I Get The Urge To Draw Him Every Once In A While

2023 Review

Oi, como vai? Eu não ia fazer isso, porque no começo do ano tenho preguiça até de abrir os olhos, mas lá vamos nós.

Pra falar a verdade, @haiseiscute333 me marcou em uma postagem, então resolvi fazer uma retrospectiva também. E só para avisar, vou precisar da sua ajuda, ok? Provavelmente no meio do ano para terminar de revisar a minha história. Eu também queria agradecer por tudo até aqui.

Sinceramente? Sinto que não fiz muito esse ano, mas eu não sei, a cada fim de ano é a mesma sensação, mesmo que eu tenha feito. O tempo passa tão rápido! Enfim, comecei esse blog no fim de 2022, porém, só comecei a escrever nele em junho de 2023. Também recomecei meu projeto de ajuda a escritores e tentei ficar a par do que estava acontecendo no fandom e falhei miseravelmente.

Foi um ano estranho e agradável ao mesmo tempo. Teve um momento que pensei em parar de escrever e que eu de fato tinha esquecido como criar um bom texto. Sempre esqueço que minha ansiedade sempre vai falar mais alto e autocritica mais ainda.

Bem, no total, foi um bom ano. Cheio de altos e baixos, porém com um história longa quase completa. Eu gostaria de agradecer também a algumas pessoas que estiveram comigo desde o início e que não me deixaram falar com as parades sozinha:

@haiseiscute333 @yonemurishiroku @perryjackpott @ch3353cake-29 @language-of-blueberries (Desculpa se eu esqueci de alguém 😁💕💕)

Até logo!

PS: No momento estou revisando a "Não há lugar como o lar" porque fiz besteira. Por enquanto está aqui no Spirit, a versão em inglês vou continuar do ponto onde parei assim que eu conseguir. Vejo vocês provavelmente no fim de janeiro ou no começo de fevereiro.

Hi, how are you? I wasn't going to do this, because at the beginning of the year I'm too lazy to even open my eyes, but here we go.

To tell you the truth, tagged me in a post, so I decided to do a retrospective too. And just to warn you, I'm going to need your help, okay? Probably in the middle of the year to finish revising my story. I also wanted to thank you for everything so far.

Honestly? I feel like I haven't done much this year, but I don't know, every end of the year it's the same feeling, even if I did. Time passes so quickly! Anyway, I started this blog at the end of 2022, but I only started writing on it in June 2023. I also restarted my project to help writers and tried to keep up to date with what was going on in fandom and failed miserably.

It was a strange and enjoyable year at the same time. There was a moment when I thought I'd stop writing and that I'd actually forgotten how to create a good text. I always forget that my anxiety will always speak louder and my self-criticism even more so.

All in all, it was a good year. Full of ups and downs, but with a long story almost complete. I'd also like to thank a few people who have been with me from the start and who didn't let me talk to the walls on my own:

@haiseiscute333 @yonemurishiroku @perryjackpott @ch3353cake-29 @language-of-blueberries (Sorry if I forgot anyone 😁💕💕)

See you later!

PS: I'm currently revising "There's no place like home" because I messed up. For now, the Portuguese version it's here on Spirit, the English version I'll pick up where I left off as soon as I can. I'll see you probably at the end of January or the beginning of February.

what better birthday gift than to be trending on Twitter

This is a callout post.

I bet the person who said to the TV Producer “Hey, let’s let the unknown guy from Kazakhstan go first. How bad could that turn out?” got fired so hard for this. Turn on the sound. You will NOT regret it. For those who don’t know, this is a singing competition in China in 2017. They brought in the best singers around China and decided to bring in a “Wild Card” to spice up the competition. That wild card was Dimash Kudaibergen. No one was ready for him. And the look of absolute SHOCK on the other contestants faces is a joy.

