Mood: I Want To Read A Story Exactly Like One Of My Favorite Stories I’ve Read A Thousand Times But

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Exactly how I felt yesterday. *sigh*

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Valley of Fire State Park, United States | #Geology #GeologyPage #USA

Valley of Fire State Park is the oldest state park in Nevada, USA and was designated as a National Natural Landmark in 1968. It covers an area of 42,059 acres (17,021 ha) and was dedicated in 1935. It derives its name from red sandstone formations, the Aztec Sandstone, which formed from great shifting sand dunes during the age of dinosaurs. These features, which are the centerpiece of the park’s attractions, often appear to be on fire when reflecting the sun’s rays.

Valley of Fire is located 50 miles (80 km) northeast of Las Vegas, at an elevation between 1,320–3,009 feet (402–917 m). It abuts the Lake Mead National Recreation Area on the east at the Virgin River confluence. It lies in a 4 by 6 mi (6.4 by 9.7 km) basin.

Geology Page www.geologypage.com https://www.instagram.com/p/BoSIXItlG5b/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=kyu1dlriosi3

To Those Who Treat Me Badly Because Of My Autism...

Here is a little something for every idiot that has decided to either insult or exclude me because of my autism or say I didn’t have it at all:

You are an idiot. You are rude. You are an indecent human being that needs to learn that no one cares what you think. I will admit that I am weird, but personally, I think you are the weirder one for deciding to pick on someone who did nothing to you. You call me a “retard”, but apparently you are the one who can’t use your brain properly. Because if you could, you would know not to say the things that you do. But since you obviously don’t know, here is a little education for you since you had your head too far up your ass to notice a single thing in school.

I am autistic. That does not mean I am any less intelligent than you. In fact, I am obviously more intelligent. I do think differently, however. Sometimes things don’t make sense to me the first time, so I need to hear it again. It isn’t that I was too stupid to understand, it is that my brain can be chaotic at times and it drowns out your words. Sometimes my thoughts jumble and don’t come out right when I talk. That doesn’t mean my thoughts aren’t there, it means my spoken words can’t convey the complexity in my mind at that moment. My eyes don’t meet yours very often, it feels awkward to me. That doesn’t mean that I cannot see what you do or hear what you say, I am quite observant even with earbuds in and downcast eyes. I can likely tell you how many posts are on the section of fence in front of me (26, if you were wondering) but not your eye color, because guess what, staring into someone’s eyes is fucking weird if you actually think about it. It is kinda like staring at their nose or elbow. Seriously, what if elbow staring was normal? See my point?

Now, I know I can be a bit dysfunctional at times. My ears are sensitive and loud sounds can scare me and make me panic. My senses don’t like to be stimulated at the same time, so touching me when it is loud or even when I am just trying to process a conversation or I am already touching something can really overwhelm me. Just because you wouldn’t be doesn’t mean that I’m not, so please respect that and listen to me when I say things bother me. Furthermore, do not make fun of me for it, that just makes you an asshole. I didn’t choose to have this problem. Do you think it is fun to have meltdowns in public? Do you think I just decided I wanted normal things to be downright painful? Because I really didn’t. No one would choose this. On the topic of things I did not choose, I also did not choose to be socially inadequate. I actually worry a lot about what people think of me, so I certainly would not choose to exhibit weird behaviors. I try very hard to hide them and mimic everyone else, but it is unspeakably difficult and tiring, so sometimes I get things wrong. As the day goes on, my acting skills get worn out and more of who I really am starts to show through the “normal” mask I put on. Believe me, I am well aware that rocking or hitting my hands together or taking something way too literally is weird. It hurts that I am weird. I know I accidentally hurt people’s feelings or react incorrectly to things that they say. It hurts me that I am so weird. Believe me when I say that I beat myself up more than you ever could, so there is no reason for you to remind me of the failings that I am perfectly aware of. Now for telling me I am not autistic. Newsflash, I am. Even when I was self-diagnosed, I was very much an autistic person. Trying to tell me how “normal” I am in certain regards is basically offensive. Do not try to paint over my autism. Do not question my validity as an autistic person. This is the only thing that has ever explained me. This diagnosis is like finally learning the other half of my name. It has made me more whole than I have ever been before. Please don’t steal that from me. I do not want to question myself and this explanation I have found, and I do not want to have to justify myself to you. I don’t know if you know you are being a dick or if you think I want to hear how “normal” I am, but trying to paint me as a “normal person” just makes me feel like I am not valid. Maybe I seem like everyone else sometimes, but I am not like that all the time. And until you find a way to go inside my head and see my thoughts and how much I struggle to act the way I am expected to, you have no right to define my “functionality” (which is a stupid word anyway). When I am having a meltdown or I lose my words or I just get everything wrong, don’t even start with “but you were normal earlier”. I was never “normal”, your experience with me was normal. There is a big difference. Do not define me by your casual observation or what you want me to be. Do not pain me with a color I am not and do not put me in a box I do not belong in. Do not tell me how to refer to myself or who I can be. Do not try to find me a cure to something that I don’t want fixed. I am autistic. Now shut up and deal with it.

Being female on the spectrum means wearing a mask for far too many. It's hard to be ourselves in public, around others, but we must. We must love ourselves enough to be ourselves wherever we are. We must be brave enough to try.

But theory and practice aren't always the same, are they? And neurotypicals can be cold, callous, and cruel.

I'm finally choosing to be "me." It's not always easier, but the more I try, the better it is. The healthier it is. Do I have autism? Maybe; they didn't diagnose girls when I was younger. I do share a lot of traits. For one, I have Sensory Processing Disorder, for sure. I'm as socially awkward AF. But my daughter is def an Aspie. I've seen her put the masks on. And I'm proud of her for choosing to grow into herself.

To hell with the masks - let's finally be free to be...us.

Yes, I see in color. Several years back I learned not everyone can, and there are those who don’t really see any images in their minds. We all think and recall things differently. I think that’s pretty cool.

Some attach other senses to memory, such as associating words with flavor. In other words, if you are a fellow synesthete your senses are wired differently.

Synesthesia. I like to think of it as a super power.