior visualized his intended target, a big tree just a few yards away. He’d done this numerous times. 

Despite being among the finest of the bunch, he had some anxiety that he may miss. The fact that people were looking at him might have played a role. He was expected to perform at his absolute best because Neteyam didn’t miss. Ever. He was perfect with a bow. A perfect leader in the making. His father had likely said this to comfort him as he had just missed a shot, owing the mishap to anxiety, but it didn’t work. He was furious with himself. He felt angry because he was better than this. Much better. In fact, perfection didn’t exist until he was born. Up until he gave it breath and birthed it from his bare hands. All of his hard work earned him that. Except, for some reason, he couldn’t get himself to focus when he needed to the most. Because of how irresponsible he had been earlier, his mind was wayward. He was obviously still angry with himself for not paying attention earlier, which led to him squandering his shot. 

He frowned, staring down the mark his first arrowhead made in the tree. It chipped the side, nowhere close to the middle where he’d aimed for. There was no more room for error. He had to get this right. 

He had to.

“Anytime you’re ready, son.”

Neteyam was determined to show his dad that he could do this. That he could become olo’eyktan someday, and protect the people just as successfully as his dad had back when he’d gone to war with the sky people. He had the potential; he knew it. He couldn’t let his old man down. 

He drew in another long breath, then held it as he steadied his hand, pinpointing exactly where he wanted to shoot.

This time he wasn’t going to miss.

He pulled back the string while oblivious to the sharp pain that shot through his raw fingertips, and when he was thoroughly confident, he let the arrow fly. It cut through the air and curved with the breeze. He watched it and waited while remaining as motionless and as stiff as a statue. 

It’s perfect, he told himself, It’ll make it.

He inhaled just before it thwacked into the tree, right in the center of it. The bow dropped carelessly to the ground as he knelt forward to rest his hands against his knees, struggling to get his breathing back under control. It seemed as though his body had released all the tension it had been holding. He felt like the weight of the world had dropped down onto his shoulders. 

He kept his eyes locked on the dirt beneath his feet while everyone around him hooted and celebrated at the winning shot. He appeared unaffected on the surface, but inside he was jubilant. It was because of him. A center-of-the-frame shot; a flawless execution. Given how exhausted he felt, he nearly couldn't believe it, but it was perfect. He was perfect.

He rose back up to see his father approach, standing in front of him with a proud smile on his face. Before droplets of sweat had a chance to blur his vision, he quickly wiped it away with a single swipe of his arm.

Jake nodded, placing a warm hand on his son’s shoulder, “You did good, boy. I’m proud of you.”

Neteyam wanted to cry, as embarrassing as that would have been, but he knew his friends would laugh in his face and he wouldn’t have been able to handle the embarrassment so he trained his features into a blank expression instead. He gave his dad a firm nod, feeling safer with that response. 

“Go on and get cleaned up. Dinner will be ready soon,” and walked away to no doubt spend the rest of the evening with his mother and his other siblings.

His friends didn’t waste time circling around him, patting his back while praising him for his hard work. He couldn’t keep his face from stretching out into a tiny smirk this time.

It felt good being the perfect son. 

However, that feeling didn’t last as long as he thought it would have.

When he reached his early 20s, he understood that there was a lot more to leadership than he had previously thought. Not everything was centered around working and improving one’s abilities.

His mother pushed him about taking some time to find a mate on more than a few occasions. She told him that time was passing and that he wasn't getting any younger. Before she grew too old to watch her grandchildren grow and pass on the lessons she had learned as a child, she wanted to see him happy and with someone. She also hoped to see grandchildren soon, but she didn't appear to comprehend what it was he actually wanted. The last thing he wanted right now was a mate. He was actually fairly certain that it wasn't even on his list of things to do. He wasn’t in any sort of rush, and wished she understood that.

In that respect, he was very similar to his uncle, Tsu'tey. Years after Tsu’tey let his mother move on with his dad, he—who wasn't really his uncle but whom his dad had named as such years earlier—took a mate. She had a softer side to her that occasionally could defrost Tsu'tey's icy cold exterior, even though he was still reluctant to show her physical affection outside of the comforts of their hut. Despite this, the two were a good match.

Neteyam liked to believe that he was very similar to Tsu’tey, in fact. That his sole purpose wasn’t to settle down and find a mate, but instead, focus on his duties and become a great leader to the people. Eventually, he would set his sights on picking the perfect mate, but for now, he preferred to work hard and train to take his dad’s place as olo’eyktan.

Overtime, he learned that his father’s shoes were hard to fill. 

Neteyam knew he had a lot more to live up to in order to get his dad’s blessing as a true leader, but his mother already considered him one; which was one of the reasons she used to try and convince him to start opening his eyes to the potential mates within the village. He had to admit, if he were looking for a mate right now, there was no shortage of prospective women to choose from. Most had made their affections towards him abundantly clear ages ago. However, if he were going based on fertility, beauty and skills in the basics of weaving and healing, the decision would’ve been made a long time ago. If not just for his mother’s satisfaction, there had to be more than that to a potential mate in order to catch his eye. 

He wasn’t just attracted to beauty and what a woman was taught from birth. More than anything, he wanted someone that could protect herself. Prove that she could be soft and motherly while also having the skills and attributes of a warrior, like him. The idea of mating with someone that had no clue how to defend herself, that only knew how to be fragile and weak — he felt that there was no point in even looking. None of the women in the village exuded the sort of warrior-esque that he was looking for; if he were looking, that is. Therefore, he chose to prioritize his duties above all else. 

“Son, it is nice to see you once in a while but I wish it weren’t always under these circumstances,” Neytiri commented followed by a grieving huff as she rounded Neteyam to reach for the damp cloth that sat in a small, wooden bowl filled with water. She squeezed out the majority of the water, and began patting at the open wound, ear flicking back at his hiss from the sharp pain. She sighed, “You know, you are very lucky that I didn’t need to tend to your father this time. He came out of the hunting trip unscathed, unlike you,” his ears flattened at that, “Although, you’d always have someone waiting for you to come back from your hunting parties to patch you up if you would just start looking for a mat-”

“Mother, please,” his head turned to the side, eyebrows furrowed.

Neytiri hummed, feeling a tug at the corner of her lips, “So stubborn,” she finished up cleaning the wound and began to coat it with a special healing salve that would close it up within a few days or less. “I think a mate would do you some good. Would keep you at home sometimes with your family, your people. Always gone, always training or hunting. My son,” once done with that, she placed her hands on his firm shoulders, and tucked her chin into the crook of his neck, “It is almost as if you are running from obligations to yourself.”

Neteyam sat cross-legged in front of the small fire, staring at the curling flames in thought. Running. If only he was able to truly do such a thing. If only he didn’t have so much honor for his parents, he would’ve ran away a long time ago. He didn’t feel as though he was able to be himself. He never even knew what it was like to be a kid back then. 

There had always been so much pressure on his shoulders. Right from the moment that he was able to hold a bow properly, he stood in the training field, day in and day out, learning how to shoot. Tsu’tey and his father never gave him time to breathe. To just be a kid, and to run around and play with the other kids. No. He’d had ‘future olo’eyktan’ etched onto his back the moment that he was born. He couldn't escape that, so he made it the center of his world. Instead of viewing his fate as something to fear, he made himself see it as a blessing. Lately, he began to wonder if he’d done the right thing. 

He still wasn’t sure.

He could feel himself growing antsy by the minute. Deciding that it was late and that he needed to get some rest, he began to lift himself to his feet. Neytiri followed him with a disheartened gaze, wondering if her son was ever going to let himself be happy for once. From a mother’s point of view, she only wanted the best for him. For all of her children. She wanted them to experience all of the happy and beautiful things she had when she was as young as them. Especially Neteyam, who was the one she was most worried about. 

Lo’ak, her youngest son, was someone she never liked to bring up. He was mated to a human woman. He’d left the village and the clan entirely when he knew that their bond was never going to be accepted. It was painful for her to part ways with her son knowing that he was hurt by his family’s views of his choice of a mate, but it couldn’t have been helped. His mate didn’t feel welcomed, and he wasn’t going to subject his children to such a life so he fled. Found homage elsewhere, and never came back.

Kiri had even found someone that she became interested in, but things were still at a flirty stage. Not that Neytiri minded. Kiri had always taken her time with these sorts of things, but Neteyam… He wasn’t showing any of the women in the village interest. Not even a spare glance or two. He fought with her every time she brought the subject up. He seemed to like being alone and to a point, she could understand that but the beauty of loving someone, having a strong connection with them and bonding with them through tsaheylu — it was unlike any other feeling in the world. She wanted him to experience that, but perhaps he had his own pace set.

Only time would tell. 

She decided to believe in eywa’s will and guidance for her son for a period longer, and stood up as well. Neteyam brushed a few slippery strands of hair back over his shoulder before he gazed down at his mother. Just a few years ago, he was shorter than her. He was at her shoulders back then but now, he’d risen well past her head and could look down at her. It only made him recognize how much time had flown by within the last few years since they’d come back to the forest. He understood her worries, but he wished she would see things from his perspective. He wanted to find the perfect mate, and knew that she was out there somewhere. If she could give eywa a little more time to present him with that person, then she’d see for herself. She’d finally understand what all of the wait was about. Until then, he would continue to dodge her questions and wait himself.

Neytiri smiled as she coiled a finger around one of his loose curls, “You should wear your hair down like this more often. It suits you.”

“Hm,” He didn’t normally wear his hair unbraided, but after coming back from hunting, it needed washing. Most of the time, he made clean kills. He wasn’t messy, and never hardly expelled much energy. However, tonight’s kill was a bit more difficult than what he was commonly met with. Or rather, the kill was tough this time because his mind had been elsewhere…

Either way, it wouldn’t have made sense to leave it in braids so he took the time to unravel each one, and spent delicate time ridding it of the blood and dirt that had gotten into it. Now, he was letting it dry but that was half of an excuse since he didn’t have the energy to braid it back into the same style he’d had it in. “It wouldn’t be suitable for hunting or battle.”

“Well it is a good thing you don’t have to hunt again for a while, and we are not in battle now are we?” She quipped, causing his tail to sharply swish to the side at that. “My sweet boy,” she pulled him into her arms, rubbing down the line of his back, “Do you know how proud I am of you? Your father talks to me all the time about how well you are doing in your training. You are already the warrior that you wish to be. You will be a great olo’eyktan someday, but you are much too hard on yourself. You must commend yourself for all of your hard work so far.”

He knew that. Of course he knew. He was his own worst critic, and he couldn’t help it. He’d learned most of his stubbornness and prideful nature from his father. Everything that he did, it couldn’t be less than perfect. It had to be done right or else he wasn’t satisfied. 

Taking breaks might have been beneficial. He put in a lot of effort simply for himself. His parents respected him, as did those in the village and even those on the other side of the ocean. He had already established himself as a leader, but for some reason he didn't feel prepared. Not in the way everyone else felt he was. 

“I know,” he muttered, and wrapped his arms around her, “I know.”

Neytiri hissed, and pulled her son back to smack his arm, “If you are aware of this, then do you not think that you should stop being so hard on yourself?”

Neteyam’s lips pulled down, “I don’t think I’m that hard on myself…”

She openly stared at him silently for a moment before she shook her head, placing her hands on her hips, “Ah, I give up. You’re free to go,” he almost smiled to himself as he turned around to head back to the entrance of the hut, “Remember to sleep on your stomach for a few days until the wound heals, yes? No sleeping on your back or you will slow the healing.” When she patted his back close to the wound, he jumped, tail straight up. The look he gave her was almost comical, causing her to stifle back a laugh, “Sorry.”

His ears twitched, almost wishing that he hadn’t gone to his mother to get his wound looked at. 

When he stepped outside into the cool, night air, he was welcomed to the smell of food. It seemed that his kill had finally been skinned and cooked, but he didn’t feel very hungry. He was typically one of the first ones to get a bite, but all he wanted to do was climb up to his treehouse and sleep for at least ten hours. He knew that if his mother caught him skipping dinner, she’d force feed him claiming that, “growing boys need to eat,” but his argument was that he was done growing and needed the sleep more. He smiled. What she didn’t know couldn’t hurt her.

So, as sneakily as possible, he tip-toed to where his home in the trees were, and climbed up. With each step, he could feel the tension in his muscles attempt to seize up. How his bones ached for a moment of reprieve from the constant exertion of moving about the entire day. 

The treehouse wasn’t that far from the village. When he had decided to move out of his parent’s hut a few years ago, he wanted to live in something that was closer to the trees. Something that felt a little more like home to him. Something that reminded him of hometree, a place he never got to see nor live but heard so much about from his parents. Especially his father. His mother grew up there, along with her family for generations, but his father raved on and on about how inventive the system of hometree was. How there’d been a place for the entire village within the tree itself. From the sound of it, it worked the best and he knew from then on that since hometree no longer existed, he’d make the most out of what he had and built something of a similar concept. His father helped him whenever he was able to, so it turned out great. Neteyam was quite satisfied, and always loved coming home now.

Once he made it inside, he didn’t waste any time setting his bow into its usual corner and began to peel off his protective wear. Once he was settled for bed, he cozied up in his very well made bed that was just multiple pieces of large fur on the floor. He preferred the fur over a hammock because it was the most comfortable. It was also warmer. 

Before he laid down, he pushed his hair out to the side and sighed. A simple long braid would’ve fixed his current annoyance, but he couldn’t even do that. He was so tired, too desperate to rest his eyes and his body. Fortunately, sleep didn’t take but a few quiet moments to loom over him, sinking him into a deep slumber that quieted the peaceful whistle in the wind and the singing of the wildlife that surrounded him.

The start to his morning was a bit of a blur.

Neteyam felt that he had a fairly good memory. He remembered how manageable Tuk had been when she was younger. How playful and hyper she was, bouncing off the walls and skipping with every step. A curious little thing that sometimes got into things that she shouldn’t have. Ultimately, she was just being a kid but he never thought he’d miss that version of her compared to who was standing in front of him now. If only he could turn back time.

He sighed, tempted to run a hand over his face for the fifth time in a row, “Tuk, listen. You cannot walk around without something to cover yourself wit—“

“It’s Tuktirey. Not Tuk,” One of Neteyam’s eyes almost twitched. Almost. “M’not a little kid anymore, and why not?” She countered, arms folded to cover her naked chest; not to give herself some coverage but more in a teenage-rebellion kind of way. Her brows were even pulled down in an angry frown, “You do it all the time so, why can’t I?”

He’d tried his hand at explaining the concept to her every time she got like this but she refused to hear it, saying that it never made sense. Again and again, she would argue him down by saying that girls could do whatever boys could do. Which he was all for because she was right. There had never quite been a stigma against things like that, but when it came to clothing, there had to be a line drawn somewhere. She couldn’t prance around with nothing to cover herself with like she’d been able to do plenty of times as a child. She was 13 now; a teenager with a figure coming in so she had to be a bit more modest, in a sense. He started to wonder if she’d been spending too much time with Kiri, the self proclaimed women’s activist, lately. Kiri learned the term from Norm who was nice enough to even expand on the meaning which Neteyam didn’t see as a problem until she took it too far. Dare he say she could get a little annoying with it from time to time.

Seemed like Tuk was well on her way to doing his head in about it too.

Neteyam tilted his head back to stare at the tip of the hut, wondering how he was going to successfully dress his younger sister at this rate, “Eywa, I need your guidance. Please send me a sign. Help, of any kind. I’ll take it, just please.”

And so his prayers to Eywa had been answered. Quickly, too. The flap of the hut flipped up, startling him in the process.

“Hey, is Tuk ready ye—wha, why is she still naked?” Kiri asked him as she waltzed in without announcing herself. Seeing the predicament that her older brother was in, she couldn’t hold back a teasing half smile, crossing her arms, “Ah, I see. She’s not listening to you, is she? Should’ve seen this coming.”

Ah. So Eywa indeed had it out for him then. Perhaps she was upset because he’d skipped out on dinner last night without his mother knowing. Or was it more about defying everyone, and throwing himself into his duties rather than putting some of that energy towards finding a mate? He couldn’t really decide on which one Eywa had more over his head, but either way — he was dealt with a pretty shitty hand.

When he asked for help, he didn’t mean the help of his other sister who could be just as smart mouthed as Tuk. Now he had to deal with double the trouble. He couldn’t have thought of a more fun way to spend his morning. Truly.

Yet, Neteyam prided himself in being able to get himself out of situations such as these. He knew that if he acted fast enough, he could put all of this behind him and carry on with the rest of his morning. He was intent on having a good day, and that started with getting himself out of dressing Tuk. Easy. 

He stood to his feet, dropping his palms against the sides of his thighs, shrugging, “That's it. I give up.” If Eywa threw him a bone meant to be his saving grace then who was he to ignore it? He’d always been more of a gentleman anyway so of course he’d take it. He walked to Kiri’s side, sparing her a smirk. He rested a hand on her shoulder, and winked, “It’s your turn. Have fun.”

“Hey, no! Wait! Mom said she wanted you to—!”

He’d already left, and was out of sight leaving her to wrestle with their little sister. Again. It was never easy for Neteyam to dress Tuk. She should’ve known this time wasn’t going to be any different.

She looked at her younger sibling before she pouted, dropping her hands and walking over to her, “Alright, let’s get this over with.”

Tuk hissed at her, and Kiri mentally cursed her brother. She was definitely going to get him back for this.

Neteyam took a deep breath in, filling his lungs with the morning dewy air, pleased with the sounds of his sister struggling to get Tuk dressed for the day and walked on as if he’d wiped his hands clean of that situation and could get his own day started. He didn’t last long on his high horse though when he saw a tall figure heading his way. He almost groaned. It was so early. He’d just slinked away from his brotherly duties, now it was as if he was being punished. He was beginning to believe that Eywa had a sick sense of humor.

“Hey, brother!” Neteyam was met with an irritating slap to the back that was thankfully a few centimeters away from the wound that was still healing. He jolted up all the same. When he glared at his friend, he was almost blinded by the big, goofy grin on his face. What could he have possibly been so happy about? The sun was barely over the trees. Could Neteyam get at least five minutes to himself before he had to entertain the daily nonsense that went on in the village? Would seem not. “Got some good news, and thought of telling you all about it first. Got some time?”

Neteyam was strong, but the kind of strength it took to hold back a quick no was a show of great fortitude that he didn’t think he had in him. At least, not so early in the morning. In fact, it was so early, he was pretty sure the animals in the forest were still sound asleep. It was barely light out. He couldn’t stand it. Not when he was bothered, left and right. Mornings had always been reserved for him to take a little walk about, and think. His life didn’t always revolve around the village’s incessant penchant for neediness. He used mornings to go over the day’s list of things to do and even liked to slide in a bit of meditation if he had the spare time. He hadn’t done any of that yet. One of the first things he did was head to his parent’s hut to tend to Tuk. He’d just left that failed obligation, and was trying to think of what he needed to do next. Plans were put on hold again.

Luckily for everyone that loved bothering him, he was used to it.

“Yeah, sure,” he said with a forced smile that came off a lot more convincing than he expected it to, “What is it?”

Kanu. He became Neteyam’s closest friend when Lo’ak was forced to leave the village with his mate a few years ago. It was hard for Neteyam when he came back and had no one to confide in, but once he delved into training to be the next olo’eyktan, he met Kanu. Eldest son to Tsu’tey, which forced him to live a similar childhood to Neteyam due to the pressures of being the eldest sons of highly respected men of the clan. 

Neteyam was taller, but Kanu was older than him. Even so, it still made Neteyam feel like an older brother again. How he needed to watch over him, and guide him in the right direction, always. It was like Lo’ak never left. Neteyam would’ve never realized that piece of him was missing if Kanu wasn’t there. He’d always been there, but Neteyam overlooked him when they were younger. His hands were full with his little brother and other younger siblings at the time so he never paid much attention to him. Still, he was there. Neteyam found it ironic that he was still there when he and his family came back. Kanu was just as receptive to seeing him again as he had been when they were kids. It would’ve been just as heartwarming now if he wasn’t always so bothersome. 

“Okay so,” Kanu started walking so Neteyam trailed next to him, thinking about all of the things that he could be getting done if he wasn’t being forced to listen to something he didn’t give half of a rat’s ass about, “There’s this girl—”

“Hold on,” Neteyam cut his thoughts short and stopped him there, pausing in the middle of the village and in the conversation, “You interrupted my peaceful morning routine to talk about a girl?”

Kanu’s eyes darted left of him then back, nervously. Neteyam could tell he was nervous by the ear twitches and his tail swinging back and forth. He almost sighed. He’d never know true peace at this rate. 

“Uh…yeah?” Neteyam gave him a dead look before he turned right on his heel, and started to walk the other way. “Wait!” Kanu caught up to him, laughing, “Does talking about women really bore you that much?”

“Yes. To death, in fact.”

Kanu blinked for a moment, maneuvering his body to the side to pass by someone, catching up to his friend once again, “You can’t be serious. You used to be so into it when we were kids.”

Neteyam looked at him funny, brow raised, “Emphasis on ‘used to’. We are not kids anymore.” He shifted his gaze forward, hellbound on heading to the training grounds as he saw no opportunity to spend the rest of his morning doing the things that he wanted to do. Might as well get a head start on his training for the day. “Some of us have to focus on more mature things rather than women 24/7.”

Kanu’s face twisted up in an unappreciative frown, “I don’t talk about them 24/7. I probably like them more than you do, but that doesn’t mean I’m always talking about them. I talk about other things all the time.”

“Like?” Neteyam sent him a look, genuinely curious because again, he had an excellent memory and knew that Kanu was infamous for constantly bringing up some new girl he started to like. 

“Uh…”

Neteyam rolled his eyes, “Exactly.”

Kanu groaned next to him, “Brother, understand! Women are one of the more greater pleasures of living,” he shook his head in disbelief, “I don’t know how you resist the temptation. I mean, I don’t always go to them. They sometimes come to me. It’s almost as if they’re drawn, you know? Really, it’s a phenomenon,” he smirked to himself, chin high in the air, “but who am I turn them away when—”

Neteyam stopped walking for the second time, and pressed a finger into his friend’s chest, teeth clenched, “And that is exactly why uncle is so hard on you now. He expects you to focus on your training, and what are you always doing?” Kanu visibly swallowed, face blank, “Talking, and not just talking but talking about girls. You are a year older than I am. It is time you grew up, and started thinking about your future and what you actually want to do. If you still want to be a warrior, you cannot be one who constantly salivates at the sight of someone with three fingers and a pulse instead of training to get better. Don’t you get it? Uncle is counting on you, and so is my father.” Kanu stayed silent, hands opening and closing by his sides, finding the sudden shift in the conversation uncomfortable, “Yeah. Remember him? The olo’eyktan? The one who has appointed you as my soon to be right-hand? Or did you forget while you were chasing after girls for the five years you could’ve spent honing your craft?”

Neteyam stared back, feeling his blood boil. Even though they shared a similar past, growing up with like-minded fathers and all, Kanu always had it just a little bit easier than he did. Never took things seriously, and lived above his duties like he could meet perfection at the door without the hard work of crawling his way there. He spent more time lazing about in the village than on the training grounds with a bow in his hand. He never even seemed interested in hand to hand combat or knife training. Always surrounded by girls, flirting and giving them false hope before moving on to the next. 

It angered Neteyam sometimes because that was all he did in his free time. Work. Train. Get better. Do better, and help out. Some days, he ran around the village offering aid to those that needed it. Whether that was carrying logs back to some old woman’s hut or giving lessons to the younger warriors that were anxious enough to learn. There wasn’t a single second he didn’t spend doing something. That couldn’t be said about Kanu. He blew off his obligations, and maybe Neteyam could admit he was a tad bit jealous of him. Jealous that his father didn’t quite have as big of a stick up his ass like his own father. It felt unfair, and he was sick of being around someone that tended to unintentionally shove his privilege in his face all the time. 

It was exhausting, and it was about time he’d had enough of it.

Kanu could tell looking at his old friend that there was more to it than what was on the surface of his mind. 

He gently pushed Neteyam’s pointed finger away, and shook his head, “Your fight is not with me, brother.” Neteyam looked confused, like he wanted to say something but Kanu continued, “It is with yourself, but I say we should stop wasting time going and forth and just go train.” He then smirked before playfully boxing at his friend’s shoulder, “Let’s direct your anger towards something useful, yeah?”

Kanu was good at that. Diffusing tension by cracking a joke or two. As annoying as it was, it always seemed to work on him. 

With a deep sigh, Neteyam nodded. He needed to take his mind off of a lot of things, and what better way to do that than beat his best friend in an innocent game of friendly fire? Good thing he was an expert with a bow. Well, maybe not so good for Kanu. He was more of a runner. Made for good target practice though. 

Suddenly, he smirked. He couldn’t wait.

Kanu frowned at the disturbing look on Neteyam’s face, watching him walk past him towards the training grounds again. He visibly shivered. He could feel it. This wasn’t going to be good for him but at least he had a good chance at surviving whatever hellish game Neteyam was up to. He was fast, and could handle whatever he threw at him. 

Literally.

He just hoped the guy would have the decency to miss his face. He had a date later tonight, and didn’t want to run her off before he got the chance to put some moves on her. 

Neteyam glanced back at him, a brow raised in expectancy, “Are you coming?”

Kanu jumped at the sound of his voice, and squeaked out a quick, “Yep, coming!” before he jogged forward to catch up to him. He shook his head, mumbling a prayer to himself, “Please let me walk away with my head still intact. Please, oh great mother.”

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

Click.

Scribble. Scribble. Scribble.

Click. 

Scribble. Scribble.

Click. Click. Click.

Scribble. Pause.

You inhaled, and stopped writing. Annoyed that you were interrupted by the constant camera flashes, you side eyed the young boy that stood in front of a tall tree. He had one eye open, looking through his camera lens as he watched a pack of prolemuris swing from branch to branch. He smiled to himself. They were such outstanding creatures. Weren’t aggressive, but curious little things. Perhaps he could get another shot or tw–

“Theo, don’t you think you’ve taken enough pictures?” You sighed, shutting your journal, disappointed that your thought process was no longer there. For the past ten minutes, you fought to focus on what you were writing about, but ultimately lost the battle due to the distraction. You needed peace and quiet, and were getting the exact opposite. “Jesus, you’ve taken at least 200 shots by now and we haven’t even moved from this area yet. Take a break, will ya’?”

“Yeah,” Theo tugged the camera down from his face with a sheepish smile, awkwardly hugging it as he looked around, “Sorry. It’s just,” his gaze glossed over the fauna and other animals in the nearby area unbothered by their presence, munching on the grass. “This place. It’s…magical. Feel like if I don’t capture it all, then I’ll forget it someday.” You sent him a strange look. He coughed, “You know, get Alzheimer’s or something?”

“Mhm,” You grunted as you stood to your feet, almost wishing that you had come out alone instead. Maybe you would have been able to finish your journal entry by now. “Yeah. Know what you mean. Let’s just head back to the lab then, yeah?” You patted his shoulder but didn’t wait for a response when you began to step through the tall grass and wide leaves that surrounded the both of you. “Plus, we have some distance to cover. I don’t want to be stuck out here close to dark, so come on.”

Theo looked around him once more, thinking about being stranded out in the forest at night. He shivered. The mere thought of it was something out of his nightmares. 

He quickly stepped forward, foot almost getting caught on a tree root, “Yes, ma’am!” and caught up to you.

