I Am Very Stupid :)

i just wanted to say that i love you if you want or you've gotten bottom surgery. people are so cruel about trans, intersex, gnc and other folks who want to get bottom surgery for one reason or another, whether it's to ease dysphoria or simply because they want to, people love to rip into that person and tell them that bottom surgery will make them undesirable and will be disgusting.

this literally just isn't true- the results of your bottom surgery are not guaranteed to be botched or horrific to behold. we have been practicing these surgeries for 100 years of recorded history and the results only improve over time as we learn new techniques and breakthoughs in technology help us improve even further. bottom surgery isn't new, it's something that's been practiced for a long time. many of the advances in the tech have come from cisgender people who need bottom surgery as well- trans people are not the only people who end up needing surgeries to modify their genitalia.

someone who wants bottom surgery isn't gross. there's nothing gross about it. reducing someone to their genitals yet again is a dead ringer that you are transphobic and intersexist. someone who got bottom surgery doesn't deserve to be reduced to their genitals yet again- they're a person with genitals. a person first. and so many people are willing to leave trans folks who have gotten bottom surgery out of trans positivity posts or act like they just straight up don't exist

so here's to every person who has gotten a phalloplasty, metoidioplasty, and/or a vaginoplasty. i'm proud of you for doing the right thing for you and your body no matter what people say. you're not gross. there's nothing wrong with your genitals. people should not be obsessing over your genitals, they're your business, and they do not define you as a person. you deserve to be able to modify your body in ways that make you feel at home in it, no matter how much that disgusts a stranger who means nothing to you.

Diary Entry #16

Cw family stuff and substance abuse

Just listened to Like Him by Tyler the Creator and Lola Young and HOLY SHIT, OOF OUCH MY GODDAMN FEELINGS. I have a bio dad who I have a love-hate relationship with, I don't think I've ever really explained it here so I'm gonna try.

My bio dad has substance abuse issues; any drug you can name, he's done. He's a liar and a thief, a bastard, really. But I can talk with him about videogames and just forget everything. He might die soon because he's not seeking professional help. I've kind of hardened my heart to him, but I forgot about everything I have against him and enjoy a conversation with someone who has similar interests.

I wish he didn't have that problem. We would've been best friends. He's also really into conspiracy theories and shit and also thinks trans people are evil (but not gay people since he has a gay friend.) So that would've gotten in the way if we were close, but we could've worked through it hopefully.

I hate him for how he and my bio mom neglected me as a child, but I can't stand to hate him after seeing him as a real person. It's like how much I say I hate my grandparents, but they're people too. I want them to do something awful, so I can "deserve" to hate them. I may get my "wish" in the future, it just depends how me moving out and transitioning goes.

The last part of "Like Him" is relatable as fuck, it makes me sad to listen to it even though it's a great song.

I don't know, I guess that's it.

Literally my shitty religious counselor with the "you should talk to your father again!!" when i've told him how many times he's fucked me over and how he neglected me when I was a kid. If you're reading this, i hate you (my counselor)

Dave and Edgar(Zomboss)

My (religious) counselor today that doesn’t know I’m trans and hope never finds out talked to a nonbinary person who happened to work at the place we were meeting, and after we went downstairs went and asked me if they were transgender… used he, than she, and then I told him that they went by they/them and he said “so they’re two people??”

Hey there! I’m here from the whole reddit disaster.

Lemme introduce myself: my name is August, I’m trans and go by he/him/it, I’m autistic, and I’m very cool

DNI- proshippers, queerphobic people, trolls, etc.

Please follow- Pizza Tower fans, FNAF fans, queer folks, uhhh idk if you like my reddit stuff (u/augustoof) follow me!

I will talk about trans stuff and my special interests mostly. Thanks for reading, have a nice day!

HOLY SHIT I LOVE THE INTERNET SOMETIMES

Dropping this here for anyone who may not already know about it. paywallreader.com

Diary entry #10

This one's depressing, tw sui kinda and politic stuff

Any of you lose yourself in fiction and stuff to keep the dysphoria from killing you?? That's what I'm doing rn. It's not working I'm still anxious.

I can't move out yet, I need to learn how to drive more and save up more money for an apartment. If I don't move out soon, or if Trump wins, or both, I think it might be over for me.

The election is freaking me the fuck out please for the love of god Kamala please win. My life is literally in her hands, if they ban HRT in missouri I don't know if I can afford to move out of state and that would literally kill me.

I don't want to die. I want to live, but I want to live a man. I know I'm already one, but I don't feel it. I will only give up if all my options are exhausted. I don't know what I could say to my grandparents to make them understand. I don't think there is anything I can say. They both voted for Trump. They think that he's going to save the country. He's going to destroy it, and take us with him.

They don't care about August, they care about (deadname). And they only really care about "her" if "she's" straight.

I probably should stop writing now. I'm so fucking anxious. My life, and the lives of millions of people, hang in the balance and I just want it to stop.

If Trump wins, I hope they're happy, even though they have blood on their hands