Badweatherbartender

“I’ll never talk” ok that’s cool. didn’t really expect you to. I’m not gonna torture you for information—I have an elaborate espionage network for that. everyone knows torture is an unreliable means of extracting information and anything obtained from it is not to be trusted. I’m not an idiot. I’ve read all the torture science. if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s the foolish notion that torture serves a practical purpose. no, my torture dungeon exists for good, clean fun. it’s all about the love of the game. strap ’em to the rack, boys!

how to counterspell when you're not a caster

Rogue: That spell that [NPC Sorcerer] is about to cast on me requires concentration, right?

GM: It does.

Rogue: I take off my shirt.

So for members of bdsm Dungeons, it's a rule that you don't approach other members if you see them on public for privacy reasons. They might not want people knowing they're a freak.

That said, it's normal to make friends in that space who you hang out with, outside of kink stuff. When that happens and people asked where I met my friend, my go-to line was "Spin-class," which is a very funny joke if you know me even a little. Very not my scene.

Well, funnily enough, while I was working at a homeless shelter, we had a very similar rule because of the homeless stigma. If a guest from the Shelter sees you outside of work, you don't acknowledge or approach them. They can approach you, but you don't tell whoever you're with where you know them. The guest gets to decide if they want to share that info.

Smash cut to me being out with a friend I met at the dungeon a very long time ago. I bump into a guest from the shelter who approaches me to chat. My friend asks how I know the guest, and without thinking, I blurt out "spin class" before remembering that's my go to lie for how I ment dungeon friends. These two proceed to have a conversation, neither fully understood.

Friend: ooohhhh okay i get it. Spin class! Me too. Stopped taking that class a while ago tho.

Guest. Oh for real? That's sick man, good for you! You got a good set up now?

Friend: The best!! I've taken up wood working so my furniture is all custom. Got plenty of space to do "spin" at home. It's coming together.

Guest: Hell yeah brother!!!

Friend: was really good to have my own space during the rona, but man it's lonely! I kinda miss the group dynamics.

Guest: Yeah, i heard that from my homie when he got out of "Spin class!" But it's for the best.

Friend: it can be, but its not for everybody. Can be safer to Spin in a group.

Guest: i know that. Lost a few homie to "spinning" alone. At least at the "class" you got other eyes on you.

Friend: I'm sorry to hear that! You know some elements of "Spinning" are risky but you never think anyone would get hurt. So, my buddy here still a real hard ass for safety?

Guest: oh man you dont even know. They revamped our whole fire escape plan.

Friend: Oh shit! They did that back when i was in Spin class too!

Guest: still improving the system i guess.

Friend: they still keep a bunch of robes outside in a shed so people who get out can cover up?

Guest: Yes!!!

Friend: Did you know it's their fault we have a 30 second rule!

Guest: Damn really!?! Makes sense tho, if there's a fire you gotta get out fast!

Friend: Yeah, I Never gave it much thought before they brought it up, but yeah the last thing you want is a fire when you're all tired up!

Guest: Yeah, that's true. I didn't know they came up with the rule, tho. I do like having the space between the beds clear...

Friend: Yeah it's so annoying when people block the path with their shit.

Guest: Yeah there's not enough space between beds for people to be hording shit.

Friend: Yeah! I loved that they always got people to keep their area clear.

Guest: not gonna lie i hate being told to clean up but it is better that way.

Friend: Yeah... haha.

Guest: well it was nice chatting with you brother.

Friend: you too, man! See ya around!

Guest: see ya!

Me:

Dogs have a fascinating range of personhood. Like they're all on a sliding scale, on one end you've got the kind of dog that's literally just some guy, like that's your uncle's roommate whom you share an awkward silence with when your uncle gets up to go get something and you two don't know each other well enough to make small talk.

And then on the other end of the scale, that's barely even an animal. Not a single thought in there. That's just the world's happiest battering ram.

yeah my isekai adventure was going pretty well until I accidentally called the cleric 'healslut' and now he won't stop asking what it means

"Your 32 persuasion check doesn't mean shit to a 5 ton carnivorous lizard that can breathe lightning who sees you as a home intruder. Now make me a dexterity saving throw."

-our DM, curing a player of horny bard syndrome.

This is the first confirmed live observation of the colossal squid, Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni, at depth in its natural habitat. Pilots filmed the young cephalopod at about 600m near the South Sandwich Islands as the Schmidt Ocean Institute’s remotely operated vehicle SuBastian descended through the water column on a dive aiming to discover new marine species, in partnership with Ocean Census during the #SouthSandwichIslands expedition. ©Schmidt Ocean Institute

sweet treats should not cost money they should come as complimentary gift for not giving up

openin’ the door to the microwave one second early because you don’t need all the hootin’ and hollerin’

My favorite detail about Jurassic Park is that it has a baked-in justification for any and all retcons it might need to make due to paleontology advancing forwards.

Because there is not a single dinosaur that has ever appeared in Jurassic Park.

Not one. Not in the books. Not in the movies. Not ever.

"Now what John Hammond and InGen did at Jurassic Park was to create genetically engineered theme park monsters." ~Alan Grant

Grant says that in a moment of cynicism. It's part of his arc for the film. But it's not inaccurate. What Jurassic Park has, what it's always had since the very first novel, are "Mostly Dinosaurs".

"And since the DNA is so old, it's full of holes! Now, that's where our geneticists take over!" ~Mr. DNA

It's impossible to recover a fully intact gene sequence from an ancient amber mosquito. Cloning a pure dinosaur would have been completely impossible, and so the park filled in the gene sequence with whatever works. Frog. Lizard. Bird. Whatever they need to get the result they are trying to get.

Every single dinosaur is a chimeric beast made up of mostly dinosaur and a bunch of other stuff that some scientists thought would achieve the appropriate dinosaur-like result.

"Nothing in Jurassic World is natural! We have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different." ~Dr. Henry Wu

Which, from a writing perspective, is fucking genius. Because now you have a preset excuse for each and every plot hole your movie has.

Like. Why don't the raptors have feathers? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why do dilophosaurs spit venom? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why do T-Rexes have movement based vision? Oh, they don't. But Rexy does. Because of her chimera DNA.

Why is the Spinosaurus so fucking big? Because of the chimera DNA.

Why are the velociraptors mislabeled? Because Hammond's a dipshit.

Like. I've always marveled at the way Jurassic Park started out by giving itself a blanket excuse to be wrong about every single thing it ever said about the central attraction of its franchise. It's honestly beautiful, and allows the series a degree of immortality well into the era where we know better about its animals.