Pandora was a beautiful planet. Home to some of the most extraordinary animals and plants you’d ever seen. It was sad that Earth was nothing like Pandora. It became overpopulated, and was dying from the amount of chemicals released into the air due to the overproduction of extremely harmful products. Mass production had always been an issue back on earth, but with overpopulation on the rise — it became a bigger problem than before. There was no other solution than to leave, and find another start elsewhere. 

Full of life and vibrancy. Everywhere you turned, you were greeted with some sort of living, breathing thing. The entire forest was alive. 

Theo was right. Pandora was magical, and there were still parts of it that you hadn’t seen just yet. 

You longed to travel around, and see what was outside of the forest. Wondered if there were any sea animals and what they were like. Different environments, different plants, different everything. Your mind buzzed with the endless possibilities, not paying attention to your harebrained partner.

Theo stumbled behind you, eyes on everything around him. He was mesmerized by life on Pandora, and wanted to capture it all with his little digital camera. He took a few shots of some wild plants then another couple of a low hanging tree with some sort of fruit growing from it. 

“Cool,” he breathed, and walked closer to get a better look at it. 

Just then, a yerik came stepping out of the bushes just a few yards in front of him, where he was headed. He stopped in his tracks, and instantly crouched down behind some thick leaves. He held his breath, and paid no mind to you walking further and further away. He needed to get a picture. He just had to.

A few insects started to circle you, buzzing in annoyance. “Ugh,” you swatted at them, stepping over a puddle of mud, “Theo, we really need to pick up the pace. Bugs like this only start coming out when it gets late so let’s try and find a detour and…” once you realized that you weren’t hearing footsteps behind you, you turned around and your mouth dropped. “Theo?” Your heart pounded in your chest. Had something happened to him? Where did he go? He was just behind you. 

“Theo!”

He heard something in the distance and looked at the direction but was brought back when he noticed the yerik moving further away. He cursed under his breath, and shifted his pack back over his shoulder. A little closer. He just needed to get a little closer, and get one good shot. He figured you couldn’t have gotten too far away. He’d catch up to you. He wasn’t worried in the slightest.

“Fuck,” you trudged back the way you came, dodging the low wide leaves in your way with a grunt, “Knew he shouldn’t have come. I fucking knew it,” you muttered to yourself.

As annoying as your partner could be sometimes, you couldn’t live without him. He was around five years younger than you, and clung to you like a little brother. Naturally, you felt a bit protective over him and didn’t want to see anything bad happen to him. 

Norm thought it would’ve been a good idea for him to come out and take some pictures. Moping about the lab was getting a little depressing. It was bothering everyone so it was mutually and collectively agreed upon that he went out with you for just a few hours, then came back. 

However, you started to regret letting him tag along. If something horrible happened to him, you would only blame yourself. Meant to keep eyes on him at all times, yet failing at something so simple as that. It was your fault. You were the reason he was lost.

“Theo!” You tried to call out for him again, but was met with the same silence. 

Even though you were able to retrace your steps, he was nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, you weren’t taught how to track so you didn’t have the first clue how to find him. Before leaving the outpost, you’d foolishly told Theo to leave the wristband comms behind, saying that the two of you wouldn’t be gone long enough to need them. While out in the forest, Theo could get easily sidetracked so they would’ve been useful.

You cursed under your breath. Unfortunately, you couldn’t spend that much time looking for him. You had to find your own way back and hope he would do the same. It was going to get dark in a few hours. Even though the forest was illuminated by its natural bioluminescence at night, it was still best you started heading back. Theo wasn’t incompetent. He knew how to defend himself, and unfortunately he had the pack with the weapons in them. Just two combat knives and some other miscellaneous defensive weapons. Still, you had none. You were in more danger than he was.

“Great,” Your head sharply turned at a faint sound to your right, watching a pack of birds fly up to the sky. Relieved that it wasn’t some predator watching you from the shadows, you released a sigh, feeling a bead of sweat roll down the side of your face, “Just great.”

If you made it back in one piece, you had half a mind to promise yourself to never go back out into the forest again.

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

Neteyam considered himself an expert in the art of forgiveness.

“Stop, I didn’t mean to!” Kanu shouted at the top of his lungs as he ran as fast as his long legs would carry him, “It was a mistake, brother! A mistake!” When he looked back to lock eyes with Neteyam, catching a fiery look that he was all too familiar with, he couldn’t help but belt out a laugh, tossing his head back, “For Eywa’s sake, give me a break!”

However, whenever it came to Kanu and his repeated nonsense…he was not so forgiving.

It took a while but when Neteyam finally caught up to him, he grabbed him by the neck and forced him down to the ground, face first. Kanu grunted, feeling his friend hover over a pressure point.

“Run from me again, and see what happens,” Neteyam growled in his ear.

Kanu turned his head to the side where he could see Neteyam’s face, smirking, “Do not kid yourself, brother. Next time, you will not catch me.”

Neteyam raised a brow, “Oh, is that so?” He wrapped Kanu’s tail around his forearm and gripped it in his hand before he yanked it. Hard, “You sure are confident in yourself. Don’t provoke me.”

Kanu howled out, tapping the ground.

“Okay, okay! I won’t run, I understand! Please!”

“Hm,” Neteyam let him go and stood up, still looking down at him, “If you’re done playing games, I would like to go back to training.”

Kanu stood up, and dusted himself off the best that he could. Some stains were a little harder to get rid of, but he didn’t care all that much. It was what was in his mouth that he was more concerned about. He frowned, and spat out a few specs of dirt that got on his tongue. 

“Ugh,” he gagged, almost positive that he had swallowed some of it already.

Eager to get back to work, Neteyam walked away, going back over to his bow that he’d been forced to toss in order to chase his friend around. Kanu sighed, and placed his hands on his hips as he watched him.

“Hey, question.”

“I have an answer,” After retrieving his bow, he walked over to the tree next to it to pull an arrow out of the wood then moved on to do the same to the next.

“Does becoming olo’eyktan someday frighten you? Even just a little?”

Neteyam grunted once he pulled the final arrow out of a tree. He stood in front of it, pondering on the question. 

Becoming olo’eyktan was one of the most important roles of the na’vi. One of the greatest opportunities as the first born son of a clan leader. 

For as long as Neteyam could remember, he’d always wanted to become a leader someday. Had dreamt many nights of leading his people into boundless prosperity, keeping the peace within all of the existing clans. Being remembered as one of the greatest omiticayan leaders ever known. As soon as he began to realize the work that had to go into being fully prepared to take on such a role — his aspirations for his future started to waver with uncertainty. It wasn’t just the work but what would come with being a leader that he didn’t foresee. 

That was taking on a mate.

He couldn’t be a leader without having someone to help him lead by his side. Where he thought he could do it all alone as he had since he was young was nothing but hopeful wishing. Mostly to be able to produce an heir just in case something tragic happened to him. It wasn’t ever forced, but it was recommended. 

Being the olo’eyktan’s oldest and most proudest son didn’t mean he held the privilege to take over his father’s leadership without a mate. It was unavoidable. He had to do it, and soon. So his mother told him.

Neteyam blinked, and turned around to face Kanu with a blank expression, “No. It doesn’t frighten me. Why would it? I look forward to the day that I can finally lead our people and take on the perfect mate to lead by my side. How can one not be thrilled by such an opportunity?”

“That’s a lie,” Kanu said, frowning.

Neteyam narrowed his eyes at him, “A lie? What reason would I have to lie? You know that I want to be a leader for our peopl—”

“True, but you cannot say you are thrilled to be tied down to someone you may not love.”

The rumors were just rumors…or so Neteyam had assumed anyway. 

His mother was adamant on making sure he found a mate before he became olo’eyktan. A good way to ensure his place as the clan’s leader was arranging him a mate. It sounded outrageous and utterly unnecessary to him because he believed that she would never do that to him. She wouldn’t condemn him to someone he didn’t know, and would be expected to love. She was his mother. She always expressed how she wanted the best for him. Damning him to a woman he’d never met…it didn’t sound like her. He refused to believe it.

Neteyam snorted, a smirk playing at his lips, “It’s just like you to believe every rumor that you hear.”

Kanu shook his head, “and it is just like you to pretend to not see what is so clearly in front of you.”

Neteyam walked up to him, getting in his face, “Yeah you would like that, wouldn’t you?” Kanu swallowed, looking him in the eye, “And what would be your role in all of this, hm? Surely you wouldn’t just be some innocent bystander. No… Of course not,” he gave a breathless chuckle, jaw clenched, “I wonder… I wonder how you would aid my mother in determining my fate and ruining my life because rest assured,” he took a step back before he turned around, scoffing, “It would destroy me.”

Kanu’s ears flattened at that. He was right. Mating with someone you didn’t love… It was a fate worse than death itself. To live a life being with someone with no connection to them, starting a family and growing old with that person— Kanu couldn’t imagine a life like that for himself, but maybe that was what differed between him and Neteyam. Kanu had it a lot easier compared to him. He didn’t have to worry about his parents shoving him into an arranged mating. He was privileged, in that aspect. He could see that clearly now.

“Brother,” Kanu took an apprehensive step forward, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, looking at him, “Forgive me. Understand that the last thing I want to see is you living a life that you are unhappy with. I do not wish for an arranged mating. I want you to be happy.”

Neteyam arched his brow as he peered up at his friend. There was a sorrowful look on his face. It made Neteyam laugh.

“Don’t worry, I believe you,” he bumped into his shoulder before dropping the arrows in his hand, save for one, back into his quiver, “Now, are you ready to get back to training or should I leave you to let you go and pick a tree to cry behind?”

When Kanu locked eyes with him, he growled at the teasing smile on his face. Kanu smirked, cocking his head to the side, “Hope you’re ready this time because I won’t go easy.”

Neteyam drew an arrow against the string of his bow, aimed at him, “Neither will I,” and let the arrowhead pierce through the wind.

By lunch time, Neteyam was burnt out from training. 

Deciding to take a break for now, Kanu left to go and do whatever it was Kanu did when he didn’t have anything to do while Neteyam headed back into the village to meet up with his father for his usual hunting lessons with him. 

Not that he needed the lessons anymore, but recently,  it’d been more about bonding with him than actually hunting. Helping him with catching supper for everyone while talking to him about things. Mostly about the past and the future. What it had been like for his father as the new olo’eyktan of the omaticaya clan back then, and what Neteyam could expect as his successor. There wasn’t much Jake could teach him now. It was more about letting him gain those experiences so that he could lead better when it came time for him to. 

Just as he was about to enter his parents hut, he stopped when he saw Kiri running up to him, Tuk in tow. He would’ve brushed her off, figuring that she was going to bother him with her usual drivel, but the look on her face got his attention. She looked like she’d seen a ghost or worse, a thanator.

With furrowed brows, he touched her arm, “Hey, what's the matter?”

For the first time since he could remember, she was silent. He could see the hesitation in her eyes as clear as day. She knew something or maybe she’d seen something. Either way, it had to have been terrible enough to keep her from blurting it out loud.

“Mom…she–” her lashes fluttered as her eyes fell to the ground below her, taking in a breath, “She invited some woman here, to our village,” looking back at him, she bit into her lip, “Mom said she’s going to be your mate, ‘teyam. I think this is the arranged mating I heard about, but I never thought she would actually go through with it.”

His arm fell back to his side. He stared at his sister, blood running cold.

So it was true, then. 

He was expected to be with someone he didn’t know.

To love her, mate with her.

Sentence the rest of his days to someone he wouldn’t even have a connection with. 

His fists balled up. He wasn’t going to allow this to happen. He loved and respected his mother, but he couldn’t let her dictate his life. He could make his own decisions, and this was one he was not going to let her control.

“Where are they?” He asked his sister and when she told him, he didn’t waste any time getting there.

Kiri could feel her brother’s anger, and hated that she couldn’t do a thing to help him. Arranged matings were rare. They became uncommon over the ages, and only used in certain situations. She didn’t see Neteyam as a situation. He just wanted to take his time. Become olo’eyktan, and then worry about something as minor as finding a mate later on in his life. It wasn’t nearly as serious as their mother was making it. 

The tsahik’s hut. 

Of course, Neteyam mentally seethed. Why go to him first? It wasn’t like he was supposed to meet the woman he was mated to be with for the rest of his life first, no. Course not. 

Livid, he roughly lifted the flap up and ducked inside, letting his sisters in as well. He saw them chattering around the fire, his mother sitting next to a woman he’d never seen before. A woman he was supposed to refer to as his mate now. What a load of bullshit. He’d die over several times before he’d let something like this happen to him.

When he cleared his throat, their voices died down. All eyes were on him, standing tall with a tick in his jaw. He felt like he could explode at any minute now.

“My son,” Neytiri breathed excitedly as she quickly got on her feet and walked towards him, “It is good you are here,” she smiled, pressing her hand against the middle of his back, missing the tension in his muscles, “You are just in time.”

He looked at her, his emotions bouncing all around the hut in a flurry, “In time. In time for what, mother? In time to ruin my life, is that it?”

“Oh…I…” She blinked, taken aback by his interrogative tone. She glanced at the new faces in the hut, slightly embarrassed by his reaction. “Are you upset about something? I don’t understand wh–”

“Why I’m angry?” Neteyam asked her, chest visibly rising and falling. He needed to calm down, but he couldn’t. There was a faint ringing in his ears that kept growing louder and louder by the minute. Her act of betrayal made him lose control. His entire life had been planned and dictated. All he asked was for this one thing to be his. His choice, and his alone. Ever the controlling, overprotective mother that she could be, took that away from him. That was all he had left. Why wouldn’t he be upset? “You just will not let me make my own choices. I told you that I would find a mate. Maybe not now, but later. Later when I’ve decided to settle down. Me. Not you.”

Neytiri’s ears fell in slight shame. She had planned on letting Eywa determine her son’s fate, but when she’d heard that a nearby clan leader was looking for a mate for his daughter, she thought about Neteyam. How he would end up getting consumed with his duties as the new clan leader, and forget all about starting a life of his own. A family of his own. She was only looking out for him. Did he not see that? Did he not see that she was trying to do a good thing for him? For his future? 

Jake watched the scene unfold until he couldn’t anymore, “Excuse me for a minute,” he told the clan leader before he got up, and walked over to his wife and son, “Hey.” Neytiri looked at him, but Neteyam didn’t. He hissed, and directed his gaze elsewhere, brows pulled in. Jake sighed, “Son, listen to me. Your mom’s got your best interest at heart. You know that. C’mon,” when he rested a hand on his son’s shoulder, Neteyam finally made eye contact. Jake smiled, “At least meet the girl. You might like her.”

To say that Jake approved of this arrangement would’ve been a bit far fetched. He didn’t approve, per say, he just saw no need to cause a scene over it. He found it incredibly rude for his son to walk in, and not even acknowledge the people that were there for him. To see, and meet him. His intended mate was elated to be formally introduced to him. Had heard all the stories, and knew they would be the perfect match. However, Neteyam barely even looked at her. One glance, and that was it. Jake could tell her spirits had been blown out like a candle now in the dark. It made him grimace. He felt a bit sorry for the girl, and wanted his son to be more welcoming despite how he felt about the situation. 

“Let’s sit,” Jake patted Neteyam’s shoulder, gesturing him to cross around the fire, “We should talk, and get to know one another.”

Neteyam mentally sighed. He didn’t believe that there was anything to talk about because he didn’t want to be in an arranged mating but he held too much respect for his parents. It was best to just sit and listen.

As he was about to sit down next to the clan leader, the man directed him to the spot next to his daughter. She glanced up at him and when their eyes met, she looked away, shifting in place. Neteyam sat next to her, tail curling by his side so as to not touch hers (or any part of her, for that matter). It felt a bit awkward, but he chose to ignore his surroundings and pretend he was elsewhere. 

Jake cleared his throat, gathering everyone’s attention, “This is my eldest son, Neteyam. Neteyam, this is Seynä Te Ayu Leyeyzo'ite. The chief’s youngest daughter and princess of the Ra’tecaya clan.”

Neteyam looked at the girl to his side, and pressed the tips of his fingers against his forehead, nodding, “Oel ngati kamie, Seynä te Ayu Leyeyzo’ite.”

She bloomed a tiny smile, repeating the same greeting, “Oel ngati kamie, Neteyam te Sulli Ts’yekitan. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

The Ash tribe were exceptionally different from him and his people. They lived in the mountains, far away from the chaos of the rest of the world. 

They were known for their strength in numbers, their well trained warriors and their strong leadership. Chief Tarang, one of the best clan leaders to ever live. He took great pride in many of their war achievements, having bested some of the strongest clans in history. As battle ready as the Ash tribe were, they were non-confrontational. Didn’t seek out war and destruction just because they were good at it. They valued peace and honor above all else. It was one of the reasons why Jake and Neytiri hoped Tarang’s daughter would take a liking to their son. A union between the omaticaya and the ra’tecaya clans would make them strong but also symbolize that two different clans could come together to form a good relationship. Something that hadn’t been done in decades.

It was to also prepare Neteyam to become olo’eyktan. He needed a mate, and needed someone strong and ready to be by his side when it was time for him to take his father’s place as clan leader. Neytiri knew that it was going to take a while for her son to come around with all of this, but she hoped that one day, he would understand. 

“Great,” Tarang said, a big smile on his face before glancing between his daughter and Neteyam, “Perhaps these two could use the privacy?”

Ka’ul, the chief’s mate, hummed, placing a gentle hand over Tarang’s with a warm knowing smile of her own, “Yes. That would be wonderful.” Her vermillion eyes sparkled against the fire, creating flames of their own. Tarang turned his hand over to intertwine their fingers, and gave her a look. He then nodded at Jake and Neytiri.

“Then we can discuss the details.”

Neteyam could care less what they planned on talking about. If it was going to get him out of that stuffy hut then he was more than willing to leave them all to it.

Like a gentleman, he stood up and held out a hand. Seynä looked at him in mild shock but pushed it aside, and took his hand. Feeling how warm and soft it was, her mind wandered as he helped her up and led her out of the hut. When the cool afternoon breeze hit her, she breathed. The sun that slithered through the trees decorated her skin beautifully. She let her eyes close for a brief moment to soak it all in, missing the way Neteyam stared at her.

He would’ve been a fool to not notice how beautiful she was. Her long, white hair blew with the wind, splitting apart and dancing in its waves. How the two long beaded braids at the front curled around her neck and shoulders, desperate to join the rest of her hair in the current. 

She looked otherworldly. She definitely stood out amongst the villagers, catching eyes from all around. They stopped in their tracks to stare at her, some men and women whispering amongst each other in awe. If Neteyam supported the arranged mating that he was in, his chest would’ve swelled with pride for the attention that she was garnishing. He would’ve stepped closer to her, drew her near to him and walked her through the village to show her around but to also show her off. Would feel proud to call her his, but unfortunately, he didn’t feel that way about her. 

From the intricate jewelry in her hair and what laid on her forehead down to her specially made white top and long white loincloth, she was a beauty beyond compare. Now that they were back under the sun’s bright rays, he could see that her eyes were a mixture of fire and gold. How dull her skin looked, almost an ash color. Not blue like him and his people were, but a faint blue. Barely noticeable, if he wasn’t staring so hard.

“Will you show me around?” She asked him, a twinkle in her eyes, startling him. He quickly averted his eyes, and cleared his throat.

“Yes, of course,” and took the lead once again.

Their trek through the village was a quiet one. It was awkward and tense for him but she was at peace, eyeing the villagers back and smiling at the children that followed them, oohing and aahing after her. Neteyam felt like falling through the earth. He didn’t care for the extra attention, and didn’t want anything to do with having a mate right now but truthfully, there was nothing he could do about it. He wasn’t dumb. He knew that his parents and hers were going over the fine print of their arrangement by making a pänu. A promise between clans to seal the deal. There was no breaking a pänu unless you meant war. 

Neteyam couldn’t back out of it no matter what his feelings were about the situation, and that was why he’d gotten upset with his mother earlier. A mixture of things, but mainly because he remembered how sacred an arranged mating was. That was another reason why it wasn’t very common now. It wasn’t something clans practiced anymore unless they were forced to. 

He mentally sighed. His life had just gotten a lot harder. 

“How do you feel about this arrangement?” She suddenly asked him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Well…”

She giggled, and nodded, “Right. Better question. How do you feel about being mated to me for life?”

He sent her a strained look that only made her laugh. She figured that was her answer.

“Mmm, your village feels like home,” she muttered, steering the conversation elsewhere, “Reminds me of what I left today.” They passed by a hut with an older woman sitting outside of it, weaving together what looked to be a basket of some sort. A child was sitting next to her, seeming to help her by supplying her with the materials she needed. Seynä nodded at the two, giggling at the child’s shocked expression. She directed her attention forward again, walking gracefully, “A home away from home sounds like a dream, don’t you think?” She looked at him, finding his profile rather distracting.

Neteyam didn’t feel like engaging in a meaningless conversation, but he didn’t want to be rude. His father would only dig into him about not being fully welcoming, so he indulged her.

“Do you like it here so far?” He asked her back, wondering if she would have to sleep with him tonight since they were going to be a mated pair. He hoped not. He wanted to hang onto his free will for a little while longer. 

Seynä hummed, looking at her surroundings again. “I do. It is pleasant. Very lively, unlike my village. We are…” she searched for the right words, eyebrows twitching together, “…fairly independent people. We stay to ourselves, and do not mingle often. Even the way your family sat by the fire back there,” the light in her eyes dimmed in thought, “We do not do that.”

At first, Neteyam didn’t care to converse with her but as he listened to her speak, he found himself unable to block her out. Maybe it was the sadness in her voice that he wanted to soothe. To let her know how repentant he felt for her. He had to admit, not spending several moments around his family everyday sounded miserable. He was also quite independent, but he liked being around his parents and siblings. They were a part of the sole reason he woke up everyday. Not just for himself, but for them. Their happiness, their well-being, all of that mattered a lot to him. The way Seynä spoke about her people and her family and the way they did things — it couldn’t have sounded any more heartbreaking than that. 

He schooled his features to remain indifferent, but there was a twinge of pain inside. He didn’t know what that was like, but he didn’t have to know to understand what life had been like for her. He could sympathize.

“Well you’re here now,” he commented, feeling her eyes shift back to the side of his face, “and because you are here,” he looked down at her, a corner of his lips twitching up, “–you will get to experience all of that yourself. Know what it is like to wake up together, hunt and eat together, celebrate and dance around the fire…together.” Seynä’s lips parted at his kind words, her heart thumping in her chest. “A home away home, is that how you put it?” He smirked, humming, “I guess this is where you are meant to be then.”

Was it foolish of her to feel this way about someone so early on? She had only just met the man… But something was there. She could feel it. This compelling pull towards him. It was undeniable. There was something about him that called to her. Something that she couldn’t describe. 

The feeling of finding a mate was a special one. It was a different for everyone, but it usually centered around seeing that person over everyone else. Like a light had come from the sky, shining down on just them. That was how she knew.

Right then and there, she knew that he was the one. 

That he was her mate. 

She cut their eye contact short by ripping away from his gaze, finding the ground she walked on a little more interesting. The tips of her ears burned. 

“Thank you, Neteyam. You’re too kind.”

He hummed, peering forward with his hands behind his back, “No need to thank me. I know this union isn’t wanted by either of us, but we have to make the most of it or else we will just end up resenting each other,” he watched a group of children run past the two of them, giggling and chasing one another, “I, for one, do not want to spend the rest of my life hating someone I am supposed to love,” When he glanced down at her, he found her eyes back on him again. They were swirling with an emotion he couldn’t quite place. “So I will try my best to love you, provide for you and protect you. But know that this is not what I wanted for myself. You will not be alienated from me, but I cannot promise my heart to you. I will not cheat or lie. I will be faithful to you, but giving my heart…” he shook his head, returning his focus back ahead, eyes hardened, “That is something I will not promise to give you. I cannot.”

Just as soon as she’d felt a pull towards him, she was immediately pushed back. Reality hit her harder than she could’ve expected. He didn’t share the same feelings as her. He didn’t even want this arranged mating to even happen. He didn’t want to love her, didn’t want to give her his heart, didn’t want any part of her or this entire ordeal. 

On the outside, she kept her composure and watched him walk ahead of her, thankful that he’d set his back to her because she didn’t know how long she could keep the tears back. All she wanted since she was a little girl was to find the sort of love that her parents had. A connection made from the stars, kissed by Eywa herself. Even though their mating was arranged, she believed that there was still a chance for them. She thought that he just needed to see her, and would fall in love with her at first sight. But that didn’t happen. He couldn’t have shown his revulsion for their arrangement more clearer to her than he had.

Once he was done showing her around, he was going to offer her lunch that he had picked himself earlier but she told him that she’d started to feel unwell. That she needed to lay down for a while. He figured it was because of the long trip her family made across the plains so he nodded, and wished her well. She didn’t say anything but smiled, and went on her way. He didn’t notice how forced her smile had been because he was relieved to be back in his own presence again. Kanu wasn’t around and he’d just gotten rid of Seynä so he was rejoicing. 

However, he couldn’t get it out of his head that he was going to be forced to mate with someone he didn’t even know, that he didn’t even have an initial connection with. Seynä wasn’t his type. Not by a long shot. He’d heard about her accomplishments as a warrior and knew that she was strong, but her personality didn’t match him. Didn’t match what he was looking for. Plus, there was no spark. No banter, no meaningless arguing about nothing and no playfulness, even though he could come off quite stiff himself. He enjoyed the teasing comments and such, but he got none of that from her. It was disappointing, but expected because he didn’t choose her. His mother did.

His teeth clenched again at that. It was going to take him a long time to move past her deceit, but he had to preoccupy himself with other things until then. And, perhaps, keep contact with her at a minimum, if he could help it.

Deciding that a breath of fresh air was needed to think without being bothered, he headed off into the forest in hopes to clear his mind, but had no clue what he was going to end up finding whilst on the trail.

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

“Fuck this.”

You crumpled up the map in your hands before shoving it back in your pack. It was useless when you had no clue where you even were at this point. Everything looked the same. You were almost positive that you’d gone in a circle a few times. 

A map that was supposed to lead you back to the lab. What a laugh. You’d been roaming around the forest for so long, you knew that Theo must’ve made it back by now. If you were caught under the dark night sky, you hoped that he would relay the message that you were still out and definitely lost. Maybe some reinforcements would come running to your rescue or something.

“This is not happening,” You said under your breath, plunging a boot into a muddy puddle, forgetting about dodging them now. You were much too tired to think about anything but escaping the forest and getting back to the outpost. 

With a grim sigh, you shifted the pack back down your shoulder to reach in it. You pulled out your water canister, hoping that there was still some left. Theo had used it last, but before he could’ve downed the entire thing, you snatched it away from him. So, there was a good chance he’d left some. Putting it up to your lips, you were disappointed. Nothing. Just as you’d feared. 

Your eyes begrudgingly searched the area for a water source, but found nothing. You stumbled forward, mindful of your step, and tried to listen for a river or something near. The silence was deafening. 

It seemed as though the forest was against you, but you weren’t ready to give up just yet.

It wasn’t hot, but paired with walking for hours non stop with no water and carrying a pack on your back the entire time could feel a little stifling. After a few tiresome steps, you leaned your shoulder up against a nearby tree, taking a small break. There had to be some sort of water source around. You’d come across plenty of animals to be sure of it. Surely they wouldn’t flock somewhere that didn’t contain a river or even a small stream. Hell, you’d take rain at this point. Anything to keep you from passing out.