SITTER'S LOVE - Nico!Babysitter, Percy!Teacher-father - Chapter VIII e Chapter IX

Hi, how are you? Yes, I'm back. I know you're getting tired of me, but as I had a few chapters ready I decided to share them with you in advance. We'll probably have new chapters on Wednesday, because I'm trying to finish the new chapter of “There's nothing like home” (although it's going to take me a while to post it here, I still need to finish writing and revising it), but it'll come.

Anyway, I hope you will enjoy today's chapter. And if you can give feedback on the story, I'd love to hear from you, really, without judgment. This story isn't complete yet, so any suggestions or notes would be very beneficial.

Previous chapters: CHAPTER I / CHAPTER II / / CHAPTER III, CHAPTER IV e CHAPTER V / Chapter VI e Chapter VII

Chapter VIII

Nico opened his eyes and sat up on the blankets, realizing that he wasn't in his single bed. There were no windows facing a huge tree, his computer wasn't in the corner of the room, and there weren't any loud voices reverberating through the house early in the morning. No, no way, that wasn't his room. Well, this one, painted in soft shades of gray and with a double-sized bed, wasn't his, and much less this calm that made him feel so peaceful and calm.

He… what had he done…? It was so confusing…

Oh! Now he remembered. Percy and his soft voice. A bowl of soup and another question that finally made sense. Yes, last night he had waited for Percy and fallen asleep without wanting to, even though Nico had sworn he would wait for the children to fall asleep so he could leave. Instead, he had a serious conversation with the man who didn't seem to take anything seriously, but who in fact hid his seriousness behind very well-disguised smiles.

Like, he knew that now. However, that hadn't been the case the day before when he'd followed Percy up the stairs and into the empty guest room. He barely remembered getting into the shower, that had been another thing he hadn't expected of himself. He felt like he should have done more than nod and obey. 

In the end, Nico couldn't help it, Percy had spoken to him so gently and affectionately that Nico found himself nodding. Vaguely, he remembered taking off his clothes once inside the suite Percy had shown him to, stepping into the bathroom and a while later hearing two soft knocks on the door. After that, Nico didn't know how the rest of the night had gone. He knew that at some point Percy had... gods! Was that right? He'd shown up naked and wet in front of his boss? While the man was handing him clean clothes? Nico couldn't even remember their reactions. It was all so hazy it was like Nico had been drinking himself into a stupor.

Thinking about it, it was better that he didn't remember any of it. Nico wasn't sure if it had really happened or if it had been a dream, especially the part where Percy looked at him from head to toe like he was going to attack at any moment, but since he didn't feel anything unusual, no pain or marks, then... then if he ignored what might or might not have happened, it was as if nothing had happened, right? So, wearing the same clothes he had slept in, he walked down the hallway and down the stairs, going straight to the kitchen where he found something strange and sweetly domestic; Percy Jackson wore a red apron and dark colored sweatpants as he walked barefoot across the cold kitchen floor,  plating four dishes. Bacon, eggs, and sausages. There was coffee and juice on the table. Jam, bread, croissants, and cake. A small improvised feast.

"I thought you didn't know how to cook.”

Nico didn't know why he had said that. Maybe it was because it all seemed like a dream, where he had a happy family that welcomed him on a nice, sunny Saturday morning and a... husband...? Wow... Nico was starting to think his fantasies were a little rushed. Or maybe his brain wasn't ready to wake up so early on a Saturday, much less was it prepared for this happy scene. Usually his family didn't eat together; his father was the first to wake up, getting up early, and his mother prepared the food. As people woke up, each one served themselves and went about their day without talking to anyone else. So, this... this wasn't at all what he expected.

"That's nothing! Everyone knows how to make an egg." Percy said excitedly, almost humming as he finished putting the sausages on everyone's plates. "Come on, sit with us.”

“I shouldn’t,” he muttered. Nico really shouldn’t. Percy made him feel like he was part of the family, and that was dangerous. Most of the time, Nico barely felt like he was part of his own family.

"Come on, I insist." Percy looked at him with that bright smile and he felt uncomfortable, for some reason it made a lump appear in his throat.