Spurring you from your thoughts, you heard something. Craning your neck, you peered up into the trees above you, eyes squinted to fend off some of the sun rays. Aside from the rustling tree leaves, you didn’t see much movement. Maybe it’d just been a figment of your imagination. You didn’t doubt it. Without food or water, you were going a little delirious. 

Just as you were about to give up and set up camp, another sound caught your attention. 

Trickling.

Water?

You sprung off of the tree, and trampled through some low hanging leaves until you were met with a wide stream up ahead. The water was clear enough to see through, telling you that it was safe to drink from. There even looked to be fishes swimming through the water. You knew how to catch fish, skin them and cook them so you felt lucky. Though, for now, you were just grateful for the water.

“Thank god,” you walked forward and let your pack slip from your shoulder as you dropped down in front of the bank, hands pushing off into the water.

You cupped a good amount in your hands, and drank until you couldn’t anymore. Once you felt satisfied enough, you leaned back and sighed. The mud that covered your shirt made you cringe, looking down at it. You’d tripped earlier, landing right in a pile of mud. With no way to clean it, you kept it on but now that you could, you didn’t waste any time tugging it over your head to wash it.

You shoved it in the water, and started to wash through it, not caring if it came out perfectly clean or not. You just needed to remove most of the mud so it wouldn’t feel uncomfortable when you put it back on. 

Too distracted to notice, Neteyam sat crouched in a tree not too far from where you were stationed. He kept himself hidden, watching you. He’d been following you for a while now. Initially, he’d wanted to take a walk to think some things over but didn’t expect to come across a wandering human that was covered in mud, griping to herself. Odd scene, but curious enough. 

A human, this far out, was peculiar enough but seeing you by the stream wearing nothing but a small piece of fabric to cover your breasts was enough to stir something in him. It was strange because he was used to his people wearing so little. There was nothing ever sexual about it, but you were human. He knew that your kind tended to wear a lot more than his people did. So, to see so much of your skin under the sun’s pure sunlight, unaware of him watching you the way he was — it made him unable to look away.

His tail curled at the sight of you looking around you before unhooking your bra. You set it at a spot where the sun could catch it, and pulled your drenched shirt from the water. After inspecting it, you nodded and put it near the other piece of fabric, right on the rocks. Then, you stood up, and shoveled through your pack for something. When you faced Neteyam’s way, for some reason, he looked away. His eyes fell elsewhere, embarrassed that he’d been staring at you. He didn’t know why. You had no clue he was even there so why did he care?

After finding whatever it was you were looking for, you turned back around, back facing him again. He sighed, and looked down at you again to watch you wrap a long strip of what looked to be some sort of cloth around your midriff up to your chest. It didn’t look like anything he’d ever seen, but it seemed as though you were using it to cover your chest again. Ah. He knew what you were doing now. Your shirt was too damp to put back on so you were letting it dry, as well as that other piece of clothing you’d had over your chest. 

Once you were done with that, you moved on to stepping into the stream, after you’d taken your boots off. He imagined that you were getting ready to clean your feet or some other part of your body but what he witnessed next surprised him. 

You stood there for a good minute, completely still. So still, if he looked hard enough, the fishes in the water forgot that you weren’t supposed to be there and swam past you. You held your breath, staring down at the water as you timed you just right. Once a good sized fish swam between your legs, you dove down and caught it with your bare hands. Neteyam’s eyes widened at the sight. Without the use of a bow or a knife, you’d caught a fight with your hands. He was greatly impressed. He didn’t think humans possessed intelligence this vast.

You cheered to yourself and tiptoed out of the water, happily with your meal. After killing it merifully, you dug through your bag again. Pulling out a sharp knife, you went back over and began scaling it. 

Neteyam sat down on the branch he was on, and leaned his back against the tree, eyes still on you. He placed his bow in between his thighs, and got comfortable. He had a feeling he was going to be there for a while. 

While he watched you, there was someone else lurking in the trees watching him.

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

The moment that you realized that you weren’t alone was the exact same moment you watched a tall blue man jump from above, bow raised to save your life. 

Because he’d saved you, he came out of the attack with a deep wound. He was reluctant to help you, but after some time, he let you into his personal space to treat him. Once it was cleaned and bandaged up, you thanked him and packed up. You were going to finish finding your way through the forest, but he’d suddenly picked you up and packed you off into the trees. 

Breathless and surprised, you tried to ask him what that had been about but noticed that he’d saved you. Again. You were grateful, of course, but he was a stubborn one. Also a bit childish with the way he kept provoking you to get upset, obviously enjoying your reaction to him. Even though he was way taller than you and evidently stronger, you still held your ground well and told him exactly what was on your mind. He found it amusing and a little brazen, but he didn’t back down either.

“It sounds like he’s calling for you,” you mentioned again, taking a step forward, “Why don’t you go down and talk to hi–”

You didn’t expect him to catch you in time, but he did. Held you close against him, making sure you weren’t going to slip from his grasp. He was warm, that was your first thought. Then, you thought about how odd it was to feel his nose against your neck. You could hear a faint inhale from him, and wondered why he was smelling you. Did you have an odor? Well, you had been walking around the forest for a few hours under a hot sun and didn’t have access to a shower anywhere so maybe you did. It made you want to curl up in embarrassment. 

You struggled in his grasp, feeling awkward now, “What are you doing?” You tried to ask, but no answer. 

Your face twisted up in surprise when you felt something hot and wet slide across your skin. With another gasp, you tried to pull away from him but he held you against him in a tight grip. 

“No,” he commanded in a deep tone, and ran his tongue up to your ear, “be still, tawtute.”

The deep tone of his voice, the growling, it made you feel shameful because instead of being scared — you were awfully turned on. 

That realization only made you try and get out of his hold all the more.

You struggled in his grasp, trying to get a look at his face, “What the hell is your problem?”

He didn’t respond, and it angered you.

“Hey,” you tried again, finally allowed wiggle room to look at him, eyes searching his face with a frown, “why did you–ah!” You were dropped back on your feet, but didn’t have time to find your footing. With a scream, you fell backwards off of the tree branch and soared down. 

The fall felt longer than it was. There was no part in you that felt like you were going to make it. That you were going to survive falling from such a great height. You’d said your little prayers, and to your surprise — they were answered.

Caught by another beautiful blue man, peering down at you with wild curiosity.

“Pesu? A tawtute?”

Kanu was his name. Friendly, chatty and very flirty. At least he seemed bearable in conversation compared to the other guy. Someone that had just been all up on you a moment ago but walked a ways ahead like he didn’t want to even be near you. Kanu talking to you the entire way to the village didn’t silence the buzzing thoughts of what you’d done to make his friend hate you all of the sudden. It didn’t make sense, and you aimed to ask him about it at some point.

However, the moment that the three of you entered the village, you were pulled from your thoughts and stared back at the villagers staring at you. Kanu walked past them without even acknowledging them and when you looked up at him, you noticed that he wasn’t wearing his usual smile. His eyes were hard and focused, lips tight, and shoulders tensed. He almost looked a little uncomfortable, but also annoyed by something. Was it the villagers? You could hear some of them whispering but of course, you were unable to understand what they were saying. Maybe he could hear them. 

“Kanu–”

“Neteyam, will the tsahik see her?” Kanu asked his friend, his frown deepening, unintentionally interrupting you, “She is a sky person. She is not welcomed, but she is wounded. Will she treat her?”

Neteyam grunted without looking back at him, “I don’t know. For her sake, let’s hope so.”

You didn’t understand what was going on or what they were saying so you remained quiet for the rest of the way. 

Once the three of you arrived at a hut, Neteyam opened the flap and held it as Kanu carried you inside. It was warm. There was a fire lit in the middle, and a woman near a table at the other side of the hut, mixing something. You stayed silent, eyes following Neteyam as he crossed over to her, saying something to her too low for you to catch. You waited, and when she turned around to look at you, her eyes widened.

She looked at Neteyam, “She is wounded, you say?” He nodded.

“Yes, grandmother. She is in need of your aid. Could you…?”

Mo’at nodded, turning back around to gather her supplies, “Oh yes, of course. Set her down on the mat over there, and have her remove her shirt. I will need full access to that wound to clean it.”

Kanu, having heard the conversation, moved around the fire as well to set you down on the mat he was told to. When he made a move to stand up, you grabbed his arm with a small, confused frown.

“What is going on?”

Kanu smiled, and bent back down, extremely close to your face. You made a move to back up, but he placed a hand at your nape to keep you there, “Mmm, you are going to be treated, little one. You are hurt, but the tsahik can help you. Do as she says, and you will be fine. Okay?”

Feeling butterflies in your stomach, you gave him a slow, subtle nod to show that you understood him. Satisfied, he pinched your cheek and stood back up, rounding the fire to stand at the other side of the hut to give Mo’at the space that she would need to treat you.

As Mo’at was still busy gathering what she would need to help, you watched Neteyam bend down at your other side, fingering at your shirt. You inched away, not knowing what he was trying to do, disregarding the smirk that slowly spread across his face.

“Shy, are we? One with such a filthy mouth shouldn’t be so shy, am I right?”

He thumbed at the edge of your shirt again, tugging at it, causing you to try and smack his hand away, flushed from head to toe, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but why are you trying to take my shirt off? I would very much like to keep it on, thank you.”

Neteyam chuckled, leaning back a bit, “Do not think I would like to see a tawtute like you naked. Would much rather pluck out my own eyes than see something so…” he eyed you down, finding the way you were protecting yourself from his touch amusing. “…displeasing.”

You gasped, and he almost laughed. “Displeasing? Well why don’t you leave if you don’t want to see me? No one’s forcing you to stay.”

He snorted, “I know, trust me.” He was going to elaborate further on why he really couldn’t leave your side, but that was a conversation that needed to be saved for later. “Anyway,” he pulled at your shirt again, smiling at the slap across his hand again, “You have to take this off. She has to treat you. She cannot do so with this on.”

You frowned, “Yeah, but the wound is on my leg. Why would I need to take my shirt off if I don’t–”

Neteyam ignored your protesting and pushed your shirt up to reveal a fairly large scratch across your abdomen. How you didn’t at least feel it by now, you had no idea but you stared in awe at it. You couldn’t help but entertain the thought that maybe you had a few more injuries on your body that you weren’t even aware of.

He grunted, and folded his arms. 

“See? Remove it.” He stood up, eyes never leaving you, “Or don’t let her help you. Your choice.” He walked to stand beside Kanu, a bored expression now on his face.

You pouted to yourself, feeling silly for being so difficult. At first, you thought that he was trying to see something else but he was only trying to help you. Still, it didn’t make up for the fact that he had let you fall out of the tree earlier. You planned on never letting him live that down. 

Just as you were about to undress, you saw the flap of the hut fly open and a woman walk in. She was beautiful, if you didn’t count the chaotic look on her face. 

“Oh great mother, Neteyam!” She raced towards him, and pulled him into a tight hug. He smiled a little, and hugged back but tried to pull away.

“Mother, it’s fine. I’m okay–”

“Where did you go?” She asked him, brows pulled down in an angry frown, pulling back to look him over, “You were gone for hours, my son. What happened?”

He was going to respond when he saw Seynä, and her parents walk in. They must’ve heard the rumors about a human in the village and it was so late at night, of course they got curious. He couldn’t blame them, but the last person he wanted to see right now was Seynä.

She gave him a tiny smile that he didn’t reciprocate. He wasn’t in the mood. It was late, and he had you to deal with. 

He could feel a headache coming on.

“Neteyam!”

Tuk came running out from behind her mother, and hugged his waist. He gently patted her head with a soft smile.

“Tuk.”

Kiri waltzed in, and was about to say something snarky when her eye caught yours. Her mouth dropped open in shock.

“Whoa, who’s that?”

Neytiri turned her head your way, and it was as if the room had been struck by lightning. No one said a word. It was like everyone had stopped breathing all at the same time. If not for the crackling of the fire that separated you from her, it would have been dead silent. 

Her stare was cold. Scarier than anyone you’d ever seen. 

Within a split second, she was rushing towards you with her fangs bared, hissing. 

“Woah there,” Jake stepped in her way, physically holding her back, “Let’s take a second, yeah?” He caught Neteyam’s eye who looked ready to jump in at any second. Neytiri tried to push Jake out of the way, but he held her firm, “Hey,” he blocked her sight of you by getting in her face, “Stop, okay? What are you doing? We don’t do that. We don’t attack unless we have a good reason to, right?”

“Why are you protecting that demon?!” She asked him, eyes feral and wide, “You dare to stand in my way, to put yourself between a human and your mate?!”

Jake took a glance behind him at you, silently apologizing for the situation and looked back at her, “Yes. She’s harmless. Neteyam and Kanu would not have brought her here if they didn’t trust her so we have to trust her too.”

Neytiri hissed in his face, and broke out of his grasp. She didn’t take the opportunity to advance on you, but she held her ground, “Do not tell me to trust. I trust who I trust, and that thing will not get it from me.”

You’d long put the puzzle together that she was Neteyam’s mother and that Jake, the one you’d heard so much about, was his father. The great Toruk Makto and his warrior mate, Neytiri. Knowing this, it hurt to watch her get so upset by your mere presence. You knew that it was because you were human. You’d learned from Max and Norm that Neytiri wasn’t quite fond of humans and was on edge everytime one had to come strutting through her village. Understandably so, if what you heard about what happened to her family was true. Mo’at was her only living relative from those dark times. Of course, with kids now, she was grateful, but she missed the ones she’d lost. She had no plans of losing anyone else, and tensed up around sky people for a reason.

Under everyone’s radar, Tuk moseyed over to you. Startling you, she smiled and apologized for the scare. She bent down, seeing that she felt a bit too tall standing up in comparison to you, and nodded.

“My name is Tuk. It is nice to meet you. What is your name?”

Still shaken up, you hesitantly told her your name and she gasped, “Pretty! Can I give you a nickname?”

You tilted your head, “Nickname? Well…I don’t see why not,” you smiled back and her eyes widened.

“Okay! I will think of one, and tell you later, okay?”

Her bright spirit and infectious energy made you almost forget that you were in the same room as the woman that wanted nothing more than to murder you right where you sat. 

You nodded, “I can’t wait.”

Tuk beamed happily and was going to say something when she was caught off.

“I will need all of you to leave,” Mo’at said aloud, peering over her shoulder at the group still circled around the fire pit near you, “I will need to heal and dress her wounds. The girl deserves privacy, no?”

Jake’s eyes darted from his children to Neytiri before he placed a hand at her back, ignoring the pointed look she gave him, “Come on everyone, let’s head out and give her some air. Tuk?”

Tuk blew out an exasperated breath, stood up from your side and nodded, “Okay,” she said in a dispirited tone and followed after her father but not before sending you a wave and a small smile, “See you tomorrow.”

You smiled and waved back before you felt something hit you over the head. It only stung for a second or two. Mo’at came around you, holding a wooden stirring tool in her hand. You reached up, and scratched at the spot you were hit at, “Um, ow?”

“Undress, child,” she retorted, shaking your head.

“Alright, alright.”

You took your shirt off, and sat there as she squatted down to your level to begin treating you. 

You cringed, “ah,” hissing at the sting of pain. You felt Mo’at dab at the wound on your shoulder with a damp cloth in a not-so-delicate way. She rose a brow at the look you gave her, and continued on. 

Once everyone left, Neteyam stood in place, arms folded with a deep set frown on his face as he watched yours twist up in discomfort. He could feel your emotions. They were everywhere but the ones he could pin down were fluctuating between feeling anxious, tensed and drained. He could tell that all you wanted to do was rest for the night, but he couldn’t risk your wounds getting infected. Not like he was worried about your health. He just needed to make sure once you woke up in the morning, you would be cleared to leave the village and never come back. Although, since his father was aware of your presence now, it was unlikely he would let you go until you were fully healed and able to travel on your own.

Neteyam almost rolled his eyes. Much to his dismay, of course.

“Ow,” you whined, and Mo’at clicked her tongue, shaking her head.

“Child, do not be so soft,” she dipped the cloth in her bowl of water to drain it before gathering it with water again, cleaning another wound of yours, “This is your doing, is it not? Perhaps you will learn to be more careful next time, hm?” You winced, biting your lip from hissing out again. 

Neteyam clenched his teeth at the way your fists were balled up in your lap. He had the urge to tell his grandmother to stop what she was doing and let him take over, but the more sensible side of him kept him rooted in place. He didn’t care about you. If he was right and his body had chosen you as his mate, then it was simple. His sudden feelings towards you weren’t of his own volition. The need to protect you, harm anyone willing to harm you and officially make you his mate wasn’t him. There was no reason to listen to any of the things his body wanted to do in thought of you. He still had control. He would continue to have control. He wasn’t going to let himself be brought down and ruled by something so pitiful as this. He was much stronger than that.

Seynä stood next to him, rigid, glaring down at you. Her body rattled with anger. Your mere presence made her want to revolt. She couldn’t stand the sight of you, but witnessing the way Neteyam was with you compared to how he was with her — it infuriated her in ways she couldn’t begin to explain.

Fairness was a luxury in her world. She was aware that Neteyam didn’t love her. That it would take time for him to see her and come to love her the way she wanted him to, but was it selfish of her to have wanted him to fall at first sight? He didn’t even want to stand next to her, let alone be in the same room as her. Took one glance during their first meeting earlier, and ignored her ever since. 

She wasn’t expecting him to hold her hand or kiss her every two seconds, but could he at least acknowledge her and not make her feel as alienated as she had the moment she stepped into the village? He promised he would try, but it didn’t look like he was upholding his end of the deal. 

“Some of these wounds are deep, child,” Mo’at frowned as she began to wrap one of your wounds with a roll of gauze, “What on earth happened out there?” 

You didn’t feel like going into the subject as most of your injuries came from when you’d fallen out of the tree earlier. Especially when Neteyam could’ve prevented it from happening in the first place. Kanu wasn’t around to save either of you from explaining it, either. Though, you were more focused on why Mo’at was using modern wound care to treat you to think about a response.

Neteyam cleared his throat, eyes still on you, “It was my fault, grandmother. Do not take it out on her.”

Appalled, Seyna snapped her head at him, lips pressed into a thin line, “Ma ‘teyam, do not take up for that demon! You did nothing wrong, I’m sure of it!” She exclaimed, speaking in na’vi on purpose so that you wouldn’t understand their conversation. For some reason, that irked Neteyam.

When he looked at her, he didn’t even turn his head. His intense gaze drilled a hole through hers from the side, causing her to take a step backwards from him. “Why are you still here? Do you not have someplace else to be? Hm?” 

A whimper fell past her lips, eyebrows pulled together in disbelief. 

“Well– well because I thought…” he stared at her, lip curled, jaw flexing. His presence was becoming so suffocating, she found it hard to breathe. “I thought—”

“I don’t care,” he interrupted, shifting his gaze back onto you, ignoring the way you were invested into the conversation, appearing concerned. He switched to his native tongue, highly irritated now, “I do not need you hovering over me. It is pathetic, and below your status, Seynä. Mind your manners or I will get the impression that you aren’t as suited to be my mate as your father has told my father.” 

Seynä’s lip trembled, clearly trying to hold back tears. Her nails punctured her skin, feeling the cool ooze of blood coat her fingers. 

“I don’t understand. Does she mean something to you? Why do you care about some human?”

Neteyam glared at her, “Do I need to explain myself to you? Someone I met today; a stranger, no less. What business I have with anyone is none of yours. Do you understand? Do not question me again, and I won’t be so nice the next time that you do.” He eyed her down, more upset than he had intended to get with her. “You may go or was there something else?”

His quick dismissal of her made Seynä’s stomach drop. It was utterly degrading, and it made her feel insignificant to him. Lower than low, less than dirt. She wasn’t even a blip on his radar, and she couldn’t help but entertain the idea that maybe there was something going on between you and him. That she had lost to a human before the battle even began.

How sickening. Her hands clenched tighter, settling the fire in her eyes onto you. She was angry, livid with the idea that you dared to even think you could match up to her. She was his mate. Not you. Why did he even care to stay with you if he hated humans so much? She couldn’t even stand the smell of you so why wasn’t he just as repulsed, if not more?

The questions spinning around in her head only made the dull ache thicken into a pounding thrum, mere seconds away from blooming into a full on headache. She couldn’t stand the way he looked at her and spoke to her as if she was some bothersome child tugging at his clothing for attention. She was his mate. She deserved to be treated as such.

With a sharp sniffle, she stepped back into his space and tossed her hair back over her shoulder, “As you wish,” and stomped to the entrance of the hut, roughly pushing the flap out of the way, stepping out into the night.

You watched the tension in Neteyam’s shoulders drop, catching a breath of relief slip past his lips. He set his bow against the wall of the hut, and sat down, folding his legs into a comfortable position just across from you, opposite of the fire pit. He rubbed a hand over his face, clearly exhausted from the day’s events. 

Mo’at glanced at her grandson before giving you a firm pat on the back, “I’m finished.”

With a grunt, she stood up with her bowl and walked over to the table that was brought in from an outpost to help organize her herbs and other medicinals. As she worked to clean her station up, you stared into the fire, too apprehensive to look at the man across from you. You could feel his eyes on you, but didn’t know what to say back. That conversation between him and the woman that had just left seemed intense, even though you couldn’t understand a word that they were saying. It felt like a conversation you shouldn’t have been in on.

You swallowed nervously, twiddling with your fingers. 

Then, you watched from your peripheral vision as Neteyam stood up and rounded the fire. When he kneeled next to you, your body tensed up. His brows twitched at that. 

“I am not going to hurt you, foolish woman,” He said in a low tone, almost close enough to feel his breath on your skin. He sighed, a soft look in his eyes that he was thankful you didn’t catch, “You are very troublesome, you know that?”

You looked up at him, having to stretch your neck to fully take in his entire face, lips pursed, “Troublesome? So you’re saying it’s my fault that I almost fell to my death earlier?”

He chuckled, and it made your heart skip a beat. 

He tilted his head, and lifted a finger to your cheek to push away a stray piece of your hair from your face, eyeing the way your lips parted, “Mmm. Yes.” You gasped, and he smirked, “Though, is it my fault that you are tiny and clumsy?”

His heated gaze made you drop your eyes to your lap again, suddenly finding your hands a lot more interesting than the conversation.

“No…but—”

“You will sleep with me tonight.”

Your head snapped up at him, eyes wide, “I—huh?”

He hummed and stared at you for a moment longer before he stood to his full height, fixing the leather armor on his arm, “I will wait outside. When you are finished here, I will take you to my home.”

“Neteyam, wait, but I—” He didn’t give you a chance to finish. He lifted the flap to the hut, and stepped out, leaving you alone with Mo’at, who you forgot was still there in the first place. You deflated and slumped in place. “He never lets me finish my sentences,” you moped bitterly to yourself. “Asshole.”

Mo’at chuckled as she came walking back over, drying her hands on a clean cloth, “You two are like night and day, I tell you,” you tilted your head back to look at her, catching a faint smile on her face, “Very entertaining, indeed.”

You dropped your eyes back onto the fire in front of you, realizing how warm your face had gotten. Your mind reeled with the imprinted image of him that you couldn’t get rid of no matter how hard you tried. The way the flames of the fire danced across his face, lingering on his dark eyes and plump lips. How you felt his body heat pulse against your own, dangerously close. When slips of his dark hair fell over his shoulder when he had bent down to your level, almost brushing your shoulder. From the way he’d looked at you, how warm and gentle his voice had been when speaking to you just now — it all made you want to melt right into the ground. 

Then, you remembered where he told you that you were going to be sleeping tonight.

Beads of sweat cascaded down from your temples, sneakily tumbling towards your chest wrappings, between the swell of your breasts. Your breath hitched.

Alone, with him. 

With Neteyam, of all people.

“Oh god,” you breathed, unable to fathom what a night with him was going to be like. 

The sexual tension was obvious, but he’d made it clear how much he couldn’t stand you. How were the two of you going to sleep under the same roof if you couldn’t get along? 

Oddly enough, he was the least of your worries. It was that woman from earlier that you had to really worry about. She seemed to like him, so the thought of her finding out that you’d slept in the same vicinity as him… Her possible reaction made you shiver. It wasn’t going to be pretty, that was all you knew. 

You put your face in your hands, and groaned. 

Was it too late to run off into the forest without anyone noticing? 

Only one way to find out. 

Your plan of running back out into the forest without anyone noticing was snuffed out the moment that you stepped outside. It was pouring down with rain, but Neteyam stood there as if the sky was clear. He didn’t let the rain affect him, and stood with his arms crossed, waiting for you like he’d said he would. 

When you stepped out, his head turned towards you. He looked you over, slowly, before he bent down. You quirked your head to the side, not understanding what he was doing, watching as he put his hands out behind him.

After squatting there for a few moments, he looked at you over his shoulder with a raised brow, “What is it?”

You snorted, giving him a funny look, “I dunno. You tell me.”

He almost rolled his eyes. It seemed he would have to spell it out for you.

“Get on. I will carry you the way there.” His eyes fell on your legs, “You are too tiny to keep up, and I will not slow down for you.”

“Not if you’re just going to insult me, no.”

Neteyam sighed. He should’ve expected this from you. It was never easy to get you to do anything if it was coming from him. 

Done with playing nice, he stood up, and walked towards you. You glared at him, but gasped out when you felt him sling you over his shoulder. 

“Hey, what the hell?!”

He smirked, and walked out of the village.

“Put me down! Are you crazy?!”

“You are a noisy woman, did you know that?”

“I can walk, ya know!”

“No. You are too slow.”

“Neteyam!”

He chuckled, “Good. You know my name.”

You glowered at him, “You’re not funny.”

He laughed, and ignored you the entire way until you stopped talking altogether. 

When the two of you approached a large tree, you did your best to look up at it. The rain seemed to be coming down harder than earlier, which made you want to get inside of wherever Neteyam lived all the more. He stood there, thinking it through. Usually, it would’ve taken him less than a minute to climb up to the treehouse but then again, he was never carrying a small human in his arms while doing it. He had to think carefully and rationally.

“We’re not going up this tree…right?” You asked him, eyeing both the tree and him.

Neteyam licked his lips, and gripped your legs against him tighter. “Just stay still.”

Your eyes blew wide, “Uh, yeah can you put me down? I think I’m okay with sleeping on the ground, actually,” you laughed nervously, trying to wiggle out of his hold. “It can be quite comfy down here, trust me. Just– no wait!”

Neteyam started to climb up the tree, ignoring your shrieking. He found it annoying and distracting but he had to focus on not dropping you and going up at the same time. Thankfully you were still or you would’ve fell.

It didn’t take long for him to reach the edge of his home. He had to flip you around and push you onto the surface of the treehouse by your bottom, which made you flush but you ignored it and pulled yourself up. Gasping, you laid there as he swung himself up as well, ducking inside. Groaning, you stood up and headed inside as well.

He busied himself with taking off his armor while you took a look around. You had expected the place to be pitch black due to no light, but you were wrong. He’d had all sorts of vines and flowers weaved throughout the home, illuminating every nook and cranny. What you saw was to be expected.

There wasn’t much there other than piles of miscellaneous things in one corner and a bunch of folded up fur in another. There were some folded up mats as well, but the home was quite vacant. Aside from the mild decorations of beading and such, there wasn’t much there. It wasn’t all that shocking to you since Neteyam didn’t give you the impression that he was someone that liked hoarding a bunch of things that didn’t serve a purpose. It would’ve been a bit more alarming if he did have a clutter of stuff around. 

Once he was done with ridding himself of his protective wear, he watched you walk about his place in slight awe. He tried to fight it, but felt a sense of achievement with how enamored you were with his home. It seemed that everything was to your liking after all. He wasn’t worried in the slightest because he didn’t care, but he did wonder what you would think about his place. He worked hard to make it as comfortable as possible. For him, of course. Not you.

Made sure that the house itself was stable enough since it was sitting in a tree. It could also get a bit colder than living on the ground or closer to it so he brought in a bunch of fur to keep himself warm and to combat the cold temperatures that blew in through the night.

He had to admit. He’d done a pretty good job.

“Do you have somewhere where I can get out of these clothes?” You asked him, cringing as you picked at your shirt, “These are wet, and I don’t want to sleep in wet clothes.”

He didn’t understand what you were asking him. Sure, your word choices sounded a bit strange to him, but it was the context of your question that he just didn’t get. Did you mean somewhere to change your clothing? That was a silly question. He almost laughed.

“You are standing in it.”

The moment you understood what he meant, you sent a weird look, “Here? Like…right here?”

He nodded, “Yes.”

You felt warmth from your neck build up towards your face. Of course you were meant to undress right in the middle of the floor. The na’vi were not shy when it came to the body. They didn’t see a need to hide themselves away. It made sense, but you weren’t one of them. You weren’t raised with that sort of mindset so you felt more conscious of your body. Stripping in front of him, again, was something you couldn’t do. You’d done it back in the hut earlier, but that was for good reason. Now, however…

Neteyam sighed before he turned around, rolling his eyes, “Change, woman. I would like to sleep at some point.”

Irritated by his sudden change in attitude, you grumbled bitterly under your breath as you pulled your shirt back off and began fumbling with your pants. After stripping down to your bra and underwear, you laid your clothes out to dry in a corner and noticed the furs next to it. Glancing back at Neteyam, happy to find his back still facing you, you grabbed one and put it up against your body to shield yourself. 

“Okay. Done.”

He turned around, and smirked at you, “Hiding yourself?” He began walking towards you, “Don’t misunderstand. I do not lust for you, tawtute,” he leaned down, close to your burning face, eyes darkening, “Your body does not attract me, trust me.”

You squeaked when his arm brushed past yours, reaching behind you. He grabbed the rest of the furs there, and walked away from you. 

“You should sleep,” he commented over his shoulder as he began making a place on the floor to sleep for the night, “Long day, tomorrow. Rest.”

As he worked on fixing up his bed, you bit into your lip, and decided to sleep near the corner — as far away from him as possible. 

The air was thick with tension, it felt like it was crawling up and down your spine no matter how far you were from him. You laid down, choosing to stare up at the ceiling. There was shuffling to your left, and you caught Neteyam settling down on his fur, giving you the view of his back once more. With a quiet huff, you turned your attention back to the ceiling. The day’s events replayed in your head, over and over. How you got here, wondering how long it would be before you were back at the outpost, in your own cozy bed. 

It all happened in a blur. Losing Theo, getting lost, meeting Neteyam and Kanu, meeting his angry mother and legendary father and laying under the same roof as him. If you thought about it too much, you’d feel like the room was spinning. So much had happened within the span of a few hours. It almost felt like a dream. 

All you wanted was to be back at the lab. Safe and sound, and away from the very man that slept a few feet away from you. Someone who didn’t want you near him in the first place.

You frowned at his sleeping form, wondering why he had insisted that you slept with him anyway. Especially if he hated you so much. Why did he care where you slept? You weren’t his responsibility. It didn’t make any sense.

You would’ve much rather spent the night with Kanu, but he had disappeared earlier on. You couldn’t help but wonder why he’d left so early, but then again, it was none of your business. You didn’t exactly know him that well (or really, at all).

It was late, and you grew tired of thinking. Neteyam was right about one thing. You needed to rest. Too much had happened in one day, and the medicine that Mo’at had you drink before you left her hut was starting to kick in. You could feel the drowsiness lurking up on you, and decided to not fight it.

The moment you’d fallen asleep, Neteyam knew. For some reason, his body wouldn’t allow him to sleep until you did. It kept him up to make sure you were able to sleep, which was strange to him. He didn’t understand why it mattered. You seemed cozy in your little corner. Why did he feel worried about you? 

Aggravated by this connection he seemed to be having with you, he drew his fur up and over his head to hopefully block you out entirely.

Except, it didn’t seem to work. Sometimes he hated to have heightened hearing.

He could hear your teeth chattering, and your sniffling. 

He sighed. It sounded like you had a runny nose. 

Great.

He willed his body to ignore you, but it was hard. Very hard. Especially when you sneezed. He cursed under his breath. On top of your injuries, you did not need to go and get sick on him. That would only prolong your stay, and he was fighting hard to get you out of the village within, at least, a day or two. If you got sick, he was positive his father would allow you to stay for more than that. He couldn’t handle it. Especially with his mother still angry about you being around in the first place. 

Sucking up his pride, he pushed back the fur blankets and stood up with a grunt. He needed to fix this before it became a situation. His life was already stressful. He didn’t need you to continue adding on to it.

Standing over you, he took in a breath. He knew what he had to do. Your form visibly shivered under the single fur blanket you had on top of you. Other than that, you were just laying on the wooden flooring. He winced. It couldn’t have been comfortable, and of course you were shivering. The blanket wasn’t doing much to keep you warm. If anything, it was sending mixed signals to your brain making you believe you were comfortable enough to sleep, but was freezing you out at the same time. 

“Okay, little one,” He bent down and carefully scooped you into his arms. Thankfully, you were deeply asleep and didn’t wake up. “Let’s get you warm.”

Your slight squirming didn’t bother him as he set you down on his makeshift bed of fur, and noted that it was warm because he’d been laying in it. You almost cracked a smile watching the way you snuggled against the bedding, but you were still shaking. He frowned, and covered you with the rest of the fur. Hopefully, now that he had placed you somewhere with more covering, that would fix the issue.

He was wrong.

You whimpered, and tried to press yourself further into the bedding, subconsciously seeking more of the warmth that was slowly dulling out now that his body heat was gone.

Neteyam feared this was something he’d end up having to do. 

Swallowing his pride, he lifted the blankets and slipped inside with you. His first mind had been right. He’d have to sleep with you, right next to you, in order for you to get warm. You needed to leech off of his body heat and if that was going to solve the problem, then why not?

He just didn’t foresee you scooting closer to him until you were pressed right up against his back. He felt your cold fingertips against his warm skin, and let out a breath. You were freezing, just like he had suspected. Your touch was too cold to be normal so he turned around, and wrapped his arms around your tiny figure, bringing you against his chest. Your teeth continued to chatter and your whimpering didn’t stop until after Neteyam could feel himself slowly falling to sleep. You’d gone silent, and when he looked down, he could tell that you were finally warm. 

He lifted a finger to your nose, and felt that it was dry now. No runny nose. Your body was also warming up. He knew that he didn’t need to continue holding you this way, but he couldn’t let you go. It felt…nice having you so close to him. 

Your scent traveled into his nose again, and he mentally groaned. Not this again. What bad timing, at that. 

He softly trailed his nose from the shell of your ear, to your neck. He took in a slow inhale, and let it out, his warm breath coating your skin. You smelled as sweet and as intoxicating as earlier. If not more now. 

His body wanted more. 

You made a small noise from the back of your throat but otherwise, continued to sleep. He let one of his hands slide from the middle of your back down, close to the swell of your ass. He needed to gain control of himself, but there you were, nearly naked and pressed against his own half naked body. How could he resist? It was like you’d been served to him on a silver platter.

Who was he if he didn’t indulge just a little bit?

“Oeya tawtute,” he growled against your skin, fangs itching to dip into you. He felt an aggressive need to mark you, to make sure that once you left the house, everyone knew you were marked by him. Especially his annoying best friend, Kanu. How Neteyam desperately wanted to see the look on his face once he saw the mark. He’d know to not come near you ever again. That you were his, and no one else’s.

“Neteyam?” You called in a groggy voice, trying to blink the sleepiness away. You’d felt something warm against your neck, but couldn’t figure out what it was. You knew that he’d taken you to his bed to get you warm, but you didn’t expect anything else to happen. You’d been grateful for his kindness, but this…

Your eyes popped open. This was similar to earlier when he’d had you in the tree. When he held you against him, nosing your neck and acting all strange. You went rigid. Now that the two of you were alone and half naked in the same bed, there was no telling what was going to happen. 

“Hey,” you tried to push him back, but he was stronger. He nipped at your neck, pulling a choked gasp from your throat, “Neteyam, wait–”

“No,” He told you before he pushed you on your back, climbing on top of you. The first thing you noticed was how dark his eyes had gotten. They’d been such a bright and warm amber earlier, but now… They looked different. Much different. “You are mine. Not his.”

His voice was deeper as well. He didn’t even look like the same person from before. His fangs appeared longer, and his grip on your waist would’ve hurt if you weren’t so turned on by the entire shift of his personality. What was going on?

And who the hell was he even talking about? 

“I think you’re dreaming? I don’t know what you’re talking about, but–”

He hissed before he got off of you. He scooted away from you, panting, trying to get himself under control. You laid there, blinking up at the ceiling in confusion. What just happened? 

His back was facing you when you sat up on an elbow, looking at him. Even though you didn’t quite understand what he had going on, you still didn’t think it was a good idea to get upset about it. Especially when it seemed like it was something fragile and personal going on. You could always ask him about it later, but right now, it was best to try and sleep it off. 

You chose to not say anything, and turned on your side, away from him. It didn’t look like he wanted to talk anyway, and you weren’t going to force him to. 

Neteyam felt like his head was spinning on his shoulders. He couldn’t figure out what happened to him just now, but he feared that things with you would only get worse the longer he went without talking to his grandmother about what was going on. Only she would know what to do to help him with his little…problem.

He huffed to himself, and forcibly closed his eyes. If he forgot that you were only an inch away from him, he could probably get proper sleep tonight. It sounded easier said than done, though. Just moments ago, he’d been on top of you. You were looking at him with such fear that it woke up his arousal. He could’ve done anything to you, and you wouldn’t have been able to do a thing to stop him. Probably would’ve quelled the hunger he could deep within him, but not only was his gentlemen but he was also rational. A realist. It would’ve been wrong, and he was not someone that laid with someone that didn’t want to be with him. The connection needed to be mutual. Still, this…thing between you and him — it was different. It was hard to silence. 

However, he could keep fighting it back. He had to.

Feeling your feet slide up his leg by accident made his tail hit the floor rather hard. His body went rigid. 

He knew, in that moment, it was going to prove to be more of a challenge than he thought.

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

taglist: [if you are not listed, i reached my limit, sorryy 😭]

@powowowy @daydreamerbunny @itzmariaa777 @suntizme @neteyamforlife @blushhpeachh @makeup-stuff-and-such @ilovejakesullysdick @fantasico @iwanttohitmyself @mashiromochi @mae-is-crazy @lovekeeho @tpwkstiles @jellybeanstacey0519 @squidalapobre @crazy4books1 @hmt09 @danyxthirstae01 @desatando-me @zoetrope1997 @bajadotcom @maweysworld @ancientbeing10 @filmneteyam @kage-yaa @llearlert @jakesully-sbabygirl @dia-nne @reggiesslut @cerya @coldheartedmar @jdbxws @anxietydrogz @stillinracooncity @kyunasully @liluvtojineteyam @shadytalething @willowpains @itssomeonereading @luvvfromme @zaddyneteyamlovergirl @lordeleviathan @cleverzonkwombatsludge @love13tter @wtf-why-do-i-gotta-do-this @dreamtogether2000 @jjkclub @lyramundana

end notes: i just want to say thank you for all the support, i am still processing the amount of ppl that want to see this series continue bc i doubted myself a pretty long time before posting this :”) smooches to every single one of you, it’s made me so so happy istg, expect another update next week, xoxo

➶ Ambivalent — Series ; Chapter I

© all content belongs to thewayofhim 2023. do not modify, translate or repost without permission.


Tags
1 year ago

HELPOMEMEE

OOPSIE POOPSIE I ACCIDENTALLY DISRUPTED 😱😱😱 A CANON EVENT🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 I SURE HOPE THAT

OOPSIE POOPSIE I ACCIDENTALLY DISRUPTED 😱😱😱 A CANON EVENT🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯 I SURE HOPE THAT A BIG STRONG BEEFY FINE ASF BIG ADULT LATINO MONSTER👹👹👹 DOESNT COME AND CAPTURE ME🤭🤭🤭🤭

bro I’m in love with him ☝🏾🌚🌹

2 years ago

REALLLL

thinking about

Thinking About
Thinking About
2 years ago

i've never read anything like this before. love it!!! :)

Threadbare (1)

Steve Rogers x Fashion Designer!Reader (see series)

Summary: Steve gets to meet his favorite designer, and you get a surprise visitor at work.

Warnings: none. Maybe a bit of creepy behavior but not from Steve. Yes, I did just want to use the leather jacket gif for shiggles. What's it to ya? WC 3355

Threadbare (1)

Steve Rogers hates stuffy functions. He hates the brown-nosing. He hates trying to convince people who have everything to give scraps to people with nothing. He hates watching the excess and indulgence, even when he knows it ends up giving something to those in need. He hates it. He hates the whole lot of these stupid, asinine—

Steve takes a breath and smooths his hand down the buttery fabric of a double-breasted jacket hanging next to his intended garment.

Ok, fine, he hates the functions, but he actually enjoys the dressing up part.

He didn’t used to. No. The only outfit outside of his Cap suit that ever truly fit him—before or after the serum—was his SSR uniform, and coming from a time of nothing, Steve accepted that as a huge win.

And then he woke up in this world of excess and—what do they call it? Fast-fashion?— realized that what should be easier to acquire was much, much harder to find: room to breathe.

Steve may roll his eyes at Tony’s custom everything, but he admits internally that at least Stark’s comfortable all the time. Steve would settle for being comfortable in his own skin.

This helps though, this gloriously draped, stiff in a supportive way, heavy in a grounding way, and shapely button down. He doesn’t need a whole suit tonight; it’s not that kind of event. In fact, Steve wasn’t specifically invited. He heard Tony talking about the new collection by the designer of this shirt—which happens to be the label for 90% of Steve’s dressier clothing at this point—and Steve outright volunteered himself to go with Tony.

See, Steve Rogers is now a big, broad guy, and it’s been an adjustment, as well as plain difficult, to gather a wardrobe that isn’t custom tailored due to his sheer size and proportions. The team jokes about his tight shirts, but if he buys things large enough for his shoulders, his waist swims in fabric. Steve had to live off of stretchy clothing for the first three years he was out of the ice. He wasn’t out of his Cap suit long enough for the investment to be worthwhile. Then it took another several years before he discovered Tovarich.

The man must know what it’s like to be big and broad, that’s for sure. Steve may not be much for high fashion, but he’s genuinely gotten so much comfort and enjoyment out of Mr. Tovarich’s work that Steve wants to thank him personally. For once, being Captain America is a good card to play to ensure he gets to meet the designer.

Steve adjusts his rolled sleeves a bit in the mirror, smirking at himself for being a bit of a dandy concerning his look right now, but he’s determined to have a good time out with Tony. It’s just a fashion show. How difficult can it be?

Threadbare (1)

Really damn difficult, that’s what it is.

Steve isn’t prepared for the bizarre press interest in who is there instead of what is being shown. He’s used to cameras flashing at him—especially because the bright and loud pops of flashes were much worse in the ‘40s—but Steve’s in awe of the models’ complete indifference while walking a straight line with a straight face in some of the simplest, most magnificent men’s wear he’s ever seen.

If all he had to do was tick boxes on a list to order things, Steve would be in big trouble with a full bingo card and an empty wallet. It’d be worth it though.

Tony tries to talk to him every so often, but the music is outrageously loud. Steve can’t hear a thing.

He gets tapped on the shoulder by some women sitting behind him, and they try to say some more things he can’t hear.

Everyone rises to clap, and Steve joins in, overwhelmed by the fast pace of all the outfits on repeat, when the man on his other side accidentally elbows Steve and drops his program. The paper flutters to land in front of Tony’s feet, so Steve picks it up, hands it back, and the man makes an appreciative face before gesturing vaguely at the runway and mouthing his admiration. Steve nods and smiles, happy he’s not the only one fanboying over clothes.

The lights change in the venue. The photography and clapping stop. Tony starts yammering on about an after party, but Steve wants to meet the designer.

“Oh, Cap, that walk-and-wave was as close as you’re getting today. Tovarich is a hot commodity. I’ll just get you a fitting sometime.” He clamps a hand onto Steve’s shoulder and tilts his head toward the refreshments. “Shall we?”

Darn. Steve should have done more research on how fashion shows work, but he hates how invasive online snooping feels. It was fine when he was catching up on history and historical figures. However, most of the ‘news’ now is not news at all, so he avoids searching for information that way. He doesn’t ask question about Mr. Tovarich because, in theory, it’s none of Steve’s business and Steve may or may not be slightly ashamed at how obsessed he is with something as trivial as clothing.

Fashion is not something he thought about until very, very recently. The most time he’s spent worried about what he puts on is his tac suit, and the main features of that are being blade resistant and bullet proof. Those things don’t exactly interest him so much as they are in his best interest.

So Steve is rather disappointed by the outcome of the evening, but he’ll manage. For once, he’s got a tiny bright light of something to look forward to in the form of a few more dress shirts and a very sharp vest.

He goes on with life as usual.

Threadbare (1)

Months later and they’re doing this thing.

It’s called the Hellfire Gala, and apparently, it’s a big, big deal. Steve’s told everyone goes all out, that he’ll need to be dressed to the nines, and he realizes this is his opportunity.

Tony’s elated to make the arrangements for him with the Tovarich Atélier and plans to go with him. He wouldn’t stop grumbling about how awkward Steve might be, raving that he can’t have Steve getting a bad rap under his clout, so Steve shows up nervous.

Tony sends a text saying he’s running late. Of course he is, today of all days.

Steve shuts his eyes and lowers his head in gratitude that there are only two seamstresses when he first arrives. The ladies—one older and one younger—offer refreshments and ask a few questions about the event and what styles he might be interested in. He explains the getup needs to highlight the ‘Cap’ persona since the gala is a celebration of their work as Avengers, but other than that, it’s the-sky’s-the-limit for Tovarich.

The younger seamstress smiles at that and calls it ‘fun.’

Sure. That’s one word for it. Steve would also call it daunting.

As instructed, he stands on a small platform while the ladies bustle about speaking quietly to each other. Steve hears Tony ring the reception bell before any measurements have started, and he heaves out a sigh of relief.

“In time for the good stuff, am I?” Stark winks.

“Always perfectly welcome, Mr. Stark,” you, the younger woman, say politely. “Would you care for anything to drink?”

“Uh,” Tony smooths his hand down his current suit front, eyes flickering to Steve, “have you met me?”

Your smile widens. “Dominica, please,” you signal to your coworker.

Between your fingers, you’ve folded a scrap of paper, something you scribbled while Steve stood awkwardly on the pedestal (which isn’t to say he has stopped standing awkwardly), and Tony snatches the paper from your grasp, unfolding it to make a challenging, inquisitive face.

Steve huffs and glares, praying his friend doesn’t start hitting on Tovarich’s employee before the man even shows up. Steve isn’t the one to be worried about.

Stark takes Dominica’s proffered tumbler of brown liquor, saying nothing.

You are a ninja with the tape measure, gentle hands sliding over his chest and waist and—Steve swallows—his hips, all while rattling off numbers…which no one writes down. Steve moves his arms and legs when told. When you’re kneeling on the edge of the platform, eye level with his crotch, Steve decides to distract himself and get some answers.

“I’ve been looking forward to my first meeting with Mr. Tovarich. When might he arrive?”

Tony clears his throat, wincing. “Not possible, buddy.”

Steve tenses.

“I thought that—“

“You can’t meet him for the the first time.” Tony holds up a hand before Steve can move. “You already did. She’s measuring the distance between your balls and the floor.”

Steve startles out a ‘what,’ snapping his legs shut with your hand between his thighs.

“Captain Steve Rogers, please meet your favorite designer,” Tony beams, shoving his tongue against the inside of his cheek and hiking up his eyebrows.

Steve shrinks, face burning.

“Hello, Captain Rogers,” you introduce yourself with a lovely smile, “I will…need my hand to make your suit, sir.”

His open-mouthed impression of a fish is cut short by standing at attention, releasing the seal of his thighs. “Yes, ma’am. Sorry.”

“Very polite,” you mutter before turning to Tony. “Mr. Stark, was that entirely necessary?”

“For the look alone, yes. My god, I’ll pay you again just to watch now that he knows.”

You push off the platform and practically skip over to Tony, reading over his shoulder. “How did I do?”

Tony looks at the piece of paper. “Damn it. Spot on,” Tony grunts.

“And that means…?”

“That I leave you alone for the rest of the consult,” Tony whines. “Fine, but make it worth it, buddy. Lady gets paid by the hour.” He snaps his fingers playfully. “Dominica, let’s take room two, my dear.”

Steve’s not sure what to do with his hands and mistakenly remains up high on the pedestal while you pull out a notebook and sit at a small table.

“Oh!” You look up at him with tender, lively eyes. “You may step down now.”

He feet seem to thunder to the floor even against the carpet. “I didn’t mean to—I just assumed that—I’m sorry, Misses—”

“It’s Miss,” you correct him. “And don’t worry. You are not the first, and you won’t be the last. Have a seat, Captain.”

“Steve.”

“Steve,” you correct yourself this time. “I’ll tell you a secret. I prefer that most people assume a man runs this business. You get to see people’s true colors when they finally find out.”

That doesn’t help Steve’s hot flush of embarrassment.

“You are one of the good ones. I can tell,” you add, adjusting to a fresh page in the notebook and marking the top corner.

In the silence Steve asks, “so you already knew my size?”

“You aren’t so different from my standard cut.”

“No,” he allows. Of course, he should have known that seeing as everything he buys from your label fits him so well. He kicks himself internally while trying not to frown at his slip up. It is, however, easy to keep a smile while basking in the glow of yours.

You pop your shoulder up into a shrug, lips morphing into a wry tease. “And I’m pretty good at what I do.”

Amazing, Steve thinks to himself. You’re amazing…at what you do.

Your elbow rests against the table, hand cupping your jaw as you hold Steve’s gaze.

“Some even call me a master of the male form.”

His swallow is deafening, which only makes you happier, and he looks down at his knee, rubbing his pant leg while his face heats.

“But for today’s purposes—“ you lean back in your chair, twirling your pencil playfully, a magic wand in your brilliant hands “—why don’t you tell me what makes me your favorite designer so I can make you my favorite client?”

Threadbare (1)

Why’d you have to be so pretty? Why do you need him for so few fittings?

Steve has to stop himself from spending a Tony Stark-sized fortune on clothing for the pleasure of walking into your store and seeing you alone—well, in the hope of seeing you at all. Dominica is very sweet, sassy in a hard ass mom kind of way, and she’s one of four total assistants you have at the shop. Steve’s met three of them.

There’s just only one of you, and you’re busy.

Between his duties with the Avengers, actually sleeping, and debating with himself about what constitutes looking desperate, Steve is lucky to have caught you in-house only half the times he visits.

And then he tore a shirt. In fact, he tore three shirts, and to his credit, two of them were by accident. The third…uh, there’s a chance that when Steve exclaimed “oh shoot, I didn’t see that nail poking out” that he 100% saw that nail and deliberately brushed himself against that wall. He also may or may not have deliberately done it in front of Tony, faking that it was no big deal, because now he has the excuse that Tony is the one who told him to go see you.

Yeah, Steve agrees, if you say so.

He’s all excitement and nerves again when he rounds the corner of your street, but then the adrenaline shoots through Steve’s veins for a different reason.

A squad car has jumped the curb in front of your shop, lights flashing, doors left open, and Steve can hear lots of tense voices.

Threadbare (1)

It’s a stressful enough day without the uninvited guest. Not many people—who know how you work and are not assholes—would dare to show up within a month of the Spring Show, without an appointment, and demand a rush job.

A rush job on a custom suit that you explicitly said could not be rushed before its scheduled time, mind you, but the surprise visitor doesn’t care.

Richard Fisk is broad. He has dirty blond hair that falls in front of his eyes when he tilts his head to smile. He often travels with a whole team of other imposing men.

The son of Wilson ‘Kingpin’ Fisk, however, is a prime example of personality souring good looks. Where it’s bashful and adorable that Steve Rogers hides his smile, Richard barely bridles his menacing entitlement.

You hate him, but he’s not a person you can outright refuse. He makes all of your assistants uncomfortable. Fisk is needlessly hostile to Tarik, who is thankfully not here today; he’s a creepy dick to Abby, who you insist stays in the fitting room with Anja, your longtime client who trusts you to push the envelope tastefully for a redheaded woman in her sixties; and he almost made Jules quit because he couldn’t follow instructions during a consult. Dominica stands in as the perfect buffer when she’s here, but the eldest of the Tovarich Atélier employees is currently on the other side of the city for a VIP delivery.

Your busy, busy day just got much harder.

His trio of beefy entourage flanks Fisk at the front of your shop.

“Here for my suit, sugar,” he drawls, flicking his used toothpick into a corner on the floor.

He eyes Abby as she shuts herself and Anja away from his direct ire, and although this leaves you alone, it stops your worry for their safety in addition to your own.

“As it stipulates in the commission, we take at least—“

“Those little hands are free now, I see,” he spits, stepping within an few inches of your face. His breath is foul and hot.

The aggression has you stumbling back, smashing into a side table and knocking a box of supplies to the ground.

“How ‘bout you get to work.”

You take in a heavy, fortifying, and quiet gasp. “Per your order, the fabric is manufactured off-site because teal is not a standard color. It takes time to produce. This was made very clear when you signed.”

Fisk flashes that menacing smile. “We can wait. One of these fine men can…keep you focused till you do your job.”

The condescending tone and disrespect of your work ethic spark flames of rage in your gut. Even though terror still simmers beneath, it’s too easy to let an insult fly.

“You’re lucky I’m even making it. The all white one last summer was a stretch, but teal? On you? Not something you can pull off.”

He lunges forward again. “Keep up the cheek, and I’ll lock you in my basement until I get everything I—“

“Ma’am,” a cop bursts through the shop door, “we got a call…” The officer goes quiet after one look at Fisk.

Abby must have phoned after hearing you knock supplies down, and you’re grateful, yes, but police are of little help with this guy. Cops wouldn’t dare ruffle Kingpin’s feathers or his awful son’s by proxy, but if you roll over now, you’ll never get back out from under him.

The only way forward is to put your foot down.

“Mr. Fisk, I wouldn’t make you a black and white striped three-piece if you did chain me in a basement. You’re a spring, and I have standards.”

“Ma’am,” the officer warns, his partner standing nervously in the open doorway.

“What kind of professional would I be if I let you walk around looking like a mental asylum inmate? I’m doing you a favor!”

Richard brandishes another toothpick. “The customer is always right, sugar.”

It’s stupid. You know it’s stupid to taunt him and yell. Being insulted and diminished doesn’t make you want to be smart though; it makes you want to be right.

Your hands ball into fists of fear and rage. “It’s my name on the label,” you bark, “and I could just refund you to get you the hell out!”

Now you’ve really done it.

The boy gangster’s face twists and his oral fixation goes limp in disbelief. No one talks to Richard Fisk that way, least of all women.