Nico lowered his head and thought about running upstairs, still remembering the night before, when he heard a chair scrape across the kitchen floor and a small hand touch his. To his surprise, he found Alice smiling as much or more than Percy himself, gently pulling him by the hand, guiding him to the chair next to where Percy sat. She didn't say anything else, just went back to her own place and continued eating calmly, the two children and the adult man acting like this was something normal to them.

"Did I miss something?" Nico muttered once more. He picked up the cup of coffee that was in front of his plate and almost groaned, now ready to wake up. It was the best coffee he had ever tasted.

"Dad's postdoc was accepted! And Mom is coming home today. We have to celebrate!”

"Yes, yes! Mom promised we would go out today! Everyone together!" Logan finished for his sister, almost jumping in the high chair.

Nico smiled at them, still with the cup against his lips, and looked at Percy, tempted to ask what had happened last night, noticing how his smile had diminished a fraction. The children might not have noticed, but he had seen several of his smiles and could see it clearly. Which was pretty crazy, he had known him for less than forty hours and already knew what those smiles meant? Nico must have been very tired, delirious, due to this mountain of emotions that this strangely affectionate and at the same time, fragmented family, made him feel. Yeah, it must have all been his imagination.

“That's very good." He said after a while, when he realized they were waiting for an answer. "I'll finally be able to meet her.”

"That you will." It was Percy's turn to mutter darkly.

“Should I worry?" He said it unintentionally, just as a joke, and of course, even the children understood it because they let out little giggles between bites of scrambled eggs.

"You're damn right." Nico heard that and turned to Percy trying to figure out if he was serious. And when he found out that was the case, well… Percy distracted him as always. His clear eyes, his mouth curved in a smile and his handsome face made him forget what he had asked.

The good thing about all this is that Percy had shrugged, as if he didn't have any problems in the world, and said:

"Don't worry, dear. I'll protect you." Right after he winked at him.

And as always, even though he felt himself blushing, Nico pretended that nothing had happened. He drank the rest of the coffee in his cup while the children laughed happily. Now, whether they laughed with him or at him was another question.

Chapter IX

“No, seriously now,” Percy told him, his tone changing to something more neutral. “Annabeth can be a little demanding. Don’t take anything she says seriously, and don’t do anything she asks.”

"Um… okay? I guess?" He said, shrugging.

Nico had already realized how things worked around here. The children were happy with every bit of attention, Annabeth Chase was the absent wife and Percy was the provider of the house, something quite simple in his opinion. So, he didn't see any reason for so much drama.

He looked at the plate seeing that two pieces of toast had magically appeared on it and looked back at Percy.

"I guess I'll go then.”

“You usually eat more in the morning,” Percy said, ignoring him, and pushed the plate closer to Nico.

"Me? No, I don't.”

"But you could. And what are you running from? She doesn't bite. At most Annabeth might say a few not-so-kind words.”

“Really, I've been away from home for too long. I need to--”

“Nonsense.”

Percy didn't understand. He felt something strange... something that was going up his back and stopping halfway down his throat, something that hadn't happened in months. Nico needed to get up and move, needed to bring back any sense of normalcy he could find, because staying here, in that friendly and calm environment, was far from what Nico was used to. He had to--

Nico dragged his chair back, unable to hold it any longer, and Percy stood up with him, holding him loosely by the arm, nothing that really held him in place, but for some reason that gentle gesture made him gasp, made him even more anxious, impatient, as though his skin wanted to escape from his body along with his lungs. He tried to do what his psychiatrist suggested and stopped in the middle of the next movement, in the exact place where Percy was holding him, less than a step away from the chair where he had previously sat; did he want to escape? Yes, but curiosity won, keeping him trapped in that kitchen to find out what Percy's next motive would be.