His men step between both the cops and their boss, leaving Fisk himself to grab a solid wood tie box from the nearest counter and fling it at your face.

Your arms fly up to block it, but nothing ever connects, nor is there a crash behind you.

An officer’s voice wavers from across the room. “Uh, I’m sure this can all be worked out. No need to…start anything.”

You’re ashamed to say that your hands are shaking when they return to your sides and reveal an entirely different bulky blond.

Steve Rogers casually holds the caught box in his hands, staring daggers as he shifts squarely in front of you to block Fisk.

“This doesn’t concern you, Captain,” the bully grunts. “Piss off.”

Steve strides forward to replace the box neatly and plants himself inches from Fisk’s face.

“Can’t do that. She’s expecting me.” He turns back to you. “Ready?” Steve asks with a tight smile.

You swallow down one iota of your alarm and clear your throat.

“Yes—” the word cracks but you hope familiarity will scare off Fisk for now “—thank you, Steve.”

That seems to be Captain America’s cue to handle everyone else at odds in the storefront. By the time you get control of your trembling limbs, Steve has shown Fisk the door and promised the officers that you’ll be looked after.

Abby peeks out of the fitting room, surprised to see only Steve.

“Did they send you instead?”

She opens the door wider for Anja to see.

The redhead quirks an eyebrow. “Call the police more often, honey. They’ve upped their game.”

The now bashful, broad blond tilts his head, rogue hair falling across his face. His blue eyes sparkle beneath long lashes while he apologizes for lying, but you can’t for the life of you figure out why he’d feel guilty.

“I…” Steve stumbles. “I don’t have an appointment. I just wanted to see you.”

Threadbare (1)

Currently estimating four parts to this grumbling into the ether but who knows. I clearly cannot be trusted to estimate length anymore...

[Next Part]

You can find more to read on my Main Masterlist! For readers under 18, please see the Light Masterlist which contains all-age-friendly works.

@supraveng @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @femefetalelevelingup @darsynia


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2 years ago

loved this!! :)

dating neteyam as a human

| warnings: neteyam being cute lolzie?? idk what else honestly

| also reader lives at the lab, just to make it easier for me haha

kiri was the whole reason neteyam asked you out, she pestered him about his crush on you until he finally did something about it. so thanks to kiri !!

teases you about how short you are even though he loves it, he also picks you up a lot

talking of picking you up, if you fall asleep somewhere you shouldn’t. neteyam will gently pick up your head and swoop his free hand under your leg and pick you up, carefully and quietly as possible and bring you back to your bed.

he also likes placing his hands around the backs of your thighs and lifting you up, your hands finding their way around his neck. sometimes he just carry’s you like this for the fun of it, or when he thinks you shouldn’t be on the ground if your high up in the trees.

makes things for you, bracelets, necklaces.. you name it and he’ll (try) to make it for you. neytiri had taught him growing up how to make things. he used to always make things for his mother, kiri and tuk before he met you. his only problem is having to make them extra small so they fit around you, which is hard considering how big his hands are.

visits the lab as much as possible to see you, it’s easier for the both of you because you don’t have to wear a mask when your inside. so neteyam can touch and kiss your face whenever he pleases 💋

speaking of kissing, this boy lovessss to kiss you. kissed your lips, cheeks, shoulder, neck and even your hands. if you have any scars he kisses them aswell.

your very close with kiri, whenever neteyam is out with jake or doing his own things you hang out with kiri. neteyam thinks it’s adorable that his sister is your best friend.


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1 year ago

OKAY YOU ATE THIS UPPPPPPP I LOVE THIS SERIES SM. like i kid u not imo this is one of THE best written eris fics there is out there. love it and love U AUTHOR THANKS FOR WRITING THIS

chapter xxii – gust & flame

Eris Vanserra x Reader

Eris Vanserra has been a prisoner in his own home since the day he was born. He has done what he had to in order to survive and protect the few he loves. And he is playing the long game. Waiting, waiting, and waiting for the right time to make his move, to usurp his wicked father and become High Lord of Autumn Court. But things become even more complicated when a human girl drops into his life. Perhaps Eris can wait no longer to take his throne.

Word Count: 5,000+

masterlist

Chapter Xxii – Gust & Flame

Y/N spent the next three weeks hiding in her workroom, making various potions and charms and candles – and anything else that would help the human women and children who now had sanctuary in the Forest House. Many of them could not sleep due to nightmares or anxiety, feeling like they were still in danger. Others had other mental hurdles that prevented them from even finding the will to live.

So, Y/N had been working day and night, casting remedies for it all with her witchcraft. 

She had barely been sleeping. Even worse, she was barely eating. 

Servants would politely knock on her door and silently bring her giant plates of food for every meal – and even small plates of snacks. But as soon as they left, Y/N would forget the food was ever brought in the first place. She would just get sucked right back into working. 

But the humans weren’t the only thing haunting her. 

Y/N hadn’t seen Eris since her confession in the woods. 

Surprisingly, it was because he had respected her request to give them space. 

But she heard the people of the Forest House, and they gossiped in whispers.

Eris had apparently been working himself to exhaustion, visiting various villages across Autumn Court, speaking with the common folk, and delegating tasks to his advisors. 

The wind constantly urged Y/N to go to him. But she managed to ignore their constant torment. 

Y/N now worked on making a tea for the young humans who were anxious as ever, despite now being safe in Autumn Court. She understood that the fae realm was strange and scary – especially after their first exposure to the realm was nothing but torture. 

Suddenly, the door to her workshop was thrown open. 

The five bloodhounds napping near it jumped to attention and growled menacingly. 

Lucien came strutting in, clearly on some sort of mission. 

The dogs snarled at his interruption and lunged for him.

And if it weren’t for the invisible shield Lucien had clearly conjured with a lazy flick of his wrist, his ankles surely would’ve been torn apart by their jaws. 

Y/N quickly looked back down at her work, not even acknowledging his entrance.

“I’m busy,” she muttered with obvious annoyance. 

“Well, now…” Lucien announced as he got into her space, forcing her to address his presence. “You are taking a break.” 

He stood against her worktable, blocking Y/N from continuing her brewing. 

“Lucien, I do not have the mental energy to deal with your antics today. I have work to do.”

“And it will be here when we return. But for now, you are going on a walk in the woods with me.” 

Y/N crossed her arms. “Can’t you find some pretty courtier to entertain you?”

Lucien smirked. “But spending time with a woman who finds me irritating is so much more exciting.” Then his face turned serious as he studied her face, noting the shadows under her bloodshot eyes. “Come, Y/N. You haven’t left this room in weeks. The servants say you ignore every meal they bring you. And Eris…”

He stopped when he noticed her reaction from someone merely mentioning his brothers name.

“Well, we don’t need to talk about him right now,” he finally finished. 

Y/N sighed, and then glanced outside.

When was the last time she’d left the walls of the Forest House? Perhaps some fresh air would do her good. And then she could get back to her work. 

“Fine,” she snapped. “But the hounds are coming with and I don’t care if they bite you.”

All she could hear was Lucien chuckling behind her as she walked out of the workroom. 

———

Lucien had insisted on Y/N wearing a cloak, but couldn’t convince her to put on boots – or any shoes for that matter. 

“What’s the point of a walk if you can’t feel the ground beneath your feet?” Y/N scoffed at him. 

“If you get frostbite and lose a toe, Eris will kill me…” Lucien muttered, barely loud enough for her to hear him. 

To Y/N’s surprise, Lucien allowed a peaceful silence to settle between the two of them as they walked through the forest surrounding the property. 

No guards insisted on joining them, so they must be safe enough to be unchaperoned.

However, they still had five smoke hounds surrounding them. They now sniffed the ground with precision, never straying too far from Y/N. Every so often, they would trot up to her, asking for pets or licking her hand.

“You know, they eventually will learn how to live again and without fear.” Lucien told her gently after some time. 

Y/N just sighed. 

“Humans are stronger than most fae give them credit for. They’re resilient and overcome such terrible things. They have to. Their lives are fleeting, to do otherwise would be a waste of a short and fragile life.” 

Y/N glared at him. “Our lives,” she corrected. “Our lives are fleeting.” 

Lucien watched her carefully. 

“I see Eris told you of our last conversation…” she mumbled with irritation. 

“Well, I had to force it out of him after he started snapping at everyone who dared look at him for longer than a second.” He looked Y/N up and down. “Believe it or not, he looks worse than you do.” 

Y/N rolled her eyes. “Oh, you are always so kind, Lucien.”

“When did you start to think so little of yourself?” He countered. 

“E-Excuse me?” 

“Do you really think Eris cares about you being a mortal or without noble blood? I thought you of all people could see through his mask and see him for who is truly is. And does that really seem like a concern that would prevent him from loving you?” 

“Do you hear how advisors and envoys from other Courts speak of Feyre? To them she is an ignorant child. Hardly unhuman. She still is learning so much about the ways of the fae.” 

Lucien scoffed. “Only a fool would underestimate Feyre. She is the only reason we were freed from our curse. And she may also be the only reason we won the war against Hybern.”

Y/N stopped walking. “Why is Feyre a High Lady? She is the only female with such a title. Your mother is only the Lady of Autumn.” 

“Because Rhysand wanted an equal. He values his mate's opinion and ethics – as he should. He is progressive in a way most fae will fail to ever understand. Could you imagine Beron Vanserra seeing my mother as anything more than his breeder?” 

Y/N said nothing, but openly cringed at the word 'breeder.'

“And dare I say…if you truly believed yourself so undeserving of a similar title, then why do you hide away in the libraries of the Forest House, learning everything you can of Autumn Court and the politics of the fae realm?” 

Y/N glared at him. “I do not wish to be ignorant.”

Lucien smirked knowingly. “Aye. That is precisely my point.”

She narrowed her gaze. “Why are you so invested in our relationship, Lucien? Recently, you have inserted yourself in a way that you have usually avoided in the past.” 

Any mischievous expression that was left on his face had disappeared. He frowned and his eyes held sympathy. 

“I believe my time here in the Autumn Court is coming to a close.” 

Y/N’s eyes widened. “W-W-What? Why?” 

“Yes, my banishment has been lifted. But this place holds far too many bad memories. My nightmares are filled with them. I don’t think I was ever meant to return. I feel as if I was never meant to be in this Court at all...” 

“B-But where will you go? Back to Night Court?”

“Most likely. Being away from my mate – despite her ignoring my existence – starts to take a toll on me.”

“You ache for her?” Y/N asked him gently. 

Lucien blushed and hesitated before he finally nodded. 

“Well, who will I make fun of and torment?” Y/N teased. 

But before she could answer, a noise caught her attention. 

Y/N held up her hand, signaling for Lucien to also listen. Which was silly, his fae hearing had picked it up long before she had. 

“It is just a fox cry,” Lucien pointed out. 

Then a small wind passed through and he knew she wasn’t listening to him. 

“Not just a fox cry,” Y/N answered and started to follow the sound. 

Then she suddenly remembered the smoke hounds that were surrounding them. 

Y/N whistled to get their attention. And they whipped around to face her, waiting for her next command. 

“Stay with Lucien,” she ordered them gently. “And don’t bite him.”

They all started whining, not liking her to go anywhere without them being able to follow. 

Y/N rushed forward following invisible directions. 

She didn’t stop until she found the source of the noise. And just around a cluster of trees, she found it.

A red fox kit, shivering underneath the trunk of a giant oak tree. 

Y/N rushed forward, but then slowed when she just a few feet away. 

The kit eyed her, still shaking from the cold and probably fear. 

“Y/N, don’t touch it.” Lucien called out, having followed her a few steps behind, with the smoke hounds at his heels. 

Y/N ignored him and kneeled in front of the kit. “Hello there. No need to be afraid. I won't hurt you.” 

“Its mother will come back for it,” Lucien tried to tell her. 

Then a gust of wind passed through, shaking the dry leaves like a chorus. 

“No, it’s all alone,” Y/N called over her shoulder to him. Clearly, the wind had told her. “His mother was killed by hunters. He’s been here for days, waiting for her.” 

She turned back to the kit. “Come on, little one. I will look after you. I know those dogs over there seem big and scary, but I won’t let them harm you.” 

The kit let out a little whimper. 

“I know you want your mama. But she isn’t coming back. I’m so sorry. But I will keep you safe.” 

Then the kit shakily walked toward Y/N. 

As he did, she took off her cloak, preparing to wrap up the shivering fox in it. 

“What shall we name you?” Y/N asked the kit gently, as she stood with it wrapped cozily in her arms.

The wind brushed through her hair, and Y/N giggled at what they said. “The wind thinks we should call you Ronan. How does that sound?”

The kit squeaked out a happy noise. 

“Ronan it is then,” Y/N answered back with a smile. 

But when she turned to walk back to the others, Lucien was staring at her strangely. 

“What? What is it?” 

Lucien blinked, snapping himself out of it. “Nothing. It is only…there was once a tradition in Autumn Court. High Lords would gift their Lady of Autumn a fox kit to raise. Obviously the tradition hasn’t been practiced since before Beron’s time.” 

“O-Ohh,” Y/N managed to stutter out. 

What was he trying to say?

“Foxes are sacred animals in this Court,” Lucien continued. “Though they are tricky to tame, once you do, they are fiercely loyal creatures.”

“So why are you looking at me like that?” She asked. 

“The Cauldron works in mysterious ways,” was all he would give her. “Come. Let us get our new friend home.” 

Ronan almost instantly fell asleep as Y/N carried him to the Forest House. The kit already trusted her to keep him safe. 

Y/N started muttering to him as they entered the gates. “We will get you the softest bed. And I will feed you fresh fruit and I’ll sneak the best cuts of meats for you. You will be spoiled rotten, Ronan.”

“Motherly instinct has already kicked in, has it?” Lucien teased. 

But he didn’t expect for her entire body to stiffen. 

“I have no desire to be a mother,” she answered darkly before she could stop herself. 

That was when Lucien put together a whole different argument for Y/N forcing distance between her and Eris. 

His posture straightened and his mouth opened slightly. Without thinking, he blurted out. “You are worried about an heir.”

It didn’t come out as a question; it was a statement. 

Lucien now looked at her as if he could read her very mind, like a daemati. He could see every one of her fears on display. And she just stood their, as vulnerable as ever. 

Before Y/N could defend herself or come up with some blatant lie, the guards around them stood at attention and turned to face the direction of the Forest House’s main entrace. And they bowed slightly. 

Eris stood at the open door, watching the two of them. 

It was the first time he and Y/N had seen each other since the lake. 

And the two of them couldn’t take their eyes off one another. Their gazes locked. 

“Leave us,” Eris gently commanded without looking away. 

All Y/N could do was hear the shuffling of armor as Lucien and his guards quickly made their escape from the front courtyard, leaving her with the male she had been trying to avoid for the past few weeks. 

“And who is this?” Eris finally broke the silence, pointing to the fox.

Y/N clutched the kit tighter. “This is Ronan.” 

Eris didn’t question her further. Instead he blindsided her with a subject change. “You haven’t been eating.”

She blinked in confusion, then recovered by glaring at him. 

“I have respected your wishes to keep my distance these past few weeks,” Eris continued. “But when my guards and servants say you have not been eating nor sleeping, I will ignore such a request.”

“I am fine,” Y/N defied him. 

Eris lifted a brow, challenging her. 

But she was too tired to pick a fight. 

“Come,” Eris gestured behind him toward the Forest House. 

And she begrudgingly followed. 

The two of them didn’t speak as they walked down the winding halls. 

Eris didn’t stop until they were in the grand banquet hall. 

There was a feast already prepared on the table. It could’ve fed a royal party. But there were only two dining chairs set at the long table. 

“This is far too much food,” Y/N muttered. 

“Yes, so you will not have the excuse of disliking the options,” he countered. 

And before she could say anything else, he added, “None of it will go to waste. Whatever you don’t eat will be shared with others.” 

For good measure, he sent her warning look and pointed at a chair. “Sit, Y/N. And eat.” 

Y/N knew there was no use arguing about this. And the smell of the food alone made her realize how hungry she was. Her stomach ached from the emptiness. 

She slowly sat with Ronan in her lap, who was fast asleep. 

“And are you here to simply watch me?” Y/N asked Eris. 

“No, I’m joining you.” He answered as he pulled out the other chair. 

Y/N listened to her stomach and grabbed a few things that seemed appetizing, but also would give her fuel to continue working rigorously. 

As if Eris knew she was already thinking about getting back to work, he commented. “The humans are in good health. I have my finest soldiers guarding them at all times. I even sent some of the hounds there to play with the children.” 

“I know,” Y/N mumbled. Her eyes flickered up to his. “I know you will not let any harm come to them while they are here.” 

He blinked. “Then why will you not rest?” 

“If I can keep helping them, then I must.” 

Eris sighed. “I am not telling you to stop. I am asking that you find balance. You will be helping no one if you are not taking care of yourself. Eating consistent meals and getting a full night’s rest is part of that.” 

“I know,” Y/N repeated quietly. 

Eris seemed taken aback by her submission. He was fully prepared for her to spend the whole meal arguing with him. But it only proved how exhausted she must be. 

Without allowing himself to think of stopping, Eris’ hand reached toward Y/N’s face and cupped her cheek so gently. 

“Please, talk to me.” 

His words were pleading. His eyes desperate. 

Her eyes teared up, but she blinked to control her emotions. “I-I-I’m just tired.”

“Yes, I know.” Eris agreed, but his look indicated that it was obvious there was something more than her general exhaustion. 

“I do not like being away from you,” Y/N finally admitted quietly. “But I know it is what we must do.” 

If she was less tired, she would never have allowed herself to speak such words. 

Eris sighed and finally leaned back in his chair, dropping his hand from her cheek. “What I must do to convince you that it isn’t?” 

But Y/N just shook her head, quietly begging him not to have this conversation right now. 

As if sensing her turmoil, Ronan woke up startled. Then he took in Eris and growled as menacingly as a little, helpless kit could. 

Y/N giggled as the ridiculousness of it brought her out of her gutter of emotions and cut the tension that had been building. 

“Hush. None of that,” Y/N laughed before kissing the top of Ronan’s head. 

Eris gave her a look, silently asking, ‘Are you going to explain this to me now?’

“I found him in the woods,” her voice sad as she explained. “His mother was killed by hunters. I’m going to look after him now.” 

“You have a kind heart, Y/N.” Eris explain softly. “Any in need within your reach, you help. But when will you allow others to do the same for you?” 

She couldn’t answer such a question. Instead, she stroked Ronan’s head and went back to eating. 

The two ate in silence for the rest of the meal. 

Eris didn’t stop eating until Y/N did, not wanting to give her a reason for finishing before she was actually full. 

“I am sorry,” Y/N told him. 

He gave her a questioning look. 

“For worrying you.” 

He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “I will always be worried about you, Y/N.” 

And they both heard the unsaid possibilities with such words.

If she were to truly leave Autumn Court and Prythian altogether, how much sleep would Eris lose worrying about his mate being away from him, living a life without him? Could someone worry themselves so sick that they left the living completely?

“Come,” Eris stood and walked behind her chair to pull it out. “I will walk you to your bedroom.”

Silence once again settled between them. 

But any time Eris got somewhat close to Y/N, Ronan would give him a warning growl. Clearly it hardly took any time for the little fox to grow attached to Y/N – and protective. 

“Now I know how Lucien feels with my smoke hounds…” Eris muttered with a smirk. 

“You don’t mind that I’ve taken him in?” Y/N finally asked. 

“If it will make you happy, you could take on a dragon as a pet. However, it is not all that unusual for the ladies of this Court to take foxes as companions.”

“So I’ve heard…”

Eris nodded. “Did you learn that from your reading or from my loudmouthed brother?”

Y/N smiled. “The latter. He said the Cauldron worked in mysterious ways...but didn't elaborate." 

His face turned serious. “Yes, it does.” 

They were at he bedchambers just a moment later. 

Eris stalled. “Goodnight, Y/N. Do try and get some rest tonight.” 

—🍁—🍁—

Y/N shot up in bed, gasping for breath from a nightmare. 

She was covered in sweat and had even soaked her nightgown, as well as the bedding. 

Then she looked around and immediately found another reason for it: the fire at the other end of the room was roaring and none of the windows were open. 

Strange. She always opened all of them before going to sleep. 

No wonder she had sweat through everything, her room was like an oven. And the wind that comforted her every night while she slept had been kept out. 

But then images of her nightmare flashed in her mind.

Her sister, eyes staring lifelessly up at the full-moon sky. Her dead child in her arms along with her. 

Y/N had repressed the memory for so long, hardly allowing herself to think of her sister.

But Lucien bringing up motherhood and heirs earlier that day must have unlocked it from deep within her subconscious. 

She shook her head as if the movement would erase the memories. 

Then she slowly got out of bed to open the windows.

But as soon as she would swing one open, the wind would slam it shut. 

Y/N glared at the gesture. “What are you playing at?” 

She tried another window, and the wind did the same. 

“Do you wish for me to roast alive?” 

But the wind was not taking her sass.

Suddenly, a tornado-like gust flew into the room, whipping all the windows open. 

“Go…to…him.” The wind called. “Do…not…be…alone.”

Then the windows all slammed shut in unison. 

It should’ve made Y/N jump, but she'd grown accustomed to their dramatics. 

And they were right: she didn’t want to be alone. And she definitely didn’t want to try to go back to sleep, fearing that she’d see more of her sister’s cold, dead body. 

Forgoing a shawl or robe, Y/N tiptoed down the halls. 

When she reached her destination, her fist hovered over the door. 

But before she could knock, the door flung open. 

“Oh,” Y/N gasped. “I…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you.”

There stood Eris, looking somewhat alarmed. He was shirtless, only wearing sleep shorts that stopped midway down his thighs. His hair was slightly messy, proving that he had been sleeping at some point – or at least trying to.  

“What’s wrong?” Eris asked. 

“Did you know it was me at the door?”

“Of course. I can smell you,” he explained as if it were obvious. 

Eris could also feel her in his heart and his soul. She was his mate, after all. But he kept that bit to himself.

“Right,” she answered, feeling stupid for even asking. 

He took a step closer to her. “Y/N, are you alright?” 

“Yes, I’m fine.” Her answer hurried out, not wanting to alarm him. “It was just…I had a nightmare. A-A-And the wind is being cruel, making my room far too hot.”

But she quickly shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said once again. “I shouldn’t have woken you.”

She tried to make her escape, turning to leave.

Then she was suddenly being scooped up into Eris’ arms. 

She squeaked in surprise and her arms gripped his shoulders by instinct. 

He carried her fully into his bedchambers and kicked the door closed behind him. 

“Eris, put me down!” But her voice was anything but stern. 

“No.” 

Then they were in his bedroom. And though it was nighttime, the moon still clearly displayed the giant windows taking up an entire wall. And they were all open, letting in the brisk night air. 

‘Traitors,’ Y/N thought to herself. 

Then Y/N realized that she’d never been in Eris' room before. Well, she stayed in his old room. But this was clearly a chamber for a High Lord, and it showed. 

“This is unnecessary…” she groaned when Eris walked toward the giant bed. 

He ignored her, of course, and gently placed her on the side of his bed. 

Y/N expected him to jump right in along with her. But instead he took a step back and kneeled in front of her, forearms balancing on his knees. 

“You have two choices: you can either tell me about your nightmare or you can keep it to yourself. But either way, I am sleeping in this bed beside you. Is that understood?”

Y/N was taken aback by his calm, yet unmoving, authority. 

Realizing that he was expecting some sort of response, all she could mange was a stiff nod. 

He waited a few moments to see if she would speak. 

Instead, Y/N laid down in his bed, turning so her back faced him and pulled the covers high over her shoulders. 

Eris sighed and stood, walking over to the other side of the bed. 

He slowly and carefully joined her under the covers, making sure to keep a respectable distance between them. Which was fairly easy with how large the bed was. 

He settled on his side, watching Y/N as she got lost in her head. 

When he stopped moving, the room was filled with the crackling of the fire in the room that was much lower and calmer than the one in Y/N’s room. 

A rumbling of thunder started in the distance and rain began to fall outside. 

“I dreamt of my sister,” Y/N whispered. 

Eris just waited, silently hoping his mate would keep speaking. 

“She died in childbirth.”

He shifted ever so closer. “I thought your entire coven was killed by a nearby village.”

“They were,” Y/N muttered. “This was only a year before that. She had fallen in love with man from the village before the one that slaughtered us. He was smitten…but he did not love her the same way she loved him. Men were not common companions of ours. They either feared us – or wished to tame us and rip us away from our coven to take us for themselves.”

Her eyes glazed over at the memory. 

“She thought he would travel with us, that she could have a family and her coven. It only took a couple of months before she was with child. But just weeks before the baby was due, there were complications and she went into labor. And even with a whole coven of magic, we couldn’t save her. They said that the man had cursed her – whether he realized it or not – and the magic was too strong to save her. He wasn’t even there when it happened."

Her voice shook as she finished. "I held my sister’s hand as the life left her body. Her baby didn’t survive.”

Tears dripped down Y/N’s face. 

“We had a ceremony for her... and he didn't come. It was like he had never met her at all. He took what he wanted, and didn’t mourn my sister. But he was the only reason she was dead.” 

Y/N rubbed the tears from her face. 

“What was her name?” Eris asked her gently. 

A sad smile pulled at her lips. “Neve. Her name was Neve.”

Eris couldn’t help himself any longer. He pulled Y/N to him, cradling her into his warm chest. 

He kissed the top of her head before he whispered in her ear. “I am sorry that you lost her – and in such a manner.” 

“I thought I was so alone after she died. But nothing could’ve prepared me for the loneliness when all of them were taken from me.”

Eris’ pupils shrunk as he got a dazed look. “I grew up in a home filled with servants, advisors, courtiers, my brothers. But…” His words died out. Perhaps it was selfish to compare his life to hers. 

But Y/N squeezed him.

“The worst loneliness is felt while surrounded by others,” Y/N offered sympathetically. “Yes, I lost my family, my coven…but to live as you did – and for centuries! I am sorry for you, too.” 

Eris pulled away from her so he could look in her eyes. 

“Y/N, we do not have to be alone anymore.” 

She gave him a pained look. So, Eris wouldn’t push her. 

“At least for tonight,” he corrected slowly. “We will not be.” 

He pulled her into his chest again. “Sleep, Y/N. I will fight your nightmares.” 

And it only took her minutes of listening to the sounds of the rain mix with Eris’ soft breathing and smelling his autumn scent for her to give in to sleep. 

—🍁—🍁—

The next morning, banging at the bedroom door startled Y/N awake. Either Eris had heard the interrupter long before her or he had already been awake for awhile, because he barely reacted to the sound. 

Though with Eris’ magic, no one was permitted to enter without his permission. 

Y/N was sleeping on top of Eris’ chest as he sat with his back against the headboard and his arms wrapped around her. 

“Eris!” Lucien yelled as he continued to bang. “Y/N has gone missing! She was not in her room and she slept through her lessons! No one has seen her in the house all morning!”

Eris and Y/N shared a mischievous look, but still didn’t move away from each other. 

Suddenly, Y/N couldn’t stop herself from falling into a fit of giggles. When Eris smirked down at her, she stopped, moved away from him, and hid under the covers. 

With a groan, Eris got up and moved to the door. 

Even just the subtle action of opening the door was done with clear irritation. “She is fine,” he growled at his youngest brother. 

Lucien looked over his shoulder just in time to see Y/N peak out from the covers, her face clearly hot with embarrassment. 

“Oh, good.” Lucien’s tone was sarcastic, but it was clear he was honestly relieved to see her alright. “Mother wishes to prepare you for the coronation.” 

“W-What?” Y/N stuttered out her confusion as she sat up in bed. 

Lucien glared at his brother. “You didn’t tell her.”

Eris rolled his eyes. “We both know this is an unnecessary spectacle…”

Lucien glared harder, then turned his attention to Y/N. “An official celebration for Eris becoming High Lord. It will be a grand ordeal, I assure you. And my mother was looking for you to get your dress fittings started.” 

––––––––

Thank you thank you thank you for being patient with me. Also, thank you to everyone you messaged kind and supportive words. hope this was worth the wait. 😅


Tags
2 years ago

best bucky fic ive read period

•°∘∗ treacherous ∗∘°•

•°∘∗ Treacherous ∗∘°•

summary: you’re asking yourself why he keeps coming back, he’s asking himself why you keep letting him in. it’s a treacherous slope but neither of you can turn back now.

pairing: outlaw!bucky barnes x female reader

warnings: SMUT (18+, minors DNI), swearing, fluff, angst, mention of: alcohol, blood, injuries, guns, death, murder, violence, and non-con (it’s alluded to in regards to an unnamed character).

length: 16.8k

a/n: written for my 3k celebration, the prompt is bolded. i know nothing of the old west but this is fiction so. title inspired by this song and one part of this fic is inspired by a scene in butch cassidy & the sundance kid (if u know which part ur cool). second time writing smut ✌😬.

•°∘∗ Treacherous ∗∘°•

You never could quite handle the sight of blood, nor could you ever hide your instinctual response to it. Your father used to terrorise you with the cuts he’d sometimes earn from a hard day’s work, always finding your reactions humorous.

Each time he would smile and say, “You’ll get used to it one day, kid.”

That day didn’t come while he was alive and it hadn’t come now.

Opening your front door to the man you’d spied knocking on it from the kitchen window, you almost shut it again.

The stranger towers above you, his frame taking up the entire doorway, but your focus is drawn down to where his hands - covered in dirt and blood, press above his left hip.

“Ma’am,” He greets in a gruff tone. “I hate to bother you, but I find myself in need of some assistance…” The man nods to his injury, as if it had gone unnoticed by you.

It takes a moment for you to respond and when you do it’s with a jerky bob of your head as you step out of the doorway.

One blood stained hand raises to tip his hat at you as he enters.

Your eyes follow him as he wanders into the kitchen to his left, a slight sway in his steps.

How long has he been bleeding out?

Shutting the front door, you finally find your voice. “What do you need?”

Grunting as he lowers himself into a chair at your small, rectangular table, he answers “Rag, needle, thread, and alcohol - whiskey preferably.”

Removing his hat, he places it on the tabletop.

Okay, he’s done this before.

Focusing on the task he’s provided, you move around the kitchen and sitting room across from it, gathering each item.

The stranger is in luck. Your father had loved whiskey and there’s still plenty of bottles stashed away in the cupboard.

When you come to stand in front of him with everything in hand, you find that he’s lifted his shirt, providing an unobstructed view of his injury.

There’s so much…

“Bullet just grazed me.” The man observes quietly to himself. “Still made one hell of a mess though.” He grumbles, finally lifting his head.

Blood. There’s so much blood and the skin has -

A deep, rough laugh pulls you from your spiralling, making you swallow thickly.

“It’s alright darlin’.” There’s a lighter edge to his tone. “Just put the stuff on the table, I’ve got it.”

You do as he directs but remain where you are.

The man opens the bottle of whiskey first and takes three healthy swigs before pouring the liquid over his wound, hissing.

Quickly averting your gaze with a wince, you focus on his face instead.

What skin you can see is dirty, like his clothes. It’s clearly been some time since he last bathed or even tidied his appearance. His hair is long and tangled. You think it’s naturally a dark brown but it’s hard to be certain. A thick, wild beard hides most of his mouth and half his face, while a sharp nose -

Oh god.

You’ve seen the wanted posters hanging around town. Heard the stories that accompanied them.

Bucky Barnes.

The famed outlaw, responsible for some of the decade’s most daring robberies and revered as the fastest gunslinger in the west, is sitting in your kitchen. Tending a gunshot wound.

For the briefest moment you wonder who it was that shot him and what their fate had been.

Then you realise that’s something you really don’t want to know.

“Ma always said I could never be a tailor.” The man - Bucky mutters, eyeing his truthfully pitiful stitching. “But it’ll do.”

Placing the blood soaked rag on the table, along with the needle and leftover thread, Bucky’s eyes meet yours as he swallows another mouthful of whiskey.

You feel the shift in the air as he sets the bottle back down.

Somehow he knows.

“I’m not lookin’ for any trouble ma’am.”

“Says the man famous for trouble.” You can’t help but retort.

Did I seriously just smart mouth him?

To your shock Bucky merely grins, his teeth surprisingly white and clean. “That’s fair, but a pretty girl’s house isn’t exactly where I make my trouble.” Morphing his grin into a smirk, he amends “Unless I’m asked.”

Your skin heats at the insinuation.

“I won’t be asking.” You state firmly.

“Then you’ve got nothin’ to fear.” Bucky assures, his mouth returning to its serious line underneath his beard.

He regards you carefully and it’s only then that you notice his eyes are the most electrifying blue.

“I best be on my way.”

The sudden declaration should fill you with relief, but as you watch Bucky rise from the chair with an unsteady step, you hear yourself saying “You can stay.”

Something tells you the last time he bathed was also the last time he had a decent meal or rest. He wouldn’t be finding any of those things nearby, especially in his condition.

It’s a miracle he even found you.

The downward tilt of Bucky’s eyebrows is the only indication of his confusion as he looks up from the hat in his hands. “Are you -”

“Just for the night and no funny business.”

Bucky’s eyes study you again and you swear no one has ever looked at you with such intensity.

Then he blinks, focusing on the front door over your shoulder. “I left my guns with my horse. You can keep ‘em with you if it’ll make you feel better.” Meeting your gaze once more, his deep voice rumbles “But I promise you won’t need ‘em.”

How much was an outlaw’s promise worth?

Eyeing him in the same observing manner, you begin to understand what Bucky had been searching for.

Slowly shaking your head, you tell him “It’s alright.”

You had your father’s shotgun should it come to that and you were familiar with the weapon.

“I’ll show you the bathroom.” You declare, striding out of the kitchen. “If you’re gonna stay, you’re gonna be clean.”

Behind you, Bucky responds with a - dare you say, amused “Yes ma’am.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

Your eyes fall shut as you lean back against the front door, sucking in a deep breath of the crisp afternoon air.

There’s an outlaw in my bathroom.

Re-opening your eyes at that insane truth, you realise you’re not alone.

Bucky’s horse watches you curiously from where she stands in front of the porch steps, her gorgeous white coat shining under the setting sun.

Descending the steps cautiously, you extend a hand to the mare, letting her sniff you. When she makes a soft whinny and nudges at your hand, you move it to stroke her neck.

Her calm temperament surprises you, as she gladly allows you to lead her over to the barn not far from the house.

You settle her in a stall opposite your own horse, Chester. A gelding you aptly named after his chestnut complexion.

When you relieve her of Bucky’s saddle, you spot two guns amongst his belongings, just like he said you would. You leave them there in the barn.

Back in the kitchen, you clear everything except the quarter filled whiskey bottle from the table.

He might as well finish it off.

Wiping down the wooden tabletop to erase any trace of blood, you lift the bottle to clean under it and get a large whiff of the alcohol, making you pause.

It’s been years since you smelt the once common scent and it has memories flickering behind your eyes as you realise you’ve missed it.

Shaking your head, you put the bottle back down.

An hour passes, Bucky yet to emerge from the bathroom.

You stir dinner distractedly, staring out the window in front of you that overlooks the barn and the great nothingness beyond it as the sky slowly darkens.

“Smells good.”

Christ.

Heart thumping sturdily at the small fright, you let the wooden spoon rest against the side of the pot and turn to face Bucky.

Oh.

It’s no wonder he took so long. Bucky had found good use in a pair of scissors and your father’s razor.

His wild, untamed beard has been reduced to stubble, highlighting a handsome jawline. Bucky’s hair - which is a dark brown and currently damp, curls under his ears instead of brushing against his shoulders.

Definitely trouble.

However, dressed in your father’s old clothes, it’s hard to find him as intimidating. 

Your father had been a stout man, so you knew the clothes wouldn’t be a perfect fit.

The pants are a bit baggy and come up short, ending above the ankles of his bare feet, while the shirt tucked into them is an even looser fit. Bucky has rolled up the long sleeves to keep them out of his way, revealing just how thick and muscular his arms are.

“I can wash your clothes if you like.” You offer, realising you’ve been staring.

“No need darlin’,” Bucky responds smoothly “Washed them with me and hung ‘em over the porch.”

You hadn’t even heard the front door open or close.

“Kid, that wanderin’ mind a’yours is gonna get you in trouble one day.”

Nodding, you gesture to the table. “Well take a seat, dinner’s ready.”

Dishing out two bowls of stew, you place one in front of him, along with a basket of bread rolls.

“Can’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal.” Bucky divulges, taking the spoon you offer him.

Sitting in the chair opposite him, you say “There’s plenty more if you want it.”

The two of you eat in silence, Bucky at a much faster pace. You’re only finishing your first serving when he begins his third.

Guess it has been a while since he last ate.

Or maybe this is just his usual appetite. 

“Is it just you here?” Bucky asks after polishing off another bread roll, ending the quiet stretch.

In any other circumstance you’d think twice before giving an honest answer, but it’s pointless to lie to him now.

“Yes, it used to be my father and I, but he died two years ago.”

The pain his loss caused wasn’t something you could describe.

Your mother passed away when you were only four, taken by illness. If it weren’t for the two photographs your father had of her, you wouldn’t even know what she looked like.

After she died it was just you and him.

When his health began failing him some years ago, you both knew it was only a matter of time. You had just hoped for more.

Adjusting to life without your father had been challenging, but you were fortunate. You’d been left with a home - having no one else to come claim it, and the money that came from loaning out the land to cattle ranchers. It kept you fed, warm, and content.

Bucky lifts his eyes to look at you. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

You nod, your throat tight with emotion.

Pushing up from the table, you take your empty bowl to the sink as Bucky continues eating.

The subject of your father’s passing stopped affecting you heavily some time ago, but it seems the turmoil of today’s events has brought your pain back to the surface.

“I’ll get your bed ready.” You announce, leaving the kitchen.

He’ll stay in the spare room - your father’s old room. It’s bigger than yours, but you could never find the will to claim it as your own. You were happy in your childhood room.

Grabbing sheets from the bedroom’s wardrobe, you start making the bed.

The room is sparse, containing only the bed with a small table either side of it, the wardrobe, and a chair. On one bedside table sits the two photographs of your mother.

You’re slipping a cover over the pillow when Bucky’s figure appears in the doorway.

“Have enough to eat?”

You doubt there’s any leftovers.

“More than, your cookin’s somethin’ else.” He declares.

A smile escapes before you can stop it.

You’ve always loved cooking and it’s been years since you’ve had someone to feed or receive compliments from.

Dropping the pillow, you look over at Bucky and find his gaze fixated on the bed.

“I’ll leave you be.” You state, moving towards the door.

Still staring at the bed, Bucky steps further into the room and out of your way.

Glancing at him one last time, you utter out a soft “Goodnight Bucky.”

You’re startled by how quickly his dark blue eyes jump to you. Then you realise it’s the first time you’ve spoken his name.

“What’s your name, darlin’?”

A pause.

Softly, you tell him your name.

Bucky’s deep voice repeats it, adding “Thank you, for everything.”

His tone is lighter again, like it had been earlier after he laughed, allowing you to hear the emotion in it - sincerity, in this instance.

You’re not sure why it pleases you so much.

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷ THE NEXT DAY ⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

When you wake you’re not as well rested as you’d like, eyelids heavy and unwilling to open.

You spent most of the night tossing and turning, all too aware of the outlaw just two doors down.

Forcing your eyes open, you sluggishly get out of bed, taking your time getting dressed and fixing your hair.

Emerging from your bedroom, you peer down the hall to your right. The bathroom resides next to your room, the spare room next to it. Both rooms have their doors wide open, unoccupied.

Taking a few steps down the hall until you reach the opening on your left that leads into the sitting room, you walk in and find Bucky to your right, in the kitchen... making breakfast?

“Mornin’,” Bucky greets as you approach. Cracking two eggs into a pan, he answers your unspoken question. “Figured I at least owed ya breakfast.”

You weren’t going to argue that.

Taking a seat at the table, you ask “How did you sleep?”

Peering at you over his shoulder, Bucky replies “Like a rock.”

“And your wound?”

“Healin’ just fine.”

Bucky’s still wearing the clothes you gave him, but judging by the heat you can already feel in the air, you know his will be dry before you even finish breakfast.

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

You walk back to the house with Bucky on your right and his horse - Alpine, as he’d introduced, on his other side.

He doesn’t mount the mare until you’ve reached the steps that lead up to your front porch. When he does you’re stunned by the ease and swiftness his large body executes the movement with.

“Thanks again darlin’.” Bucky nods, touching the brim of his weathered black hat. “For your cookin’ especially.”

Back in his own clothes with a gun belt around his hips, Bucky looks every bit like the outlaw he is.

For the second time since you’ve met, your mouth takes on a mind of its own. “Well, if you ever find yourself this way again maybe I’ll cook you something else.”

The edges of his lips turn up in a smirk at your offer. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

With a light press of his leg into Alpine’s side, the white beauty starts moving forward. You watch as she builds her momentum until she’s galloping, her and her rider becoming nothing more than a dot on the horizon.

⊷⊷⊷⊷ 7 WEEKS LATER ⊷⊷⊷⊷

Truthfully, you never expected to see Bucky Barnes again.

The memory of his visit had been stored away at the back of your mind and some days you wondered if it ever even happened - if it had simply been a daydream you’d gotten too lost in.

However, the knocking you hear on your front door one afternoon weeks later is very much real. As real as the man you see standing on your porch through the window above your kitchen sink.

Once you’ve opened the door, Bucky smiles in a way you can only describe as mischievous.

“Hi darlin’.”

You’re relieved to find not one speck of blood on him, just dirt.

Bucky’s maintained his shorter hairstyle but his beard has thickened, though not to the wild state it’d been in when you first met. 

You realise your memory had failed to capture the precise blue of his eyes, as well as the depth of his voice.

Quirking an eyebrow - but giving a small smile nonetheless, your only response is “Bathroom.”

Chuckling, Bucky tips his hat at you, stepping out of his muddy boots before entering the house. You assume the bag in his hand contains clothes since he doesn’t ask for any as he disappears into the hallway.

Walking out onto the porch, you meet Alpine at the bottom of the steps and stroke her neck in greeting, leading her over to the barn.

Bucky’s left his guns on his saddle once again and you place all his belongings on one of the workbenches before settling Alpine in the same stall she’d occupied last time.

After stopping by Chester’s stall to dote on the horse, you head back to the house and start making dinner.

It’s not too long after when you hear heavy footsteps cross through the sitting room, followed by the front door opening.

Glancing to your left, to the window above the sink that looks out onto the porch, you watch as Bucky hangs his wet clothes over the railing.

He disappears from view and you hear the front door shut before his voice fills the room “How ya been darlin’?”

Shrugging your shoulders, you answer with a simple “Good.”

You’re caught off guard when Bucky appears on your right, the smell of the soap he just used invading your senses.

Standing side by side, it’s impossible to ignore his imposing height.

The top of your head barely reaches his broad shoulders and you feel like you have to look up and up to see his face.

You lower your gaze as your heartbeat accelerates, unnerved by Bucky’s sudden closeness. However, it slows as you spy him inhaling the contents of the pot simmering on the stove in front of you.

“‘M starvin’.” He quietly groans.

Smiling, you roll your eyes and tell him “It’ll be done soon.” Pointing to a cupboard at the end of the kitchen you add “There’s whiskey in there if you want some.”

When Bucky doesn’t move or say anything in response you look up at him again, startled to find him staring at you intently.

“You a saint or somethin’ darlin’?”

He speaks gruffly, but you hear a trace of humour in his tone.

Scoffing, your gaze drops again as you take a step towards him, so you can stand in front of the counter. Bucky takes a step backwards to accommodate you.

“What’s saintlike about offering someone whiskey? And to an outlaw no less.”

As the last part slips from your mouth, you tense.

“You’re always talkin’ first and thinkin’ later, kid.”

Bucky merely hums in response, turning around to lean against the counter as his arms fold. The action pulls his shirt tight across his chest.

Not that you’re paying attention to that sort of thing.

“Isn’t that what saints do? Help lost souls?” He drawls.

“You’re lost?” You retort sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at him.

That earns a chuckle from him as he shakes his head. “Nah, I’m always right where I wanna be.”

Bucky’s midnight blue gaze hasn’t left you once, while yours constantly shifts away, like it does now. “And that’s here instead of somewhere nice?”

“Nice costs money.”

Your eyes dart up to his for no less than a second before flitting away.

This time you’re smart enough to not say the first thing that comes to mind.

Concentrating instead on the corn in your hands, you jump when you feel the rough pad of Bucky’s index finger under your chin, nudging your head up until you meet his gaze.

“Don’t start holdin’ your tongue now darlin’.” Bucky states in a low tone, dropping his hand.

Your heart is racing again, but you’re not sure if it’s from fear or... something else.

Swallowing thickly, you manage to voice “I thought you’d have plenty of money.”

“Sometimes I do.”

“Sometimes?”

Really can’t help myself, can I?

The left side of Bucky’s mouth twitches. “It’s not always about the money,” He answers vaguely.

You frown, “Then what’s it about?”

At last, Bucky smirks. “Curious thing, ain’t ya?”

The comment flusters you.

“Why do you wanna know?” Bucky deflects, leaning in until his face is only inches from yours. “Thinkin’ about joinin’ the life darlin’?”

“No thank you.” The bite of your words is lost in your breathless tone, the result of his close proximity.

Bucky just huffs out a laugh, his breath tickling your face. Then he’s gone, strolling across the kitchen for the whiskey you offered hours ago - or so it feels, and that’s the end of that.

⊷⊷⊷⊷ THE NEXT DAY ⊷⊷⊷⊷

Waking with a deep inhale, your eyes blink repeatedly against the bright sunlight your curtains do little to block.

You stretch with a satisfied hum, having found sleep much easier than the last time Bucky stayed the night.

It’s well into the morning so you dress quickly, curious to see if Bucky’s still here, maybe even making breakfast again, or if he’s already taken off.

When you venture down the hall into the sitting room, you find the answer to your question lounging in an armchair, one of your favourite books in his big hands.

“Not an early riser, are you darlin’?” Bucky drawls conversationally, not looking up from the page he’s reading.

You frown, crossing your arms. “It’s morning, isn’t it?”

He’s right though, you’re not one to rise with the sun - never have been. The few times you have are few and far between, the most recent being on his last visit.

Regardless, it’s not that observation that has you feeling defensive.

“Ten o’clock is hardly mornin’, you’ve missed half the day.” There’s nothing in his tone to suggest it, but you know he’s teasing.

It goes straight over your head however, as you’re too focused on what’s in his hands.

“Enjoying the book?” You snark at him.

Bucky smirks.

Oh yeah, he’s definitely winding me up on purpose.

“Tell me, are all your books so -” Bucky breaks off in a chuckle as you pluck the worn book out of his hands and press it to your chest. “So... romantic?”

You grasp the book a little tighter, having half a mind to hit him over the head with it for the gleam in his eyes.

An urge you think he senses.

“I like their humour.” Is your only answer.

Bucky hums lazily, clearly finding your answer lacking as he raises out of the chair.

The visual reminder of his towering height briefly shortens your breath.

Gazing down at you, Bucky lightly brushes against your side as he heads towards the kitchen. “I’ll go warm up breakfast.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷ 5 WEEKS LATER ⊷⊷⊷⊷

You’re not sure what shocks you more when you open the front door. The fact that Bucky is clean, or the fact that he’s holding flowers.

Flowers.

It’s definitely the flowers.

You recognise the handiwork too. Clara, an elderly woman who was as kind as they come, grew all sorts of flowers and sold them from a stall in town.

They’re a little wilted from the long ride here, but still vibrant and pretty.

Resting a shoulder against the doorframe, inadvertently bringing him closer, Bucky’s deep voice teases “What’s the matter darlin’? No man ever bring you flowers before?”

Dragging your gaze up from the bouquet and narrowing it, you jab “I’m just wondering if they’re stolen.”

Bucky only chuckles at your bite, like you expect him to.

You’re not sure what to make of that realisation - that you expect things from him.

Holding the flowers out to you, he states “They’re paid for darlin’, I promise.”

There he goes again, making another promise.

Kept his last one, didn’t he?

Your facade doesn’t last long either way, the corners of your mouth turning upwards as you accept the flowers, your fingers brushing over Bucky’s hand in the process.

Raising the flowers to your nose - and ignoring the tingle in your fingertips, you breathe in their scent, the stems of lavender standing out the most.

Before you can thank him, Bucky’s bending forward and ducking his head until his dark blue eyes are level with yours. “Was the money technically mine...”

Your mouth drops open as he trails off, his implication hanging clear in the air.

Bucky gives a genuine laugh at your reaction, the warm sound almost eliciting one from you as he pushes away from the door.

You watch him saunter down the porch steps to take Alpine to the barn, completely and utterly bewildered by this outlaw.

He looked dangerous with his imposing height, broad shoulders, and wide chest that peeked through the unbuttoned top of his long sleeve shirts. The same shirts that his muscled arms bulged beneath.

Not to mention his roguish features - the dark hair, thick beard, and piercing blue eyes.

He sounded dangerous, his voice deep and coarse in a way you’d never heard before, every word he spoke seeming to rumble out of him.

He just didn’t act dangerous.

Outlaws weren’t giving, they didn’t tease, or smile, or laugh, and they certainly didn’t let some girl smart mouth them.

However, you weren’t a complete fool.

You knew there was another, more prominent side of him that you were yet to truly witness. You saw glimpses of it sometimes - of the outlaw.

A man who was used to being respected or feared, or both. A man who had the strength and skill to take whatever he wanted, when he wanted it, and without asking.

Then Bucky would blink or turn away, and that momentary glimpse you were afforded passed.

It shouldn’t drive you mad, it shouldn’t make you want to see that side of him, yet... it did.

If you thought about it too long - the image of him being rough and commanding like his lifestyle demands, well...

You jump when Bucky’s hand waves in front of your face.

Looking up from the spot on the porch you’d been staring at but not actually seeing as you lost yourself in your thoughts, you meet Bucky’s blue eyes below his furrowed brow.

“You really get lost in there, don’t ya darlin’?”

Thoughts still scattered, you absentmindedly respond “I don’t mean to.”

Bucky just hums.

Shaking your head to finally clear it, you walk back into the house, listening as Bucky shuts the front door behind him.

Grabbing the old, empty vase that sits on the small glass table in the sitting room, you bring it to the kitchen sink and fill it with water before arranging the flowers in it.

You can feel Bucky’s gaze following you as he takes his usual seat at the dining table, but it doesn’t unsettle you.

Returning the vase to its place in the sitting room, you admire the flowers once more with a soft smile before treading back to the kitchen.

When you pass Bucky you let out a small, confused sound as you come to a sudden stop.

Spinning to face him, you feel the skirt of your light green prairie dress tighten around your legs, and you discover the cause when you spot Bucky’s hand holding onto the bottom of your dress.

“What are you -” You start, flabbergasted until you actually focus on the section Bucky has grabbed.

“What happened?” He asks, not even having to look up from where he sits to meet your gaze.

The fabric is ripped, splitting the skirt upwards about four inches. There’s a scratch to match it along the back of your right leg, which you assume Bucky must have seen.

You can’t read any emotion on his face, but you sense that he’s not pleased.

Strange.

“I was trying to fix the curtain rod in your - the spare room, but the wooden crate I was using broke and I fell.”

Fell seems like an exaggeration.

There wasn’t much distance between you and the ground, but you had landed awkwardly, the wood catching on your dress and scratching your leg - thankfully not deep enough to draw blood.

Currently, you’re more concerned about how you almost referred to the spare room as Bucky’s.

When did it become his room?

Bucky frowns at you but doesn’t speak, making you frown back.

A moment passes before he finally releases your dress, standing up. Still silent, Bucky turns and strides towards the hallway.

By the time you catch up he’s already in the spare room, assessing the window.

You’d been replacing the curtains when the curtain rod bracket came off the wall on one side. It just needed to be screwed back in but the bracket was out of your reach.

The screwdriver sits on the windowsill, where you left it while you tossed the broken crate outside with some unfriendly words as your leg throbbed.

Grabbing the tool, Bucky reaches up to screw the bracket back in, the height not even a stretch for him.

Picking the curtain rod off the bed, you sit down in the same spot and bunch the curtains in your lap, keeping them off the floor as you watch Bucky quickly complete the task.

Turning around, he takes the curtain rod from you and hangs it up.

“What else?”

You stare at him for a second before pointing to the wardrobe behind you. “The right door’s a little loose.”

Diligently, he rounds the bed to the wardrobe and opens the right door, tightening the screws in the top hinge.

“I thought it was you the first time I saw it.” Bucky says abruptly, nodding to the bedside table closest to him where two photographs sit.

Both are of your mother.

In one she’s holding you as a child - you’re no more than two years old, on her lap with a smile. In the other she’s by herself and younger, about the age you are now.

“I once told my dad that I wished I could remember what she looked like, he told me to look in the mirror.”

He hadn’t been exaggerating, the resemblance between you and her was clear as day. Something that always made you wonder if it was hard for him at times - being constantly reminded of her when he looked at you.

You might not have been old enough to remember it, but the love your father had for your mother shone brightly, never once fading over the years that followed her death.

“He said that was the only thing we had in common,” Grinning, you drop your voice to a faux whisper as you repeat your father’s loving words “She was a horrid cook and complete trouble maker.”

Bucky grins at that, giving a slight shake of his head as he swings the mended wardrobe door shut. “I dunno darlin’, I think you’re plenty of trouble.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

After dinner is eaten and the dishes are cleaned, you always move into the sitting room for a bit while Bucky heads straight to bed.

Tonight however, he’s joined you.

Each sitting in an armchair across from one another, he nurses a glass of whiskey while you stitch the ripped fabric of your dress back together.

You use the light provided by the oil lamp and candles on the glass table between you and Bucky, placed around your vase.

As you glance at the flowers you realise you never actually thanked him for them.

Drawing your eyes higher, you’re not alarmed when you meet Bucky’s gaze.

He’s always watching you.

“Thank you for the flowers.”

Bucky was right of course, no man has ever given you flowers before.

“My pleasure darlin’.” His deep voice rumbles.

You’re not sure why you suddenly feel so warm.

“And for fixing those things for me.”

It’s not like you don’t do anything for him in return, but you still want him to know you appreciate the help.

“I’ll fix anythin’ you need,” Bucky states a little rougher “Just don’t go hurtin’ yourself again.”

I didn’t do it on purpose, you almost huff out.

Bucky must anticipate the retort or something similar to it, because he stands, finishing the rest of his whiskey in one mouthful.

He takes his glass to the kitchen sink before returning, clearly on his way to bed.

“See you in the morning.” You say as he passes you.