Percy handed him the container with the food from the day before and Nico held it in his hands, feeling a little confused. That is, until he saw that on top of it there was a note and a hundred dollar bill. He turned the jar in his hand and read the message that said: “Thanks for the food” only to turn to Percy and for the first time look him straight in the eye, without hesitation. Percy made him feel guilty. Vulnerable. Important. It was like Nico was cheating on the boyfriend who should have been waiting for him all night. And he didn't even have the guts to tell him; he hadn't even remembered during all this time that Will could have been worried. His mother too. And his sisters?

"What is this?" Nico asked even though he didn't care, feeling a little out of it. Airy. Light.

"What do you think it is?”

"I can't accept it.”

“You will. I don’t accept refunds.” Percy smiled at him. Percy… Percy was actually smiling again. A smile so beautiful that this time Nico knew he was being teased or mocked. No, Percy Jackson was flirting with him.

"W-what?”

"You bought us food and then made more food. It's the least I can do to repay you.”

"Sir, I can't--”

Nico shook his head. It was all wrong. Everything!

“Actually, where did you buy that food? It must have been expensive.”

That was when Nico closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He counted to five very slowly and opened them again, just like the doctor had taught him. Maybe he shouldn't have stopped taking his medication. And as discreetly as he could, he moved his hands that were starting to shake and crossed them behind his back so they wouldn't notice. If he could just leave, maybe everything would be okay. Nico hated this. Why was he so nervous if Percy was just asking about the restaurant? It was no big deal. So what if the man wanted to give him money? These situations shouldn't do this to Nico. If he remembered that he was in control, everything would be okay. That's it. He was in control. He--

"Nico? Are you okay?" He felt Percy's hands on his shoulders and let out a breath, not even realizing he had stopped breathing.

"I'm sorry. I have to go.”

"You're not even going to tell me where you bought the food?”

"I… went… went to a restaurant… that sells homemade lunch boxes… in the city center.”

"Do you need a ride?”

He waved, accepting the ride, but didn't move; Nico wasn't even breathing, trying to act normal. He felt paralyzed, as if someone had chained him up and thrown him into the depths of the sea. He felt himself getting heavy and his vision was starting to get blurry, preventing him from seeing anything in front of him. He... he...

"Nico, pay attention to me. Can you hear me? Breathe with me.”

He took a deep breath and let it out, this time feeling the weight in his chest ease.

“Again.”

Nico took another deep breath and then his head fell forward, so light and empty that he found himself collapsing, feeling so good that the world finally made sense again. However, he didn't end up on the floor or face down on the table as he expected, no, now that things were back to normal he noticed that something firm and stable was holding him upright, giving him exactly what he needed. It was... it was Percy's chest breathing next to his, guiding his breathing, it was his head resting on the man's shoulder and it was the large hands that caressed his back over his shirt. Nico couldn't deny it, he felt warm once again, like a breath of air that brought heat, allowing his blood to warm up again and circulate through his body.

“Daddy, is he going to be okay?” Nico heard Logan ask, his childish voice sounding scared.

"Shhh… don’t worry.”

Now, who Percy was saying this to, he didn't know. The good news was that Nico didn't feel uncomfortable around them and that, in fact, their voices full of affection and care were like a balm to his lonely soul.

***

“Do you feel better?” Percy asked in a low, hoarse whisper.

They were still standing. Percy's arms were wrapped around his waist and Nico felt the world slowly spin as he leaned against his boss's broad shoulders, his head resting against his neck, and even from this awkward angle Nico could feel Percy's worry radiating around them.

Nico couldn't help but notice, Percy was looking at him very closely and touching his face so carefully, his features so worried, that Nico just let himself be carried away by the feeling that warmed his chest and allowed him to breathe a little easier. He watched as Percy kept trying to make him react, calling his name and touching his neck, keeping him safe in his arms. It was then that Percy finally made a decision, and only when Percy was sure that Nico wouldn't faint, he picked him up and didn't wait any longer; the man held his legs, lifting them off the floor and then supported his back so that he wouldn't slip away from his arms. 