“You mean afternoon?” Bucky calls back, his tone lighter.

This time you do huff, letting out a quiet “Shut up.”

His chuckle echoing down the hall lets you know you were heard.

⊷⊷⊷⊷ 4 WEEKS LATER ⊷⊷⊷⊷

The fourth time you open your front door to Bucky Barnes is... different from the others.

Nothing’s wrong per se, but it’s not right either.

Bucky’s the dirtiest you’ve ever seen him. In fact, you’re struggling to find a visible patch of skin on him.

His large hands rest on the top of the doorframe and his dark blue eyes bore into you the moment the door is open.

“Darlin’.” The word is spoken bluntly and you instantly know he’s not in the mood to talk.

You have a short-lived thought of turning him away.

Instead, you step to your left, silently inviting him inside.

For the first time since you’ve met, Bucky feels dangerous.

Especially when you eye the guns still on his hips.

If this had been the Bucky who knocked on your door while bleeding out, you’re certain you never would have let him stay the night - let alone return.

Bucky trudges off to the bathroom, your eyes trailing after him.

When you hear the bathroom door shut you release a short breath, looking outside to find another irregularity.

Your feet carry you out onto the porch and down the three steps without a thought, drawn to where Alpine patiently waits.

She greets you cheerfully, nuzzling into your hands and covering them with dirt. She’s filthy.

Every other visit her white coat has gleamed, leaving you no doubt that Bucky cared for her deeply. Yet, like her owner, it’s hard to find a clean spot on her.

Alpine makes a noise and seems to nod towards the barn, as if to tell you that she needs food, water, rest, a bath.

The irritation you felt at Bucky’s stiff demeanour is replaced with concern.

You were in town only yesterday and hadn’t heard of any new incidents involving Bucky.

Not that you were keeping an ear out.

“What happened, huh?” You ask Alpine, leading her to the barn.

She simply whinnies in response.

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

You’ve just started drying Alpine when you hear heavy footsteps enter the barn.

Her white coat shines once more, the familiar sight easing you, unlike the man approaching.

Bucky’s body radiates warmth as he comes to stand behind you, the scent of soap filling the air.

Daring to glance at him over your shoulder, you find him clean but worn out, if the dark circles under his eyes are anything to go by.

Wordlessly, you let him take over the task.

You prepare Alpine’s stall, stocking it with fresh food and water while Bucky dries her. He’s quietly murmuring to the horse, but you can’t hear his words over the sound of Alpine chewing hay.

When Bucky’s finished he leads Alpine into the stall, closing and locking the gate behind her.

It’s almost humorous. Alpine and Bucky are clean but now you’re not. Your dress is soaked and covered in mud.

The walk back to the house is taken in silence.

“I’ll start dinner after I clean up.” You tell Bucky once you’re inside.

He gives no response.

After your bath you change into a simple white dress, the fabric light and less likely to make you sweat until you switch into your nightgown later on.

Stepping into the kitchen, you find Bucky leaning back in his usual seat, a bottle of whiskey opened on the table in front of him and almost finished.

You decide to make one of your specialties for dinner, hoping it will... well, you’re not really sure what you’re hoping it will do.

As you move around the kitchen you feel Bucky’s eyes on you, tracking your every movement as you keep your back to him more often than not.

That is until you have nothing left to do but let dinner simmer on the stove.

Turning around, you rest your back against the kitchen counter and meet Bucky’s stare.

He doesn’t shift his gaze and neither do you.

“What happened?” You ask quietly.

You don’t expect an answer and Bucky’s continued silence tells you there won’t be one.

Probably for the best.

Instead, Bucky lifts the whiskey bottle and swallows another mouthful, emptying it.

Pushing off the counter, you tread over to him.

“You should have some water.” You state, reaching for the bottle.

Before your hand can wrap around it, it’s grabbed by one of Bucky’s, the quick manoeuvre drawing your gaze.

He doesn’t look at you as he turns your hand over in his, focusing instead on your palm as he runs his thumb over the lines of your smoother skin.

You watch in a dazed state, letting him do as he pleases.

Bucky slowly brings your hand towards him, closer and closer until he’s pressing his forehead into your open palm.

The action stuns you and for a moment you don’t know what to do.

So, you go with what feels right.

Pushing your fingers back and forth timidly, you weave them between the strands of his damp hair.

The droop of Bucky’s shoulders boosts your confidence and you take a step forward, raising your right hand to join your left.

Bucky’s head remains bowed, his face hidden from you.

Taking another step forward to stand more comfortably, you release a small noise of surprise when Bucky’s hands grab at your waist, tugging you even closer until his forehead presses into your stomach instead.

Your heart stutters in your throat and your hands falter, but with a shaky breath you start stroking Bucky’s hair again, just as his strong arms wrap around your waist, holding you tight against him.

Being held in such a way makes you feel...

No, don’t dare think it.

Growing bolder, your fingertips start drawing shapes on the back of his neck while you play with the ends of his hair. The longer you do this, the more relaxed Bucky becomes.

Eventually however, the sound of dinner bubbling concerningly cuts through the peace.

You look over worriedly, not wanting the meal to ruin.

Bucky seems to realise, his arms tightening around you before dropping completely. Without looking at him, you dart over to the stove and turn it off.

Dinner is eaten in silence.

“‘M going to bed.” Bucky states once he’s finished.

His first sentence since arriving.

“Okay,” You reply softly.

⊷⊷⊷⊷ THE NEXT DAY ⊷⊷⊷⊷

You don’t expect to find Bucky making breakfast.

Walking into the kitchen, you had been prepared to discover that Bucky had left long before you woke. You’re glad he hasn’t.

He doesn’t appear as worn down either, and the brief upwards tug of his mouth when he turns to see you is more than enough to have you smiling back.

While Bucky’s still clearly dealing with whatever, his mood has at least improved.

Predictably, it’s quiet throughout the meal.

You wait at the bottom of the porch steps while Bucky retrieves Alpine from the barn, admiring the flat plains that appear to stretch on forever all around you.

The sound of Alpine’s hooves reaches your ears and you watch as Bucky leads the white beauty to you, stopping her by your side.

“You gonna be okay?”

You’re not sure why you ask, but you do.

Bucky looks at you over his shoulder, his hands on the saddle he was about to mount.

He studies you, his eyes dark under his hat, before doing something that muddles your brain.

In a blink-and-you’d-miss-it moment, Bucky drops his hands and turns from Alpine, covering the distance between you in a short step before pressing his mouth to your forehead, his beard scratching at your skin.

“Just fine darlin’.” His deep voice rumbles as he pulls back.

Looking at you one more time, Bucky spins back to Alpine and mounts her in one fluid movement. Then they’re gone.

You can still feel the touch of his lips as you watch their figures fade.

⊷⊷⊷⊷ 2 WEEKS LATER ⊷⊷⊷⊷

Town was a good hour’s ride from your home, and it was for that reason you only ever made the journey once a week, every Thursday.

Your main stop was the general store where you bought food and other necessities. The store’s owner - Billy, would talk to you from his spot behind the counter, giving you a weekly rundown of town affairs.

Most of the time it was just mundane gossip you didn’t really care for, but not today.

According to Billy, there was a new gang causing havoc around the plains, trying to make a name for themselves.

“They’ve been robbin’ properties all over, startin’ fires and roughin’ up any fella in their way, they even -”

Billy never finished that sentence, but his averted gaze told you how it ended.

“Dunno why I’m worrin’ ya with this girl, God himself couldn’t find ya all the way out there.”

The declaration wasn’t that farfetched. Unless someone knew where you lived they needed to be lost to find it.

However, if someone was intentionally on the prowl...

You check over your father’s shotgun the minute you return home.

Some days it’s hard to forget that you’re a woman living on her own, with no help nearby. Tonight that fact looms over you like a dark cloud.

In fact, it keeps you wide awake, sitting at the dining table with the shotgun in reach until the sun rises again.

You’re sluggish the whole day, tired and on edge.

When afternoon rolls around you’ve cleaned the entire house in an attempt to distract yourself and for the most part, it’s worked.

That is until you hear the unmistakable sound of horse hooves in the distance.

Fear strikes your heart in a way you’ve never experienced and you instantly wish to never experience it again.

Racing to the window above the kitchen sink with the shotgun in hand, you almost cry in relief at what you see.

A white horse and her dark rider.

Sucking in deep breaths, you close your eyes and focus on the fast thump of your heartbeat until it returns to a calmer rhythm.

You’re putting the shotgun back in its place under your bed when you hear his heavy footsteps on the porch, followed by three loud knocks.

There’s no denying the way you immediately feel... safe.

“Bucky,” You greet a little breathlessly as you open the front door.

“Hi darlin’.” He grins, eyes softening just slightly.

It’s hard to picture the sombre man you invited inside only two weeks ago.

“Back so soon?” You attempt to tease, though you feel it falls flat in your drained state.

You wonder if Bucky can tell.

Ducking his head and pinning you under his stare that’s regained its usual intensity, he responds “You don’t mind, do ya?”

No, never.

Smiling, you answer “Luckily for you, I’m in a gracious mood.”

The tease lands better this time.

Humming, Bucky agrees “Lucky me.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷ THE NEXT DAY ⊷⊷⊷⊷

After dinner it wasn’t Bucky who retired to bed first, but you.

The moment your head hit the pillow you were out cold.

Maybe it should concern you how easily you let your guard down just because Bucky was close by, but you don’t ruminate on it long enough to let it.

It’s late morning, maybe even afternoon when you eventually wake. The heat in your room makes that much obvious.

Bucky doesn’t say a word once you walk out into the sitting room where he waits, reading one of your books again. However, the smirk he occupies as he gets up and goes into the kitchen says it all.

While you eat the breakfast - lunch, Bucky has made, you feel fear start to leach back in.

You don’t want him to leave you.

Unable to voice your plea, you take your time eating, dragging out the inevitable until you’re standing and taking your plate to the sink.

When you don’t hear the familiar sounds of Bucky collecting his things, you peek over your shoulder and see he’s still seated at the dining table.

Your gaze meets his.

Bucky answers the question in your eyes. “I’m supposed to meet my - some friends east of here in a couple of days.” You don’t miss his slip of tongue. “If I wouldn’t be overstayin’ -”

“No.” You interject much too quickly. “No, you wouldn’t be.”

He nods and stands up from the table, gesturing to the front of the house. “Your porch needs fixin’.”

While you kept the inside of the house to a spotless standard, the exterior was starting to show its age. The porch in particular, the boards old and beginning to rot.

“I know, I’ve got new wood to replace it with.”

You had it delivered out a couple of weeks ago. You just hadn’t gotten around to actually starting the task yet.

The sun beams down on you both as you walk side by side to the barn, past the horse stalls where you give Chester’s outstretched neck a fond pat, to the back where the tools and wood are stored.

Bucky hauls a bundle of wooden planks over his shoulder while you carry a crateful of tools behind him.

That’s all he lets you do, refusing your help when you go to walk back with him to collect the rest of the planks.

Standing on the bottom porch step, you watch him go back and forth from the barn until he’s brought out the last plank, creating a large pile.

“I can help.” You insist, feeling guilty about having him do all the work, even though he was the one who offered.

Bucky just shakes his head with a huff.

“Darlin’, go inside and relax.” He instructs, bending down to pick up a hammer from the crate. “Or,” He adds, straightening and strolling over to you, forcing you to tilt your head back to maintain eye contact. “Sit out here and give me somethin’ pretty to look at.”

Your stomach drops as heat floods your face.

Managing a weak scoff, you avert your eyes and spin around, quickly retreating into the house.

Bucky’s hearty laugh follows you inside.

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

Taking Bucky up on his first suggestion, you spend the rest of the day in the sitting room, reading.

When late afternoon creeps around and Bucky’s been outside for around three hours, you mark the page you’re on and get up to make him a snack.

Using the door at your end of the hallway that leads outside to where you do the laundry, you balance a sandwich and glass of lemonade on a tray as you walk down the side of the house.

The sight that greets you when you round the corner almost has the tray slipping out of your hands.

Bucky’s shirtless.

His tanned skin glistens with sweat, the muscles in his back and arms prominent as he saws a wooden plank in half.

The longer you stare the more scars you begin to see, most small, others not, marking his body in a pattern unique to him.

You want to ask for the story behind each and every one.

Blinking out of your stupor, you step closer to where Bucky stands in front of the porch steps, sawing through the few remaining planks.

Swallowing thickly, you call out his name.

Bucky’s head lifts, looking over his shoulder at you before the rest of his body turns.

For a second time, you fight to keep the tray steady in your hands.

You’ve only seen peeks of the hair that covers his chest, but now it’s on full display and you can’t help but sweep your gaze down, over his firm stomach, to another patch of hair that leads to -

“Made you something to eat.” You declare, lifting the tray.

It only shakes a little.

Striding over to you, Bucky grins “Thank you darlin’.”

His large, rough hands brush over yours as he takes the tray and warmth pools in your stomach.

“You’ve done a lot.” You observe, desperate to look at anything except him.

All of the old boards have been ripped up and Bucky’s already laid down new ones on the entire left side of the porch, as well as on the steps, where he now takes a seat.

“Should be done by sundown.”

It’s... nice, you realise. So utterly nice to have a man around to help you - to help look after you.

Though not just any man.

Bucky.

You’ll admit that. To yourself at least.

The sound of Bucky’s glass hitting the tray draws your attention. It shouldn’t surprise you that he’s already finished.

“You keep eating that fast and your stomach will end you before anyone else gets the chance.” You comment with a raised eyebrow as you wander over to him.

Bucky smirks as he stands, handing you the tray. “Darlin’, if your cookin’ is what takes me out, I’ll die a happy man.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

As the sun begins to dip behind the horizon, the front door opens.

You look up from where you’re curled into one of the armchairs with a book in your hands.

Bucky’s dark blue eyes roam over you for a prolonged moment before he husks out “Come take a look darlin’.”

He disappears back outside as you stand and make your way over.

Opening the front door fully, you take in the restored porch with a wide smile, stepping out onto it.

“Wow,” You gush “It looks amazing Bucky, thank you.”

You glance over to where he stands in front of the porch steps and meet his gaze briefly before he breaks it, pointing to a pile of the old wooden planks a few yards away.

“That wood’s no good for your fireplace so I’ll burn it tonight, that way it’s not takin’ up any space.” Bucky explains, moving to pick up the tools he left on the ground, dropping them into the crate.

You watch him quietly, leaning against the railing just down from where his shirt and gun belt hang.

It hadn’t escaped your notice that Bucky was wearing it when he arrived yesterday, like he had on his last visit.

You hadn’t thought much about it at the time and you don’t now, too mesmerised by him.

There’s a sense of delight in watching him while his attention is focused elsewhere.

Suddenly you think you understand why he watches you.

“You shouldn’t look at me like that darlin’.”

Bucky’s abrupt words startle you as he turns and captures your gaze.

Like what?

You can’t find the courage to ask him.

Shifting your eyes, you act as if he hadn’t spoken. “I’ve been meaning to ask, what kind of name is Bucky?”

His chuckle makes you brave enough to look at him once more.

“It’s a nickname.” Bucky answers.

Watching him as he slowly wanders towards you, you press “What’s your real name then?”

Bucky comes to a stop in front of you and for the first time you’re the one that has to look down - if only just.

He runs a hand through his sweat dampened hair, pushing it back from his face as he studies you.

“James Buchannan Barnes.”

The confession is gentle, meaningful.

“James,” You repeat softly, giving a small smile. “Now that’s a name.”

Vivid blue eyes - dark and electric, gaze upon you with something you can’t name as you unexpectedly feel Bucky’s knuckles brushing against your cheek.

“Say it again,” He murmurs.

Your breathing grows heavier as your heart begins a wild rhythm in your chest, his touch so... addictive on your skin.

When your mouth parts to speak, his thumb catches on your bottom lip and it’s a miracle you remain upright, clutching at the porch railing.

Before you can utter his name again, you hear it.

It’s faint, but it still manages to draw your attention.

There’s horses in the distance, kicking up a large dust cloud behind them as they race towards you, the sound of their hooves echoing across the flat landscape.

You can’t tell how many there are yet.

The rough sound of your name returns your focus to Bucky, who is already marching up the porch steps. He breezes past you, reaching for his shirt and gun belt.

“Get inside and stay there.” Bucky orders sharply.

Just like that, the side of himself he’d just been presenting to you disappears, replaced by -

“Now.” He grits out, his eyes shifting to you.

That finally sends you rushing inside, leaving him as he buttons up his shirt.

Darting into the kitchen, you draw the curtain across the window that overlooks the porch.

Bending over the sink, you pinch the bottom right corner of the curtain between your thumb and forefinger, lifting it until you can just peek out.

Redressed, Bucky takes a seat on one of the two porch chairs and places his black hat on his head, tilting it down until his features are obscured and leans back.

He looks like he’s about to fall asleep.

You pick up on a faint noise and realise that Bucky’s whistling, as if truly unbothered.

A man like him would be.

Somewhere between a minute and an eternity passes before the horses - four of them, come galloping up to the house with their male riders.

Bucky keeps whistling.

The horses come to a stop beside each other in front of the porch, forming a line. The man to the far right urges his horse forward a step.

He eyes Bucky before glancing back at his comrades, pulling out a shotgun from behind him and placing it across his lap.

“Oi!”

Bucky’s whistling fades out, the sudden silence unsettling as he straightens in the chair, hat still tilted.

“Can I help you?” Bucky drawls.

His reaction has clearly thrown the men into confusion as they all look to one another before three of them focus on the man who yelled - their leader you assume.

“You’re not too bright, are ya fella?”

The insult makes you wince.

Bucky laughs.

It’s a sound you should find familiar for all the times you’ve managed to raise one out of him, but there’s nothing familiar about it - it’s dark and without humour.

Maybe it should scare you.

It doesn’t.

The men dumbly laugh with him, the one on the far left announcing “We’re here to rob you fool!”

Laughter rings out louder from them, the gang appearing to relax in this odd situation they’ve found themselves in.

“Yeah,” Another one echoes “Everythin’ ya got.”

Not to be left out, the only one yet to speak adds “That means any ladies too.”

Bucky’s laughter abruptly ceases and the leader notices immediately, unlike his three cackling morons.

“Ya gonna give us trouble fella?” He asks warily, the others falling silent at the sound of his voice.

There’s a pause before Bucky answers “Depends.”

“On what?” A moron sneers, clearly unimpressed.

“On whether or not you leave.” Bucky states, voice low and menacing. “‘Cos you make one move towards this house and the last thing any of you will see is the bullet I put between your eyes.”

He draws their attention to the guns on either side of his hips.

The leader hovers his hand above the shotgun on his lap.

Another moron lets out a guffaw, “They’re not even out!”

God they’re dumb.

“No,” Bucky agrees, his tone clearly revealing his dwindling patience. “But I’ve been told I got pretty fast hands.”

Knocking his hat back from his face, Bucky’s hands drop to rest on the handles of his guns.

“Bucky Barnes.” A moron gapes, looking like he just wet himself.

The atmosphere completely shifts amongst the gang, their leader’s eyes widening as he moves his hand away from his shotgun, raising it in the air instead.

“Mister Barnes, we ain’t mean no disrespect sir.” He quickly appeases.

Heads bounce up and down as the others hurriedly agree, watching Bucky fearfully.

You can’t stop the smile that pulls at your lips.

“Well boys, I’m not too bright,”

Oh, he’s good.

“So remind me what it was I just told y’all to do.”

Instead of actually doing it, one of the morons stutters out “Uh, well, you told us to leave sir.”

There’s a lull, Bucky’s frustration palpable, and a part of you believes he’s going to shoot them. In fact, you’re about to turn from the window to avoid the sight.

Before you can however, Bucky speaks again, his voice harsh. “So?”

Finally they gain an ounce of sense and urge their horses to move.

“Thank you sir.” The leader gasps gratefully, turning his horse around.

He’s smart enough to know he’s escaped a bullet, but not smart enough to see how his words irk Bucky further.

It doesn’t matter now. He and his morons are already racing away like the devil himself is behind them.

Maybe he is.

Bucky doesn’t move from the chair. Instead he watches as the gang disappears into the horizon.

When the sky grows dark, the sun all but gone, you pull back the curtain and move away from the window.

You’re lighting the candles and lamp on the sitting room table when the front door opens and Bucky steps inside.

Looking up at him, you straighten and say “That was...”

Trailing off, you frown as you realise you don’t really know how to describe what that was.

Watching Bucky handle the situation, making the four men appear stupid and harmless had been amazing, even though -

Even though they weren’t.

The realisation hits you then.

If you had been alone like you should’ve been, those men, those four men would have -

“Hey,” Bucky’s deep voice cuts through the terror settling in your chest - the terror he must see on your face. “You’re okay darlin’.”

But...

You’re vaguely aware of Bucky striding over to you.

“If you weren’t here -”

“I was.” Bucky cuts in, his voice leaving no room for argument. Grasping your chin, he tilts your head up until you meet his gaze. “I was here and that’s all that matters.”

The declaration is spoken gruffly, but the tender stroke of his thumb over your chin is comforting - the action belonging to your Bucky.

Your?

“Okay.” You reply quietly, after a few minutes have passed and his words have sunk in.

“You’re safe,” Bucky assures. “You’re safe with me.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

It’s late at night, the moon high in the sky when you find yourself standing on the porch.

You can’t sleep, your mind refusing to be quiet.

Too much happened today. Too many emotions were brought to the surface, bringing with them revelations you’d been trying hard to ignore.

Ignoring them now seemed impossible.

You’ve never had romantic feelings for anyone. You knew long ago that your future would be a lonely one, and you had made peace with it.

Then he came along.

Instead of finding your usual place of contentment in the loneliness each time he left, you found yourself counting the days between his visits, eagerly listening for his knock on your front door.

Then came the feelings.

At what point did your heart choose to swell and thunder in your chest at the mere sight of him? At what point did you find yourself missing his watchful gaze when it wasn’t on you? At what point did you decide to trust him with your life?

In your relatively short time together, Bucky has somehow managed to carve out a space for himself within you, and you don’t know how to get him out.

You don’t know if you want to get him out.

“Everythin’ alright darlin’?”

For a second you think you’ve imagined Bucky’s voice during your ruminating, but his presence beside you is real.

“Yeah,” You answer softly. “Was just looking at the stars.”

It was one of the reasons you came out here.

Humming, Bucky leans against the railing to your right, peering up. “There’s no better sight to fall asleep to.”

You remember him once mentioning that most of his nights were spent on the ground in the great nothingness.

“I’m sure,” You reply. “But I think I’d miss my bed every once in a while.”

Bucky lets out a faint chuckle.

There’s a comfortable silence as you both admire the stars twinkling above, but soon a prickling at the back of your neck has your head turning to find Bucky openly watching you.

“You drive me crazy like this.” He murmurs, almost to himself. “You drive me crazy all the time,” He amends “But especially like this.”

Like what?

You don’t have to find the courage to ask this time.

“Standin’ in your nightgown, smellin’ like lavender,” Bucky admits freely, repeating “Drives me crazy.”

Your body comes to life at his confession.

Goosebumps erupt over your skin and your heart pounds faster as a warmth settles low in your stomach.

“James...” You respond softly, not sure what to say.

“I haven’t stopped thinkin’ about you since we met. Every day, you’re my first and last thought. Always wonderin’ if you’re havin’ a good day, if you’re safe, if you’re thinkin’ ‘bout me.” He shifts closer to you, ducking his head until you’re eye level. “Wonderin’ what your mouth tastes like, how your skin would feel under my hands, what kind of sounds you’d make for me.”

Your breathing grows short and heavy as he leans in so his mouth is only an inch away.

“Gonna let me find out darlin’?” Bucky whispers against your lips.

“Yes.” Breathless and desperate, you add “Please.”

Desperate to be touched - loved, by him.

A thought you’ll come back to another day.

Bucky’s mouth claims yours gently, his lips softer than you imagined as they press against yours, his beard grazing your skin.

You’re tentative in your inexperience, but soon you’re pressing back with an eagerness Bucky happily returns. His tongue glides along your bottom lip, encouraging your mouth to open and when it does he consumes you.

Your arms anchor around his neck to steady yourself as his hands run down your sides to find purchase on your hips.

When you pull back for a desperate gulp of air, Bucky’s hands slip behind your body to grasp your bottom, making you gasp as he lifts you against him.

Securing your legs around Bucky’s waist, you cling to him as he carries you back into the house.

You use the time it takes to get to your room to feel him.

His beard scratches against the palms of your hands before you slip them into his smooth hair, all while you press light, shy kisses to the bare skin of his neck. The soft sigh Bucky releases enchants you.

Then you’re feeling the floor of your bedroom under your feet as he gently sets you down.

Bucky lowers to his knees in front of you, his eyes never leaving yours as his hands close around the hem of your white nightgown, his knuckles brushing against your calves.

The only lighting is the candle you left burning on your bedside table and the moon beaming through your thin curtains, but it’s enough to see the desire in his eyes - which is surely reflected in your own, as you nod to his unspoken question.

In one swift motion Bucky stands, slipping the nightgown up and off of you.

Your legs press together instinctively and your hands twitch with the urge to cover yourself once more as you’re hit with the vulnerability of being completely bared to Bucky.

“No darlin’,” He husks out roughly, grasping your wrists and holding your arms still as his heated gaze peruses your body. “Prettiest fuckin’ thing I’ve ever seen.”

The fervour Bucky speaks with has you weak.

Pulling you to him, Bucky’s clothes rub against your skin and for some reason make you burn even hotter as his mouth swallows yours in a passionate kiss.

Walking you backwards until your legs hit the bed, Bucky breaks the kiss to lay you down, crawling over you still clothed. His lips seek out your neck this time, sucking and nibbling at the skin.

The sensations of his mouth are soon drowned out by the sudden feel of his rough hands on your lower stomach and you gasp as he slides them up your body to cup your pebbled breasts.

For the first time, you moan.

Bucky’s head jerks up from your neck to look down at you, his expression ravenous as he massages your breasts, his thumbs flicking over your nipples as you feel the wetness pooling between your legs.

He lowers to kiss your mouth, this time slow and intimate as his hands continue their sinful touch, his right hand straying away from your chest to trail down and down and...

Gasping against his lips, your body shudders as you feel Bucky’s fingers push through the curls covering your sex, just millimetres from -

You reach for his wrist.

Bucky stops instantly, his hand stilling as he pulls back from your lips to meet your gaze.

There’s no way he doesn’t already know, yet you still find yourself needing to say “I... I’ve never...”

“I know darlin’,” Bucky soothes. “I’m gonna go nice and slow. Make you feel so good, I promise.”

You release his wrist.

Bucky’s left hand cups and rubs one of your breasts while his right continues its way down to where no man has ever touched you.

The whole time, you watch one another.

You gasp sharply when his fingers graze along your folds, feeling the wetness and warmth flowing from your centre.

It pulls a deep grunt from Bucky who dips down for a hot kiss.

“Gonna treat you s’good, sweet girl.” He whispers as he breaks away, moving down your body.

He’s never called you that before.

Say it again.

You’re torn from your thoughts when his mouth wraps around your left nipple while his right hand keeps caressing your sex.

Bucky switches his attention between each breast until you’re a wriggling, panting mess. With a smirk he moves even further down, planting kisses over your stomach as he goes.

Kneeling between your spread legs, Bucky wraps his large hands around your ankles before skimming them up your legs to grasp your thighs. He rests them on his broad shoulders, his warm breath fanning over your core.

Confused, you’re frowning down at him when he does the unexpected. Staring at you, Bucky lowers his head and licks along your slit.

Your hips buck up but don’t go far in his hold, your stomach tightening at the strange sensation as you let out a strangled noise.

Bucky makes a sound of satisfaction as he glides his tongue over your sex, his hands clutching your inner thighs tightly to keep you open for him.

This...

You’ve talked about sex in hushed whispers with some women in town but they never, ever mentioned anything like this.

When Bucky closes his mouth around your sensitive bud your legs jerk while your hands seek him out, gripping his hair firmly as you moan so vulgarly you don’t recognise your own voice.

“That’s it,” Bucky praises, licking your clit. “Keep makin’ those noises for me sweet girl.”

Your brain is nothing but a puddle of mush as one of his fingers pushes into you experimentally.

How long Bucky spends working you over, you have no idea, but eventually he’s pushing three of his fingers in and out of you.

You’re loud, making noises foreign to you as he licks, pushes, and sucks. It’s too much, it’s not enough, it’s...

“I’ve got you darlin’, come on, come for me.”

With one final suck on your clit, your body tenses and then snaps.

You shout out in your pleasure, tugging on the strands of Bucky’s hair as he keeps licking, watching you explode.

It’s not until your sounds turn into something small and pitiful at the overstimulation that he stands from the bed, his beard shining with you in the moonlight as he finally undresses.

You eye him hungrily in your dazed state, watching as his shirt flutters to the floor, followed by his trousers. Your stuttered breath fills the otherwise quiet room.

He’s...

Subconsciously, you press your legs together again.

Bucky tsk’s, his hands sliding under your knees and pulling them apart. “Sweet girl, what did I tell you?”

Settling between your legs once more, he hovers above you.

You can only hold his dark gaze for a moment before your eyes drift downwards.

His cock is hard, and leaking, and big. You don’t think they’re supposed to be that big. Your hand wouldn’t even be able to fit around it, so how was it supposed to fit in you?

“Like whatcha see darlin’?” You hear the smirk in his rough tone before you look up and see it.

Flustered, you mumble out a breathless “It’s big.”

Bucky groans deeply, like he’s in pain, and swoops down to kiss you, dominating your mouth.

“Don’t worry sweet girl,” He whispers against your lips. “It’ll fit in your little pussy.”

Shivering at his wicked tongue, your eyes dart down to look at it again.

“Can I touch it?”

Bucky grunts, watching you from underneath his lashes. “S’all yours darlin’.”

Timidly, you reach down between your bodies until you can wrap your hand around the base of his cock.

You were right, your hand doesn’t fit around it.

It’s hot and heavy in your palm as you give it a soft stroke before returning to the base. You repeat the action but this time you trail your thumb along the vein you had felt on the underside of his cock.

Bucky’s forehead drops onto yours, his breathing heavy.

A flick of your eyes upwards shows you that Bucky’s are closed, his jaw clenched tight.

The sight sends tingles through you and with a burst of confidence you tighten your grip around his cock and stroke him again, thumbing at his leaking head when you reach the top.

Hissing, one of Bucky’s hands shoots down to grab your wrist.

You look up and meet his open eyes.

Pulling your hand off his cock, Bucky husks “Won’t last if you keep doin’ that sweet girl.”

The statement thrills you.

Bucky’s hands wrap around your thighs, placing them over the top of his and spreading you beneath him.

Grasping himself in one hand, Bucky keeps his eyes on you as he slowly pushes into you. The stretch burns, making you bite down on your lip as you try to take all of him.

Stopping, Bucky lowers to capture your mouth while his other hand sneaks down to gently circle your bud, relaxing and distracting you as he continues to push in bit by bit until he finally bottoms out.

“You tell me when darlin’.” Bucky pants above you, unmoving.

A few minutes pass and when you feel like you’ve adjusted as much as you can, you say “Okay, just...”

“I’ll go slow sweet girl.” Bucky promises again, reading your mind.

True to his word, Bucky gradually pulls his length out of you before pushing it back in at the same pace. Your teeth snag your bottom lip again as he moves in and out of you, the feeling just shy of painful.

Bucky never looks away from your face, catching every emotion that flashes across it. You’re warm and tight - so tight, around his cock and it has him on the brink of madness. However, your pleasure is what he cares about most and when your face remains pinched on his fourth push into you, his eyebrows draw in concern.

As he pushes himself in on his fifth stroke, Bucky says “Darlin’, do you -”

You moan loud and short, the sound a mixture of bliss and surprise as the pain suddenly gives way to pleasure.

Bucky grunts above you, the look on your face seeming to make him even harder as he puts a little more power behind his next thrust, watching as it makes you moan again.

“There you go sweet girl,” He husks. “That feel good darlin’?”

“Yes.” Your hands wind in his hair, bringing his face down to yours for a desperate kiss as Bucky continues his slow thrusts.

Something’s clawing at your stomach, wanton. You need more.

Your right hand untangles from Bucky’s hair to slide down his muscled back, brushing over the bumps of scars as you hold onto him.

Breaking apart, you pant against his lips “Faster.” You don’t know how you know that’s what you need, but you do. “Harder, please.” You plead in a lustful tone.

You haven’t been oblivious to the wild look in his dark blue eyes, to the barely restrained control he exhibits.

However, your words, your tone, they undo Bucky’s control for a moment and in an almost uncontrollable action his hips slam up into yours as he grunts “Fuck darlin’.”

The powerful thrust claws a breathy whine of shock out of you.

“Gonna kill me, aren’t ya sweet girl?” Bucky murmurs thickly, reining his control back slightly as he does what you asked and pushes into you at a faster pace, his thrusts harder.

Your head pushes back into the bed beneath you as you moan out, the nails of your right hand digging into their hold on Bucky’s back while your left grips his hair tighter.

“Look at me.” Bucky commands in a tone so low you feel the rumble of it against you.

You tilt your head down to meet his heady gaze.

“James,” You whimper, the sensations building within you.

“Fuck.” He thrusts a bit deeper, pushes a bit harder, making you mewl. “I know, I know darlin’, gonna come for me again, aren’t ya?”

He gives another deep thrust, the force pushing you slightly up the bed.

It feels so good. You’re so close, you’re right there...

“Say my name sweet girl,” Bucky groans, rubbing at your clit. “Say my name when I make you come.”

A pleasure so intense it has your eyes rolling back erupts in you, making your whole body tighten and relax repeatedly as you moan, whine, and pant for James as you swim in ecstasy.

The sight of you coming so undone for him - because of him, sends Bucky hurtling.

Pulling out of your pulsing heat, his right hand wraps around his painfully hard cock and squeezes as he tugs it roughly, consumed by lust. On the third harsh stroke he spills over your stomach with a wrecked moan of your name.

Bucky’s forehead drops to yours, your heaving breaths mingling together as you both come back to yourselves.

Pressing forward, Bucky claims your mouth in a brief, sweet kiss.

“You okay darlin’?” He whispers.

A drowsy, satisfied nod is all you can manage.

⊷⊷⊷⊷ THE NEXT DAY ⊷⊷⊷⊷

You’re surrounded by warmth when you blink awake and it takes you a moment to realise the source isn’t the sunlight streaming into your room, but Bucky’s body underneath yours.

If heaven was a feeling this had to be close.

“Mornin’ darlin’.” Bucky’s voice is raspier, a clear sign he’s not long woken.

Tilting your head up from where it rests on his bare chest, you meet Bucky’s gentle gaze and give a small smile, quietly returning “Morning.”

In a movement too fast for your sleepy mind to comprehend, Bucky grabs your hips and effortlessly rolls you onto your back so he can hover above you.

Nudging your nose with his own, he captures your mouth in a tender kiss.

“How do you feel?” He asks after pulling back.

Images of last night rush back to you, flooding your body with heat as you answer honestly. “A little sore, but good.”

Humming, Bucky runs his left hand up and down your side. “Just good?”

You duck away from his burning gaze, making him laugh.

“Still shy after last night darlin’?” He questions, though it comes across more like a statement.

Regardless, Bucky doesn’t wait for a response, instead he leans down and kisses you again.

This one is deeper, his lips pressing against yours harder as you willingly open your mouth to him.

You feel the air in the room thicken as Bucky’s left hand continues to roam and grasp while both of yours stroke through his hair.

Despite the soreness between your legs, that desire from last night begins pooling in your stomach.

Breaking apart, you both breathe heavily as Bucky utters “Already need you again sweet girl.”

Pressing soft kisses all over your face before moving down to your neck where he scratches his beard against you, Bucky speaks against your ear. “But I gotta let you recover first before I ruin you all over again, don’t I darlin’?”

You shudder at his words as he places a final kiss below your ear before moving away and getting up.

He pulls on his trousers, his blue eyes swimming with desire as he peruses your naked body while doing them up.

Licking his lips, Bucky husks “I’ll get breakfast started.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷⊷

“When do you have to meet your friends?” You ask Bucky as he takes your plate and sets it with his own in the sink.

“Whatcha mean darlin’?”

“You said you were waiting to meet them.” You remind him, recalling the conversation you had yesterday.

Yesterday?

It felt like a lifetime ago now.

Bucky’s back is still to you and his silence makes you frown. “You’re... not meeting them?” You guess hesitantly.

Why would he lie?

If he wanted to stay longer, he just had to ask.

Turning around to lean against the kitchen counter, Bucky’s arms bulge as they cross over his still bare chest.

Despite the current circumstance, the sight makes your stomach flip.

Bucky observes you for a moment before admitting “I heard there was a new gang causin’ problems ‘round these parts.”

That’s all he says, leaving you to fill in the blanks.

Your heartbeat quickens at the possible implication of his words.

“So...” You prompt softly, daring to hope.

Pushing from the counter, Bucky steps over to you, his gaze holding yours as he rests a hand on the table beside you before ducking until your eyes are level.

“So I needed to make sure my sweet girl was safe,” He whispers, raising his other hand “And that she stayed that way.” Brushing a gentle finger over your cheek, Bucky finishes “I’ve got nowhere else to be darlin’.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷ 6 DAYS LATER ⊷⊷⊷⊷

For six days you’re in a world of your own, where only you and Bucky exist.

You knew it was only a matter of time, but that doesn’t stop the disappointment you feel when life finally crashes in.

Waking up to an empty bed for the first time since you surrendered yourself to Bucky, you don’t think too much about it as you slip on your nightgown.

Venturing out into the hallway, you freeze when you hear voices.

Fear begins to take hold until you push it back.

Bucky would never put you in danger. Of that, you’re certain.

“You sure? The law’s been gettin’ closer than I like.” An unfamiliar male voice states.

“We’ve been plannin’ this for too damn long to back out now.” Is Bucky’s reply.

Sucking in a breath, you know you really shouldn’t be listening to this.

Continuing towards the sitting room, you step louder than you normally would, alerting them of your presence.

Two men sit in your kitchen, their hulking figures making the small table between them appear child-sized. Their heads turn and two sets of blue eyes - one light, the other dark - land on you as you loiter awkwardly in the sitting room.

Glancing as long as you dare at the stranger, you note his dark blond hair which brushes against his dirty collar and wild beard that reminds you of Bucky’s the first time he knocked on your door.

You know you’ve seen his wanted posters, but his name eludes you.

“Darlin’,” Bucky crooks a finger at you, urging you over to him. “This is Steve, we’ve been friends since we were kids.”

Steve.

You could recall the name at the bottom of the posters now - Steve Rogers.

“Hello,” You greet shyly, offering your name as Bucky’s hands settle on your hips and pull you onto his lap.

Not meaning to interrupt them, you look up at Bucky in question. He squeezes your hips, telling you it’s okay.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Steve declares with a secretive smile. “I’m sorry for barging in.”

“It’s okay.”

“Are you?” Bucky grumbles at the same time, making Steve chuckle.

This one laughs too.

“I’ll give you two a moment.” Steve appeases, standing up and settling a worn brown hat on his head.

You realise he’s only wearing socks and find it oddly thoughtful that he took his boots off before coming in.

“We’ll have to get acquainted some other time.” Steve remarks, and by the way Bucky’s grip tightens you gather he’s only saying it to be a menace, especially when he adds “Maybe you can cook me somethin’ too.”

“Fuck off.” Bucky growls, but Steve’s already slipping out the front door with a grin.

Grumbling, Bucky lifts you off his lap and onto the table, fusing his mouth to yours.

Once he’s thoroughly reduced your mind to empty space, Bucky pulls back and orders “Don’t you dare cook him or any other man anything, ever.”

“James.” You sigh, smiling.

“You won’t like what happens if you do darlin’.” He promises in a darker tone.

The thrill that shoots up your spine suggests that maybe you would.

Regardless, you playfully huff “If you insist.”

“I do.” Bucky grunts before kissing you again.

When you break apart, the mood turns solemn.

“You have to go?” You ask, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah darlin’, I gotta go.”

Forcing a smile, you whisper “Okay,” as if you have any say in the matter.

Rubbing his nose against yours, Bucky soothes “I’ll be back darlin’, like always.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷ 3 WEEKS LATER ⊷⊷⊷⊷

Sighing, you dry the plate in your hands and eye the dishes you still have left. You probably would’ve finished the mundane task by now if you didn’t move so slow while daydreaming.

You spent most of today in the barn, completing chores. It wasn’t until the sun had almost set that you wandered back into the house and began making dinner.

Once these dishes were away you planned on taking a long bath.

Stacking the last plate, you pick up one of the candles on the dining table and blow out the rest, blanketing the house in darkness.

Using the light source in your hand, you check over the windows and lock the front door before trudging down to your bedroom.

Stepping into the dark room you can’t help but miss the moon and the light it provides as you place the candle on your bedside table.

Clutching the bottom of your pale yellow dress you lift it up and off, leaving you in nothing but a thin slip when you hear the unmistakable sound of a match striking.

Gasping, you whirl around as your heart hammers in your chest.

“Don’t stop on my account darlin’.” Bucky drawls, seated in the chair at the opposite corner of your room.

Waving out the match he just used to light the candle on the dressing table beside him, his dark eyes watch you like a hawk. “Go on.”

A shiver races down your spine.

This isn’t your sweet Bucky.

In an almost nervous manner you reach for the straps of your slip, hesitating for just a second before pushing them off your shoulders.

You hear Bucky’s deep inhale as the fabric pools at your feet.

“Come here.”

Your feet are quick to obey the order.

The candlelight flickers over his face, allowing you to take in his appearance.

He looks much the same as he left, beard full but tamed and brown hair reaching his shoulders. He’s a little dirty, but you can’t complain since you are too.

Bucky grabs your waist as soon as you’re within reach and pulls you down onto his lap, your legs either side of his as your naked breasts press into his shirt.

His hands move to grip your bottom roughly, drawing another gasp from you.

Grazing your lips with his own, Bucky whispers “I’ve missed you.”

You’re not given a chance to return the sentiment as his mouth captures yours.

The kiss is ravenous as Bucky takes everything he wants - everything he needs, from you. All you can do is hold onto him, your hands wrapped around his thick biceps as you let him take.

Both of you are panting for air when he eventually pulls away, his right hand gliding up your back to cradle the base of your neck and urge your head backwards, exposing your throat to him.

Running his nose under your jaw, all the way down to your collarbone, Bucky groans in satisfaction against your skin. “Smell s’good.”

It was merely coincidence that you had been using your lavender oil more often since his comment on the porch.

You feel him bite the place where your neck and shoulder meet - as if in claim, before licking over the spot, making you moan.

Bucky nips and sucks along your collarbone, dipping lower until he tugs one of your nipples between his teeth.

You don’t even realise you’ve started rocking against his hard length under you until both his hands seize your hips, halting your movements.

Raising his head, Bucky taunts “Desperate for me darlin’? Where’d my sweet, shy girl go?”

Why those words make you whine at him you have no idea, but Bucky loves it.

Smirking, he slowly rocks you up and down on his length and hums “Maybe my girl’s not so good, huh?”

You moan as he moves you faster, pressing you down to rub harder against his erect cock straining beneath his trousers. Your hands tighten around his biceps as your head drops to his shoulder.

“That’s alright darlin’, ‘cos I plan on doin’ bad, bad things to you.” Bucky murmurs in your ear, beard scratching as your sensitive skin.

His words added with the light press of his thumb on your clit undoes you, making you cry out his name.

If it didn’t feel so good, you’d be embarrassed at your quick climax.

Growling, Bucky stands while you’re still reeling in pleasure and carries you to the bed, manoeuvring your compliant body until you’re on your knees, face down.

He’s never had you like this before.

The sound of Bucky removing his belt has your hands gripping the sheets.

“Can’t wait any longer darlin’.” He grunts, shoving his trousers to the floor before grabbing your hips. “Been thinkin’ ‘bout this little pussy every day, dyin’ to feel it wrapped ‘round me again.”

That’s all the warning you get before Bucky pushes in, the intrusion tearing a shout from you, followed by a drawn out moan.

You feel so full. You didn’t realise how much you missed this.

How badly you’ve been craving it.

“That’s it.” He purrs, your walls clenching around him. “Fuck.”

Pulling out until just the tip remains, Bucky surges back in.

You whine again, clawing at the sheets beneath you.

“Oh, you are a good girl, aren’t ya darlin’?” Bucky thrusts into you, pitching your whole body forward as he bends down and husks in your ear, “‘Cos you’re gonna take everythin’ I give ya.”

The way he’s talking is hurtling you towards the edge again.

You don’t respond - you can’t, but Bucky’s not looking for a response.

Straightening, he begins pounding into you relentlessly. You swear the bed is going to give out with how it creaks as the frame bangs into the wall, competing with the sounds coming from you.

When Bucky’s large, rough hand trails under your body to cup your sex, his fingers sliding up until they reach your bud, you almost scream.

Chuckling out a groan, he states “You’re squeezin’ the life outta me sweet girl.”

Bucky’s fingers are as unforgiving as his cock as they rub tight circles on your clit, bringing you to that point.

“Come.” He growls, leaning over you to wrap his large body around yours as his fingers bully your bud. “Now.”

You’re helpless to his demand.

“James!” You squeal, falling limp as your release slams into you.

Moaning deeply, Bucky pulls out of your spasming centre and flips you onto your back. Tugging his cock, he spills onto your stomach, cursing your name.

Collapsing forward, Bucky catches himself on his left elbow, hovering above you.

You’re breathless, eyes fluttering as he lowers to kiss your lips.

It starts out tender but soon turns into something lustful as you feel Bucky growing hard against your stomach. Your resulting whimper breaks the kiss.

“Keep those eyes open sweet girl,” He whispers. “I’m not done with you yet.”

⊷⊷⊷⊷ THE NEXT DAY ⊷⊷⊷⊷

You wake wrapped in Bucky’s arms and a smile instantly spreads across your face. Lifting your head from where it rests on his shoulder, your smile widens when you realise his eyes are still closed.

Bucky always woke before you, yet here he is, fast asleep.

He looks different. Peaceful.

For a while you just watch him, listening to his steady breathing as you feel his chest rise and fall under your right palm.

Eventually you can’t resist the urge to brush his hair back from his face, which leads your fingertips to dance over his beard, down his nose, and over his mouth.

Your forefinger traces across his bottom lip before it’s suddenly snagged between his teeth, making you gasp then laugh.

Bucky’s eyes blink open and lock onto yours as he releases your finger.

“Morning,” You smile softly.

“Mornin’ darlin’.” His raspy voice after waking up is a sound you’ll never tire of. “What you doin’ up so early?”

Huffing at his teasing words, you sit up and move until you’re straddling his firm stomach, both your hands pressed against his chest.

“It’s not that early,” You glare playfully.

Cupping your hips, Bucky smirks “I just know how much my girl likes her sleep.”

My girl.

Lowering until your nose bumps his, you respond “I like spending time with you more.”

Bucky gives a quiet groan, his hands gliding up to cup your face and pull you down further until your mouths connect. It’s a slow kiss, every stroke of his tongue deliberate as he savours the taste of you.

He doesn’t let you go far when you break away for air, his nose prodding yours as he whispers “I have to go.”

“You just got back.” You can’t help but protest, eyebrows furrowing.

Bucky sighs, “I know darlin’.”

Rolling the two of you over so he can hover above you instead, Bucky’s forearms settle on either side of your head as he rests his forehead against yours.

“I got a... job to do,” Bucky explains vaguely. “But, when I come back it’ll be for a good while.”

You mull his words over for a moment before whispering “Promise?”

“Promise.”

He angles his face lower to place light kisses over your cheeks and down your neck where he then rubs his beard, well aware of how much it tickles your sensitive skin.

Once you have tears in your eyes and are stuttering for him to stop between giggles he finally relents, raising his head to meet your gaze.

The grin on his lips is much too boyish to belong to the man who spoke such sordid things to you last night.

“How ‘bout I get breakfast started?” Bucky suggests.

It’s at that moment, in the warmth and safety of your bed - of Bucky, in the little world you’ve started to create together that you realise you love him.

That you have for quite some time.

It’s in that moment, with his dark blue eyes shining down at you, his rough hands tenderly caressing your skin, and the lingering ache in your body from last night that you almost tell him.

Fortunately, common sense rears its head, snatching the words from you before they can tumble out and ruin everything.

You know he cares for you - maybe even adores you, but you don’t think men like Bucky Barnes can do love.

So instead you say “That sounds great.”

You’ll take everything you can from him before he leaves, knowing his absence will be even more palpable this time around with your realisation, and you’ll wait patiently until he comes back and gives you more.

⊷⊷⊷⊷ 2 WEEKS LATER ⊷⊷⊷⊷

Securing Chester’s reins around a post outside the general store, you give his chest a loving rub as he drinks from the water trough.

Moving around him to retrieve some money from the satchel on your saddle, the sound of running feet grabs your attention.

You turn in time to see a group of young boys race past, rushing towards the town centre.

“Hurry up or we’ll miss it!” One of the boys shouts back to his slower friends.

Frowning, you look around and notice that quite a few people are heading in the same direction.

Closing your satchel with the money still inside, you walk up the two steps leading to the general store’s small porch, intent on asking Billy what all the fuss is about.

A piece of paper stuck to the front door informs you he’s not inside. The messily written ‘be back soon’ only fuels your curiosity.

Striding back down the steps, you join the people making their way to the town centre.

It’s an underwhelming reveal.

Your eyes roll when you round the final corner and see that the gallows have been erected.

A hanging, of course.

What else drew such a crowd?

Certainly not one to enjoy such a gruesome sight, you turn around and head back the way you came. You’ll simply wait with Chester until Billy gets back.

You take four steps before stopping.

The whole town seems to be gathering - if not more. Only someone with a name important enough to know would be worth so much attention.

Don’t be stupid.

Fear turns your blood cold.

It can’t be him.

You’re thinking foolishly, you know that.

In what world did law enforcement ever actually catch a man like Bucky Barnes?

The notion was comical.

However, your need for reassurance has you spinning back around and trekking closer. You weave your way through the growing crowd, trying to catch a glimpse of the criminal yet to be led up to the high platform of the gallows.

After a few minutes you’ve only managed to make it halfway through the throng of spectators, the rough shoves of uncaring men hindering your progress.

Standing on the tips of your toes, you peer around the figures in front of you, looking to the left corner of the gallows where you know the stairs that lead up to the platform start.

You’re not sure if it’s just a trick of your overactive imagination, but for a split second you swear you catch sight of familiar brown hair and your breath lodges in your throat.

No. It can’t be. It can’t.

The next few moments seem to occur in slow motion.

A brief gap in the crowd gives you a perfect, straight line of vision to the brown haired man. The reveal of his face almost brings you to your knees.

No. No, no, no -

You’re frozen in denial at who you see.

James.

His hands are tied behind his back and two deputies flank him, ready to escort him up the stairs.

Your direct line of sight is broken by the crowd, causing everything to speed up as you finally kick into motion.

Like a desperate woman - because you are, you push through the crowd, ignoring the protests and elbows you receive. You don’t stop until you’ve reached the front.

Ducking around the unsuspecting deputy stationed to keep the mob at bay, you bolt to Bucky, sliding to a standstill in front of him, your shoes touching his boots.

“Darlin’,” Bucky speaks like the wind’s just been knocked out of him, his blue eyes wide.

“James what are you - they’re -”

You can’t speak. You can’t breathe.

This was Bucky Barnes, the famous outlaw. He didn’t get caught and he certainly didn’t die.

“You promised.” You gasp out, eyes itching with tears “You -”

“I’m so sorry baby.” Bucky’s voice strains in his effort to speak softly and you hate it.

As much as you hate that you can’t give a second thought to his sweetest term of endearment for you yet.

“Don’t -”

Regaining their wits, the deputies around you spring into action, one of them grabbing your arms from behind and pulling you backwards.

“Hey!”

“Don’t touch her!” Bucky spits vehemently, rearing forward only to be tugged back by the deputies either side of him.

Throwing your right heel back, you catch the deputy in his shin, forcing him to let go. You lunge at Bucky, clinging to the front of his shirt like it’s your only lifeline.

“Please James,” You plead, as if he has any say in this. “I love you, please.”

You should’ve told him. You should’ve told him that morning.

“Listen to me baby,” Bucky implores, his deep voice gentle like you know it can be with you - not soft. “I want you to know how much I love you, that you’ve given a meanin’ to my life that I had no right to expect, that no one can ever take from me.”

“James.” You choke out, throat tight with the tears that stream down your face.

He loves me. He loves me.

The beautiful declaration should fill you with happiness, not anguish.

“You’re the best damn thing that ever happened to me.” Bucky declares, lips curling as his blue eyes admire you.

When the deputy grabs hold of you this time there’s no chance of you breaking out of his tight hold even if you had the strength to try - which you don’t.

Your body is limp, weak, and shattered as you’re dragged away from the only man you’ve ever loved. The only man you’ll ever love.

“It’s alright darlin’,” Bucky insists over his shoulder as he’s pushed up the stairs, his gaze unwavering. “You’ll be okay, I promise.”

You’re shoved into the crowd - which parts from you in disgust, while you watch Bucky ascend to the top of the platform, feeling anything but okay.

They stand him beside the noose and your legs tremble as you subconsciously start walking backwards through the horde of onlookers - as if you can escape what’s about to happen next.

“Bucky Barnes...” A big, well dressed man addresses him before reading out his sentence.

They’re going to kill him.

Your hand shoots up to cover your mouth as the reality sinks in.

He’s going to die.

Only watching you - always watching you, Bucky’s mouth opens.

You can’t hear what he says, but you make out the words.

“Don’t watch.”

“Please.”

The pain suddenly burns you and your shoulders shake from the force of your tears.

Gasping in a deep, shuddering breath, you look at him one last time before closing your eyes, forcing yourself to honour his final request.

Why? Why does death have to take him from me too?

You’re barely aware of anything other than the affliction raging inside you, so you don’t know how you even hear it over the jeering crowd, but you do - a low whistle.

It shouldn’t mean anything to you, but something urges you to open your eyes.

Blinking through your tears, you turn your head to the right - where the sound had been loudest, and zero in on a man who towers over most of the spectators.

A black bandana covers the lower half of his face, but he’s looking at you, his bright blue eyes visible as he winks.

Steve.

Shifting his gaze from you to Bucky, he whistles again, this time a two tone note that’s loud and piercing.

All around you, people scattered within the crowd fling back ponchos to reveal guns that they fire up at the sky or towards the gallows, sending the crowd screaming and running as all hell breaks loose.


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