In this way, they moved through the house, Nico seeing the white marble floor and the stairs behind him, and Percy going with him through a long hallway. They passed the windows that let the midday sun enter the hallway and then into the room that Percy was carrying him into.

The world spun for a moment, the sun softening as they entered the room, allowing Nico to close his eyes and the sway of Percy's footsteps to lull him gently. Then Percy lowered himself and sat with him on the bed, making him lean against a soft surface and sigh, feeling Percy support him against his broad chest.

“Hm,” Nico remembered muttering back. He always felt a little spacey and high the moment the seizures went away, but in the best way possible. He owed him an explanation, right? Yeah, he did.

"Do you need anything? Water? Pain medicine?”

Nico could barely hear Percy's voice, the low, whispered timbre always distracted him. Percy used such a soft, gentle tone that it seemed to caress his soul, so husky and velvety, so softly at the foot of his ear that if they weren't so close to each other, Nico wouldn't hear anything. And his eyes, they were so beautiful, all intense and fixed on him. Hmm... yes, Percy was still holding him and he had his arms around the man's neck. Should Nico do that? Hmm... he didn't know, he just understood that his chest was resting against his shoulder and that Percy's hands were holding his head, keeping him comfortable.

He blinked slowly and stared into Percy's now serious eyes. So steady. They gave him so much confidence that Nico knew he was safe. Ah, maybe he shouldn't be so comfortable, at times like these his body kind of... acted without his consent.

"I… I'm fine. I'm sorry. I… I have--

“You don’t need to explain yourself,” Percy told him, as serious as ever, looking uninterested. Or maybe Percy was just shocked. It was understandable.

“I do.” When Percy just nodded, he continued, “When I was eight, I had a panic attack and was diagnosed with GAD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’m always anxious, but I can usually control it without it interfering with my work. It’s been years since that happened. I… I’m so sorry. Routine and feeling stable helps. I’m really sorry. I know I should have told you.”

"It's okay. It wasn't your fault.”

"No, it’s not that. I recently came off the meds. The doctor told me I would be able to control it. It’s just that…”

"What is it?" Percy told him softly.

“I've been more nervous than usual. It's just... well... the change in routine…”

He said it was a change of routine, but they both knew it was more than that.

“I see,” Percy said again. “I’m sorry if I caused this. It won’t happen again.”

It probably meant he wouldn't lose his job, right? Because Percy paid really well.

It was Nico's turn to nod. He looked down at Percy's hand that was now on his shoulder and the other one that was resting on his knee. For some reason, at that moment he didn't feel nervous. In fact, it was the complete opposite. Nico was numb, feeling so good that any guilt or discomfort about being in this situation had dissipated. Or maybe he trusted him, because Percy was showing him that this trust could be placed in him.

Nico continued to stare at Percy's hand and then a blond head entered his field of vision. It was Logan, he was crying, his big green eyes puffy while Alice just watched attentively and quietly, both trying to smile at him. Nico smiled back and then everything seemed to get lighter, almost making him close his eyes.

"Okay, you can rest now. Do you have your cell phone? I'll let your family know.”

“Oh,” he muttered. It was true. Nico hadn’t told them. Looking up and finding himself smiling at Percy, Nico thanked him. “It’s in my bag.”

Before Percy could say anything, Nico finally let his eyes close. He felt Percy tucking him back into the pillows and heard footsteps leaving the room, but it was okay; in less than a few seconds everything went black and sleep took him away.

Until next time!

Coming into a fandom late

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977) dir. John Lounsbery and Wolfgang Reitherman

Life of a Fanfiction Writer

Starting like:

Needing to write quickly before you forget:

Needing to remember all the small details:

Losing your train of thought:

When it’s going well:

Writing smut:

Not able to fill in the gaps from one scenario to the other:

Serious writers block:

Reading through finding you’ve gone wrong:

Finding all your spelling errors:

Finally Finished:

In the meadow 💐🌷🌸🐈‍⬛